what the fuck does Fox News think it’s doing

in which Jesse Watters and Fox engage in a little jury tampering

let’s take a closer look at the situation that led a juror to be excused from Trump’s trial.

because Donny Fuckstick and his merry band of violent cultists are a collective menace to society, precautions have to be taken to ensure the anonymity of the jurors in his trial. at the start of each day of jury selection, the defense is given a sheet of paper with the prospective jurors’ names. they’re not allowed to photograph the list. they can’t copy it. they have to hand it back at the end of the day.

apparently, these measures were not enough to assure the safety of everyone involved, because smirking Fox News fratboy Jesse Watters — who apparently thinks endangering the life of an innocent person is an amusing joke — challenged his viewers to connect the dots and figure out who the jurors were.

“juror number two. a nurse from the upper east side, with a masters degree. she’s not married, has no kids, lives with her fiancee who works in finance. she gets her news from The New York Times, Google, and CNN. she said two things that really stuck out. one quote: ‘I really don’t have an opinion of Trump,’ and quote ‘no one is above the law.’ I’m not so sure about juror number two.”

within seconds, juror number two’s phone started blowing up, with friends and family members calling and texting. is this you, are you the juror they’re talking about on Fox News?

mission accomplished, Jesse. this poor woman is now terrified to show up and do her job. so yesterday morning, she asked to be excused from the trial.

Jesse Watters and Fox News are guilty of jury tampering. will anything happen? will there be consequences?

don’t expect Fox News to discipline Watters — they’re totally down with this fuckery. they love Watters. he’s the guy they hand-picked to replace Tanner Ballsack, and he’s bringing them attention — and ratings.

for fuck’s sake, Watters was back at it again last night, hinting at the identities of more jurors.

but at least the mainstream media was above this kind of reckless clickbaitery, right? surely The New York Times wouldn’t stoop to this level of —

jesus h. christ on a corroded candy cane.

fuck no, New York Times, I don’t want to meet the jurors. I want them to be left alone to do their jobs in peace and then allowed to fade back into obscurity.

look, I get that there are reporters present in court, overhearing the exchanges between prospective jurors and the lawyers and prosecutors questioning them, but come on — the press is putting these peoples’ lives in danger. we’re dealing with a vengeance-obsessed mob boss who leads an army of gun-toting worshipers. read the fucking room, New York Times.

how about a little journalistic discretion for once — is that really too much to ask?

how stunning is it that this is where we are as a country: ordinary citizens have to worry about would happen to them if a former president discovered who they are.

no one has ever had to live in fear that Joe Biden would find out their identity, just saying.

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Donald Trump has been a soft, pampered piece of shit his entire life. he surrounds himself with toadies and lickspittles who defer to him all day long and fatten him on a steady diet of flattery. he’s got a button on his desk — press it and some flunky scurries in with a can of diet coke. in the White House, they had a guy whose job it was to walk around with a boom box and play show tunes in order to calm Donny down from whatever he was in ketchup-chucking rage about. I shit you not, this dude was called “the Music Man.”

all of which makes it super fucking hilarious that Trump is now being forced to sit in a courtroom like some ordinary Joe and endure the minor inconveniences that the rest of us learned to deal with ages ago — and it’s driving him batty.

“it’s a shame. it’s a shame. and I’m sitting here for days now, from morning til night, in a freezing room. freezing. everybody was freezing in there.”

oh boo fucking hoo, you entitled toddler. wait until you find out just how cold a prison cell is.

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that said, Donny is still able to get away with shit that would land anyone else in a world of trouble.

at one point — in a huge violation of courtroom rules — Trump took out his phone and started playing with it. his lawyer elbowed him, and, with a show of great annoyance, Donny put the phone back in his pocket. but why was he even allowed to have it? why wasn’t it confiscated?

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Trump continues to act like a ginormous dick to everyone around him.

“In my over 20 years practicing criminal law, I have never observed a defendant refuse to stand and face the jury. Any competent lawyer would tell their client that his fate is in the jury’s hands and they will watch everything he does. Trump’s disrespect for the jury is unwise.”

it’s more important for this self-destructive imbecile to play I’m God-Emperor For Life and I show deference to no one than try to win the jury over to his side.

expressing nothing but withering contempt for our system of justice is the winning strategy that saddled Donny with a half a billion dollars in judgments in his civil trials, so why not pull the same shit in a criminal trial? what could possibly go wrong?

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Trump isn’t just making life difficult for himself — he’s fucking shit up to the point where his ace team of parking garage lawyers can’t properly do their jobs.

one common courtesy in a trial is for the prosecution to give the defense advance warning of who the next day’s witnesses will be, to give them a chance to prepare their lines of questioning.

but not in this trial, and not with this defendant.

Before court broke for the day, Blanche asked that prosecutors disclose their first three witnesses in advance.

Steinglass refused, saying Trump has been tweeting about witnesses. “We’re not telling him who the witnesses are.”

Merchan: “I can’t fault them for that.”

ace job, fuckface. no notes. keep up the good work.

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finally, who created this meme? I spit out my coffee when I saw this.