what the fuck is a Shield of the Americas?

it’s just Donny’s latest fascist grift, that’s all

for fuck’s sake, this is just what we need — another vanity project so a power-mad, broken-inside piss-baby can feel good about his own loser self.

it’s called the ‘Shield of the Americas.’

I know, right? it sounds exactly like something a ten-year-old boy would doodle on the cover of his notebook while he’s supposed to be paying attention in class. but it’s more than just a stupid name. it’s sort of a Sargent Fuckface’s Lonely Fascists Club Band.

The group of Caribbean and Latin American leaders that will be attending Trump’s summit—entitled “Shield of the Americas”—are fans of his aggressive interventionism, his so-called “war on narco-terror,” and his administration’s attacks on left-wing governments and movements in the region. They have earned their exclusive invitations through various forms of tribute and by pledging their continued loyalty.

lovely. Donny’s assembled a madcap gang of his favorite Caribbean and Latin American despot snugglebunnies — and what are they going to do? fight ‘narco-terrorism.’ fabulous. I have a question: why is it every time Donny gets a bug up his ass about cartels, it’s Venezuelan fishermen who end up blown to smithereens?

this so-called ‘summit’ was held at Trump National Doral Miami, one of Donny’s fugly Florida golf motels — because of course it was. what’s even the point of hobnobbing with your fellow authoritarian tinpots, if you can’t charge them inflated rates for bedbug-infested rooms?

now, I know what you’re going to ask next: did Preznit Fuckwit do that infantile Alpha Dog Dick-Measuring Handshake™, where he yanks the other person’s mitt and tries to throw them off balance? do you even have to ask? of fucking course he did. look at him here with Santiago Peña Palacios, the President of Paraguay.

what a stupid dipshit. by now, everyone knows it’s coming, everyone is prepared for it — and Donny has no idea how much of a weak and insecure buffoon these childish games make him look.

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naturally, Donny could not be prevented from speechifying in front of his fellow American Shielders — and just as naturally, that speech was a shithole mess.

the video clip below is blowing up all over social media right now, because it includes Donny saying ‘I’m not learning your damn language, I don’t have time’ — which is a fuck of a callous thing for a so-called ‘leader’ to say to his allies. but you really have to listen to the entire thing, because it really shows how cuckoo for cocoa puffs this cognitively-impaired jackass has become.

Sleepy Donny can barely fart out a coherent sentence — or even stay on topic — but at least whatever mortician did the embalming job on him yesterday got the color of his face almost right.

“…and in the months ahead, and it’s so good that we got to know so many of you, I mean we’re— so many, and I— I’d love to get to your countries at some point. Marco loves going to your countries. he’s always— at one of these countries. he’ll— he likes your countries the best, okay? you know? ‘where are you?’ and then— ‘I’m in Chile.’ ‘oh good, how’s Chile doing?’ ‘good.’ he likes it, he’s very comf— we all like him, right? he— it helps— he’s got a language, uh, he’s got a language advantage over me. ’cause I’m not learning your damn language, I don’t have time. I was okay with languages, but I’m not gonna spend time learning your language, that much I won’t do. just give me an interpreter — INTERPRETER! VERY IMPORTANT! and I know if somebody’s good. I may not speak the language but I know— I had an interpreter recently who wasn’t good, talking to a very strong person from a different part of the world, and I could tell, even though I— even though— I don’t speak the language, I could tell the interpreter was not good. when you go ‘uh, uh, uh’ — when I give a long, flowing beautiful sentence, and in this case it was a woman, and she gave in it about one fourth the time, I said well, their language could be efficient, but it’s not that efficient.”

who among us hasn’t been dissatisfied by the fluency of translator while we were ‘talking to a very strong person from a different part of the world’? it’s so relatable!

I genuinely feel sorry for anyone whose job is to translate Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants’ incoherent pigfuck word salad into another language, in real-time. I hope the woman who Donny is whining about got extra pay for hazardous duty. she fucking well earned it.

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I have a question: how much is Donny making off this Shield thing? because you know that a mob boss always get his cut.

members of his dumb-ass Peace Board have to pony up a billion dollars — so how much does it cost to join Sargent Fuckface’s Lonely Fascists Club Band?

everything is a grift for this goniff — every fucking thing. need proof? here you go: right in the middle of his speech to his fellow fascists, Donny starts whining about how unfair it is that he has to give away political endorsements for free. shouldn’t he be getting paid? it’s obvious that this isn’t the first time he’s thought about it.

“congratulations. that’s an endorsement. I love when I give endorsements and people win. but you know I— they don’t lose. you know— I don’t know, I guess it would be illegal. you imagine if I could— they spend millions and millions and millions of dollars on a campaign. they’re losing. and they beg me for an endorsement. I give it to ’em, an endorsement, they win by thirty points — and I get nothing. if I could sell that— is there a way— do we have any of our legal people here, little— Marco’s close enough. is there a way I could get paid for that, Marco? I’d make a lot, they spend millions of dollars, and I— give it for nothing.”

shut the fuck up, you unquenchable pit of greed. it’s bad enough that Donny sells pardons, and it’s bad enough that he sells access. now he has to sell endorsements. everything has to be a transaction — what’s in it for the Big Guy?

he’s such an eternal embarrassment — he can’t go five minutes without cooking up some corrupt scheme to fleece the rubes.

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here’s the other fucked-up thing that Donny did yesterday. he traveled to Dover, Delaware, to witness the transfer of the coffins of the six service members who died in the don’t-call-it-a-war with Iran.

all well and good, right? sure, I guess so — except for the part where Dear Leader showed up wearing a white baseball cap with “USA 45-47” emblazoned on in gaudy gold letters.

a fucking baseball cap — because that’s what you do when you’re a malignant toad who couldn’t give a rancid shit about paying proper respects to the ‘losers and suckers’ you sent to die in an unnecessary, unprovoked and illegal war.

oh, and you’re supposed to bow your head, you disrespectful fuck. look, Donny — even your piss-drunk Secretary of Whatever The Fuck He Imagines He Is knows to do it.

who does this? who plants a crappy ballcap on top of their clowntastic rat’s nest of cotton candy hair, looks in the mirror, and goes ‘oh yeah, I look good. I’m gonna knock ’em dead at this coffin thingie’?

look at the fuckery Fox News pulled: the used years-old archival footage of a previous transfer, in order to mislead their audience.

“Wow — as first spotted by BadFoxGraphics, Fox & Friends this morning used *old footage of a previous dignified transfer* to mislead their audience about the fact that Trump wore a baseball cap during the one yesterday.”

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by the way, what Dear Leader wore is the same shitty cap that you can buy in the White House gift shop. look how proud he is of his eternally tasteless greed.

this cheesy cap costs an outrageously inflated fifty-five dollars — because, as always, everything is a grift.

this is probably a good place to note that my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™ is now in its 2,168th day.

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here are your heroes of the day: the activists who put up signs along a Rt. 4 overpass in Paramus, NJ, that read ‘WAR CRIMES DON’T HIDE SEX CRIMES.’

and listen to all the passing cars honking in agreement!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

have a great Sunday, everyone.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.