trade wars are easy to lose — especially when you’re a dumbfuck

nice going, idiots

Little Donny Fuckface is so very very sad right now. seems like the silly shit actually believed his own hype about trade wars being easy to win.

he thought all he had to do was slap some tariffs on China and they’d fold like a cheap paper fan. he figured President Xi would be on the phone in a hot second, begging for mercy — and that Donny would masterfully art-of-the-deal himself into a glorious victory.

but Donny keeps staring at that phone, and it keeps failing to ring — because not only does China not need us, they also happen to be bigly pissed off at us right now.

and it’s all the fault of this guy. Couchfuck McGee — the Bilbo Baggins of Donny’s merry band of fuck-ups.

a few days ago, JD pulled his schlong out of the sectional long enough to make an appearance on Fox News and blurt the following boneheaded remark.

“We borrow money from Chinese peasants to buy the things those Chinese peasants manufacture.”

somebody please point me to the chapter in Art of the Deal where it says you’re supposed to insult the shit out of people you’re trying to work out an agreement with, because I would fucking love to read it. I’ll bet it’s a humdinger.

don’t you love that this chardonnay-sipping Yale-educated elite — who wrote a whole book where he pretended to be a hillbilly — is now going around calling other people peasants? that’s because Couchfuck — Mr. Heartbeat Away — believes his role in the Executive Branch is to be an internet troll. his speeches are all lame attempts to go viral.

many of the Sewer Clowns labor under this delusion, that being an internet star is what they’re there for. look no further than ICE Barbie.

do you think she’d even want the job as head of homeland security if there were no internet where she could post her machine-gun cosplay photos? fuck no. she’d be back in South Dakota right now, making every puppy nervous.

anyway, back to the Chinese. they were so insulted by Couchfuck’s crack that they won’t even talk to us now.

China wants to see a number of steps from President Donald Trump’s administration before it will agree to trade talks, including showing more respect by reining in disparaging remarks by members of his cabinet, according to a person familiar with the Chinese government’s thinking.

heck of a job, JD.

meanwhile, Donny is doing nothing to salvage the situation — instead, he’s bluffooning his way through it, pretending that everything’s going swimmingly.

Donny signed more of his cartoonish executive orders yesterday, and then took questions from the press. as you know, no Oval Office event can get underway without the Ritual Kissing of Dear Leader’s Ass, and yesterday was Secretary of Granny-Starving Howard Lutnick’s turn to motorboat the presidential butt.

“with your leadership and your trading policies we’re gonna open all these markets and we’re gonna let our fishermen thrive and prosper and we’re gonna have lower cost fish, more of it, and the freshest fish in the world. and this is just common sense for the United States of America.”

does this guy love to yammer about food, or what? remember two weeks ago, when he went on and on about how our trading partners hated us for our beautiful beef?

these people are all weirdos. JD Vance molests furniture. Kristi Noem plays dress-up and takes concentration camp selfies. Howie the Lut is obsessed with gorgeous vittles.

but please, do explain to me how tariffs will result in us having ‘the freshest fish in the world.’ I’m having a hard time figuring out how that tracks — especially since Donny’s doing away with all environmental regulations, and the DOGE incels having fired everyone whose job was to inspect the quality of the food we eat.

tell me, is nobody checking to see if our food is safe a bad thing?

after Howie had his say, it was Donny’s turn to lie his lying face off.

“we are doing very well. we have a lot of countries that want to make a deal. frankly, they want to make deals more than I do.”

you don’t even have to ask the obvious question — because no, none of these countries are in the room with us right now.

here’s how you can tell that no countries are lining up to make deals: neither Donny nor his sewer clowns will name one. Donny’s the biggest braggart in the universe — and there are few things he loves more than humiliating his adversaries. if he had one actual trade war victory under his belt, he’d never shut the fuck up about it.

“the Emperor of Penguin Island called me. he cried like a dog and begged me to make a deal. he said ‘sir! sir! how do you do it? how do you always win? sir!’”

if Donny can’t even gin up one decent ‘sir’ story about his failing trade war, you know things are going super fucking badly.

keep staring at that phone, jackass.

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let’s go out with some good news. we finally have confirmation that Kilmar Abrego Garcia — the innocent soul who was disappeared by Donny’s storm troopers into that Salvadoran slave-labor gulag — is alive.

Maryland Senator Chris Van Hollen posted this photo to social media.

“I said my main goal of this trip was to meet with Kilmar. Tonight I had that chance. I have called his wife, Jennifer, to pass along his message of love. I look forward to providing a full update upon my return.”

bear in mind, this a staged photo. Kilmar’s Salvadoran captors took him out of his cell, cleaned him up, put clothes over his prison whites and a baseball cap over his forcibly-shaved head, and set a cup of coffee in front of him. and then they had the nerve to brag about what a delightful time Kilmar was having in “the tropical paradise of El Salvador.”

these evil fuckers.

hey, know who else used to dress the victims of their oppression in nice clothes, and pretend they were being treated royally and having the times of their lives? of course you do — because the answer is always the fucking Nazis.

but let’s put all that fuckery aside for a moment, and give props to Senator Van Hollen for doing what no one else would: going down to El Savador and demanding to meet with Kilmar Garcia — and not taking no for an answer.

thank you.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.