undead president desperate to change the subject from his dead pedo bestie

Massie and Khanna want to force a vote to release the full Epstein files

finally, after seven days of avoiding the media — leaving us all to wonder if the old fuckwit had been grimly reaped or what — United States President Cankles McRottinghand held a press conference. it was, of course, a shit-show.

Donny kept everyone waiting. the presser, which had been announced for 2pm, didn’t get off the ground until after 2:45. why the holdup, did the eggbeater Donny uses to comb what’s left of his hair get stuck in that piss-frosted mess? because that’s what it looks like.

so, what was Donny so hot to tell us about?

stop the presses, because Dear Leader is moving the Space Command from Colorado to Alabama — and, you’ll be shocked to learn, it’s for the dumbfuckiest reason imaginable.

“the problem I have with Colorado, one of the big problems, is they do mail-in voting. they went to all mail-in voting, so they have automatically crooked elections, and we can’t have that. a state is for mail-in voting, that means they want a dishonest election, because that’s what that means.”

oh, please. again with this ‘mail in voting, so corrupt, so dishonest’ nonsense.

fact check: fuck straight off.

that’s Donny filling out his mail-in ballot, from a promotional video the White House released in 2019, touting the advantages of voting by mail. but that was before Donny got his electoral ass handed to him in 2020, and decided to blame his humiliating loss on, among other things, mail-in voting.

what a dumb fucking reason to move the Space Command, because ballots. just when you think that Donny couldn’t possible get any more childish, he proves you wrong.

so why did Donny hold a press conference about moving an office? why did he get the couchfucker and the dunk-tank clown to stand next to him, in front of the cameras, just to announce an administrative procedure? couldn’t that have just been a press release?

well, of course it could have — and should have been — but Donny had get in front of a camera to prove he wasn’t really most sincerely dead. the main reason to hold that presser, however, was because dead pedo bestie, that’s why.

Donny knew the House would be releasing the Epstein Files later that day, and he was desperately trying to change the subject.

The House Oversight and Government Reform Committee on Tuesday night released 33,295 pages of documents related to convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein as a bipartisan group of lawmakers seeks more transparency from the Trump administration on the subject.

thirty-three thousand pages? wow, no wonder Donny needed to get people talking about anything else.

hey, you wanna see the files that Comer Fudd released? here you go.

nice.

okay, but certainly not all thirty-three thousand pages are blacked out. what about all that stuff that isn’t? well, don’t get excited about that, either — because when the White House sent the Files over to Congress, they pulled a fast one.

But the highly anticipated tranche of documents provided to Congress by the administration appears to mostly contain information that was already in the public domain, drawing complaints from Democrats and doing little to tamp down an effort in the GOP-controlled House to force the Trump administration to turn over more documents.

“The 33,000 pages of Epstein documents [the committee chairman] has decided to ‘release’ were already mostly public information,” Rep. Robert Garcia (California), the panel’s ranking Democrat, said in a statement. “To the American people — don’t let this fool you.”

Garcia said in a statement that 97 percent of the documents contained information the Justice Department and other law enforcement agencies had already disclosed.

so, the White House sent Congress a bunch of stuff we already knew about, and redacted the rest. if you think that’s bullshit, you’re not alone.

remember that pesky little ‘discharge petition’ that Thomas Massie and Ro Khanna threatened to file way back in July? it would have forced the White House to release all the files.

Holy Mike Johnson was all this aggression will not stand, man, and he adjourned all of Congress for the rest of the summer. he sent everyone home, fuckity-bye, just so he wouldn’t have to deal with Massie and Khanna. what a weaselly little profile in cowardice.

yeah, well boo-yah, Holy Mike. summer’s over, Congress has been gaveled into session, and guess what: Tom and Ro are back, baby — and so is their discharge petition. they’re serving the White House a big slice of Go Fuck Yourself Pie.

Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.) formally filed a long-promised discharge petition Tuesday to force action on his bill with Rep. Ro Khanna (D-Calif.) to require the Trump administration to publicly disclose files and information related to convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

The petition, if it reaches 218 signatures, would circumvent House GOP leadership to force action on the resolution.

put that in your pipe and smoke the shit out of it, bro — and oh, look who’s already signed on.

Three GOP women lawmakers — Reps. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.), Nancy Mace (R-S.C.), and Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) — have signed on to support Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.) and Ro Khanna (D-Calif.) in their bipartisan effort to secure the release of files related to convicted child predator Jeffrey Epstein.

even Nancy Mace — America’s Self-Appointed Bathroom Panty Inspector — has signed on. and speaking of Nance, there was a closed-door meeting in the House yesterday, during which victims of Donny’s dead pedo bestie told their stories to members of Congress. what they said must have been pretty fucking harrowing, because Mace left the meeting in tears.

of course, Nancy Mace is a performative-nonsense peacock who always has to make everything about herself.

but still, she did put her name on that discharge petition.

---

when Donny heard the news about the petition, he went completely fucking apeshit.

The House of Representatives is weighing a bipartisan effort to force a vote on the full release of documents pertaining to convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, but President Donald Trump is actively discouraging Republicans from backing it.

That’s according to a statement the White House released Tuesday evening, which was tweeted by NOTUS reporter Daniella Diaz.

“A White House official says on Massie’s discharge petition: ‘Helping Thomas Massie and Liberal Democrats with their attention-seeking, while the DOJ is fully supporting a more comprehensive file release effort from the oversight committee, would be viewed as a very hostile act to the administration.’”

pro tip: innocent people don’t work this hard to block the release of files that supposedly prove their innocence. there is no doubt that Donny’s name has to be all over that shit.

a ‘very hostile act’? what the fuck does that mean? is the Mad King going to send the National Guard to occupy Congress? because I hear that’s his new favorite move. in fact, that was the other thing he was so hot to announce yesterday.

“we’re going in [to Chicago]. I didn’t say when. we’re going in.”

Donny won’t say when, but according to Illinois Governor JB Pritzker, the Guard is already massing outside Chicago.

“BREAKING: Gov. JB Pritzker says the Trump administration has sent the Texas National Guard to Great Lakes Naval Base outside Chicago, awaiting orders to deploy to Chicago. Trump administration officials will target Mexican Independence Day (Sept. 16) celebrations.”

lovely, Donny is going to do a fascism on a Mexican holiday, because that’s how racists roll.

‘but wait a minute, Uncle Jeff,’ I hear you asking, ‘didn’t a judge just rule that it’s illegal for Donny to use the National Guard to occupy cities?’

yes, that’s exactly what a judge ruled yesterday.

The Trump administration illegally used thousands of military troops in Southern California, a federal judge said on Tuesday, in a ruling that accused the president of effectively turning nearly 5,000 Marines and National Guard soldiers into a “national police force.”

so, if Donny just got smacked upside the head for his California fuckery, how is he going to do the same in Illinois?

well, because Donny is Donny. he’s not going to let stupid things like laws and rulings hold him back. also, he thinks he’s found a loophole. according to the legal eagles on social media, the Guard in Chicago will remain under the command of Texas Governor Greg Abbott.

“If it’s under Title 32 authority, the Texas guard remains under state control. That would mean that one state is deploying armed forces into the territory of a non-consenting state. And that’d clearly be a violation of the principle that states are co-equal, territorially limited sovereigns.”

NOW HOLD ON THERE. WAIT JUST ONE FUCKING MINUTE, BECAUSE I HAVE A QUESTION.

isn’t one state militarily invading another, um, y’know — a civil war?

I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. all I know is we are so through the looking glass right now — and it’s only Wednesday, and shit just keeps piling up.

could all this news please stop happening? slow the fuck down, America needs to catch its breath.

the main thing you need to know about any coming civil war is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

828 / 917