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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

today in Shit That Happened While I Was Busy Writing This Shit —

Donny announces he's going to give a speech about the Iran debacle tonight, and Wall Street predictably gets giddy with glee.

yup, this time Charlie Brown's gonna kick that football a fucking mile.

https://www.reuters.com/business/us-stock-futures-climb-iran-war-de-escalation-optimism-lifts-sentiment-2026-04-01/

arne link's avatar

Yep, more market manipulation means more money for the inside traders. Woo-Hoo.

Linda Weide's avatar

More money for the Trump FnF. Family and Friends.

Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

The Transnational Criminal Syndicate of billionaires cartel as well Linda.

rlritt's avatar

That's exactly it until the public get used to his idiotic back and forth and its baked into the markets.

Linda Weide's avatar

Malcolm Nance is having a watch party for those who are subscribed to his substack. He has predicted that Trump is either going to exit, or go in with ground forces, which he has been saying, as has everyone else in the know, is not a good idea. I will not be watching because I don't watch Trump talk, I just hear about it afterwards from people like Jeff.

My analysis is that all of the owners of big Tech companies are pressuring Trump to end this war right now, because Iran has threatened to blow up all of their headquarters in the Middle East if Trump attacks their energy infrastructure.

https://foreignpolicy.com/2026/03/31/iran-threat-us-tech-companies-irgc-hegseth-strait-hormuz-esfahan-oil-prices/

Iran has planned strategy for decades and updated to prepare for this war, and Trump has entered it on a greedy, grifting whim. NO KINGS, NO ICE, NOW WAR.

See this video. It is crazy ICE Taliban Christian Nationalist stuff. ICE Taliban. https://www.instagram.com/reels/DWj7hH9EU7R/

George in Atlanta's avatar

Tech companies are feeling some kind of way. That reminds me of a funny story from down here in the Peach State. Once upon a time, in a simpler and more innocent age, we had a governor who was staring at a bill to sign which would effectively un-person all gay people in the state and subject them to (more) harassment. The phone rang. On the line was the CEO from Home Depot or Delta Airlines or Coca Cola. The conversation was the same: "Nathan, boy, do yew have any IDEA how many of those folks drink our sugar water/fly our airplanes to Cancun/shop in our highly convenient stores? Now I'm *sure* you have the interests of our company's shareholders in mind as yew go signin' any of those bills. Have a nice day, now, you heah?"

The Governor in our tale promptly shit-canned the lunatics' bill. And that, Children, is how governance works here in America. The End.

Mike Hammer's avatar

A friend of mine in naval intelligence says a ground war has been planned for a long time. I hope he’s wrong, could be a geopolitical disaster.

devourerofpancakes's avatar

Who should we believe, Trump's words or our lying eyes? If troops are being sent to the middle east then we are heading for a ground war.

Jon Notabot's avatar

I think this is very accurate.

rlritt's avatar
2hEdited

Im not sure but dont they always plan to invade some unfriendly enemy just in case.

Chris Hierholzer's avatar

Standing down with that armada would be too much for Trump and Pete. They want to make a big bloody impression after Pete gave this his thoughts and prayers speech. I've seen and lived this shit in Vietnam. There is no glory.

Steve Kelly's avatar

This Vietnam Veteran agrees with you.

Monnina's avatar

Any ground war is a logistical nightmare and, as you write, will definitely be a geopolitical disaster. But when have the Trump Family, the # Maxwell-Epstein class and Maga loyalists ever delivered anything but financial crookery, global chaos and constitutional collapse ? What I am wondering is whether the war hawks and rapture fanatics at the Pentagon are going to be successful at pushing Trump into greenlighting deploying nukes against Iran.

rlritt's avatar

Can someone fill me in because Im not a scientist, but wont nuclear bombs spread nuclear radiation? Won't that go into the ground and into the oil? Can they use oil that's radioactive? Or am I being completely stupid here?

Mike Hammer's avatar

He’ll say “It worked on Japan”.

Monnina's avatar

Fuck. He will. He will not be able resist.

Martha Howell's avatar

"I'm the first president since Truman! None of them had the courage before me!"

SeekingReason's avatar

There is a solution to this and it’s time it gets used.

rlritt's avatar

Think of the money to be made by the military industrial complex.

