befuddled old fuckwit accuses Joe Biden’s autopen of writing the Epstein Files

no, really — he did

if Mad King Donny thought questions about his dead pedo bestie wouldn’t follow him all the way to his dilapidated Scotland golf motel, boy did he think wrong — but thinking wrong has pretty much always been Donny’s brand.

Preznit Fuckwit had one of his Many Big Meetings™ yesterday — this one with British Prime Minister Keir Starmer. ostensibly, the meeting was to announce that the two countries had once again agreed to meet to discuss an outline for a framework for notes of a concept for an inkling of a trade deal — but none of the assembled reporters wanted to talk about that dog-and-pony shit. their questions were more along the lines of ‘what the fuck are you covering up, bro?’

reporter: “you said you have not been briefed on the Epstein Files, or your name does not appear in the Epstein Files. but doesn’t the AG have to tell you if your name—”

Donny: “well, I haven’t been overly interested in it. you know, it’s something— it’s a hoax that’s been built up way beyond proportion. I can say this, those files were run by the worst scum on earth. they were run by, uh, Comey, they were run by Garland, they were run by Biden and all of the people that actually ran the government, including the autopen. those files were run for four years, by those people. if they had anything, I assume they would have released it. the whole thing is a hoax. they ran the files. I was running against somebody that ran the files. if they had something, they would have released— now, they can easily put something in the file that’s a phony.”

hoo-boy. let’s see if we can parse this lunatic’s shit-blizzard of tortured logic.

first of all, President Pudding Cup doesn’t know what’s in the files, because he’s ‘not overly interested’ in them — but he does know that whatever’s in them is a hoax. but he also knows that nothing incriminating is in them, because if there were, Biden would have released them. but maybe there is fake stuff, because it would be easy to do. Donny can’t stick to one story.

notice how the cast of characters keeps changing. last week, Obama and Hillary were in the mix. this week, they’re gone, replaced by Merrick Garland and — get this — Joe Biden’s autopen. how the fuck does that work? how did the autopen help write the Epstein Files? can we get Comer Fudd to subpoena the autopen? I’ll bet it’s got stories to tell that would set your ears on fire.

never lose sight of the fact that Donny ran on a promise to release the Epstein Files — a promise he swore to keep, right up until the moment Pam Bondi took him aside and said ‘shut the fuck up about the Files already, your name is all over that shit.’ that’s when the Files magically went from real to a hoax.

that’s why none of Donny’s pungent mouth-farts about how ‘the Files are a hoax’ hold water.

every time Donny opens his big fat yap, he just makes himself sound guiltier and guiltier.

what’s that you say, Donny? you want to dig yourself deeper? go right ahead, my dude.

“and by the way, I never went to the island. and Bill Clinton went there supposedly uhhhhhhh 28 times. uh, I never went to the island, but Larry Summers, I hear, went there. he was the head of Harvard, and many other people who are very big people, nobody ever talks about them. I never had the privilege of going to his island. and I did turn it down, but a lot of people in Palm Beach were invited to his island.”

methinks the Mad King doth protest too much.

Donny never went to Epstein’s island, understand? but look over there! Bill Clinton did, and so did Larry Summers! so did ‘many big people’! and ‘people in Palm Beach’! hey, you know who else went to Epstein Island? SQUIRREL!

by the way, where is Donny getting his information that Bill Clinton was at the island 28 times? is it from the fake Epstein Files that Hillary Clinton was one of the authors of? did she put that in there, the number 28? or was it the autopen who did that?

remember that with Donny, every accusation is a confession. his angry insistence that he’s never been to Epstein’s island is all the proof you need that he’s been there so many times that he could draw a map of it for you. oh no, wait — Donny doesn’t do drawings.

reporter: “that drawing that the Wall Street Journal report—”

Donny: “I don’t do drawings. I’m not a drawing person. I don’t do drawings … I don’t do drawings of women, that I can tell you. they say there’s a drawing of a woman, and I don't do drawings of women.”

fact check:

does the Imbecile-in-Chief really not understand how totally guilty he makes himself look when he denies doing what we’ve all seen him do?

how’d that fucking drawing get in the book, Donny? was it Joe Biden’s autopen?

keep talking, Donny. you’re guaranteeing that the press never drops this story.

and now for the Crowning Moment of Moron. Donny’s going to — to at long last — divulge a 20-year-old secret: why did he break up with his pedo bestie? we’re all on the edge of our chair right now, because until this moment, Donny’s always refused to talk about it.

lay it on us, honcho.

reporter: “the time you threw him out of Mar-a-Lago. would you settle that? what was that all about?”

Donny: “that’s such old history. very easy to explain, but I don’t want to waste your time by explaining it. but for years, I wouldn’t talk to Jeffrey Epstein. I wouldn’t talk, because he did something that was inappropriate: he hired help. and I said ‘don’t ever do that again.’ he stole people that worked for me. I said ‘don’t ever do that again.’ he did it again, and I threw him out of the place. and that was it.”

wait, what? that’s what Donny’s pedo bestie did, that was ‘inappropriate’? he poached workers from Donny’s shitty golf motel?

that’s Donny line in the sand? that’s his bridge too fucking far?

so that’s what broke the friendship apart. not the fact that Epstein was a complete skeeve. that wasn’t ‘inappropriate.’ not the fact that Epstein literally raped the teenage girls that his equally-skeevy girlfriend procured for him. no, all that was totes cool with Donny, and certainly not ‘inappropriate,’ either.

all these slime-balls deserve each other — in hell.

oh, wait — before we go, let’s watch Donny struggle to answer a question that for once wasn’t about his dead pedo bestie.

reporter: “you talked about setting up food centers in conjunction with other organizations.”

here’s how you can tell that this European reporter has never dealt with America’s Mad King before: he uses a big word like ‘conjunction.’ but let’s let him continue.

reporter: “are you talking about Gaza? how will this work?”

Donny: “well it’s going to be working with the United States, uh, helping with the food. we have a lot of access to food. we gotta lotta food, ourselves, and we’re gonna bring it over there. we’re also going to make sure they don’t have barriers stopping people. you’ve seen the area where they actually have food, and the people are screaming for food, they’re thirty-five, forty yards away, and they won’t let them because they have lines. that are set up. and whether they’re set up by Hamas or whoever, they’re very strict lines. we have to get rid of those lines.”

what is Donny blithering about, he’s seen ‘lines’ set up by ‘Hamas or whoever,’ and that’s why starving Palestinians can’t get food?

once again, Donny doesn’t know shit about shit — but all this incoherent gibberish makes much more sense when you realize that Donny is probably reacting to a context-free clip he saw on Fox News. he has no idea what the lines were for, or who set them up — ‘Hamas or whoever’ — because he no doubt had the sound turned down and was only half paying attention.

that’s where Donny is getting his information on the massive, deliberate human rights violations going on in Gaza: from Fox News. he’s as fucking ignorant about current events as his own brain-dead cultists are.

maybe it was Joe Biden’s autopen that drew that line.

but wait — it gets stupider.

Donny: “we’re going to be getting some good strong food.”

I’m sorry, good strong what?

the sitting president of the United States has a toddler’s understanding of the world, and a vocabulary to match. it really makes you want to guzzle paint thinner straight from the can.

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here’s your hero of the day: the unknown person who interrupted Donny’s remarks on the front steps of his ramshackle Scotland golf motel.

give a listen as Donny gets drowned out by the only sound on the planet more annoying than his own grating voice: bagpipes.

can we please hire this person to come to Washington, DC?

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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