why the fuck is convicted felon Donald Trump being given kid-glove treatment

and why the fuck are the Alitos allowed out in polite society

yesterday, convicted felon and internationally-acclaimed nautical electrocution expert Little Donny Fuckface took part in a ritual that every newly-minted felon in New York must endure: he met his brand-new probation officer and sat for a pre-sentencing interview.

Donny traveled to New York, entered a downtown office building, filled out some paperwork and then sat in a dingy outer office, ignored, waiting for his name to be called.

after waiting for over an hour, it was time for the interview. Donny sat in an uncomfortable chair in a grimy office stacked high with paperwork. the probation officer peppered him with personal questions. Mr. Trump, are you gainfully employed? do you understand why you were convicted? are you remorseful?

he then had to pee in a cup, on the spot, to be tested for drug use.

after the ordeal was over, he stood in front of the building and whined to the assembled media about how unfair the whole thing was. rigged!

no, wait — what am I talking about? actually, none of that shit happened.

Boaty McSharkbattery continues to be treated like a Very Special Boy. he didn’t have to travel to New York for a face-to-face interview. instead, he was allowed to sit in his vermin-infested golf motel and do his interview via a zoom connection.

know who else gets this special kind of consideration? nobody — not one fucking person. they created a whole new exception to the rule for this soft, pampered lifelong criminal.

oh, and he got to have MAGA lawyer Todd Blanche sit beside him and coach him on how to answer — another special privilege no one else gets.

okay, but what about peeing in a cup for a drug test? he still had to do that, right?

don’t make me laugh. Very Special Boys don’t have to pee in any cup. their word is good enough.

somebody please explain to me the logic behind continuing to grant every deference to Donald Trump, because it feels like I’m on crazy pills. what the fuck has he done to deserve it? he hasn’t shown one ounce of remorse. he continues to thumb his nose at the court. he hasn’t stopped attacking the judge. his minions are trying to doxx the jurors.

Donald Trump is a common criminal — and a menace to society — and it’s time to start treating him like one.

every time Donny Fuckstick bitches and moans about how unfairly he’s being treated, I think about Kalief Browder.

I’ve written about Kalief before. he was a 16-year-old black kid from the Bronx. someone accused him of swiping a backpack. he was immediately arrested and sent to Rikers Island. he didn’t get to whine to the press, and he didn’t get a motorcade back to any shitty gold-painted tower either. just fingerprinted, mug-shotted, booked, imprisoned.

Kalief spent the next three years at Rikers — two of them in solitary confinement — waiting for a trial that never came. surveillance footage shows Kalief being beaten by both corrections officers and fellow prisoners.

trial dates were set, and then postponed, and then set again, and then postponed again and again — for three years.

Kalief was swallowed up and forgotten by a faceless system that absolutley did not give one shit about him. when finally, after three years, charges against him were dropped and he was freed, he was so traumatized by the experience that he later took his own life.

when an uncaring system destroys the life of a black teenager, conservatives do cartwheels. that kid was probably guilty of something. but when convicted felon Donald Trump has to experience the slightest inconvenience to his sweet life of golf motels and hate-rallies, holy shit — the whining never ends. so unfair!

let’s ask Kalief Browder if Donald Trump has been treated unfairly. oh wait, we can’t.

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speaking of Very Special Boys, Steal-Stoppin’ Sammy Alito continues to an unrepentant bag of shit. progressive activist Lauren Windsor, pretending to be a conservative, had a conversation with Sammy — and oh, lordy — there are tapes.

As reported by Rolling Stone, Windsor asks, “I don’t know that we can negotiate with the left in the way that needs to happen for the polarization to end. I think that it’s a matter of, like, winning.”

“I think you’re probably right,” Alito answers. “On one side or the other — one side or the other is going to win. I don’t know. I mean, there can be a way of working — a way of living together peacefully, but it’s difficult, you know, because there are differences on fundamental things that really can’t be compromised. They really can’t be compromised. So it’s not like you are going to split the difference.”

Alito really believes he’s on a mission from god.

Windsor goes on to tell Alito: “People in this country who believe in God have got to keep fighting for that — to return our country to a place of godliness.”

“I agree with you. I agree with you,” replies Alito, who authored the Supreme Court’s 2022 Dobbs decision, which reversed five decades of settled law and ended a constitutional right to abortion.

this fucking guy. it’s bad enough that he’s so god-bothered that when it came time to strip women of their right to healthcare, Sammy cited the medieval ravings of some seventeenth-century religious zealot who presided over witch trials — now we find out that in his own mind, Sam Alito believes he’s locked in some to-the-death battle to turn America into a Christofascist theocracy.

just the qualities you want in a Supreme Court Justice, am I right?

Sammy’s wife, Flag-Wavin’ Martha, also got caught on tape — and holy fucking shit, she continues to be an unpleasant piece of work.

“You know what I want?” Mrs. Alito says in the audio. “I want a Sacred Heart of Jesus flag, because I have to look across the lagoon at the Pride flag for the next month.”

these people are so fucking fragile. one glimpse of the wrong flag, and the room starts spinning.

OH MY GOD, A PRIDE FLAG. GET ME TO MY FAINTING COUCH, SAMUEL!

She continued, “This is how I satisfy myself. It’s white and has yellow and orange flames around it. And in the middle is the word ‘vergogna.’ ‘Vergogna’ in Italian means shame — vergogna. V-E-R-G-O-G-N-A. Vergogna.”

WHERE’S MY SPECIAL BELL, SAMUEL? I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR THE WORLD.

grow the fuck up, Maddy. no one gives a shit about your stupid vergogna flag.

but this is the Trump cult. they’re aggressively in your face every second of the day, dressed head to toe in MAGA merchandise, never letting you forget the level of demented devotion they have for Dear Leader.

Martha Alito’s boat, probably.

they festoon every square inch of their their cars, boats and houses with godawful huge Trump flags and banners.

but let them see one little pride flag and they fill their diapers with pungent outrage.

boo fucking hoo, crybabies. deal with it.