Dark Brandon: “maybe I’ll become a pardon factory”

firewalls against fuckery need to be constructed now

Little Donny Fuckface is a thin-skinned, grievance-fueled man-baby who power-loads his diaper and screams ‘off with his head!’ every time anyone is quote-unquote ‘so unfair’ to him.

Pam Bondi, his pick to head the Department of Retribution, has already signaled her boundless enthusiasm to be a willing accomplice in Donny’s Abattoir of Revenge.

Kash Patel, Donny’s choice to lead the Federal Bureau of Score Settling, is the kind of bro who spends his spare time compiling enemies lists.

right now, the only thing standing between Donny’s Retaliation Machine and a whole bunch of innocent targets is the irrevocable and absolute pardon power of Joe Biden — which is why it’s fucking awesome that the Biden White House is gearing up to become a pardon factory.

after Biden pardoned his son Hunter to protect him from Donny’s wrath, I floated the notion that Joe should now begin the process of doling out protective pardons to … well, everyone.

John Dean agreed with me.

“Biden should keep going with his pardons: Trump, Jack Smith & team, Mueller & team, and a blanket pardon for all on Trump’s enemies list for any and all political statements before December 25, 2024! Merry Christmas:-). Take the wind out of retribution/revenge!”

now, Team Biden is announcing that they’re down with Joe becoming a perpetual motion pardon generator.

President Joe Biden’s senior aides are conducting a vigorous internal debate over whether to issue preemptive pardons to a range of current and former public officials who could be targeted with President-elect Donald Trump’s return to the White House, according to senior Democrats familiar with the discussions.

Biden’s aides are deeply concerned about a range of current and former officials who could find themselves facing inquiries and even indictments, a sense of alarm which has only accelerated since Trump last weekend announced the appointment of Kash Patel to lead the FBI. Patel has publicly vowed to pursue Trump’s critics.

this isn’t just a good idea — it’s a necessary idea. firewalls against fuckery need to be constructed now — before it’s too late.

Democrats are fine with the idea — but of course they have to equivocate, because Democrats.

“If it’s clear by January 19 that [revenge] is his intention, then I would recommend to President Biden that he provide those preemptive pardons to people, because that’s really what our country is going to need next year,” Sen. Ed Markey (D-Mass.) told WGBH.

“if it’s clear” — fucking Democrats, always having to pull their punches. how is it not clear yet? what kind of clarity are you seeking, Senator?

was it not clear when Donny stood up in front of a throng of bloodthirsty cultists and screamed I AM YOUR RETRIBUTION?

was is not clear when Pam Bondi said that “prosecutors will be prosecuted”?

how about the fact that Krazee Eyes Kash published a literal fucking enemies list?

if and when these pardons happen, the press better not fucking open their whiny mouths about propriety and bad precedents and tarnished reputations — because they’re in the crosshairs, too.

just accept your pardon and say thank you, Joe.

frankly, Joe’s pardon program shouldn’t end with Donny’s enemies list. as Joyce Vance points out, there are thousands of people who might not be targets for retribution, but are the existing collateral damage in America’s fucked up system of justice.

Will there be more clemency following Hunter Biden? There are strong arguments in favor of more expansive use of the pardon power by President Biden. He has pardoned almost 13,000 people for crimes involving possession of marijuana, but they were reportedly people who had finished serving any custodial portion of their sentence. Roughly 3,000 people remain in custody for these nonviolent offenses, and Biden could pardon them all before his term ends. There is a set process involving the Office of the Pardon Attorney at DOJ in which pardon requests made by people who believe they should qualify are considered, and recommendations are made to the White House Counsel’s Office and on to the president.

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here’s a charming story from America’s heartland — wait, did I say charming? I meant to say racist and completely fucking barbaric.

A bill introduced in the Missouri Senate would give residents a $1,000 payout for reporting migrants who entered the country illegally.

The proposal is one of at least seven bills introduced in the state’s legislature to focus on immigration, all sponsored by Republican legislators.

Sen.-elect David Gregory proposed the legislation, which would create an online portal for people to make reports to the State Highway Patrol and be eligible for the payout.

oh, how great — because that’s what this whole ‘let’s round up all the brown people and stick them in camps’ thing has been missing all along: a profit motive.

hey, you know who else used to pay bounties to citizens who helped round up undesirables?

of course you do.

Van Liempt takes a close look at the bounty hunters, describing them as family types, often unemployed or in low-end jobs, who volunteered for the work out of greed and hatred of Jews and knew that their victims would probably be killed.

“The Dutch Department,” as the Nazis called it, was also known as the “Colonne Henneicke,” after its leader, Wim Henneicke. He had been trafficking in stolen Jewish property until the Nazis began offering cash for Jewish prisoners.

Workers were paid about 15 guilders a week, or $75 at today’s exchange rate, plus 7.50 guilders or $37.50 per captured Jew, van Liempt writes.

too bad the Nazis perpetrated their evil before the invention of the internet — else they, too, could have had an online snitch-for-pay portal.

the question that’s never asked when these human-rights-abusing bills are drafted is how are these bounty hunters supposed to know who’s an ‘illegal’ and who isn’t, and how will they bring them to ahem “justice”? because here’s how those madcap Nazis did it.

To make a man named David Sanders reveal where his children were, they knocked out his teeth, and that they traveled for days to capture a 3-year-old girl, Floortje Citroen, who was later gassed at a camp in Sobibor, Poland.

weird how every time you look below the surface at all these new MAGA-influenced laws, you learn that the Nazis did it first.

just a coincidence, I guess.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.