348 Comments
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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

it's a daily fucking fire hose of news. I didn't even get around to writing about ICE Barbie getting her purse stolen, or the stock market cratering again. feel free to discuss it all down here in the comments

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

not to mention this thing where they want to pay women five grand to have babies. I guess because not enough white ones are being born. this sounds like one of the Space Nazi's whackbrain ketamine-fueled notions

https://www.wonkette.com/p/after-decades-of-making-it-harder

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

We should be paying women to NOT have babies on a burning planet. But what do these sick fuckers care about quality of life for us or for any other species (just about any of which is superior to human beings at this point.)

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Nicely said Veronica, are these stunods also willing to put up the 💰 to raise and support their insanity??

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Ole Anderson's avatar

Of course not. RepubliCONS concern ends at the moment of birth.

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Cassandra Here's avatar

Exactly. I was a part of the ZPG movement. Replace yourself? O.K., but you cannot sell your ZPG credits the way polluters sold their credits for spewing toxins into the air and water. Happy Earth Day Every Day.

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Marian Goldsmith's avatar

We already know the answer (only one) to that. Sigh. Nothing new here. Only horribly old.

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Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

We should be hiring people to fly these innocent girls and women out of their shithole states. I wish I had the money to do that. They should all opt to have their tubes tied and the boys and men must undergo vasectomies. Last year, records were broken where that did happen. Damnit! I hate these motherfuckers so much!

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Rose Maly, MD, MSPH's avatar

Seed rights, for every ejaculation.

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Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

Isn’t that what Elon is doing? Paying women to have his children? So far, he’s creating his own Aryan race.

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Bonnie Council's avatar

Can you imagine producing a child that looks like him, by choice? I can't.

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

All male

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

<<THIS>> a thousand times, Veronica. We as a species are definitely the stupidest creatures on the planet.

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T L Mills's avatar

And what good is $5,000 in the face of what it costs to raise children these days, when the estimated cost for raising ONE CHILD from age 1 to age 18 is $375,000. Maybe Elon and his coterie of worried Great Replacement Theory adherents should rethink their offer?

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Jodi Richard's avatar

That $375k is going to almost double thanks to the 🍊💩 for brains and his tariffs. Almost everything baby related (90%) is made in China. FFS the stupid is reaching depths that are so unreal my head hurts.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Thanks for pointing out the cost to raise these children T L!!

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

That's a serious undercount of raising a child. Because of differences in what stuff costs, where I live it's about 650K.

If kids want post HS education tack on a shit ton more.

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

You think he would actually pay? No.

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

How are they going to figure out how to give the 5 grand only to white women and not to all those POC superreproducers??

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

Probably from the chips or tattoos we will soon be forced to receive.

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celeste k.'s avatar

FYI, all the patients at the clinic today were white. White women want no part of the unfolding nightmare, either. I gave every one of them a copy of the Constitution, and a conversation r/t civics...my normal routine!

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Glad you asked Kathleen, because they certainly don’t have any idea!!

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William Burke's avatar

I’d imagine they’ve initiated negotiations with the Mormons. Remember, there’s no I in team.

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Kaye Stone's avatar

Utah here... the Mormons are willing to repopulate the earth, but many young Mormon families can't afford to have more than 2 children. (Thank God! The Mormons are like the Evangelicals, only smarter 😬)

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Ole Anderson's avatar

Kathleen

You only think you are kidding but to me it’s a legitimate concern.

I have always thought that a permit should be required to have a child and you must prove you are able to house, feed and clothe your progeny before you are allowed to have any.

Kind of like Japan requiring you to have a parking space already before you can purchase a car.

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Ellen McKenzie's avatar

Great question!

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eliza james's avatar

Why don't they just do what Trump has been doing all these years and rape them for free?

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Musk, Kegstand, Trump ... all serial inseminators. But shitty parents.