William Burke's avatar

I think the manpower and seapower being dispatched to the Persian Gulf area is all about making a direct threat to invade Kharg Island - an invasion that would be tactically quite doable. At great human cost, of course, because Iranian drones would be swooping into Kharg Island like a heavy hatch of 17 year cicadas. In the end, I’ve concluded it’s largely just to put more pressure on the Iranians to cave. Given that 80 to 85% of the Iranian GDP accrues from oil exports, I don’t think the Iranian economy can sustain the effects of a closed Straight of Hormuz. Everyone, on all sides, understands this. It’s all performative. More kabuki Theatre.

Martha Howell's avatar

They have all kinds of plans, for all kinds of contingencies, but leadership reviews the risks and potential rewards and makes an educated decision on...<runs out back to start digging a bomb shelter/>

Leu2500's avatar

The Pentagon does a lot of planning for various wars, & not just during the felon's regime. Most never happen.

When you look back at the preparation for the 1st Gulf war, you'll see that this cluster is not how they plan/prepare.

AuntTeeFa's avatar

That sounds more like the radical dean of women we had in high school. Girls sent home for too short skirts, spaghetti straps, patent leather deemed inappropriate, because boys might look up a girl’s skirt lol

Imagine kids today with those mandates😆

arne link's avatar

We had one, too. They did force some people into decent behavior and appropriate dress choices. We learned not to go into an interview in flip flops and wife beater tee shirts.

Paula Dean's avatar

In California, hard to believe but - I got sent home for wearing a split-skirt/culottes, even though they looked like a skirt with a pleat. And sent home because I wasn't wearing pantyhose with my open toed sandals. And sent home for dying my hair back to its natural color, after a disastrous adventure with "Summer Blonde". My mother stormed the principal's office after the haircolor brouhaha, and she was very not-sane-or-sober at the time. I wasn't there to see the scene she caused, but I can imagine. I became an object of pity after that, and learned the dress code(I was a new kid) so I would never make a mistake again.

Jeans weren't allowed until I was a senior.

Nancy's avatar

Summer Blonde! I remember it well. We were deluged with those commercials on tv.

I, too, was sent home in 7th grade for a hem too short. It was one of those “shirt dresses” and it had shrunk a bit.

Sue's avatar

I was in 4th grade in a Catholic school a few months after the Beatles were on Ed Sullivan. You can imagine what the nuns thought of the Beatles and their hair. One nun, with a comb and a supply of bobby pins, more than once, rounded up the girls and boys in their respective bathrooms and proceeded to wet everyone's hair down and pin it to the top of their head - even bangs that were not longer than the eyebrows. I had an abusive father, but this particular nun caused me more PTSD than my father did with her many cruel antics, not just to me, but what I witnessed to other kids. All in the name of god!

Sue's avatar

Oh, and Go-Go Light was my go to hair color but never used it until high school.

Wendymae's avatar
2hEdited

The Ohio state house has already passed a bill that, per Andra Watkins, "gives any man the right to walk up to a woman in public, tell her she isn’t dressed appropriately, and charge her with the crime of indecent exposure." l'm surprised we haven't seen this on a national level yet.

The craziness is speeding up.

Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

Oh, I WISH an asshole would try that on me.

Susan Sanders's avatar

I’d forgotten that they thought patent leather acted as a mirror. I was always in trouble for my short skirts, even when I explained that my mother hemmed them. I also got sent home for a granny dress (down to the ankles) because I looked different. That lesson stayed with me!

Stephen Brady's avatar

In my Junior High School it became a fad for the boys to wear the tails of their button-down collar shirts outside their jeans... one day the principal lined us all up and paddled us in the front hallway of the school for this act of defiance.

Miselle's avatar

⬆️‼️‼️😣

OMG Linda, that Instagram reel! I had not heard about this!

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

There are ground troops on their way to the Middle East now. Following is an excerpt from Heather Cox Richardson March 31st newsletter:

"[T]he USS George H.W. Bush, left its home port, Naval Station Norfolk in Virginia, today to head in the direction of the Middle East, although it is not clear if it will support Operation Epic Fury. According to Alison Bath of Stars and Stripes, the carrier will pick up other elements of the carrier group, including the destroyers USS Ross, USS Donald Cook, and USS Mason, as it crosses the Atlantic. The George H.W. Bush Carrier Strike Group also includes several aircraft squadrons and detachments that make up the 70 or more aircraft in Carrier Air Wing 7, along with more than 5,000 sailors and military personnel.

Nearly 3,500 sailors and Marines from the Tripoli Amphibious Ready Group arrived in the region on Saturday."

