who knew penises could be so expensive

and why are Republicans so obsessed with whats inside everyone’s underwear?

“I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. what could it cost? ten dollars?”
— Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development

never underestimate the ability of Donny Convict’s toadies to be both evil and buffoonish at the same time.

yesterday, the crackpots in charge of healthcare — Bobby Brainworms and the Shitblizzard of Oz — announced that they were banning gender-affirming care for minors. that’s the evil part.

now get ready for the clownfuckery. here’s Oz, uttering a sentence you probably never thought you’d hear during an official government press event.

“shockingly, a phalloplasty, the creation of a penis, costs on average in America, according to this data, high quality, $150,000 per child. these prices have continued to increase with increasing manufactured demand … you add testicles, that’s extra.”

apparently, the price of peeners is on the rise. who even knew penis inflation was a thing? and not the fun kind of penis inflation. is this something we can blame on Sleepy Joe Biden?

a hundred and fifty grand for a weenus — a high-quality weenus, at that. because who wants a low-quality unit? spare no expense, I say! who wants people going ‘what the fuck is that’ every time you drop trou?

but come on — let’s get real. who’s paying retail for penises?

look, everyone knows someone. if you really need a trouser hog that bad, there’s always a guy who can hook you up.

even Marjorie Three Toes Greene knows where to find a dick.

and don’t get me started on Handy Oakley.

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this pathological obsession Republicans have about what inside everyone’s underwear is downright creepy.

so now they’re meddling with gender-affirming care. why? because fuck you, that’s why. because they can. because they’re terrified of the very idea of anyone who isn’t straight, white and cis.

none of these hatemongers have the slightest idea what they’re talking about. listen to Whalehead McChainaw, droning on about shit that’s way beyond his ability to comprehend.

“So-called gender affirming care has inflicted lasting physical and psychological damage on vulnerable young people,” Kennedy said. “This is not medicine. It is malpractice.”

you’ll be shocked to learn that actual medical professionals were all ‘shut your ignorant mouth, Bobby.’

The American Academy of Pediatrics pushed back strongly against HHS’s actions.

“These policies and proposals misconstrue the current medical consensus and fail to reflect the realities of pediatric care and the needs of children and families,” said AAP President Dr. Susan J. Kressly.

over to you, Charlotte Clymer, to explain what’s really going on here.

“The science behind gender-affirming care has been endorsed by every major medical organization. This isn’t about science or medicine. It’s about the discomfort many non-trans people feel over the *existence* of trans people.”

exactly. I’m so tired of being ruled over by a fucktangle of bigoted know-nothings, inflicting their own childish insecurities on the rest of us.

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why is anyone even listening to nut-jobs like Brainworms and Oz? why are they using the price of something as an excuse to set policy? they’re out of touch. they’re morbidly wealthy shitwits who have no idea what anything should cost.

gender-affirming care is not the healthcare issue our government needs to be focusing on right now. here’s a real problem that’s in dire need of solving:

there’s a measles epidemic in this country right now. measles, for fuck’s sake. an easily-preventable disease which we had already eradicated in America.

thanks in no small part to Bobby Brainworms’ own crackpot notions about vaccines, we now have almost 2,000 actives cases of the measles in the US right now. that’s up from nearly zero just a few years ago — and the number is increasing every day.

isn’t doing something about that more important than fixating over what’s going on inside some teenager’s underwear?

please leave these people alone. just let them be who they want to be.

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let me highlight just how much we’re being governed by crackpots. here’s a fun fact about Dr. Oz. did you know that he considers himself a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to guzzling piss?

Dr. Mehmet Oz once claimed that medical schools force prospective doctors to drink human urine as part of their training. In an old interview with late-night host Jimmy Kimmel that resurfaced over the weekend, the GOP’s Senate nominee in Pennsylvania elaborated on a seemingly lifelong personal fascination with all things pee.

Oz elaborated in his interview with Kimmel, saying that urine can be helpful to diagnose various illnesses and conditions. “A diabetic’s [urine] tastes like wine, cherry wine,” Oz told a bewildered Kimmel.

fact check: what the fuck is Oz talking about?

Zachary Rubin, MD@rubin_allergy

No medical school requires students to taste urine, unlike what Dr. Oz may have said previously.

12:26 AM · Oct 16, 2022

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859 Reposts · 5.77K Likes

yet Oz is out here tossing back tankards of fresh bladder juice like it’s going out of style, and acting as if it were perfectly normal.

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speaking of dumbfucks who have no idea what they’re doing when it comes to healthcare policy, look at what our Crackpot-in-Chief is up to.

reporter: “more than 20 million Americans are now bracing for their premiums to skyrocket.”

Donny: “they will skyrocket because it was never any good.”

healthcare is a mess in this country because Donny doesn’t actually want to fix anything. he loves it when shit goes sideways. he’s a chaos-junkie who gets off on breaking everything, and then blaming it on someone else.

fixing shit is hard. bread-and-circuses dumbfuckery is easy — and Donny’s come up with a perfectly useless spectacle that he hopes will distact us all from how fucked up everything is.

“in the fall we will host the first ever Patriot Games, an unprecedented four-day athletic event featuring the greatest high school athletes — one young man and one young woman from each state and territory.”

now hold on there just one goddamned minute.

if the idea of ‘American teenagers from each state competing against each other for the amusement of a government of obscenely wealthy autocrats who rule over a nation of poverty-stricken peons’ sounds familiar to you, that’s because it’s the premise of the dystopian novel (and movie) The Hunger Games.

except in The Hunger Games, the teenagers battle each other to the death.

oh shit, I probably shouldn’t even say that out loud. let’s not give Dear Leader any ideas.

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lastly, happy Dead Pedo Bestie Files Release Day to all who observe.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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