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Rose Maly, MD, MSPH's avatar

They do love their seed rights for every ejaculation, until the seeds are fully sprouted, then fuckety bye bye!

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Eileen's avatar

Lebensporn. Nazis all the way.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

That is their favorite porn. And a great typo.

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Doreen Dalesandro's avatar

Agent orange’s plans to overpopulate the country.

1️⃣ Do testing to insure the purity of the woman’s genetic profile. Characteristics highly valued are complete allegiance to agent orange (this is an ABSOLUTE must), susceptibility to conspiracy theories, little motivation for fact checking, eagerness to vomit threatening rhetoric towards those targeted by agent orange, obsession with guns. Tests are to be administered by rFuckingK, jr. He will be responsible for identifying the genes in the woman’s DNA sample that code for the required traits. (Note: contrary to the beliefs of other scientists, rFuckingK believes that each characteristic is innate and each is coded by one gene.)

2️⃣ The women must be unmarried and no older than 18. Agent orange will personally check them out for desirable physical attributes. The candidates must be willing to copulate with the agent orange as part of the vetting process.

3️⃣ The women must agree to accept the father-to-be selected for them by agent orange.

4️⃣ The women must agree to the accommodations designated by agent orange.

5️⃣ The women must agree to natural childbirth.

6️⃣ The women must agree to give custody of the child to agent orange’s designee. She must agree to refrain from ever seeking said child.

7️⃣ The women must agree to sign an NDA.

8️⃣ The child will be placed in a suitable home, i.e., one in which FoxNotNews, or any station of its ilk, will be broadcast nonstop.

9️⃣ Male children, when they reach the age of 10, will be required to enlist in MAGA youth. Female children that reach the age of 10 will be required to attend cosmetology and home economics schools.

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Deb Martina's avatar

On point

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Jodi Richard's avatar

🎯

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

Someone want a "National Medal of Motherhood" for women who have had 6 or more kids. I shit you not.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Putin's idea. Like Trump, he's OK with killing off thousands of his own population as war and policy collateral, but concerned about the scarcity of future cannon fodder and party supporters.

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

And cogs in the capitalist machine that keeps him rich

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

🤢🤢🤢🤮👿

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Charles Austin's avatar

🤮🤮🤮

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Stephen Brady's avatar

Doesn't it cost $200 K to raise a kid? $5000 isn't even a down payment.

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Dean Sigler's avatar

Maybe that's why Donny practices jerking off two dicks at once. Just sayin'.

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Cherié Brodnax's avatar

But wait…doesn’t that make the women…. *gasp* welfare queens??

I want off of this timeline

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Kristy Kanen's avatar

LEBENSBORN, The NAZIS had a name for it.

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Kay's avatar

We should “Clockwork Orange” the couch guy and his entourage of women haters to watch “The Handmaids Tale” over and over and over until they get it and find some decency.

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Linda McCaughey's avatar

Just--no words.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

I'm sure I do not have to tell you that Hitler did that. When do they start the Lebensborn project?

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

Tomorrow morning.

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Bonnie Council's avatar

Women of any race, any color? That I kinda doubt.

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Kimmy's avatar

Well damn, $5K would have only covered the deductible on my insurance each of the times I birthed my spawn. And here I was all happy about having really good insurance then!

Now if anyone really wants to help, the cost of childcare is so outrageous I don’t even have words. $5K would cover approximately 5 WEEKS of a nanny for my two. My immunocompromised son can’t attend school or daycare, so neither can my healthy daughter. And this isn’t even for a special nanny like some families need!!!

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David A Pitock's avatar

Hitler did it first "for the father land"

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Wendy's avatar

Because day 100 is a disaster for them Jeff and it’s getting worse https://thistleandmoss.com/p/voices-of-diverse-america-april-22nd

Markets are in absolute freefall. The once-roaring bull has transformed into a gutted beast, with the Dow plummeting nearly 1,000 points in a single devastating session and the S&P hemorrhaging 10% of its value in just one month. The dollar, once a global fortress, now sits at a three-year rock-bottom.

