298 Comments

Very grateful for your sanity-preserving, thought-provoking, super-adjective-laced consecutive streak @JeffTiedrich!

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Jeff, I know these things don't write themselves. But you write as if they write themselves!!!

it's a depressing thought but your talent was made for this situation. Without Trump, you couldn't be as good as you are. The greatest doctors and firefighters are made by horrible events.

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I'll bet Jeff would be just as amazing if Trump was rotting away in prison and the only idiot narcissist worthy of coverage was Elon Musk.

In fact, I'll but Musk could elevate Jeff to a Pulitzer. Or at least catapult Jeff to winner of the 2024 Global Achievement in the Use of Adjectives Used in Conjunction with an Idiot Narcissist.

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Jeff, your writing and the comments are definitely a boon for sanity. All of the outrageous things! Mind-blowing events receive the treatment they so richly deserve. Thank you 💙🇺🇲💙🇺🇲💙💟

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@JeffTiedrich -happy to write an acceptance speech on your behalf. 🤓🏆

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It amazes me that some people think Musk is smart. Ever hear him in an interview? He's a moron.

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It is telling that we live in a world where intellectuals and scientists have almost no access to media amplifying their thoughts and reasoning, while an idiot narcissist like Musk is placed upon a media pedestal and given 24x7 access for any toxic stupidity spewing from him. Notably a media already responsible for elevating the incompetent and criminally corrupt Trump to the presidency.

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I'm begging him for a poster of that.

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Oh I don’t know. Once trump is in prison (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!) there is an unlimited supply of fucking idiots for Jeff to write about - every republican in congress, Elon Musk, etc.

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I saw one of the reports on what the judge said to Blanche yesterday and there was something about this not necessarily having a prison term attached. This is a really really low level felony. No matter how much we'd love to see him in jail, I just don't think it's going to be this one. We might have a better chance he hits his tipping point and has to go into locked-in for his own safety mental institution type place.

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He probably won’t get jail time for this one but there are 3 others in the works. I want to see his fat orange ass in prison until death for the January 6 debacle. Thats the most important one - and that judge needs to be removed from that case. She is aiming for a SCOTUS position and will not be impartial.

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Cannon is messing up one of those. If he's re-elected, eeek, that will completely go away as will any federal one. So we need to take friends with us to vote as well.

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May 29·edited May 29

But we can still call him the “convicted felon” former guy, providing he is convicted.(🙏🏼🤞🏻).

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And we will, every time he comes up.

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My thoughts exactly! He can start with my fuckface governor Greg Abbott 😡

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And thanks to Mrs Jeff as well😉 (do not mean to be sexist here, just acknowledging your partner!)

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I second the motion!

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Mrs. Jeff is at https://claudialong.substack.com

...and I heard she often flies @JeffTiedrich 's articles upside-down. :)

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Here here!

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The Jury's Up

_______

The Trump trial has reached its fever pitch, a climax of raw, unfiltered testimony that's left the jury reeling. For five weeks, they've been bombarded with the sordid details of Trump's hush-money scheme, a twisted tale of deceit and betrayal that's enough to make even the most hardened cynic blush.

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Trump's team, with their silver tongues and slick suits, tried to spin a yarn about their client being the hapless victim of a bitter ex-employee, Michael Cohen. They painted a picture of a president too engulfed in the chaos of his own making to notice the details of the scheme. But anyone with half a brain could see through their flimsy defense.

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The prosecutors, on the other hand, didn't hold back. They spent six relentless hours laying bare the ugly truth of Trump's deceit. They exposed how he falsified business records to cover his tracks, how he repaid Cohen for the $130,000 hush payment to Stormy Daniels, all to smother the scandal before the 2016 election. By the time they rested their case at 8 PM, the jury was left with the weight of history on their shoulders.

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The defense tried to smear Cohen as a venomous liar, out for blood. They called his testimony a twisted fairy tale, suggesting doctored evidence and deceit. But their arguments were as flimsy as a house of cards in a hurricane.

