today’s Republicans are hypocritical grandstanding dipshits

you don’t need ideas. you don’t need policies. just stay mad

Canadian anchor-baby Ted Cruz is mad as hell.

Ted Cruz is mad as hell because Merrick Garland had the utter temerity to name David Weiss as Special Counsel investigating Hunter Biden.

just take a listen:

“this appointment is camouflage and it’s a coverup. I think it’s disgraceful.”

no, Ted. what’s disgraceful is that you’re a shameless performative-nonsense dipshit. because 11 months ago, you signed a letter to Merrick Garland DEMANDING that David Weiss be named special counsel.

Ted Cruz is counting on low-information Fox News viewers to go along with the outrage-of-the-day, conveniently forgetting that Ted Cruz is a fucking hypocrite.

---

semi-sentient bag of hair Marsha Blackburn is pissed off.

“I think everyone knows David Weiss is not a prosecutor, he's not a special counsel, he is a collaborator.”

that’s awesome, Marsh. now what about the part where you, too, signed that letter DEMANDING that David Weiss be named special counsel.

like Ted Cruz, Marsha Blackburn was for David Weiss before she was against him.

she, too, is counting on the Fox News audience to be completely ignorant of the fact that David Weiss is a Republican who was appointed by Bill Barr to investigate Hunter Biden.

just more performative-nonsense dipshittery.

---

insurrectionist Ron Johnson is shitting a fucking brick.

“Weiss is probably the least independent person that Merrick Garland could have appointed. go figure.”

hey Ron — if David Weiss is so in the tank for Hunter Biden, why did you sign that letter DEMANDING that Merrick Garland name him special counsel?

Ron Johnson knows that David Weiss has been investigating Hunter Biden for five years, and that Merrick Garland has given him complete independence. but Ron Johnson is a performative-nonsense dipshit who is perfectly happy to join the pile-on.

---

this is your modern-day Republican party. they have no ideas. they have no policies. all they have is spite, grudges — and rage. oh fucking boy, do they ever have rage.

whatever Joe Biden is for, they’re against it.

don’t ask why. it doesn’t matter why.

just keep the rubes angry.

that’s why Republicans are constantly posting stupid shit like this:

don’t ask any of Marsha’s constituents to explain why seizing fentanyl at a higher rate than any year that Trump was president is a bad thing.

there is no why.

don’t think — just stay mad.

---

the other thing that kept Republicans super fucking outraged this weekend was that Joe Biden spent a few days at a beach house while Hawaiian wildfires burned.

never mind that Biden is already back in the White House today. never mind that Biden has already released disaster funds.

never mind that FEMA is already on the ground in Hawaii, doing its job.

just stay angry that Joe Biden took a couple of days off.

never mind that, during the early days of covid, Donald Trump told everyone that it was going to disappear “like magic” and then went golfing for six weeks while thousands of Americans sickened and died.

never mind that Ted Cruz hightailed it to Cancun while the people of Texas froze to death in the dark.

just think about Joe Biden spending the weekend at the beach — and stay mad.

---

Republicans have perfected the art of performative nonsense.

you don’t need ideas. you don’t need policies.

just step in front of the nearest camera and shout about the border, or about Hunter Biden, or about “the transgenders” — or just scream WOKE WOKE WOKE WOKE.

because being a shit-flinging howler-monkey is a fuck of a lot easier than having to come up with actual policies that would benefit Americans.