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George in Atlanta's avatar

Whoa. We're just getting warmed up. The main event will be Trump firing Powell. Whereupon the securities and bond markets will simultaneously drop by 75%. Destabilize much? Maybe we WILL become Weimar Germans after all.

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Douglas's avatar

And Vladimir will be pleased.....

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Eileen's avatar

Dear God! Was that the plan?

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George in Atlanta's avatar

Possibly. It doesn't really matter because whatever is going on in that flatworm brain doesn't qualify as linear thought, let alone strategy.

Germany did not have 400,000,000 privately-owned firearms when it entered its Weimar phase. What would happen here would be unbounded and unprecedented.

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

I absolutely believe the answer to your question is "yes," Eileen.

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

I absolutely believe the answer to your question is "yes," Eileen.

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Eileen's avatar

Where is Congress. Do your job.

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Evelyn Freitas's avatar

And the bond market continues to tank every day - a once safe haven for investors is now crushed by volatility.

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Robert Eckert's avatar

When the stock market goes down, big investment funds pull their money out of stocks and buy bonds instead-- but instead of driving the bond market up as it usually would, this runs into the selling pressure of sovereign funds (principally China, but also Japan, Canada, France, and Germany) who look for opportunities to sell large amounts of their Treasury paper without damaging the value of the rest too much. The bond market simply cannot go up in the face of this much incentive to sell.

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Sooz Hall's avatar

I’d heard it was principally Canada. No?

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Robert Eckert's avatar

I've heard that Canada did a big drop (just after the serious banker took over from the studly hippie) to show what they can do, and mirabile dictu, Trump stopped "joking" about annexing them and how their PM was a "governor" etc. But the largest stack of T-Bills is in China, and they are trying to liquidate it in as orderly a fashion as they can.

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Bob's avatar

And the EU, which is second or third in US Treasury holdings depending on the day of the week, certainly isn’t buying more. Trump is making US equities toxic.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

He had a thing against Trudeau, because Melania tries to climb him like a tree, every time she sees him. It was the only time I ever saw her smile a genuine smile.

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meryl selig's avatar

Don’t forget the flight from bonds… formerly a safe haven

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Kristy Gnome is reaching privileged territory in her fascist life. In lock step behind her cult leader, she is rising up the Fascism Totem Pole with her dashing outfits and a sharp eye for her hypocritical opportunities. Look for her upcoming movie on NewsMax, “South Dakota’s Queen of Cosplay, Kristy Gnome.”

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Connie C's avatar

I call her Krusty Gnome, either way she’s just waaay too creepy.

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GeorgeC's avatar

She does look a bit like a plastic surgery disaster . .

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Probably because she is. She's getting that puppet from "Saw" cheekbone look.

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DuduLovesBubu's avatar

Krusty from the STD's from her active "romantic" dalliances.

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Linda McCaughey's avatar

Where have all these subhumans come from, fully formed?

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Liz and Max the No. 1 Cat's avatar

A factory in New Jersey.

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

Just don’t get any dogs near her.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

I think we all wanna know what the prescription was for? 😂😂😂 Let's speculate!

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Kay-El's avatar

“One pill to make you larger and one pill to make you small” - Jefferson Airplane

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

I just loved Grace Slick back in the day.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

And the one that mother gives you…Kay-EI, you just took me back to a Grace and Papa flashback, of a crowded Central Park concert scene I photographed atop a backstop, thanks!!

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arne link's avatar

Good times.

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Kay-El's avatar

Lucky you!!

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Unfortunately the cops broke up my perch when others climbed atop an overweighted, nearly falling over into the masses scene. A pic made made the Times cover though!!

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Ahhhh, yes!

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Polly Sears's avatar

I sang that in a band in highschool!

