99 Comments
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Kerry Truchero's avatar

Respectfully, Jeff, you didn’t have enough fucking fucks in this article. You must be going soft.

Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

fuck me, I'll fucking try harder.

Kerry Truchero's avatar

That’s what we wanna hear. We don’t tune in here for no Anderson fucking Cooper.

Tess's avatar

🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂

Daniel L. Cooper's avatar

And the fucking choir sings “halle-fucking-lujah!!!

Sarah #1's avatar

Here, I’ll help! Fuck the corroded orange fucking guy - “are these charges bad for Trump? excuse me while I burst into a schadenfreude-fueled torrent of laughter.” (Love that line!) Michael Cohen is also laughing his ass off and hoping the fucking wanna be mobster is put away in prison for a long, long time.

Gail Bauman's avatar

And then let out, and then ooops, put back in prison again...

DIANE E RAMEY's avatar

I like Michael Cohen. He is REAL. Not living in some psycho fantasy like the Rep. extremists.

Lorraine Parish's avatar

LOL. I thought the same so I added a few of my own.

Mattie Corbett (She/Her/Bitch)'s avatar

And this is only the amuse bouche course of the indictment banquet. Many more and tastier indictments to follow.

Carol Jacobson's avatar

ONG!! I look forward to reading your post every day. I love starting my day laughing my ass off at the problems facing that fucking asshole.

NCK's avatar

And yet I find Jeff deadly serious.

Cassandra Here's avatar

You were my favorite Twitter check-in. Twitter has become a shithole. I’m delighted that you are on Substack.

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

His life has long been a story of compulsion and envy, envy and compulsion. Even Hans Christian Andersen, who wrote the brilliant “The Emperor’s New Clothes” couldn’t craft a story that fully captured him, although such stories reveal much about his vain, stupid, reckless sociopathy; the Brothers Grimm, whose tales were so very dark and violent, were more attuned to the evil at his core, and to the magnetic field it generates in others. I used to think those tales were exaggerations.

Patris's avatar

Dante would have to come back from the dead and add an addendum stupidity level of Hell.

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

Genius. Would he share this with anyone or would it be solitary confinement?

Patris's avatar

I’d like to think he’d have his family with him, except for Mary.

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

Maybe not the Maples kid. She bad but big THAT bad. The others (and wives) for sure.

DIANE E RAMEY's avatar

Where's Mary been lately, anyway?

RV maxima's avatar

Never too old for a nursery rhythm!

Go figure.

DIANE E RAMEY's avatar

If T's supporters want to follow him to hell, they can have at it. But don't try to make the rest of us go with them! What gives these assholes the notion that they have the right to tell everyone else what to do? Leave us the fuck alone to live our lives!

Fastball Fredo's avatar

Saw a film clip of some host on the Blaze, a Glen Beck network... not Jeff Beck folks... He was lamenting the fact that the MAGAS went to the mattresses to defend Donald and it was all a lie. I fill my bong with their tears this morning as I remind every Maga... everything Donald touches turns to shit...even their chicken fried fucking mattresses. A great way to begin the weekend, only thing better? More superseding indictments...I want to see the walls of a shitty golf course motel Bedminster covered in ketchup.... Best to all fellow travelers.

Terrified Lib's avatar

What I *love* is that Jack Smith is listening to what Trump says. Trump appears on a show and says:

"I was talking and just holding up papers and talking about them, but I had no documents. I didn’t have any documents."

A few weeks later Jack Smith writes in an indictment:

"Wanna bet?"

Keep talking, Trumpy. Please. It all matters. Talk your way right into prison.

Lesley Zimmermann's avatar

Exactly what I said about DeSatan: Keep talking. you human fart. Keep talking about all the benefits of slavery; you’ve just lost every person of color who might’ve voted for you. Keep talking against *woke*, and alienating anyone who cares about an inclusive society. And tell us all about *don’t say gay* - the parents and friends of the LGBTQ community would love to hear all about it.

Like I said, keep talking, Ronnie. And wave bye-bye to your political aspirations. #Shitforbrains.

Carrie Duncan's avatar

Talked his way into another $10M complaint amendment to E. Jean's defamation suit post-disastrous-CNN-Town-Hall. He is constitutionally incapable of shutting up. He's a marvel that way.

Sharon Buchbinder, PhD's avatar

OMG, I had a huge LOLOLOLOL at so many parts of your post, Jeff, starting with this:

"...soon-to-be-thrice-indicted twice-impeached popular-vote-losing insurrection-leading serial-sexual-predating draft-dodging casino-bankrupting daughter-lusting hush-money-paying real-estate-scamming ketchup-hurling justice-obstructing classified-war-plan-thieving weather-map-defacing tax-cheating evidence-destroying charity-defrauding money-laundering fluorescent tangerine jackass..."

You have such a grand way with words...this next one got me, too!

"...shitty New Jersey golf-motel-and-wife-cemetary?..."

I bet if they exhume her body, they'll find it filled with "his boxes" or the contents of those boxes. Yes, I have the champagne on ice and I'm going to have a very nice weekend!!