Linda McCaughey's avatar

Wonder if Trump will meet them all when they return in body bags.

arne link's avatar

No, he doesn't even call the grieving families. He is such a pig.

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

Not if it interferes with this golf game.

Nancy's avatar

Thanks for the link to the Instagram reel, Linda. That is some fucked up shit they’re doing at ICE detention centers. Not surprising (but infuriating) that DHS would figure out more ways to humiliate and harass immigrants and their families and deny them basic rights. 😤🤬

Theresa Palmer's avatar

You know trump breaks other peoples' stuff and walks away.

Either way this goes, he's still a fuck-up. All the rest of us are fed-up!

I feel sorry for the parents of the soldiers who have died for this insanity.

barb's avatar

Kudos to those kick ass volunteers providing clothing outside of the detention ctr/concentration camp.

Joe Witkowski's avatar

Yesterday, Oracle (Trump’s besties the Ellisons) spared 20 to 30 thousand employees from getting blowed up real good by Iran. 🤦‍♂️

barb's avatar

Regarding the Instagram video, kudos to those kick ass volunteers who are outside that god awful detention ctr. concentration camp with bins of clothing for visitors.

Major Kong's avatar

Trump will probably announce a cease fire.

Unity In Defiance's avatar

The 3 Ring Crime Syndicate continues… Insider trading? I’m old enough to remember Martha Stewart serving time over 45k…

devourerofpancakes's avatar

Apparently he's also going to screw up the reflecting pool. Sure it's only one of THE most iconic parts of the national mall. Might as well knock over the Lincoln and Washington memorials while he's at it.

Beth's avatar

DON'T GIVE HIM IDEAS

arne link's avatar

Maybe turn it into a patio with umbrellas? You know, like the rose garden? Yeah, that's the ticket!

Joe Witkowski's avatar

Penis umbrellas to honor his sons & his cabinet

DuduLovesBubu's avatar

She-at, Let's add sum mud to that thar pool and bring on the swamp buggy races! Yee-Ha!

Suki Herr's avatar

Donald thinks he will intimidate. It’s not as if 6 justices don’t already agree with him.

Trump looks his age. Chances of his dozing off&snoring are very good.

Incontinence??

I won’t even bring up separation of powers.

Trump isn’t going to live forever. There’s a good chance (one way or the

Other) won’t serve out his term.

His 3 oldest children(felons)won’t have the protection of US citizens.

arne link's avatar

Six justices may agree with him, but I think taking away birthright citizenship will be a bridge too far. We are all immigrants, at some level. FFS, Trump's wife is an illegal immigrant. Why did they even accept this case?

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

ALL of Trump's children, with the exception of Tiffany, are Birthright Citizens. Ivana and Melania were not U.S. citizens when they had their kids.

The Supremely Corrupt Court Six will find a way to punt this back to the states.

Suki Herr's avatar

I hope you’re correct. 4 of Trump’s children should lose their protections granted to US citizens should this argument prevail.??

Richard's avatar

I agree with you 100%!

Frank Nuts's avatar

I’m with you Arnie

RZolu's avatar

I was really really hoping for April 1st to be the day for the Big Beautiful Obituary...sigh...

Daniel M Kimmel's avatar

Apparently Jews needn't tune in as many of us will be at the seder table for the first night of Passover. Stephen Miller or Jared couldn't tell him?

AuntTeeFa's avatar

Oh, the agony of a speech

Thankfully, somebody else will watch it for us

Kim Steeves's avatar

Yes, thank God for Jeff, he will watch, listen, digest and then write what is really important, or what completely insane rabbit hole Preznut fell down!!

Thanks Jeff, for taking one for the team!!! We love you!!!

Jon Notabot's avatar

All I've learned over the past stupid decade is this: when Trump speaks, bad things happen - particularly when it's a formal announcement.

Lynn Van Haren's avatar

How many times is Wall Street going to fall for this shit? Iran isn’t even talking to Donny or his representatives! Watch what they DO, not what they SAY

Kim Steeves's avatar

It's not so much "fallen for" it's how many times can they rig the market to buy low, sell high! Over and over again.

George A. Polisner's avatar

Thank you Jeff.

I'm old enough to remember when all the social discussion was around the Epstein-Trump-Maxwell files and Pam "Bribe Me" Bondi's refusal to comply with the Transparency Act signed into law last year.

Does anyone remember all that?

Linda Weide's avatar

Unfortunately it all seems to be tied into this war. According to Zev Shalev there are ties.

