this week in stupid: November 4 edition
Trump gets confused, Junior gets refused, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
saturday: Klannie Oakley explains it
noted sex therapist and diarrhea slider spokesperson Lauren “Can I Adjust Your Pants For You” Boebert is way fed up with numbskulls who don’t know what the “AR” in AR-15 stands for.
it’s a thing that mass-death fetishists do to derail any discussion of gun control.
oh, you don’t know the muzzle velocity of a 44-caliber bullet? fuck you, I’m not talking to you.
there’s even a name for it: gunsplaining.
by the way, the “AR” in AR-15 actually stands for who gives a fuck what it stands for, no civilian needs to have one.
sunday: wherever you go, there you are
future convict Former President Ratbrain is spending his golden years wandering lost and bewildered through an ever-thickening fog of dementia and untreated tertiary syphilis, so he’s to be excused when gibberish like this falls out of his big dumb pumpkin mouth:
“a very big hello to a place where we’ve done very well, Sioux Falls, thank you very much, Sioux Falls.”
in case you’re wondering why Trump’s Sioux Falls name-check was met with one very loud BOO, it seems that Little Donny Fuckface was addressing a crowd in Sioux City — which isn’t even in the same state at Sioux Falls.
monday: we derp, you decide
during a speech on Monday, Joe Biden made a reference to the James Webb Space Telescope.
the ignorant fucking morons at Fox News had a lot of fun with that, because they thought Joe was talking about a “web telescope.”
“did he call it the web telescope? isn’t it the Hubble? is he thinking of web hubble? I don’t understand. HA HA HA HA HA”
hey, if you jackasses are so entertained by someone properly naming a telescope, wait until you hear about the blithering idiot who mistook Sioux Falls for Sioux City.
tuesday: it’s like taking candy from a hacky ideologue
wingnuts have one tired joke that they can’t stop making every Halloween, and it goes something like this: I’m confiscating my kid’s candy to teach her about the evils of socialism/taxes/liberalism/whatever.
here’s Individual-1 Junior wearing out this joke’s welcome back in 2017:
it’s hard to believe that father-of-the-year Don Jr. is now a divorced adulterous substance abuser.
this year it was convicted felon Dinesh D’Souza’s turn to bore us all to tears.
wait a minute, does D’Ipshit actually believe that there are children who skip Halloween out of laziness?
shut the fuck up, Dinesh.
here’s a fun thing you can do next halloween: take your kid’s candy and donate it Donald Trump’s to legal defense fund, so you can teach little Virgil Jr. a lesson about what a gullible rube you are.
wednesday: maybe invest in some lead underwear
ok, we get that when you’re a magazine named The Economist, you’re going to view the world through economics-colored glasses — but who is this article written for, the radioactive cockroaches who will survive the nuclear armageddon that the next world war will bring?
sorry, The Economist, but those cockroaches will be too busy being interviewed by the New York Times about why they still support Trump.
thursday: what’s a crappy lawyer like you doing in a courtroom like this?
Thursday was Individual-1 Junior’s day to testify at the Trump Family Big Fraud Fuckery Trial, and he wasted no time at all making everyone cringe.
exhibit A:
and exhibit B: what the fuck is this?
is he … flirting with the parking garage lawyer? ew.
does Cokey McSniffles think he’s in a bar at 1:30 in the morning? did he just invite Alina to sneak off to the bathroom to snort a few rails and, y’know, do whatever?
friday: seriously, what in actual fuck
a roofing company in Florida has found a hot new way to drum up sales: they are — and I shit you not — giving away a free AR-15 and a frozen turkey with every new roof.
this is literally the most Florida thing ever.
we get the allure of the gun, but what’s the turkey for? are you supposed to fire a hundred bullets per second into it and pretend you blasted it to fuck all by yourself?
one caveat: before you can walk away with your new weapon of mass death, you have to prove to Lauren Boebert that you know what the “AR” in AR-15 stands for.
or you could just let her adjust your pants for you.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
"future convict Former President Ratbrain is spending his golden years wandering lost and bewildered through an ever-thickening fog of dementia and untreated tertiary syphilis, so he’s to be excused when gibberish like this falls out of his big dumb pumpkin mouth" OK, Jeff. Every time I write, "this is your best EVER!!" you go and outdo yourself with yet ANOTHER one that is your best ever. So this is your best EVER!!
I'm so liberal, I gave all the candy I had to the toothless kid with the MAGA hat and the AR-15 because the NYT tells me I've got to stop hurting your feelings.
Just wait till next year, kid. I'll give you a box of Kleenex; it'll come in handy a few days later when your folks are watching the polls close.