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Prosecutor Joshua Steinglass, in a masterclass of legalese and plain talk, zeroed in on the smoking gun – a document detailing the repayment plan to Cohen. He scoffed at the defense's claim that Trump was too busy with the affairs of state to notice the payments. He drove the point home: Trump, the self-proclaimed frugal micromanager, knew exactly where every dollar went.

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The case wasn't about Cohen's vendetta, Steinglass argued, but Trump's blatant falsification of business records. Cohen was merely a guide, leading the jury through the labyrinth of Trump's deceit.

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The jury now holds the gavel, the final arbiters of justice in this sordid drama. Trump's guilt is as clear as the cold, hard facts – and now it's time for the hammer to fall. The curtain's up on the final act, and the world is watching with bated breath to see if justice will be served and I'm betting the jury will vote guilty by Monday. They're not a bunch of wide-eyed rubes fresh off the turnip truck, these are smart, savvy New Yorkers who can smell a long con from a mile away

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Trump may have thought he could pull the wool over their eyes with his slick lawyers and his smoke and mirrors, but these jurors are cut from a different cloth. They're the kind of people who know that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

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They've sat through five weeks of this circus, watching as the prosecution peeled back the layers of Trump's deceit like an onion, exposing the rot at the core. They've heard the testimony, seen the evidence, and now they're ready to render their verdict.

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I've got a feeling that come Monday, the hammer of justice is going to come down hard on Donald Trump. These jurors have had enough of his lies, his scheming, and his blatant disregard for the law. They're going to send a message that no one, not even a former president, is above the law.

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So .buckle up, buttercups, because the final act of this drama is about to unfold, and it's going to be a doozy. The jury's got the power now, and they're not afraid to use it. Trump may have thought he was untouchable, but he's about to find out that in the city that never sleeps, justice never rests. The reckoning is coming, and it's going to be a sight to behold.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

@Gloria Horton-Young

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I pray that your prediction will be correct. But at the same time, as a psychologist, I’ve witnessed over and over again how an individual’s belief system can be calcified and unapproachable with reason, facts and evidence. If a member of the jury has been a follower of the demented Dear Leader, then the whole world is possibly going to be impacted by their terrible wasted mind. I’m hoping that the jury will use every skill they have to come together and face the reality that the monster ex-president is a total criminal scumbag.

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May 29·edited May 30

The uranium orange turd is up on 34 charges. That means that for this asshole to walk out of the courtroom acquitted - even if all those charges are deemed misdemeanors - it would take a favor bigger than Brando had to give at the beginning of On the Waterfront. If this happens, then we’ll know that a plant slipped into the jury pool.

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or was threatened or paid off

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A hung jury (failing to reach a unanimous verdict either way) is NOT an acquittal. If the jury fails to reach a unanimous verdict, the judge can declare a mistrial and the case can be retried.

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They need DEPROGRAMMING

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Your typing fingers to God’s inbox.

May it be so!

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There is no god, GROW UP.

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Another militant atheist. IMO, that makes you no different from a militant religionist. Do you really think that insulting people is the way to get them to embrace your point of view?

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She isn’t proselytizing, just tired of denial of reality. How the hell is that militant atheism?

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When you insult people because they do not agree with you that's militancy.

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May 29·edited May 29

We’re non-denominational here. A Unitarian Universalist Church of Mockery, led by our minister of truth, Jeff Tiedrich. Thought you knew that.

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And so say All of Us

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I am fully grown, thank you very much! 😂😂😂😂 Through a long career as a physician I have been fortunate to have experienced the presence of a larger energy. I call that presence god with a small g.

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You go, girl!

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So you do believe in God but only if God spells her name with a lower case “g”

Thanks for the clarification.

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It's just a phrase. No need to flame anybody.

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No, it's not.

