we could all use a Good News Monday

Kamala’s up, Donny’s down, and JD’s a clown

Jeff Tiedrich

Sep 23, 2024

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let’s start the week off right. a lot of good shit happened over the weekend. let us count the ways.

Kamala Harris enjoys a historic boost in popularity.

Kamala’s approval rating has soared 16 points since she announced her candidacy on June 22. here’s NBC’s Steve Kornacki to break it down.

“the view, the overall perception of Kamala Harris — remember, before she got in the race, a lot of talk that her numbers didn’t look better than Biden’s. she was 32 positive and 50 negative before getting in this race, and now this is what you see.”

now, why is Kamala’s 16-point jump historic? because that kind of increase just doesn’t happen these days in our deeply-divided nation. the last time a politician got this kind of approval bump was the morning of September 11, 2001, when George W. Bush did such a bang-up job of reading My Pet Goat to schoolchildren that the entire country threw their support behind him.

endorsements for Kamala keep on keeping on.

More than 700 former national security and military officials endorsed Kamala Harris for president over Donald Trump in the 2024 election in an open letter published Sunday by National Security Leaders for America.
“This election is a choice between serious leadership and vengeful impulsiveness,” said the group, which is made up of bipartisan senior leaders who served in the military and other offices and agencies.
The signatories include 15 retired four-star generals, 12 former Cabinet-level officials, eight service secretaries, more than 120 ambassadors and three Trump-era officials: Retired U.S. Army Gen. Peter Chiarelli, former Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff retired four-star Gen. Paul Selva and retired Major Gen. Eric Thorne Olson.

gee, it’s hard to believe that national security professionals would call the ketchup-hurling rage-monkey who had to be talked out of nuking a hurricane “impulsive and ill-informed,” but who are we to disagree?

so for those you of keeping score at home, it’s —

Kamala Harris’s endorsements: generals, diplomats, national security advisors, former Trump administration officials, Taylor Swift, Oprah, the Obamas, the Clintons, the Bidens and the Cheneys.

Donny Convict’s endorsements: Hulk Hogan, Kid Rock and the guy who played Hercules on TV.

Team Trump admits that Elderly McGolfer is too old to campaign.

have you noticed that Donny Convict hasn’t been holding very many hate-rallies lately?

there’s a reason, Team Trump tells Axios: he’s too old to campaign. yes, they actually came right out and said this.

People in Trump’s camp give three primary reasons he's hitting the road less this time, Axios’ Sophia Cai reports:
He’s a known quantity. The campaign feels less need to define him or his candidacy for voters this time around.
Rallies are expensive. Trump’s campaign managers this cycle are keeping a closer hold on the purse strings.
He’s older, and more inclined to spend his time at Mar-a-Lago.

holy fuckballs, Batman. can you imagine if Joe Biden were still in the race, and his people made this stunning confession? it would be front page news on every paper in the country, from The New York Times all the way down to the Dogpatch Pennysaver.

but we don’t live in that timeline. we live in the one where “Donny’s too old to campaign” gets a one-line mention on a web site, and the entire media ecosystem can’t be bothered to notice.

Mark Robinson’s campaign circles the drain.

gee, it turns out that calling yourself a “black Nazi” and posting pornographic screeds about how much you want to fuck your wife’s sister can be hazardous to your campaign. whooda thunk it?

Campaign spokesman Mike Lonergan said Sunday that Conrad Pogorzelski, general consultant and senior advisor; Chris Rodriguez, campaign manager; Heather Whillier, finance director; and Jason Rizk, deputy campaign manager, had left the campaign.

would the last person to leave the Robinson campaign please turn out the lights?

the people who worked the closest with Mr. Black Nazi have more integrity than the national Republican Party, because all of them are still doing the Mark Robinson? I have no idea who you’re talking about, oh look at the time, I have to be somewhere else thing.

even Fox News knows that rounding up women and children isn’t going to play well.

Donny showed up on Fox yesterday, interviewed by Sharyl Attkisson.

Attkisson: “you’ve talked about a mass deportation program. how is that practically possible? because a lot of the millions of people have had children here who are American citizens, and don’t you think the first time there’s an image on television of a family tearfully being told to board a bus, that that whole program would end?”

Donny: “that’s right. if you take a young woman with two beautiful children and you put her on a bus, and it ends up on the front page of every newspaper, it makes it a lot harder.”

Attkisson: “so yes to mass deportation even of women and children?”

Donny: “we’re going to look at it very closely. the way you phrase it is exactly right. you put one wrong person onto a bus or onto an airplane and your radical left lunatics will try and make it sound like the worst thing that’s ever happened.”

this woman — on Fox News, of all places — is trying so hard to get Agolf Shitler to understand that rounding up millions of migrants is going to be a disaster, and the heartless bastard just doesn’t get it.

yeah, you keep “looking at it very closely,” bro.

Couchfuck McGee continues to be the worst campaigner in the history of the universe.

“it’s so amazing when you have kids and you get to see how innate their personalities are. so the seven-year-old is probably somewhere around here reading a book. he’s like his mother. and the four-and-a-half-year-old is much more like his dad, he’s probably trying to find a building to burn down.”

HA HA HA MY SON BURNS SHIT DOWN! IT’S SO RELATABLE, WHY AREN’T YOU FELLOW MEAT SACKS LAUGHING WITH ME.

Couchfuck, did you just call your son an arsonist? did you just confess to being an arsonist?

here’s another thing Molester McSofa said this weekend:

“Yes, buddy. Want some eggs? Let's talk about eggs. Because these guys [pointing to his kids] actually eat about 14 eggs every single morning.”

seven eggs a day? has JD Vance actually met his children? or any child at all? maybe the hatchlings on JD’s home world require that much daily cholesterol, but come on, bro — you’re on Planet Earth now. maybe try to learn our customs already.

here’s one more thing JD did at that same grocery story photo op: he claimed that he had just spent $4.25 for a dozen eggs, because welcome to life in Komrade Kamala’s hellish dystopia — except he did so while standing in front of a sign that read “EGGS EXTRA LARGE $2.99”