this week in stupid: September 9 edition

Tim Pool’s lies don't fly, JD Vance will not comply, and so much more ...

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.

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sunday: facts 1, Tim Pool 0

just putting food on the table can be a nightmare in Joe Biden’s inflation-wracked hellscape. prices are out of control!

so-called podcaster Tim Pool found this out the hard way. Tim stopped in at his local Food Lion to pick up a few items: chips and dip, strawberries and bacon. the final tally came to $110.

holy fuck indeed! what the hell is going on here in America?

here’s what’s going on in America: Tim Pool is a fucking liar, and it took all of 30 seconds for someone to fact-check his bullshit.

twitter user RTodKelly went to Food Lion’s web site and found that Pool’s tab was closer to $21.

lie better, Tim.

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monday: I did an insurrection and all I got was this lousy prison food

let’s check in on proud boy prisoner Joe Biggs, currently doing a seventeen-spot in the pen for being a seditious conspirator, and see how he’s adjusting to life behind bars.

“you can’t eat the food here. it is not edible in any kind of way.”

boo fucking hoo, bro. maybe think about that the next time some sore loser dimwit tells you to stand back and stand by.

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tuesday: through space and time with Congresswoman Sporkbrain

with Congress adjourned for the summer, Marjorie Three Brain Cells Greene has been sadly absent from the news — but the noted climatologist was back this week, and she wasted no time at all in warming our hearts with a fresh round of her famous gibberish.

“you’re going to tell me that back in the Ice Age, how much taxes did people pay, and how many changes did governments make to melt the ice?”

check and mate, egghead scientists — you’ve just been sporked.

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wednesday: thanks, Obama

conservative bobbleheads love to keep their audiences in a constant state of anxiety over imaginary bullshit that isn’t happening.

that’s why every few weeks, like clockwork, someone in the wingnutsphere will announce that Hillary is considering a 2024 run for president. or, as this Newsmax nudnick does in this clip, they’ll swap out Hillary for scary black person Michelle Obama.

Megyn Kelly takes this notion and turns the batshit crazy up to 11.

“there are a lot of people who think the Obamas are already running the government and that there’s already some shadow puppet situation already going on, that they’re controlling.”

typical Obama — one day he’s spying on the Trump White House with his magic microwave oven, and the next day he’s pulling the puppet-strings on Sleepy Joe.

thanks, Barry.

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thursday: got covid? just rub some dirt on it

covid cases are on the rise here in the good old US of A, and our nation’s morons have loudly proclaimed that they WILL NOT COMPLY with any sensible precautions.

noted virologist J.D. Vance would like you to know that unchecked death from a raging virus is just a thing that happens, and so our children “need us not to be chicken little about every single respiratory pandemic.”

so there you have it, folks, from an expert. the next time little Johnny or Sally is gasping for breath as their lungs begin to fail, just tell them to stop being little wussies and get their asses onto the schoolbus, pronto.

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friday: oh lord, please send me a sign

sometimes these metaphors just write themselves.

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saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.