Carol C's avatar

Last year was soooo long ago. I love your witty “I’m old enough to remember when,” George.

George A. Polisner's avatar

Thank you Carol -and that phrase is borrowed from others. But I’m old enough to not remember where I saw it first. :)

Frank Nuts's avatar

You’re right George. There’s an awful lot of wag the dog going on

George A. Polisner's avatar

The good news is with technology and data centers -we can track almost all of the crimes and corruption (that we are aware of, so far) simultaneously.

Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

The idea that this administration can get a list of Jewish people at Penn is positively bone-chilling. And it won’t stop with Penn.

Mary Greenwald's avatar

Then the old and infirm. Trump better get a pass on that one!!

SeekingReason's avatar

No problem…He’s 6’3” and 185 lbs…Haven’t you heard? 🙄🤥🤥🤥🤥

arne link's avatar

Sadly, probably true.

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

It's a test balloon to see if he can get away with it. Apparently he can.

Suzeebee's avatar

This is a deeply antisemitic administration using Jews as a means to an end. It Will gleefully discard us when not needed anymore. Very chilling.

Stephen Schiff's avatar

They are just following the historical precedent of the Nazis who early on supported the Zionists but changed their minds because most German Jews thought of Deutschland as their Heimat. I suspect this is also the case at present (But wish that American Jews would be willing to give some tough love to Israel.)

Susie's avatar

Bone-chilling is the perfect descriptor. 😡🤬

rlritt's avatar

Why are they doing this?

2Cats2Furious's avatar

Also, how will Penn even know which of its students and faculty are Jewish? I’ve never seen any secular organization keep track of its members’ religion. Even Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) self-identification surveys don’t track religion, although they include information on other protected characteristics like race and ethnicity.

Is Penn supposed to base the list on last names (“sounds Jewish”)? Membership in affinity groups? A survey to all students and faculty asking them to disclose whether they are Jewish?

Horrible on so many levels.

Miselle's avatar

Someone correct me if I'm wrong.....isn't it reported that Elon was technically here illegally? And HOW many kids has he spawned?

Sperrett's avatar

Elon and Melania both were illegal aliens for a while before they were allowed to buy citizenship. It’s still not clear which planet they came from.

Frank Nuts's avatar

I have that answer for you Sperrett: they come from the planet Grifter Centurion 5 in the Blow Me constellation. They are well respected there

Frank Nuts's avatar

Ouch Miselle! That stung! Someone gonna be butthurt

Carol C's avatar

Technicalities are getting many people into ICE custody.

Kim Nesvig's avatar

But wait! Trump is upset by birthright citizenship because he prefers to sell citizenship to the highest bidders.

Frank Nuts's avatar

Kim, I see what you did there and I’m down with it!

Liz and Max the No. 1 Cat's avatar

I'm not a lawyer, and I'm definitely not a Constitutional scholar, but if the 14th Amendment was supposed to only apply to the babies of slaves, it would have said so. The people who wrote it weren't stupid, unlike Donnie. It says, ALL people born in the US or subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens. And the Supreme Court already ruled on this in the 1800s. A Chinese man born here of immigrant parents sued and the Supreme Court affirmed that ALL persons means ALL persons. Of course, I assume that the people arguing against Donnie's stupid interpretation are smarter than me and will make that argument.

Leu2500's avatar

there's a major precedent on birthright citizenship & it has to do with an Asian-American. The Chinese Exclusion Act, etc refused American citizenship for Chinese (& maybe other Asian) immigrants. But the CHILD of one sued for being refused reentry into the US, or owning property, or something on the grounds that by birth he was an American citizen. And SCOTUS ruled in his favor.

So no, it doesn't just apply to former slaves.

Frank Nuts's avatar

Ya Liz, I thought the cool conservative judges were “originalists” when it came to the constitution — you know: “it says what it says”. Amazing how they bend the constitution to fit their narrative

SethTriggs's avatar

Oh gee, looks like America's Pilonidal Cyst is oozing again!

But we get to be the gauze pack and antiseptic this fall and remove some of the power of his ethnonationalist, racist, transnational criminal syndicate. Make sure your voter registration is active and jump your voter suppression hoops NOW so you're not caught out in the fall.

Mount up and Don't Give Up the Ship!

Frank Nuts's avatar

Good post Seth. You always make me look up words and get smarter but Pilonidal Cyst is a term I won’t mind forgetting; but, I must admit, it’s a very accurate and descriptive term for describing the orange Tasmanian devil

Leu2500's avatar

re Chinese Billionaires. I have a faint memory from the first term. someone in the Kushner family was pitching how "Chinese Billionaires" could get in the US long-term. Was it buying a visa? Was it coming here to have their baby, who would have birth right citizenship?