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You choose to go after people who mention God? It seems like it's very important to you.

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deletedMay 30
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Do I understand you're calling someone an asshole because they mentioned God?

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deletedJun 2
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I guess I didn't understand what you meant or who you were directing it to. If you're calling a person who posts on the site an asshole, I have a problem with that and I always will.

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There are 2 attorneys on the jury. I imagine their expertise will help guide the others to a conclusion.

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But what if one of them is Rudy Giuliani’s son? Then wada we do?😉

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Haha! Gotta keep laughing, somehow.

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No Giuliani is on the jury.

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The defense is hamstrung because the actual facts of the case work against them. So they have to spin their yarns and "suggest" that the witnesses were lying. I've been on juries, and they aren't necessarily smart; it takes a jurist to calmly go through the reasons to convict, and in a non-threatening manner. Cross your fingers.

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Great comment. Thank you!

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May 29·edited May 30

God that was great. Sort of like reading a combination of (a sometimes anodyne) Heather Cox Richardson with a technically calm Joyce Vance, topped with a dollop of educational mockery from The Master - Jeff Tiedrich. Thank you 👍👏👏👏👏Gloria!

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William! What a compliment. Thank you. 🙏

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I am ready to believe you!

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Well said! I’m tightening my buckle!

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Jeff, how do you come up with this stuff every day? “what in the small-batch artisanal fuck is going on with Trump’s hair?” Unbelievably pointed, hilarious and truthful all at the same time. You are brilliant. You also are contributing to all of us getting some relief and discharge in our nervous systems with laughter and a great reality check. I’m praying that there will be some kind of conviction and we can avoid a hung jury. I hate the idea that those mother fuckers will scream victory when they are the biggest lying conniving scumbags on the planet.

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🎯👍

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I can't believe that this insane stupid shit is going on in the USA. What is wrong with everybody? Wake the fuck up! Trump is nothing but a slimy, petty criminal who should be slammed into the hoosegow, the key thrown away immediately. It was a TOTAL MISTAKE for him to have been elected President in 2016. He didn't and doesn't belong there! He doesn't deserve any respect or consideration because he held that office. When he dies he doesn't deserve the usual presidential funeral. Just stick him beside Ivana and that's it. Definitely do not parade him around for 2 weeks like George H.W. Bush. What are you thinking?

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Absolutely..you are spot on

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Thank you for your service, Jeff! Sanity is only a 18 hair stands away from devolving into total madness. I will not complain when you take time to recoup.

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Don’t sweat the hair the skin heads will shave their new fish bald as a cue ball ,they are going to be his bodyguards in the joint ,I’m sure the brothers are going to want some time with the racist bastard!tee hee 😂

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Me, I can't wait for the new prison tats, <s> expertly and lovingly applied by the finest ink artists. </s>

"Shaved head, huh? Needs a swastika. Ape, Bubba, hold him down! This'll take awhile. Heh. Heh heh. BWAhaha!"

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😂

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Put his nasty ass face on his ass cheeks the mouth is already there a perfectly puckered asshole ,a good hemorrhoid for the nose 👃 ,just ink in the beady little eyes , 👀 then some pubic hair to match his doo ,there you have it the perfect ass hole face ,and the breath is Identical!🥴🍄‍🟫the mushroom 🍄‍🟫 is there when he turns around,ask Stormy !😂🤣

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After closing with Blanche I cannot for the life of me figure out how a former federal prosecutor could fuck up this trial, piss off the judge along the way, then in summation go out on a rotted tree limb and try to intimidate the jury.. The jury, using common sense, knows what a complete ass hole Blanche and Donald are, through their behavior. Finally, as most people know, Donald is directing legal strategy, a losing proposition from day one. Donald is no tactician, not an attorney… just a guy who has never been disciplined and always entitled… so as Rob DeNiro says… fuck you Donald, get the fuck outta here.

