dipshit president to fight imaginary crime wave in dumbest way possible

how fucking stupid is this?

here are two very fun facts.

the first is that crime in Washington, DC is at a 30-year low.

the second — and more fun — fact is that the average homeless person on the streets of DC has thirty-four fewer felony convictions than the current president of the United States.

nonetheless, United States President Cookedbooks McHushmoney has decided that DC’s homeless population is a ginormous factor in the imaginary crime wave that definitely isn’t a thing, and he’s given them about ten seconds to get the fuck out of his sight.

We’re having a News Conference tomorrow in the White House. I’m going to make our Capital safer and more beautiful than it ever was before. The Homeless have to move out, IMMEDIATELY. We will give you places to stay, but FAR from the Capital. The Criminals, you don’t have to move out. We’re going to put you in jail where you belong. It’s all going to happen very fast, just like the Border. We went from millions pouring in, to ZERO in the last few months. This will be easier — Be prepared! There will be no “MR. NICE GUY.” We want our Capital BACK. Thank you for your attention to this matter!

it’s so easy to solve the world’s problems when you have no clue what you’re talking about.

screaming at the homeless to GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW will totally work, because everyone knows that the best way to solve the problems caused by late-stage capitalism is to yell really loud until they magically go away.

who is Dear Leader thanking for their attention? the homeless?

I don’t think the homeless are following Donny on his crappy app. I’m pretty sure that the unhoused are more concerned with figuring out their next meal than in keeping up with the Mad King’s insane social media ravings.

oh look, it’s no more “MR. NICE GUY” from Donny. excuse me for asking, but I simply must know: when the fuck was Donny ever MR NICE GUY? was it when he was barging in on half-naked teenage beauty pageant contestants? was that when Donny was being a nice guy? was it when Donny was putting his disgusting hands all over the unsuspecting young women that his dead pedo bestie would bring around to Trump Tower?

but wait, Donny’s tough-on-crime clown show is about to get stupider — because right now there are about a hundred and twenty gobsmacked FBI agents going to their superiors, ‘I’m sorry, I’m supposed to be doing what now?’

the what is dispatching who to where? I know what all those words mean, but when you put them together in that order, they makes no sense.

In recent days, the administration has authorized up to 120 agents, largely from the FBI’s Washington Field Office, to work overnight shifts for at least one week alongside D.C. police and other federal law enforcement officers in the nation’s capital, according to the people familiar with those efforts, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss specifics of a staffing plan that has not been made public.

hang on, the dudes who knock on your door because they just wanna ask a few questions are being reassigned to do … to do fucking what, exactly?

The deployment of FBI agents to deal with local crime puts agents from the bureau’s counterintelligence, public corruption and other divisions with minimal training in traffic stops out on the streets in potentially dangerous encounters, diverting them from their typical jobs at the bureau.

that’s an insane waste of resources, because—

FBI agents generally do not have authority to make traffic stops, and the people said the agents’ roles could include supporting the other agencies during traffic stops.

are you telling me that FBI agents aren’t even authorized to fight street crime? so what’s going on? are all these experts in forensics and data analysis just standing around, scratching their asses and trying not to get in the way of the actual police?

so, whose brilliant idea was this?

you know exactly whose idea this was: the dumbest fucking ignoramus ever to crap a diaper in the Oval Office.

‘send in the FBI to clean up the streets’ is what happens when you let a moron run a county.

Donny has no idea how his own government works, and he has no interest in finding out. he doesn’t know that street-level law enforcement requires very specific training — training that FBI agents don’t receive. Donny doesn’t care.

Donny just knows what he knows from watching TV — and in this case, what Donny knows is that the FBI are the biggest badasses in law enforcement, so obviously if you put them on the streets, crime will end immediately.

it’s all so dumb. if the annoying drunk at the end of the bar ever blurted out about how ‘they should just send in the FBI to clean up the streets,’ you’d be all ‘shut the fuck up, Andy,’ and go back to ignoring him.

but in this case, the brainless asshole at the end of the bar is the president of the United States, and there’s nobody around to tell him to shut the fuck up. so it’s get out there on the streets, FBI agents.

I mean, look at who’s running the FBI right now: Krazee Eyes Ka$h Patel and Bongo Danny Bongino. they have no clue what they’re doing. they have no qualifications for their jobs. their previous gigs were being internet trolls. they probably thought Donny’s ‘just put them on the streets’ idea was awesome. yeah, crime will end forever! these two dumb-asses were no doubt so proud of themselves they started high-fiving each other.

it’s all so fucking embarrassing.

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oh look, some glutton for punishment shoved a microphone in the face of the doughiest pantload in politics — Vice President Couchfuck McGee — and apparently asked him, ‘could you please be as incoherent as possible about Dear Leader’s dead pedo bestie?’

“I have to say, Maria, I laugh at the Democrats who are now all of a sudden so interested in the Epstein Files. four four years, Joe Biden and the Democrats did absolutely nothing about this story. we know that Jeffrey Epstein had a lot of connections with left-wing politicians and left-wing billionaires. and now President Trump has demanded full transparency from this, and yet, somehow the Democrats are attacking him, and not the Biden administration, which did nothing.”

fact check: fuck you, you smug asshole. don’t insult our intelligence.

what kind of up-is-down-black-is-white-level gaslighting is this? here are the facts which JD is conveniently papering over: Donny campaigned on releasing the Epstein Files. after taking power, he directed Pam Bondi to release them, and then he never stopped talking about releasing them — right up until the moment that Pam took him aside and said ‘hey, idiot, maybe shut the fuck up about the Epstein Files, we took a look at them and guess what: your name is all over that shit.’

that was the instant that Donny started claiming that the Files were a hoax, ginned up by an ever-shifting cast of characters that include Merrick Garland, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and somehow even Joe Biden’s autopen.

and that was the instant that the entire world took notice and starting demanding to know just what the fuck Donny was trying to cover up.

and now, somehow it’s the Democrats’ fault that Donny won’t release the files? please fuck off with this nonsense. later in that clip, JD goes on to imply that this is all a Democratic cover up, because Bill Clinton is in the files.

nice smear job, JD — but you know what? if Bill Clinton is indeed in the files, investigate the fuck out of him. if he broke laws, throw his degenerate ass in prison.

see how easy that was, Republicans? now you do it. let’s hear you say that if Dear Leader is in the Epstein Files, he should be chucked the fuck into prison.

ready? go!

I thought so.

release the Epstein Files, you fucking fucks, and let the chips fall where they may.

thank you for your attention to this matter.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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