RV maxima's avatar

It does make you wonder when selling membership at this dump does the pitch include " and we have a nice shadey spot for your Mrs just past the fairway at the 9th hole."

Charlie Austin's avatar

She's mummified in top secret documents.

Helen House's avatar

I love how Jack Smith's sunny smile always lights up the room.

Gordon's avatar

Champagne is on ice, indeed. It’s nice to know that “Employee #4” at Mar-a-Lago is an honest guy, who chose to tell the truth instead of lie for Trump; there seems to be too few of those kind of people. Again, the quagmire is: the more indictments, the higher Trump’s ratings. Are there really so many fucking idiots in our country who continue to support this pathological liar, cheater, and criminal?! That’s the most sickening in all this...America (I thought) was better than this...

DIANE E RAMEY's avatar

The polls show Biden and Trump running 50/50. How can that BE? Aren't we Democrats participating in any of the polls?

MICHAEL OHALLORAN's avatar

LOCK THE MORON UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.

Linda Weide's avatar

Sorry, normally I can count on you to amuse me and elevate my mood. However, after reading Tom Hartmann's discussion of whether or not Tommy Tuberville is place holding military appointments for Trump to be back in power, I have been feeling sick all day. My two biggest fears are that Trump gets back in power and starts a nuclear holocaust, and destroys the rest of our democracy. I now have a picture of him being tried, convicted, and still winning the election thanks to the third party candidates, and the crazies who support Trump, where he will pardon himself. Then, all hell will break loose. If I thought the Supreme Court being stacked with mostly Republican nominees was the worst thing, I cannot even imagine the military doing his bidding to the nth degree. It is too terrible to contemplate and combines my two biggest fears in one.

https://hartmannreport.com/p/is-tubervilles-senate-hold-on-military-1ad?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

I am too able to see into the future, to enjoy this now.

antlisa1201's avatar

Absolutely infuriating! Thanks for sharing. I’m so pissed off! We need to stop this pronto #STOPPROJECT2025 Arrest Tuberville for treason!

Charlie Austin's avatar

Tubberville is a conspirator.

Deb's avatar

I read Tom Hartmann as well, Linda...and my reaction was the same as yours. I really want to enjoy Dipshit Donnie's discomfiture, but if the trial ends up being postponed until after the election...and I have a feeling that it will be, we all know that the MAGA/GQP and their cheating scams almost stayed in power last time....despite a big Biden majority vote.

They're working feverishly now to make sure that 2024 will be the last Presidential election, after which Dipshit Donnie's DOJ will make all his legal problems go away and his military will keep everyone in line. (This is what they wanted to happen the last time).

Linda Weide's avatar

We should enjoy the rule of law while it still exists. There is absolutely nothing about an authoritarian society run by a mentally ill, evil leader with White Supremacist sycophants, and immature, racist, sexist worshippers, that I can see any good in.

NCK's avatar

I have to agree with you. I read Tom Hartmann’s piece too. Very disconcerting.

DIANE E RAMEY's avatar

If Trump wins the presidency, we are all fucked. He will remove all regulations protecting the environment, boohoo climate change, take us out of international treaties, basically causing the end of the human race on this planet. WHY can't his supporters SEE the danger? It's not just democracy that will die -- it's all of us and the animals too! I can't handle it. If he wins, I will not be able to handle being alive in this country anymore...or maybe anywhere.

Barb L's avatar

Pass the fucking POPCORN. :-D

Problem is his idjuts love him even more because he's the (said in the whiniest voice possible) victiiiiiiiiimm. Fuck that.

Julie Tallard Johnson's avatar

The champagne has been on ice for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, long time. Will we EVER REALLY be able to celebrate his downfall? He is winning the GOP bid for POTUS. I'm headed out for more ice now

Terrified Lib's avatar

Ditto here. When the time is right--not quite yet, but we will all know--I'm taking my cooler of ice and bottle of D.P, heading down to 16th and Penn, and drinking it right out of the bottle.

Yoleen's avatar

My champagne is on ice, too, and my popcorn maker is at the ready!

FTrump And FPutin Too's avatar

Good morning schadenfreude! A tasty side to accompany my delicious first cup of shade grown organic first cup of french-pressed coffee that sets my jaunty mood for the day. I loves me some schadenfreude in the morning especially about the ketchup furling liar in chief caught lying about hidden classified documents at his golf course and family (just projecting here) cemetery where no eternal flame will ever glow and Trump wine will never be clinked in his memory, or perhaps it will. I can imagine but not advocate bonfires of red hats will be heartily stoked in his charred legacy to smolder and pollute the local tainted air.

Yoleen's avatar

I love the smell of schadenfreude in the morning.

Can you hear the Wagner and helicopters in the background? The composer, not the Russian warlord.

Kay-El's avatar

For anybody still on Twitter, there’s a parody account Jack E. Smith who’s just fabulous. He also posts on other sites. Highly recommend. Reading his and Jeff’s posts make my day. Good weekend everyone!