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It was, in part, due to Blanche's [having to] follow directions from the bestest brain boy ever, or risk his wrath.

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Blanche just showed his desperation.

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Christ! Jason Miller looks like someone blew him up with helium. 🤦‍♀️ trump’s hair will look even worse in jail.

I think everyone here is grateful as hell for being so dedicated in bringing this delicious column to us for over a year. You have totally earned time off! Thank you! I hope we all get the justice we’re looking for. 🤞

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J Miller slipped his pregnant mistress an abortifacient, he's as ugly inside as his dumb thumb outside.

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Miller looks like an over-inflated volleyball with a beard drawn on his disappearing chin with a Sharpie.

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That’s hilarious! 🤣🤣

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Not sure he will be incarcerated, I’m hoping at least for an ankle monitor but that’s not likely cause everyone knows this douchebag.

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If I understand this correctly, judge Merchan is in charge of penalty phase. Not the jury. Captain-Crap-Yerr-Pants has certainly given judge Merchan plenty to think about.

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You are correct, William.

Sentencing:

Trump, that orange-faced charlatan, is facing a Class E felony for fudging his books. It's the lowest of the low, but it could still land him in the slammer for four years. But let's be real, the chances of seeing that bloated windbag behind bars are about as good as finding a unicorn in Central Park.

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The experts are spouting their usual nonsense. First-time offender, non-violent paper crime—it's like a "Get Out of Jail Free" card for the rich and powerful. And the logistics of locking up a former president with his own Secret Service detail? It's a nightmare waiting to happen.

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So what's the alternative? Fines, probation, maybe some community service. Picture Trump in an orange vest, picking up litter off the streets. But it's all in Merchan's hands now. He's got to decide if Trump is just a bumbling fool or a calculated criminal mastermind.

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The jury won't even get a chance to hit him with a lesser charge because Trump's high-priced lawyers didn't bother pushing for it. It's a complete mockery of justice.

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But even if he's convicted, Trump will still be free to run for president. The Constitution doesn't care if you're a felon, and the idea of a president governing from a prison cell is uncharted territory. And forget about a pardon—Trump can't wriggle his way out of a state crime.

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As for voting, Trump's got that covered too. Florida, where that orange menace is registered, lets felons vote as long as their home state allows it. And New York? They don't give a hoot as long as you're not currently rotting in a cell.

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If the gavel comes down, Trump will be appealing faster than a junkie influencer looking for his next hit. Any punishment will be on hold while he drags this nightmare through the courts.

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Merchan, who's already slapped Trump with fines for running his mouth, knows he's in for a wild ride. He's walking a tightrope, trying to balance justice with the political firestorm that comes with putting a former president behind bars.

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But in the end, it's about protecting the integrity of the system, even if it means wading through a river of filth. This whole debacle is a testament to the decay that's eating away at the core of our society. And Trump? He's the poster child for it all.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

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As always, perfectly said, Gloria. Especially that last paragraph. 👏👏👏👏

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Ah man … don’t ruin my dreams! 🤣🤣

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Revel in the thought of his present agony waiting for a verdict!

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House arrest along with an ankle monitor. That would take him off the campaign trail and keep him confined at Mar a Lardo for daily catsup-filled plate tossing.

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Will the jail allow bronzer and diapers?

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Bronzer and “hair” management

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Trump put out a screed about DeNiro. Maybe Trump is the one who is washed up and no longer relevant. Maybe Trump is the one who is crooked and deserving of the worst treatment ever. The jury saw the prosecution present documents and witnesses. They saw the defense and Trump show malice and contempt for them and the court in general. They defense threatened them? Guilty on all 34 counts.

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De Niro put out a very simple message: New Yorkers know a bum when they see one.

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DeNiro was just nominated for an Oscar. And if you are into masculine virility, Bobby just fathered another child at 79. He's like a Ramesses II - fathering away and not using a condom of the same name. So, no mail order bride, Trudeau isn't servicing his wife, no lack of job opportunities, and absolutely welcome to live in NYC. Mr. DeNiro is anything but washed up.