And then there's a flourishing trade, including in the felon's FL condos, of Russians buying property & having their children here, so they have birthright citizenship.

Every damn thing he says is a confession.

Frank Nuts's avatar

Right Leu—he’s bypassing doing catholic confessions by just blurting out his crimes in public and the press is like: “ well, he said it in public. He’s not hiding it sooo…I guess that makes it ok?”

WTF press—jump on that clown and ride him like a little pony. That’s your job! Don’t just say “Oh well”. Do your job!

rlritt's avatar

The very Chinese do have birthing centers in CA for this reason.

HI2thDoc's avatar

Them fun, fun Noems

Keep inspiring poems

Turns out Bryon’s fetish

Is acting coquettish

With fake boobs that look like domes

Dave Drell's avatar

fetish- coquettish….💋loving it!

HI2thDoc's avatar

I had no choice. Couldn’t find any other words that rhyme

Richard's avatar

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Jane's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

And SCOTUS should get ready for Donny’s visit today by providing him with his own special chair, blanket, pillow and can of Lysol.

arne link's avatar

Oh, Lord how I hope his intestines malfunction while he's there. All the stimulants in the world won't keep him awake. Lawfare is slow and boring and there is no musical score.

Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

He’ll provide both the musical score and aromatherapy.

arne link's avatar

Oh, God! A one-man band? That is comedy gold right there. Thank you for making me laugh out loud this morning.

Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

You make me LOL quite often!

HI2thDoc's avatar

I’m sure SCOTUS will have the ventilation system maxed out for his usual noxious emanations

Dave Drell's avatar

Gas masks provided by Ace Hardware

Richard's avatar

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Leu2500's avatar

Cspan broadcast the audio of oral arguments live. So you can go back & see if you hear him sharting.

Frank Nuts's avatar

And Arne, no photos of things blowing up

john augustine's avatar

don't forget the binky

Frank Nuts's avatar

You’re readin my mail John. There are a lot of like minds here aren’t there?

Sharon Hudnall's avatar

The big gold toilet throne on the mall should work fine, since droopy faced Roberts made him a King. They deserve each other,.

Frank Nuts's avatar

Come on Steph — don’t forget the binky!

Cessna Bob's avatar

What's all the fanfare about building the Trump Library in Florida?? it should only take

15 minutes to throw together a bonfire!

Marie Drozdis's avatar

Trump Library and Lap-Dance Casino.

AuntTeeFa's avatar

Filled with copies of Art of Deal. And Epstein files.

Frank Nuts's avatar

And the rest of the top secret files he kept

SeekingReason's avatar

👍🏼👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Deborah Arapa's avatar

🤞his liarbry is built over a traditional Florida sinkhole.

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

I’m changing outta my hip waders and into the full diving bell regalia. This shit is getting DEEP.

Frank Nuts's avatar

Good one Neal!

Mark Slattery's avatar

I see a marketing campaign for a Mexican or Tex Mex restaurant: EPIC TACO

Frank Nuts's avatar

Good one Mark!

Fred's avatar

We have a war going on that he started without consulting Congress and our allies and now he’s at the Supreme Court trying to overthrow another part of the Constitution. Just a normal day in his miserable life and our existence with this shit show

Frosty McGillicuddy's avatar

So Kristi Noem’s husband was caught

Wearing enormous fakes boobs, and she’s fraught!

“I knew not one whit about it”

Oh right, yeah, I doubt it

She can lie and deceive, but for naught.

It’s actually really quite sad

That the ones who preach hate are so mad

They pretend that they’re pure

And they’re so goddamn sure

“Hey! Everyone else is so bad!”

The hypocrisy’s second to none

While Noem poses with all sorts of guns

Putting innocents down

With a smile, not a frown

Have ya learned anything? It ain’t fun!!

arne link's avatar

Why do all these fake Christians have sexual kink in their background? It's so predictable.

Steph's avatar

one might even say, ironic

rlritt's avatar

Its because they repress sexuality, it manifests in weird ways.......not that there is anything wrong with alternate sexual expression.

Dave Drell's avatar

Frosty gave us 3 today - as good as a

a triple-decker BLT!!

Frank Nuts's avatar

Another good one Frosty!

Charles Austin's avatar

👏👏👏👏👏