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DuduLovesBubu's avatar

I'm willing to bet it's an antibiotic cocktail from all the cocks in her tail.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

😂😂😂

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Kimmy's avatar

I just snorted my ice water 😂😂😂

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Ellen McKenzie's avatar

Wow!!!

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂

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Charles Austin's avatar

Pharmaceutical meth. That's a popular thing in S. Dakota.

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Look how happy Pete's poor kids are to stand next to him. They look thrilled! Of course, he doesn't live with them or their mom.

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Kay-El's avatar

Like Ted Cruz’ kids? 🤔

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Or Donald Jr.'s?

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

Fuck Ted Cruz.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Touché Kay-EI!!

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

A couple of the seven, are his wife's from a previous spawning, they would probably be smart enough to have heard things about their creepy, drunk, stepdad.

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

I don't think he is actually hiding it. Drunks can't. Kids catch onto daddy's strange behavior.

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Jacqueline Klein's avatar

What’s going on with the SDNY case where he was ordered to pay over $450 million. Plus you left out the fact that in a criminal trial trump’s company was found criminally guilty and his glorified book keeper went to prison, TWICE

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Lavrov and Mogilevich own Trumps business these days Jacqueline, poignant post!!

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Ole Anderson's avatar

He has lawyers from the law firms he extorted/ threatened working pro bono to reduce the judgement amount.

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Joanne Rossmassler Fritz's avatar

“Mother’s little helper.” — Rolling Stones

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Hollie Rood's avatar

Sometimes there is such an excess amount of shit in the news, you just can’t comment on it all. If you did, all your days would run together and we’d be having withdrawals waiting on whatever gem you’ve got for us. Next thing you know This Week in Stupid becomes This Month In Stupid. Besides, ICE Barbie’s stupidity speaks for itself. For all we know this nitwit could be an imposter claiming her purse was stolen.

No ID? Deport her.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

I enjoyed the satirical piece on what was found inside!!

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Fastball Fredo's avatar

Jeff I’m a little suspicious of puppy killer Barbie. Purse was ripped off even though she had a security detail. Contents? Credit cards, phone, $3000 cash and meds. The cash? Was she dealing drugs? Or does that $$ pay for her trysts with Lewendowski. Her security card? Where and who has it? Meds? Is that another term for coke? This smells like 5 day old fish..

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Terry's avatar

Here's some more excellent fodder for your fire hose,

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sarah-palin-new-york-times-no-libel_n_6807f2c1e4b05f43aef26a75

How many times does she have to lose this lawsuit before she gives it up?

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Munchygut's avatar

Might expect to see it in your next "This Week in Stupid":-)

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A.J. Madison's avatar

I go completely ape-shit when cry-baby Dwumpy Twumpy says, "Won't Have A Country Anymore." JFC, I get that he thinks the country is here for him and other rich fucks to screw over and extract every last dollar for their fortunes. And I finally thought of one of the ways, what makes the US a great country, ITS DUE FUCKING PROCESS. I wish the MAGAs understood this. Without Due Process, we're headed right towards a Soviet Union Hell Hole, or Stasi "Disappeared State" where after you rat out our neighbor, that person just disappears. Fucking Twump, he gets Due Process, and will make sure he continues to get due process, but the rest of us poor fucks, we're going to be herded into the box cars for Alaskan gulags without so much as a hearing, or even a chance to post bail. Fuck You Dwump, may you rot in hell for all eternity, tormented by demons with burning hot spears.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

The Vatican should not allow this demented weirdo to go to the Popes funeral.

And in what sane world does someone show kids a photo like that. I swear to god he is insane!

The audacity of Kegsbreath...absolutely breathtaking. 🙄

I told my pal I wake up everyday with a feeling of doom and dread.

Can I sue for America crippling my mental health?!

And its only Monday, FFS!