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Did Judge Merchan say his comments to the Defense attorney in front of the jury?

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No, he sent the jury out and then ripped Blanche a new asshole. Brought the jury back in and gave them a special instruction to ignore the statement. Sternly....

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Blanche - " I am not an asshole !"

Judge - " But cha ARE Blanche,

cha ARE ! "

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🤣🤣🤣😂😂

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Love that scene!

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I'm sure the jury had no shortage of ideas as to what happened to Blanche when they were sent out.

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Thank you!

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🙃

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And I would certainly not put Robert DeNiro in the category of "washed-up Hollywood actors" like, say, Kevin Sorbo or Scott Baio.

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The picture of Robert D marching down the street is great he’s got the Harlem mob on his left and the Genovese family on the right ,Fuck face should take notes that’s an intimidating entrance ,even if he’s only a movie star 🌟 Trump would shit him self ( out of fear, not for usual sphincter death reasons) if he saw him coming even ,though it’s not real he’s that much of a chicken shit coward !😂😜would love to see him give D .some shit face to face !🤬

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I injured my ribs. They prevent coughing and laughing because they hurt. But ‘face drawn on a thumb “ cracked a few more! Thanks for hanging in there. You are the keeper of my sanity and humour.

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Medical Alert: those with thin or already broken ribs should make every effort to refrain from reading Tiedrich until cleared by a certified orthopedist. And those with osteoporosis should attempt to skip over the really funny parts to the best of their ability. Signed, Concerned

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lol - I consulted my doctor telling him I could not take a deep breath, cough, or. laugh. He said, "oh, my! I need to see you. June 5th ok?" 8 days? No need to wonder his party affiliation as cruelty is his point! Thank you so much for YOUR concern.😞

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🤣

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I’m well past TDS, and well into Tired of Trump Syndrome (TTS). The jury verdict is one of legal argument, not moral absolution. Found guilty or not, the Orange Jesus is reprehensible. His apologists long ago shed themselves of moral conscience. The rest of us…TTS.

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How about long trump syndrome? LTS?

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You know SHITZINPANTZ has LONG COVID , AND DEMENTIA

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That works 😁

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There was so much testimony during this trial about what a disgusting human being Trump is/was, that to say, "Yeah, but unless he's found guilty, I'll vote for him" makes no sense. Most us have to decide which candidate to vote for for any office without the benefit of testimony under oath. If something Pecker, or Stormy, or Hicks testified made you shake your head in disgust at Trump, whether all of the elements of a criminal charge were proved beyond a reasonable doubt shouldn't be as important.

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It should be noted that the judge was pissed at Blanche not only for the tone of his thinly veiled threat but because, in 48 states, jurors are not allowed to consider potential punishments as a factor in their decision AND because, on 18 March, Merchan specifically told Blanche not to make arguments or introduce evidence "regarding any potential punishment or other consequences to the Defendant as a result of these proceedings.”

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I so look forward to your emails every day. They are spot on and I get a laugh every day! Thank you for what you do ❤️

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Make it end 😞

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I’ve often wondered “Doesn’t this guy ever take a break? Not even on holidays?” Because you’re certainly due! I say this with admiration and gratitude. Your post is the one thing I look forward to every morning. It’s my daily pain pill that gets me through the insanity. What does that say about my life?! Thank you, Dr. Tiedrich.

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I think he stuffs a couple of D batteries up his ass every morning to keep him moving.

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Gotta be a wet and live 120V. At least.

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Thanks for keeping us informed and entertained. 366 and counting!

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Your daily posts honestly help keep me sane. You deserve a break…right after that sweet sweet guilty verdict comes down.

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Take a well deserved break, Jeff. But, as soon as you are back, the shitshow will have continued unabated. You will have a lot of catching up to do!

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