as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: wut
once again, stupid got off to an jackrabbit-quick start this week — because, as I always like to ask around here, what’s stupider than MAGA?
you people keep falling for this trick question! the answer is still nothing.
Jason Selvig of the Good Liars: “how would you rate the job that Donald Trump’s done thus far in his 2nd term?”
MAGA: “I think he’s done fabulous and I think it’s a 3rd term. he’s awakening the country that has not been aware of the corrupt swamp and what they been doing. I think he had full control while Biden was in office. he had to let Biden cheat, he knew it was gonna happen so he let him in and Obama ran this place from the basement. President Trump still had control of the military so there wasn’t much Biden or Obama was gonna be able to do militarily except open them gates.”
what in the actual small-batch artisanal fuck did we all just listen to?
I’m not even sure I can parse this doublefuckload of batshittery. let me give it a whirl. let’s see, according to this woman, Dear Leader was actually running the country all during the Biden years — ‘he had full control,’ to use her exact words. but at the same time, Barack HUSSEIN Obama was in the basement, doing whatever the fuck he was doing?
how would that even work?
as Curly so sagely counseled us, ‘I’m trying to think, but nothing happens.’
I’ll bet that if we could somehow hook MAGA up to a generator, stupid could be our nation’s greatest source of renewable energy.
tuesday: Neckflix and chill the fuck out, you performative dipshits
now get ready for Monday’s stupid-meter to burst into flames from a dumbfuck overload — because this week, the worst people in the world got hella mad at a TV show.
the show that’s got the MAGAsphere all hot and bothered is ‘The Gentlemen,’ a British comedy whose premise is — and I quote — ‘a young aristocrat inherits his family’s massive country estate, only to discover it serves as the front for a massive underground cannabis empire.’
yes, I know — they used ‘massive’ twice in the same sentence. look, not everyone is as brilliant a writer as I am. but I digress.
the apparent issue here is that somehow, a neck joke posted to social media by Netflix insults the hallowed memory of misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk, who got necksecuted by a gunshot one year ago this week.
yes, I know — it’s too stupid for words. in fact, I think I got dumber just from trying to explain it to you.
and every single one of these useless fucksticks missed a golden opportunity to refer to Netflix and Neckflix. but again, not everyone is as brilliant a writer as I am.
now, here’s the beauty part: apparently, there’s a whole cottage industry of dunderheads who go running to Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium to performatively pretend to cancel Netflix over and over, every time there’s a new manfactroversy to milk for attention.
you know what? let’s allow the misshapen garden gnome to have the last word on this subject.
Free speech is not just the freedom to say what you want to say, sometimes you might have to hear things you don’t want to hear.
come on, Chuckles — you’re breaking our hearts.
wednesday: whatcha got down there? part one
can anyone tell me what MAGA pastor-slash-grifer Hank Kunneman is so worked up about? listen to this hyperventilating shitgibbon, he’s practically screaming at the top of his lungs.
“I am not going to let uncircumcised, uncovenanted people try to steal this nation that was dedicated to Jesus Christ.”
bro — I’ve got Jesus H. Christ himself on the phone here. he told me to tell you to dial it the fuck down, hotshot.
now, I have a question. who is Pastor Hank all worked up about, when he rails against ‘uncircumcised people?’ it’s not Muslims. those homies are circumcised. so, who then? women? that would track, for a misogynist like Hank.
but I also have followup questions: what is it with the MAGAverse’s infantile obsession with needing to know what’s going on inside everyone’s pants? what the fuck is their problem? and who is going to police this ‘turtlenecks not allowed’ worldiew of Hank Kunneman and his cohort? are we going to need an official underwear inspector?
because I know someone who would absolutely volunteer for the job.
thursday: whatcha got down there? part two
oh shit, it’s a ‘what’s down your pants’ two-fer. lucky us.
Fox News found object Jesse Watters: “there was some concern even among Republicans that they weren’t going to be able to pull the convention off, but it does seem they did a pretty good job.”
Jessica Tarlov: “they got all the best photos of Hasan Piker in a speedo.”
Watters: “I missed that.”
Jessica: “you missed the banana hammock? you missed a bunch of betas standing around looking at a half-naked socialist?”
in case you’re as in the dark about this as the Found Object is, let me clue you in.
that’s right, the crotch-obsessed weirdos at the RNC thought it would be super-fun to put a pixelated photo of Hasan Piker, naked except for a speedo, up on the jumbotron during Dear Leader’s Emotional Support Conference.
why? of what possibly relevance was that?
the Donnyverse sure seems fixated on left-wing weenuses, don’t they?
I wonder what that’s all about.
my dudes, I just go off the phone with America’s Self-Appointed Panty Inspector™. she says to tone it the fuck down — you’re embarrassing yourselves. you’re embarrassing her.
friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
on Friday, some fucking idiot had one job to do: not make a fool of himself at the 25th memorial of the 9/11 attack on the Pentagon — and he whiffed it, bigly.
evidently, the fucking idiot’s Slovenian rent-a-wife was contractually obligated to make an appearance — and it couldn’t be more obvious that she can’t even stand to be on the same planet as the fucking idiot, much less in the same room. she wouldn’t even acknowledge his presence.
naturally, the fucking immediately idiot fell into a deep sleep. he was out like a light.
holy shit, was the fucking idiot stroking out?
and what’s going on with the fucking idiot’s bloated cankles? it looks like his socks are stuffed with putrefying eggplants.
it’s really weird how the 83-year-old, stage four cancer sufferer Joe Biden managed to stand for the entire ceremony in New York, while the fucking idiot was narcoleptically crop-dusting the Pentagon with the piquant aroma of ass-music. it’s like the Pentagon got bombed all over again.
later in the day, back in the White House, the fucking idiot posted a heartfelt tribute to those who lost their lives in the terror attack twenty-five years ago. oh no, wait — he didn’t do any of that shit. what the fucking idiot did post, was his video from January 6, 2021, when he pretended to tell the insurrectionists that he’s sent to try to overturn the 2020 election that it was time to go home.
what was the possibly context for posting a random video from over five years ago? spoiler alert: there isn’t any. the fucking idiot’s brain is tapioca pudding.
oh, and the fucking idiot also took a moment to whine about how everyone is making fun of his promise to give MAGA a $5,000 bribe if they vote for Republicans. so unfair! so unfair!
way to honor the memory of those who perished at the Pentagon, you fucking idiot.
and because the fucking idiot’s posting spree took place in the Oval Bordello, with only Diaper Nurse Natty by his side, not one reporter was around to stand up ask, ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
and now, let’s put a close to This Week in Stupid and have us some Daily Claudia.
here’s a triptych of Ms Spouse in the living room on January 19, 2019.
have a non-stupid Saturday, everyone.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
today in Shit That Happened While I Was Busy Writing This Shit—
"Trump says he would ‘love’ to see unified Ireland and ‘it may as well happen now’ as he visits Dublin "
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2026/sep/12/donald-trump-ireland-golf-catherine-connolly-us-politics-latest-news-updates?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other
the fucking idiot has no idea that he's wandered into a minefield. unification is a subject upon which the people of Ireland and the entire UK have OPINIONS.
"The Conservative leader, Kemi Badenoch, said: 'President Trump is shooting from the hip as usual, just like he did with Greenland and Canada becoming the 51st state. This sort of loose talk about the future of democratic countries is deeply unhelpful and creates unnecessary tension.'"
all you people who wanted to know why I didn't write about Hasan Piker's speedo on Thursday: you're welcome