this week in stupid: September 27 edition
Nancy defines it, Lindsey refines it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: oh, please please please, say it more
wingnut influenceista Isabella Moody has a simple plan for increasing her popularity.
“fuck you. literally go f yourself. you’re gay, words don’t hurt, let’s stop continuing this narrative. literally, I cannot stand it … part of who I am is pushing the boundaries. don’t tell me what I can or cannot say. literally years ago, I had a calendar on my wall, in my apartment. the only thing I had written down was ‘say n****r more.’”
that’s … that’s your plan?
um, Isabella? Samuel L. Jackson would like to have a word.
please, Izzy, I beg of you. walk into any grocery store in Harlem and exercise your free speech — and then report back us. I for one, cannot wait to hear how things went.
you gotta love these ‘free speech absolutists.’ who insist that they get to vomit out all the ugly slurs they want. ‘words don’t hurt’ — that’s exactly what she said. at the same time, I’ll bet Isabella would go positively ape-shit if she heard me call Charlie Kirk a misshapen garden gnome.
let’s see how Isabella’s awesome plan is working out for her.
oh, it’s JewTube now, is it? Izzy’s such a charmer. she makes friends everywhere she goes. but please, don’t put the blame for your self-inflicted troubles on me, Iz. I was on chemtrails duty this week.
tuesday: Graham cracker
just about everyone agrees that Donny Convict’s address to the United Nations was fifty-six minutes of wall-to-wall batshit — but hang on, the senior senator from South Carolina begs to differ.
“this guy’s a cross between PT Barnum and Ronald Reagan. he’s in everybody’s heads. God bless you, president Trump … I hope he runs again.”
obsequious much, bro?
we take you now to Motel-a-Lago, where Lindsey is hanging out with Dear Leader.
I’ll give Old Linz credit for this, though: describing Dear Leader as a cross between the carny barker who would scam you out of your last nickel and the former president who was so senile that his wife (and her astrologer) were secretly running the county is actually super fucking accurate.
wednesday: Mace your face to outer space
hang on — America’s self-appointed bathroom panty inspector is here, and she wants to play a round of Things That Never Happened The Most.
go for it, Nancy Mace, knock yourself the fuck out.
“I don’t know if you guys have been on social media this this morning, but you’ve got pregnant women recording videos of themselves taking Tylenol, and they hate Trump more than they love their babies. I mean that to me, it is so insane where we are today. the Democrat party has some ownership in this, and they need to take responsibility for this. they’re denying science.”
I really want to ask Nancy if all these pill-popping preg-o’s are in the room with us right now, but I have a creepy feeling that she’d say ‘yes, yes they are.’
‘science,’ Nance. you keep using that word.
fact check: there is no link between Tylenol and autism. there is, however, a definite link between worms eating Chainsaw McWhalehead’s brain and the ignorant shit that leaks out of his mouth.
Nancy, please, we beg of you: go back to doing peen-watch in America’s restrooms. it’s a much more dignified use of your time.
thursday: shut up and take my money
prepare to have your minds blown, loyal christopatriots! Shane Vaughn has a deal for you.
“I want to gift you two things. not only am I going to pay for your annual membership, one hundred ninety-nine dollars — if you book an appointment tonight, for one day this week, and answer the phone when they call you, godsmoney.info, go book an appointment, when you do that, I’m going to pay your first year membership, one hundred ninety-nine dollars. the next ten people — but also, as a free gift, we just got in the Charlie Kirk coin. [holds it up to camera] we just got it in — and I’m going to send you one in the mail. you see how beautiful this coin is. you can have that forever in your collection. no telling how much that will be worth one of these days.”
you heard right, loyal patriots, a Charlie Kirk coin. just look at that handsome fucker, in all his misshapen garden gnome glory.
Shane, I’ve got just six words for you.
but hang on — aren’t we burying the lede here? did everyone catch that message on the left side of Shane’s video? holy fuck, the misshapen garden gnome is alive!
because I’m a responsible journalist and everything, I just googled “charlie kirk is alive and at a military base” and you’ll never guess what I discovered.
folks, I think Shane Vaughn might be scamming us.
a MAGA televangelist handing us a line of bullshit? inconceivable!
friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot
on Friday, some fucking idiot had only one item on his official schedule.
nonetheless, the fucking idiot managed to make a complete fool of himself throughout the entire day.
first, the fucking idiot promised to release all the Amelia Earhart files.
yeah, bro — I think you may be a little hard of hearing. those aren’t the files that everyone’s been on the lookout for. ace job, though, reminding everyone that you have the power to release files whenever you want to.
then the fucking idiot hallucinated about vaccines and screamed in ALL CAPS for children to stop taking Tylenol.
especially when there are much more effective treatments available, like Clorox or horse goo.
next, the fucking idiot fired a US Attorney for the high crime of telling the Border Patrol to abide by a court order.
the fucking idiot then claimed that Democrats want to shut the country down, because transgender.
finally, the fucking idiot vowed to indict and prosecute Democrats, because corrupt radical left.
and not one reporter stood up and asked ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
852 / 941
I really hate these people. And I double hate them for making me have such hate in my heart. And I triple hate them for having to be exposed to their hate and stupidity on a daily basis.
The Show Me Your Genitals Meme is among my all time favorites. 😂😂
Eventually, we'll find out what they have on Miss Lindsey...its gotta be good.
Is anyone else exhausted from all this stupid? JFC. I hope we're all still here after Kegsbreath holds his unnecessary meeting Tuesday. Hang on, people.