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Rick Herbst's avatar

I think it’s Tuesday. But the world might be lying to me, so I’m just putting it out there for consideration. May your week be not too long, in any case.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

OOPS. You are right. Since Dump is back, every damned day feels like Monday! 😂

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Heather's avatar

I was going to say… Spot on, except I think it’s Tuesday. 😂 Baby was up all night, so I’m never 100% sure of the day anymore. 😅🥱

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Susan Niemann's avatar

I feel like it's Groundhog day, every day! 😂😂

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Cynthia Turner's avatar

Babies are forgiven for keeping you up, cute, and loving. My adult babies still do that.

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Heather's avatar

I’m told we’re in the 4 month sleep regression…except she’s never slept more than 4-5 hours at a time, so there’s not too much to regress from! 🫠 But she IS pretty darn cute. 🥰

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HI2thDoc's avatar

HIs poor kids have that hostage expression that Don Jr.'s kids had

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T L Mills's avatar

And Kavanaugh's

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HI2thDoc's avatar

And Ted Cruz's

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Imagine having a dad who introduces his softball girl's team he coaches, before you, or your mom at his supreme court hearing.

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

🤢🤢 Just ewwwww

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

Wait. Kavanaugh has kids? UGH.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Two daughters. After overturning Roe, just imagine if in the future one of his own daughters wants or needs an abortion. He is a rich, privileged, connected white man. He can absolutely secure a safe (but illegal) abortion for her. Laws only affect those of us, meaning nearly all of us, who do not have the connections, influence, and of course money to bribe someone. This is how it was before Roe when women died needlessly. Making abortion illegal does not stop abortion. It only makes it deadly for women. Conservatives just refuse to acknowledge this inescapable fact. Kavanaugh and his ilk are complicit in needless deaths. Awful, oppressive, regressive shitbags.

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

I remember before Roe. There was a local doc whose practice served the wealthiest. I walked in, looking about 13 years old and they asked no questions, just took the money. It was really expensive.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Luckily for you that you had enough money. Otherwise you would have been relegated to some back alley quack with insanitary conditions and imprecise knowledge. You may not be here now.

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Gina's avatar

the musk kid/shield looks happy tho - but he's what, 3?

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HI2thDoc's avatar

He’ll wise up

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

He is a bit feral, but yeah.

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

When they're not melting down, they go along with just about anything.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

It is justly earned.

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Rick Calegari's avatar

Dump attending the pope's funeral is all for show and nothing more. Hoping the other world leaders give fuckface a welcoming he never forgets. This demented dick deserves nothing more as he continues his daily quest for hate and destruction. His bullshit about not having a country anymore if we don't get rid of immigrants is more like unless we remove this brain dead monster from office, we're not going to have a country anymore.

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Mary Hall's avatar

FWIW, I saw a TikTok video last night that said the International Criminal Court (ICC) is preparing charges against T💩p for illegally extraditing (trafficking) people to the El Salvadorian prison without due process. The US doesn't recognize the ICC (a fking travesty) but Italy and El Salvadore do and since T💩p has a contract for $6M with El Salvadore, he is ensnared in the net. Some think he will be arrested and then tried in The Hague when he goes to Rome for the Pope's funeral. Maybe. A grrl can dream.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

He's going to go stink up the Vatican with a full diaperload and churlish expression. Meanwhile, his fangirl MTG is screaming that the Pope's soul is burning in hell. Wonder if he'll return home with the other ear intact.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

She'd say that because he is Catholic, anyway. No way she's not a southern Baptist or some evilangelical bible banger.

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Gina's avatar

yeah, a nice dream

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Sammye Billesbach's avatar

I will dream with you. Have hoped for something along these lines as well. His crimes against humanity can not be tolerated and need to be brought before the world court. 🌈🦄 The thought almost makes me giddy.

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Mary Hall's avatar

Hold that thought sistah!

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Rick Calegari's avatar

That would be amazing. However, since Prime Minister Meloni just met with him last week, his fear of being taken into custody while in Italy was probably eliminated.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Oh god yes… please yes, let this be true. Is Jack Smith going to be the judge!?🤣

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

❤️❤️❤️

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

Wow!!! That would be GREAT!!!!

