this week in stupid: October 4 edition
Plastered Pete flips it, Donny Dipshit rips it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: give that skateboard the Nobel Peace Prize
this was one of the shittiest weeks ever, so let’s just enjoy Fox News’ own dunk-tank clown, Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand, flipping a skateboard into his own nuts, on live TV.
oy my god, that sure looks like it hurt like fuck — so let’s savor the moment, and gif that shit for all eternity.
chef’s kiss! let’s zoom in.
suck it up, Warrior Boy.
and mad props to the kid behind Kegstand, who absolutely could not give one shit that the Secretary of Self-Owns just neutered himself.
tuesday: analogies, how do they work
run for cover, everyone! Fox News found object Jesse Watters is going to attempt an analogy. let’s all gaze in jaw-dropping silence as Jesse explains why Democrats who insist on restoring budget cuts to the Affordable Care Act are just like that lippy harridan you married.
“permission to make an analogy. this is like when your wife forces you to buy an expensive car, and then she just wrecks it, over and over again, and it is always stuck in the shop. but she wants to go out, right? but she won’t take an Uber! she won’t be seen in an Uber. she calls you cheap, so you know what you do? you sit on the couch and say ‘fine, babe. I’m just gonna sit down, order pizza, and watch football. you’re the one that needs to go out and shop and get their nails done. this is a war they cannot win.’”
Husband of the Year Jesse Watters, folks. what a joy he must be to have around the house. what a catch.
but to get back to Jesse’s point, don’t you hate it when you’re trying to watch the game, and your whiny bitch of a wife is all ‘shouldn’t people have affordable healthcare’?
shut the fuck up. now get back in the kitchen and make Jesse a sandwich.
Jesse Watters’ smug and self-satisfied mouth-farts are so aggravating that now I need a palate cleanser. can we just watch Pete smack himself in the nuts again?
ah, yesssss.
wednesday: he turned himself into a newt, and didn’t get better
Paul Krugman once sagely observed that ‘Newt Gingrich is a stupid man’s idea of what a smart person sounds like’ — and every day of his life, Newt goes out and proves it’s true.
“we spent ninety years decaying in the Rooseveltian system, and it just gets, in the last ten or twelve— really, with Obama, and Biden. Obama was a major factor in creating a daily— a much more racist and much more dangerous America.”
wow, them’s a lot of five-dollars words, hombre. did you come up with Rooseveltian all on your own?
I have one question for you, Newt: is this a piece of your brain?
Newt Gingrich is cordially invited to fuck himself all the way to the moon, with this ‘Obama was the real racist’ bullshit — because here’s what actually happened: in 2008, a black man was elected president, and every racist lost their mind. but in the classic way abusers justify their fucked-up actions, Newt flips it around. all that hatred is somehow Obama’s fault. ‘look at how racist you made me.’
nice try, bro. go peddle that revisionist shit elsewhere. we’re not buying any today.
Newt Gingrich is so goddamn annoying. palate cleanser, please.
thursday:
loyal patriots, are you ready for a truth-bomb from Brian Glenn?
“We didn’t land on the moon. Have a nice night.”
thanks for sharing, Ace.
you know who Brian Glenn is, don’t you? he’s Marjorie Three Toes Green’s boyfriend Bee Face, the guy who looks like he was stung by all the bees.
Bee Face is also the pretend reporter who hectored Zelenskyy about not wearing a suit in the Oval Office.
so yeah, he’s an asshole with asshole opinions.
Bee Face is just lucky that Buzz Aldrin wasn’t within earshot — because the Buzzinator has a super-fun way of dealing with moon landing truthers.
that was so enjoyable to watch, we don’t even need a Plastered Pete palate cleanser. but what the hell, let’s have one anyway.
friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot
after spectacularly shitting the bed at Piss-Drunk Pete’s Big Hunkin’ WarriorFest™ on Tuesday, some fucking idiot spent the rest of the week hiding.
Friday was no exception — but that doesn’t mean the fucking idiot didn’t keep himself busy. he spent the whole day shitting out infantile drek onto his crappy app.
first, the fucking idiot posted a meme calling Democrats the party of ‘hate, evil and Satan’ — because, as always, every one of the fucking idiot’s accusations is actually a confession.
then, the fucking idiot posted some crazypants AI-generated slop featuring him playing cowbell to Fear the Reaper. oh, and in this video, Project 2025 douchebag Russ Vought is the reaper, and Democrats are unemployed zombies. it’s fucking off-the-charts insane.
next, the fucking idiot posted a silent 47-second archival clip of him walking on a tarmac. that’s all. no reason, no context. I guess it was to prove that ‘sir! sir! no one walks on a tarmac like you! how do you do it? sir!’
what even is this next post? it’s eight seconds of head-scratching bewilderment. ‘sir! sir! no one stands on a promontory like you! sir!’
the fucking idiot then posted some more AI-generated slop, this one of him tossing a “Trump 2028” hat at someone’s head.
to cap it all off, the fucking idiot bragged about having blown to pieces a fourth Venezuelan fishing boat — once again, without offering any evidence or proof that these weren’t just hapless fishermen trying to feed their families. ‘sir! no one violates international law like you, sir!’
how fucking idiotic — and evil — is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
859 / 948
I was chuckling along just fine, Jeff, then you hit me with 'palate cleanser' and now I'll be laughing for the rest of the day. There really is no limit to the number of times I can watch Kegbreath get hit in the nuts.
Yer right, Jeff. Every time Watters spouts off his misogynist bullshit I seriously wonder about Mrs. Watters. Stockholm Syndrome comes to mind