what kind of dumbfuck brings a machete to his polling place? the MAGA kind.

what are these imbeciles thinking?

sometimes you have to wonder if Donny Convict’s deranged cultists are wandering around with rancid tapioca pudding between their ears.

just look at them. they’re out here doing the dumbest shit imaginable. I’m talking ‘hey, what if I shove this fork into this electrical outlet’ levels of stupid.

actions generally have consequences — but these low-wattage nitwits are gallivanting about, actioning up a storm, and then being all what the fuck, bro when life ends up consequencing the shit out of their ass-hattery.

today’s, lets check in on a couple of MAGAs who fucked around and were totally shocked about finding out.

Alexa, show me one thing you should never do at your polling place.

you read that right. 18-year-old Caleb James Williams took a huge fucking knife down to his local polling place, and thought he’d sort of lighten up the mood by waving it in the faces of people who were trying to vote.

After exchanging words with a 54-year-old woman and a 71-year-old woman, Mr. Williams brandished a machete at them, according to the Neptune Beach police chief, Michael J. Key Jr. Police officers responded quickly to a 911 call.

Mr. Williams has been charged with aggravated assault on a person 65 or older, improper exhibition of a firearm or dangerous weapon and voter intimidation or suppression.

what did Caleb imagine would happen when he pulled out his humongous blade? did this imbecile think everyone was going to laugh? oh look at the silly kid and his big knife.

I’ll bet Caleb was genuinely fucking shocked when the cops showed up and handcuffed him. he definitely didn’t think it through. did he expect that the police would just tell him to knock it off, and then let him off with a couple of noogies and then send him on his way?

I’m sure that Caleb has no idea just how much his white privilege kept him alive. imagine how the cops would have reacted if they got a call that a black man was running around downtown Neptune, FL, waving around a machete.

is this what happens when MAGA sees Dear Leader break one law after another, and never suffer consequences? does MAGA think that they all get to be Very Special Boys, too?

now, I hear you saying, ‘but Uncle Jeff, Caleb is a teenage kid. kids do stupid shit all the time. certainly a full-grown cultist wouldn’t be so dumb.’

au contraire, mon frere.

A Republican former congressional candidate was charged with stealing ballots during a test of a voting system in Madison county, Indiana, state police said on Tuesday.

During the test on 3 October, which involved four voting machines and 136 candidate ballots marked for testing, officials discovered that two ballots were missing, according to the Indiana state police.

the Madison County Board of Elections was running a test of their voting machines, just to make sure everything was hunky-dory. it’s standard operating procedure before any election. but when all was said and done, two ballots were missing — and so they checked the security camera footage. lo and behold, there was failed MAGA congressional candidate Larry Savage, furtively stuffing the two ballots down his pants.

the stupid fuck didn’t even try to hide his clumsy crime spree.

After this, Savage is seen leaning over to a woman in attendance and saying “f***ed up count.” Less than 10 minutes later, Savage is seen leaving the building and showing a man the ballots in his pocket. The man then pats Savage on the back and Savage gets into his car and leaves.

Larry’s obvious mistake was not having a pool boy and a butler handy to destroy the incriminating footage, like Dear Leader did, in order to hide his crimes down in Motel-a-Lago

Larry, like Caleb, was fucking shocked to find himself cuffed and arrested.

“If you go to Payless, or go wherever, it says sample and you usually can take a sample,” Savage said, according to Fox59. “So that is the way I took it. I thought they were fake fucking ballots.”

Speaking with Fox59, Savage claimed that he was an elected official and that he was “just trying to fight for our country.” (Savage, a businessman, came sixth out of eight candidates in the Republican primary.)

what’s the big deal? Larry is just “fighting for his country.” he definitely doesn’t have time for your stupid little witch hunts.

Savage reportedly began blaming other Madison County officials for this becoming a criminal incident, telling officers that “this is all political bulls**t is all it is.”

you have to love these MAGA idiots who blither forth into the world with the harebrained idea that ‘I’m going to prove how easy it is to commit voter fraud’ — and the only thing they end up proving is how easy it is to get caught committing voter fraud.

would any one of these dumbfucks walk into a bank with the intent to prove how easy it is to rob a bank?

I wish they would.

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now let’s check in on Dear Leader, fully exercising his right to be a Very Special Idiot.

“[Liz Cheney] is a very dumb individual, very dumb. she’s a radical war hawk. let’s put her with a rifle standing there with nine barrels shooting at her, okay? let’s see how she feels about it. you know, when the guns are trained on her face.”

just perfectly normal stuff from a perfectly normal presidential candidate, days before a perfectly normal election.

just what is Donny insinuating here? lest anyone forget, Donny is a convicted felon who is currently out on bail. could you or I get away with saying shit like this?

what’s it going to take for this fucker’s actions to have a single consequence?

what a great role model Donny is for idiots like Caleb James Williams and Larry Savage — and all the other MAGA fools who believe that laws only apply to other people.

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fuck Donny Convict. fuck MAGA. let’s go out on a high note. Aubrey Plaza has a message for the asshole who called Puerto Rico a ‘floating island of garbage.’

“as a Puerto Rican woman, I just wanted to very quickly respond to the racist joke that was made at that Trump rally, about Puerto Rico, where most of my family is from. thankfully, my sweet Abuelita wasn’t here to hear that disgusting remark — but if she was alive today, I think she would say, ‘Tony Hinchcliffe, go fuck yourself.’ and yes, the Wall Street Journal can quote me on that.”

four days to the election. if we vote, we win.