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

Same shit he said right before the crowd "toured" the closed Capitol.

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J Glaspie's avatar

I was wondering the same! Reading the news gives me chest pains. I want to sue the magats for pain, suffering and emotional distress.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

I have had definite physical symptoms from all this... And I cant drink EVERY DAY! 🤣🤣

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

I can’t think of any reason not to Susan, however every day is a good day for THC, or psychotropics of your choice!!

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

Most, well all, days I just wanna get high.

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Robert Eckert's avatar

I have not seen any confirmation that Trump is actually invited.

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Jan Moon's avatar

Like he would care.

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Abbi's avatar

That picture of him showing the kids the cards looks like evidence of child abuse to me.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

And not the first time, either.

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Jan Moon's avatar

The only way I know it's Tuesday is because it's trash day, which means I busted my butt hauling my garbage up a hundred foot hill to the road. And now you know what a happy life I lead. Trash day being the high point of my week. Beats looking at the daily horror show on my laptop.

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Anne's avatar

class action lawsuit... I'm right there with you.

also, we need one over our retirement accounts plunging for no good reason.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Give it a whirl Susan, the court system is in tatters!!

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

Susan, you missed a day. It's okay.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

😂. I’m so confused! 😜

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Douglas's avatar

There are possibilities.

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Charles Austin's avatar

Mine is gone. I'm pretty useless. Maybe it's time to stop wasting others oxygen.

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Neal Stiffelman's avatar

He’d bury the late pontiff on a golf course if he could make a buck charging tickets. Mutha fuckah.

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Bob's avatar

And do it in New Jersey for the tax break.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Absofuckinglutely Neal!!

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

I'm atheist, but what a travesty that Trash and Melanoma will be at the funeral of a decent man like Pope Francis. Just as much as that his last visit from a US politician was by the charlatan hillbilly.

This is so discouraging. Had Kamala Harris been elected, I would have been three weeks away from retiring (at age 62) after a lifetime of being a productive net taxpayer and diligent saver. Am so burned out.

Now, with threats to the ACA, Social Security, Medicare and of course the tanking of the financial markets so the oligarchs can snap us up cheap, retirement is a mirage. Sitting here preparing to go into the dreaded weekly staff meeting which should have been one of the last, and now I have hundreds to look forward to - if I am lucky enough to keep a job, at a university that relies on NIH funding.

Twisted fucks are running our government. How did that happen?

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Jewbergs's avatar

Totally in your boat. 62 and never able to retire. Hang in there at staff meeting. Sigh.

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

You too!

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Norma's avatar

So sorry that you have to delay your retirement plans. I was going to finally remodel my kitchen but I’m loath to spend the money right now.

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arne link's avatar

I know. I'm not spending on any large thing except the large bottle of Gin from Costco.

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

Good call!

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

I canceled my remodel (long overdue, the kitchen was built in 1947) and am just going to DIY paint it. This is not a time to be spending.

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Marty's avatar

I hope everyone is starting to get it ... Donald J Trump wants to destroy the United States.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

He does...for his boss, Putin.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

And Putins mentor Dugin!!

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Abbi's avatar

Not coincidentally, it’s Project 2025’s goal as well as Putin’s.

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Victoria Wilson's avatar

Not only” wants to”. IS!!!!!!

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

Yeah we got that.

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Aleksander Constantinoropolous's avatar

Ah yes, the sacred lamentations of the Martyr of Mar-a-Lago, crying into his Diet Coke like Job—if Job had spray tan streaks and a fetish for gold toilets. “We can’t give everyone a trial,” he says, while standing on a Constitution he’s only skimmed between cheeseburgers. My dude, trials are not optional add-ons like extra ketchup. They’re kind of the whole point of the “justice” part of the justice system.

