this week in stupid: September 5 edition

Jeanine Boxwine pumps it, Bobby Brainworms dumps it, and so much more...

Sep 05, 2026

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: wake up, babe. a new fitness tape just dropped

it must be nice to be a member of the Donnyverse. you get have all the time in the world to promote your various side-hustles — reality shows, tik-tok videos, scams, podcasts, book tours — and no one seems to give a fuck if you do your actual job.

just look at what America’s Tipsiest US Attorney™ has been up to.

“10 reps of 45 lbs. My morning workout preparing to fight crime in DC 🤣🤣🤣🇺🇸”

look, I don’t want to shame anyone for wanting to be fit and in shape — and unlike our piss-drunk Secretary of Death, Jeanine seems to be actually making an effort.

but the question must be asked: is US Attorney Boxwine trying to give us all nightmares?

holy shit. didn’t anyone look at this video before posting it? did nobody at Four Seasons Total Videography go, ‘hey, Jeanine, maybe we should do a second take, just to be on the safe side’?

but more importantly, why all the performative braggadocio? why pretend that you need to be pumped in order to fight crime?

come off it, Jeanine. you’re not a ‘crime fighter.’ you’re not Batman. you’re not patrolling the lawless streets at midnight, doling out two-fisted justice to all miscreants.

for fuck’s sake, you work a desk job. you’re a cow cosplayer who can’t even bring an indictment for Grand Theft Paint Chips, much less a conviction for Assault With A Deadly Sandwich.

mooooo.

tuesday: at least he wasn’t gnawing on grilled dog

look who else has all the time in the world to pursue anything but his actual job. it’s our Secretary of Shit-Geysers, Bobby Brainworms Jr.

let’s check in and see how things are going with his cooking show.

“when I eat breakfast, I eat a lot of protein. this morning I had a cheeseburger and three eggs.”

hang on, Bobby chowed down on three eggs and what for breakfast? can’t this dead-bear-cub-kidnapping lunatic ever do one thing that’s normal?

pro tip: ‘cheeseburger and eggs’ is not breakfast. ‘cheeseburger and eggs’ is waking up hungover and late for work, and jamming last night’s leftovers into your mouth as you run around the house in a panic, trying to remember where you left your car keys.

now, I don’t know shit about nutrition, but do you know who does? my old friend, Google’s janky, six-fingered plagiarism robot. I asked it if a cheeseburger and three eggs comprised a healthy breakfast. here’s what it told me.

A cheeseburger and three eggs provide a high-protein, low-carbohydrate meal, but it is very calorie-dense and high in saturated fat and sodium, making it a heavy choice that lacks fiber. [1]

well there you have it, folks. but you know what? while we’re on the subject of morning meals, ‘hey, plagiarism robot, is severed whale head and three eggs a healthy breakfast?’

No, a severed whale head paired with three eggs is not a healthy breakfast. While three eggs provide an excellent source of high-quality protein, vitamins, and healthy fats, incorporating a severed whale head into your morning routine introduces severe health, legal, and practical hazards.

oh my god, was that a great moment in Responsible Journalism and Everything™, or what? excuse me, I have to go clear a space on my shelf for the Pulitzer that this post is going to win me.

wednesday: how many fingers am I holding up? trick question!

speaking of ‘holy shit, didn’t anyone look at this video before posting it,’ here comes our googly-eyed FBI director to teach a master class in why you never let the plagiarism robot do your work for you.

oh goody, Krazee-Eyes Kash has produced an AI-generated, 80-second video about how totally fucking awesome it is to let the plagiarism robot solve crimes.

now, I guess we should be grateful that for once, a member of the Donnyverse is actually doing their job, and not fating out ludicrious exercise tapes, or waxing rhapsodic about breakfast burgers, or locking his office door before passing out drunk — but look what happens eighteen seconds into the video—

‘federal bureal of investigation’? what the fuck is a ‘bureal’?

let’s ask the plagiarism robot.

“Bureal” is not a real word.

well okay, then. I’m sure glad we got that cleared up,

doesn’t anybody check this shit? can’t anyone around here competently do their job? why is it all goofballs, clownfuckers, and day drinkers?

what a great idea, to turn the important job of solving crimes over to some janky piece-of-shit computer that can be out-spelled by a sixth-grader. what could possibly go wrong?

look, if I want someone to fight crime for me, I’ll take America’s Tipsiest US Attorney over Kash and his plagiarism robot any day of the week, and twice on Sunday.

at least Jeanine Boxwine has the foresight to keep her office door unlocked while day-drinking.

thursday: how much does a dollar cost? not a trick question!

it’s a wise old saying, ‘a cultist and their money are soon parted.’

that’s right, the greediest piece of shit ever to crap himself in the Oval Bordello has figured out how make money off of selling money.

The Mint began selling Trump $1 coins to collectors at noon EDT on Wednesday in 25-coin rolls for $61 and 100-coin bags for $154.50, working out to $2.44 per coin in the 25-coin roll and about $1.55 per coin in the 100-coin bag.

and — holy shit — the fucking thing sold out.

now, I can hear you asking, ‘but Uncle Jeff, who would be dumb enough to pay money for money?’

I’ll give you one guess.

I was in waiting virtual waiting room from 11am until noon. Coins went on sale September 2 at Noon. Got my roll for the grandkids. These coins sold out very fast. By 1:15 pm they were gone.

the MAGAsphere is now literally this old meme.

and that MAGA woman’s grandkids are going to be cursing her name someday, because those ‘golden’ coins they’re going to inherit are literally worthless.

Despite their gold appearance, the coins have no actual gold and are primarily copper, with 6% zinc, 3.5% manganese and 2% nickel.

fucking idiots.

oh, and speaking of fucking idiots—

friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™

on Friday, some fucking idiot had exactly one public event on his schedule: the signing of an executive order allowing ranchers to avoid any federal inspection of the meat they slaughter.

no inspections. that’s awesome. what could possibly go wrong? that’s right, folks — the Summer of the Human Shit-Geyser has been extended through to autumn and beyond.

the fucking idiot told the ranchers that it was now totes legal for them to kill endangered wolves.

fact check: no, it isn’t.

the fucking idiot once again shilled for the noisy, polluting data centers that he and his two felonious sons are heavily invested in.

the fucking idiot displayed the business acumen that helped him successfully bankrupt six casinos.

“We could do tremendous good for ourselves by just not trading with countries” — Trump’s bonkers view of trade is that you become wealthy by not engaging in commerce

it makes perfect sense to me. I think after I finish writing this post, I’ll wander over to my local supermarket and explain to the manager how she could be making a lot more money if she didn’t actually sell anything, and just kept her wares it all to herself.

when asked about China providing technical and economic support to Iran, the fucking idiot naturally took China’s side.

but the crowning moment of ‘What The Fuck Is Wrong With You’ came when the fucking idiot described eighteen service members dying in his unwinnable don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran as ‘small potatoes.’

and, despite that hideous display of callous sociopathy happening right in front of their faces, not one reporter stood up to in fact ask, ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

how fucking idiotic is that?

and now, let’s put a close to This Week in Stupid and have us some Daily Claudia.

here’s Ms Spouse and Tenchi the Wonder Cat, asleep on April 26, 2020.

and on New Year’s Day, 2020.

and on August 25, 2019.

and waking up, on September 6, 2019.

have a non-stupid Saturday, everyone.

do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.