this week in stupid: October 14 edition
Nancy gets an “A,” Lauren scurries away, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
sunday: ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no duhhhhhh
imagine that you’re the producer of The Dipshit Wingnut Hour on some fringe cable channel, and you learn that Donald Trump is holding a hatefest in your town. it would seem like a no-brainer to send a reporter out to whip up a little excitement by interviewing the people who have lined up to see Dear Leader.
well, in fact it is a literal no-brainer, as in “these people have no brains.”
“what do you guys want to hear from president Trump?”
no answer. blank stares.
“what’s the number one issue?”
“I…?”
“top issue, top issue, top issue.”
“top issue?”
producers and reporters, why the fuck do you keep doing this? stop asking these nitwits questions. they don’t know. their heads are empty and will remain empty even after Trump tries to fill them with lies.
monday: must have been a slow news day
holy fuck, we’re dealing with a lot of stuff these days. war is still raging in Ukraine. the Middle East is melting down. Republicans are in disarray. the climate is collapsing. Donald Trump is in the middle of something like fifteen concurrent trials.
well, forget all that shit and stop the presses because WE HAVE A NEW BIDEN COCK SIGHTING!
wingnuts were giddy with glee over leaked photos of Joe Biden’s younger brother Frank’s dangly bits.
sigh. it’s all so stupid.
tuesday: not familiar with the source material
Nancy Mace broke new ground in performative fucknuttery on Tuesday, when she proudly pranced about the halls of Congress with a big scarlet A plastered all over her shirt.
why was she doing this? because woman, that’s why. Nancy was having a Big Mad because some of her fellow R’s were displeased by her vote to oust Kevin McCarthy.
Nancy wants everyone to understand that she is a woman who will not be pushed around — and there’s no better way to get that message across by making yourself the object of ridicule.
who the fuck let her do this? does her own staff hate her? did none of them take her aside and explain the plot of The Scarlet Letter to her, and that the A stands for adulteress?
wednesday: Matt Huffman does his own research
Matt Huffman, president of the Ohio Senate, is a man with a message. and that message is “I am a silly dipshit. do not listen to anything I say.”
Matt is super concerned that legalizing weed in Ohio will bring horrible consequencess. specifically:
“the science shows … that if Issue 2 passes, there will be more teenagers in the state of Ohio committing suicide.”
what science, Matt?
“you know, the science.”
Matt, are you a scientist?"
well then shut the fuck up.
Matt, just one question: what have you been smoking?
thursday: Lauren Boebert huffs and puffs
speaking of smoking, check this out class act.
some stealthy photographer caught Lauren Boebert doing her best to hide.
Boebs was crouching down in a Wal-Mart parking lot because she was trying to avoid being seen with something in her mouth.
no, not that. ewww. get your mind out of the gutter.
it was a cigarette. Lauren didn’t want to be caught smoking.
it’s kind of mind-boggling. Lauren Boebert is the poster girl for bad behavior in public. this is a woman who is not above polishing her boyfriend’s trouser snake in the middle of a crowded theater, but somehow getting caught smoking is a bridge too far.
oh, and the dude she’s with? that’s her ex. you know, the guy who did time in jail for showing his dick to a couple of teenage girls in a bowling alley.
but again, smoking is the thing they don’t want to be seen doing.
priorities, people, priorities.
friday: Donny Fuckface walks it back
Individual-1 has had a busy few days. on Wednesday, he opened his stupid mouth and out came idiotic attacks on Israel and Netanyahu.
he spent Thursday getting an earful from the media, the Biden administration, Israel, and members of his own party, none of whom were pleased at Donny for his general jackassery in the middle of a foreign policy crisis.
on Friday, Trump — the guy who literally put the words NEVER SURRENDER over a photo of him surrendering — surrendered once again, logging onto his crappy failing app and posting “I stand with Israel” and “I stand with Bibi.”
well, ok then. I guess that makes it all better.
good luck getting that toothpaste back in the tube, dumb-ass.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.
Hey Nancy Mace. Tell me you never read "The Scarlett Letter" ( or another book for that matter) without telling me you never read The Scarlett Letter.
I didn't even know there was a Frank Biden and I still don't care.
If we're going to hold every President accountable for the actions of anyone they share genetic material with, we may as well stop having Presidents because everyone is fucked.
But yeah it's same stupid, different day with these people.
Maybe one week do "this week in smart" - I mean, probably no Republicans in it, but uplifting message or something? Some optimists or something say that's important.