But sure, let’s pretend the guy who’s been treated more gently by the courts than a Fabergé egg on a rollercoaster is somehow the victim. We’ve now reached the part of the messianic fanfic where the felon becomes the moral compass. Next chapter: Donny ascends into heaven, pardons Judas, and sues Pontius Pilate for defamation.

And Pete “Kegstand” Hegseth? Sir, this isn’t Game of Thrones, it’s government. You don’t get to break national security laws and then gaslight the public like your brain’s a Fox News chyron on fire. “I’m just here for the kids!” You leaked bomb schedules, not Easter candy.

Meanwhile, our orange oracle is packing up for Pope Francis’ funeral like it’s a VIP golf trip. “We look forward to it!” Who looks forward to a funeral, unless you’re planning to campaign at the casket?

Here’s the truth buried beneath the clown makeup: when powerful men start suggesting not everyone deserves a trial, that’s not patriotism. That’s fascism in a bad wig, grifting the faithful.

So yeah, boo-fucking-hoo, Donny. Due process isn't a buffet. You don’t get to skip the parts you find “inconvenient,” like facts, laws, or basic decency.

May your next trading card depict the Holy Spirit slapping the Sharpie out of your hand.

🧘‍♂️ Virgin Monk Boy out.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Sweet post Aleksander!!

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shee-rah's avatar

Is he talking his golf clubs to Rome?

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

You all will appreciate this.

Last week we were in a trip-of-a-lifetime in London to celebrate my sister's 50th birthday. After a couple of museums we stopped into a crowded pub and obtained two beers, but couldn't find a seat. Our middle-aged feet were killing us.

Two men were seated at a small pub table but there was space at the banquette behind them. I asked if we could share and they leapt up graciously to allow us onto the bench seat. One was a small wiry guy in jeans and flannel shirt, the other a burly man with white crewcut and black sweater. They exchanged pleasantries and said they had just arrived from Copenhagen for a few days vacation. They clearly realized we were from the US.

After a few minutes of silence I realized the significance and said "Did you say you were from DENMARK?"

Black sweater said "Yes, we are Danes. But soon to be American, apparently." It's hard to convey the contempt and bitterness in his rueful statment. My sister said "We are SO sorry and ashamed for our country. Please accept our apologies." They waved away the apology and commiserated with us for a few minutes; Wiry Guy picked up his jacket to leave and said "He's a fucking scumbag" in a visceral exclamation of disgust.

Even the sweet young man servicing the breakfast buffet at the hotel, finally asked us after a few days "Are you both supporters of ....." clearly not even wanting to speak the name. We assured him emphatically that we are not. It's horrible to be an American abroad these days.

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Stephen Schiff's avatar

When asked where I am from my answer is "North America ", in the local language. This is immediately understood as meaning that I hold a US passport and am not a supporter. Also I advise against travel to the US or purchase of US goods or services.

Just doing my part.

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Mary Hall's avatar

I saw something recently where a person had a Post-it note in their US passport that read: "I did not vote for him." I have a trip planned to Canada in August and Mexico in November. Might have to do the same, depending on circumstances.

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arne link's avatar

I have friends visiting Europe right now. They bought tee shirts to wear that say things like "Choose Love" and so on. They really wanted the "Fuck Trump" ones but were afraid that it was too much.

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

Good idea.

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Kay-El's avatar

1. Word on the street is the WH is muddling over who to replace Hogsbreath with. Probably someone worse.

2. Plasticity Gnome was said to be carrying thousands in cash. I hope the perp donates some to a group that helps immigrants in her “honor”

3. You don’t get to pick and choose who gets due process, unless you’re the one who cheats at everything. 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

$3,000 in cash says "coke nose." Amazed she wasn't carrying a pistolette in her little purse like Nancy Reagan did. The theft was well-planned, thief was masked, and now authorization to access DHS is on the market.

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Jeanne Leduc's avatar

Where was her "protection "?

