’who wants my awesome sperms?’ asks world’s richest pest

hello, ladies! welcome to Elon’s Semen-of-the-Month Club

Apr 17, 2025

the one sure thing about Donny Convict’s Confederacy of Sewer Clowns is that each and every one of them is a fucktacularly broken-inside psycho.

there’s SecDef Kegstand, the ahem alleged sexual-assaulting tosspot who definitely texted war plans to a reporter. then we have ICE Barbie, the puppy perforator who believes her job entails playing dress-up and taking Salvadoran slave-labor selfies. then there’s Bobby Brainworms, the dead-whale-head aficionado obsessed with proving the link between autism and dental hygiene.

but wait — here comes the Space Nazi to outdo them all. his idea of a super-fun time is to cruise his own hellish web site and hit up random women to ask if they’re free to hang out with his sperms.

oh, and then punish the shit out of them when they rightfully tell him to fuck straight off.

“Elon Musk privately DM’ed YouTuber Tiffany Fong and asked her to be inseminated by him. When she refused he unfollowed her on Twitter and cut off premium ad revenue payments of $42,000 a month.”

apparently ‘hey, baby, want to take a ride on Forkship One?’ is a pretty lousy pickup line, so the Space Nazi has had to resort to extraordinary means to find willing vessels for his demon seed.

the Wall Street Journal has published a long article about Elon’s reproductive ahem antics, and — hey, tell me if this sounds super fucking creepy.

While Musk posts sometimes dozens of times a day on X about right-wing politics or his companies, among other things on his mind, he often interacts with lesser-known users. He replies to them and sometimes interacts through direct messages, some of whom he eventually solicits to have his babies, according to people who have viewed the messages.

that’s right, Elon is running his own Sperm-of-the-Month Club — by messaging one potential target after another until he finds an agreeable partner.

Elon is that guy you knew back in college who would go up to every woman in the bar and say ‘wanna fuck?’ — because it didn’t matter how many time he got his face slapped. he figured that eventually, someone would say yes. Elon, however, has managed to find a way to make it even creepier and more predatory: if you agree to accept his hellsperm into your ladyparts, he’s going to pester you about all his other crazypants ideas.

While she was pregnant, Musk had urged her to deliver the baby via caesarean section and told her he didn’t want the child to be circumcised. (Musk has posted on X that vaginal births limit brain size and that C-sections allow for larger brains.) St. Clair is Jewish and circumcisions are an important ritual in the religion, and she decided against a C-section. He told her she should have 10 babies, and they debated the child’s middle name.

let’s talk about this ‘brain size’ thing. Elon is a bottomless well of dumbfuck notions, and this is one of his favorites — he believes that somehow, doing the ol’ vaginal bypass will magically make a baby’s brain grow larger.

that’s not how brains work.

oh, look — Elon’s also running his own spermy multilevel marketing scheme.

During St. Clair’s pregnancy, Musk suggested that they bring in other women to have even more of their children faster. “To reach legion-level before the apocalypse,” he said to St. Clair in a text message viewed by The Wall Street Journal, “we will need to use surrogates.”

“to reach legion-level before the apocalypse” — how fucking carried away with your own imagined grandiosity do you have to be to talk like that? ketamine must be one hell of a drug.

it must awesome be to have the Space Nazi never shut the fuck up about how you should get all your friends to agree to become baby-bakers for the greater good.

oh, and once you’ve got an Elon-bun in your oven, he’s going to bug you about living in Elon Town with all his other Elon Mommas.

Birchall was involved in acquiring the property for a compound in Austin where Musk imagined the women and his growing number of babies would all live among multiple residences, according to a person familiar with the matter.

everything the Space Nazi does just makes me wish we still taxed the obscenely wealthy at a 90% top rate. pro tip: if you can afford to build an entire town and populate it with your quote-unquote legion of offspring — along with all the women you paid to bear them — you have too fucking much money.

so why is Elon so hell-bent on churning out as many kids as possible? because racists gonna racist, that’s why. it’s all part of the grand plan to repopulate the planet with white babies in numbers sufficient to fight off the swarthy hordes of immigrant babies who are definitely coming to live in our houses and steal all our shit.

The conspiracy theory found support in Europe, and has also grown popular among anti-migrant and white nationalist movements from other parts of the West; many of their adherents maintain that “immigrants [are] flocking to predominantly white countries for the precise purpose of rendering the white population a minority within their own land or even causing the extinction of the native population.”

not only does the Space Nazi believe this hateful garbage, he’s using it to justify starving granny.

Elon Musk is claiming, without evidence, that Democrats have been using fraud in entitlements like social security and Medicare to attract immigrants and boost their voting ranks – language that also echoes racist rightwing conspiracy theories.

so, how many demon spawn have Elon’s growing gaggle of partners c-sectioned their way to glory? don’t even bother trying to count — don’t you know that math is woke?

but maybe we need to be thanking our lucky stars that Elon has been content to confine his women-hassling to social media — as opposed to this guy.

MANATEE COUNTY, Fla. – Fred Piccolo, a former spokesperson for Gov. Ron DeSantis who also served in other government communication roles statewide, was arrested Tuesday on a warrant for exposure of sexual organs, Manatee County jail records show.
Piccolo is accused of stopping his car in a neighborhood last month to ask for directions from a woman who was out for a walk. When the woman looked inside Piccolo’s car, she said he was “not wearing any clothes” and “holding his erect penis in his hand.”

dude. this is no way to repopulate a planet.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.