If someone can get close enough to lift her purse, she could have killed her. (Not that that would be a bad thing)

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Kay-El's avatar

My understanding is that Secret Service was there. Are these the same clowns that allowed Orange Turd to raise his fist in “glory” when his ear was questionably grazed? Demoted to protecting Gnome?

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Wondering if the theft wasn't planned in advance by Gnome and the complicit SS as her "drop." How else to get $3,000 to her dealer, or some operative? They can claim the thief was a rando immigrant.

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Elle's avatar

That was my exact thought, too, Sharon.

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

The Secret Service was sitting at the bar. A bar in a hamburger joint.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

All three points, well taken Kay-EI

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GeorgeC's avatar

Did Cosplay Bimbo carry big pikes of cash out of the country? Seems like another illegal event . .

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Gloria J. Maloney's avatar

We don't have trials for most people now. We often charge poor, innocent people with a crime that they can't afford a lawyer. Then the prosecutor threatens them with excessively long incarceration if they go to trial and are convicted, and offers them a public defender to share with hundreds of other defendants. When they are terrified enough, it's "let's make a deal time."

I know this because it happened to me. An Alford Plea wasn't adequately explained to me while my lawyer shouted at me in a closet-sized room and wouldn't let me leave. The lesson I learned from it is that if you are a poor person, stay out of politics and don't interfere with the bread and butter of politically connected business people.

We have already lost our justice system; if we ever had one for everybody. The erosion of justice, particularly for low-income people, is a pressing issue that demands immediate attention and action.

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Gina's avatar

the pressure to plea and the whole bail-bond thing...

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

We never had one for most people.

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jcali129's avatar

"The jacking-off two invisible dicks dance"

Another gem from Jeff. LOL!!

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Heather's avatar

The idea of paying women to have more babies is disgusting on its face, but it seems the “fertilization president” has forgotten it’s National Infertility Awareness Week. Thanks for reminding those of us who can’t have babies on our own how much you care about our existence. 🖕

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Abbi's avatar

No words. Of course, we can all find something about our existence felon 47 doesn’t care about, but to remind anyone of their pain is beyond despicable.

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SethTriggs's avatar

When you serve the unreconstructed as the chief sadopopulist, it's always fine to be thoughtless and cruel. It's a good way of exercising power.

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JerryBier's avatar

In a perfect situation, secretly, Italy should issue a warrant for his arrest and nab Trump the minute he steps off Air Force One. Of course, that will never happen, even though it would be applauded in every country worldwide, except Russia.

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Rick Herbst's avatar

It’s my personal torture fascination fetish to watch hegseth talk: at the end of the vid, he starts cupping both hands when he’s talking about “hoaxters” (not a fuckin’ word, Mr. $254,000/yr+worth $5 million can’t speak like a normal person shitwad) - cupping hands like he’s reaching around a girl and holding onto some goddamn BIG droopy boobs. Yes I said it. He was telegraphing his fascination with lady parts (or in my case, overweight man parts/moobs), whatever the fuck that was.

Great job Jeff! My therapist thanks you from the bottom of MY fuckin’ wallet! I’m keeping her gainfully employed for the next 30 years or until I drop dead, whichever may come first. (Seriously though - you are dangerously funny. You need to get a license for that shit.)

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Kim Nesvig's avatar

It might actually take hundreds of years to give due process under the law to everyone Trumpy has falsely labeled as criminals.

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Victoria Wilson's avatar

“I’m doing exactly what I was elected for.Remove criminals from this country”.What an utter dangerous embarrassment this idiot is! I read somewhere that they should pick another venue for the Olympics because the athletes from other countries would not be safe from Little Donnie FF and his goons.Same for the visitors.smfh

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RandomHuman's avatar

Please remove your criminal self from the country, truculent rump.

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Deb Martina's avatar

Love truculent

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Derek Smith's avatar

Truculent is a really woody word, in the Pythonesque sense.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gwXJsWHupg

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

Graham Chapman was a genius.

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