281 Comments
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Kay-El's avatar

1. Mace obviously wasn’t toilet trained properly as a child hence her obsession with bathrooms.

2. There’s no business like shoe business like no more business for Austin.

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P123Sunny's avatar

“she’s just being a performative-nonsense asshole and playing to the cheap seats.

find a new hobby, you creepy weirdo.”

👆 lines like this - is what I pay Jeff the big bucks for ☕️

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Curt Andersen's avatar

That is precisely what I was thinking! Good call!

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Tess Chappuis's avatar

Same here. I really believe she's mentally unstable and starved for attention, no matter how negative it may be. The video she shared of herself insulting one of her constituents was one of a kind. She thinks being hateful is a strength, like so many of the MAGA.

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DR Darke's avatar

I'd say she didn't get spanked enough as a child—but for all I know, that's her kink!

And no, I'm not about to kink-shame, not even Republicans....

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Tess Chappuis's avatar

I'm betting she's got plenty of kinks due to her obsession with sexual matters. She strikes me as sexually repressed and fixated.

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DR Darke's avatar

Gods, I HOPE not!

I've got plenty of sexual kinks—but misgendering and deadnaming aren't among them.

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Marla's avatar

These and “FOX found object Jesse Watters” because there is no end to the stupid where he’s concerned.

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Mingo's avatar

When Nancy Mace's political career implodes she can always get a gig as a number/letter turner on a game show. She's obviously practiced her hand moves.

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Phil Burns's avatar

Maybe she's getting pointers from Boebert on hand usage?

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Randy Woodall's avatar

Doing that crazy hand j(ive)

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Janis Mooradian's avatar

Picture it, a group of them taking lessons in a room with proper signage.

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Tess Chappuis's avatar

I'm guessing Lauren's not that great...

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Marion Wilhelm's avatar

She is nowhere near as cute as Vanna!

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Regardless of her looks, she’s one of those vain, vile, klafte’s Marion!!

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Bet she’s had a lot of other hand move practice

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Janis Mooradian's avatar

hahahaha

priceless

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Joseph Luongo's avatar

Yeah, but she looks like she got hit in the face with a bag of nickels. Maybe a turn on OAN

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

The last time I went to the doctor the bathrooms were UNISEX !!!

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Is she seriously stupid enough to expect Handicapped bathrooms to be gender specific? That was a rhetorical question

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Deborah Hunter's avatar

Who cares what gender the bathroom is if you're in there alone? I wish though, that men had better aim because the unisex bathrooms always have pee all over the floor.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

As a man, that is undeniably true. The stench of bad aim can be sickening.

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Deborah Hunter's avatar

I'm a nurse so smells/blood doesn't bother me. I wash my sneakers in the wash machine because who knows what I've stepped in all day at work.

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Gladdy's avatar

Amen sister. The single best reason I hate men using the same bathroom as me. My jeans touch the floor so I have to roll them up when I go to sit down.

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

I can understand men out hunting choosing to pee against a tree - but why don't parents train their little boys to pee while sitting down?

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Curt Andersen's avatar

Oh, so true, and it's even worse in the men's room in the cardiac wing of any hospital! Since older men tend to be the big group, there is pee all over the floor and if you are dying to use the urinal, when you leave, your shoes will stick to the floor. DIS-Gusting!

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Dave Drell's avatar

T M I

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arne link's avatar

That never changes. Why can't the boys aim?

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Because it is shorter than they think.

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CAM from 🇨🇦's avatar

Maybe they should learn to sit like we do - they’d be more accurate, especially those with small shrooms.

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Rick Calegari's avatar

Sure sounds like it. Between Mace's demented bathroom fetish, MTG pushing to rename the gulf and Congress wasting a week to vote on this shit, this GOP Congress isn't going to get a damn thing done that's even close to being worthwhile. With these spineless assholes passing to rename the gulf, the GOP Senate isn't even going to vote on it. Dear leader must having his usual shit fit.

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T L Mills's avatar

oh goodness, I sure hope so--every shit fit is one closer to the inevitable stroke or heat attack.

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Tess Chappuis's avatar

I KNOW! I can't believe Mace was the first female to graduate from the Citadel. She's not much of a critical thinker if she can't understand why a handicapped bathroom isn't gender specific. She's genuinely just a petty asshole.

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J.R.'s avatar

The only time I had separate bathrooms is when my son was growing up. He & his band of merry pee boys had every bathroom except mine. 😂

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Kay-El's avatar
1dEdited

Lol, I had two bathrooms at my old house. The kids had one and I had the other. It was lovely :D

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Kaye Stone's avatar

J.R. ... I love your description "He & his band of merry pee boys!" It is spot on! I did the same, and the scars from constantly cleaning up boy pee remain!

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Christina Walker's avatar

She’ll have a freaking heart attack if she ever steps into an Aldi’s. Very European.

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Steve houlette's avatar

Yeah, but they made us wear masks

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Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

Masks are for you and everybody around you fucking wear one new flu is here what are you doing in a crowded room?

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Tess Chappuis's avatar

Thx. I'm not kidding.

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Steve houlette's avatar

Jesus, does everything need a sarcasm alert? I wasn’t serious bridge troll

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Tess Chappuis's avatar

I say this as someone on immunosuppressants, and I'm tired of the selfishness. Some of us could easily die from a respiratory infection. So just a little FYI: be a reasonable and thoughtful human, please.

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Tess Chappuis's avatar

If you're complaining about being forced to be considerate, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, as they say...

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Steve houlette's avatar

I wasn’t complaining, I was being sarcastic. I WORE A MASK DURING COVID FFS. I AM MAKING FUN OF MACE

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skangirl's avatar

I know, right? And the last time I went to the doctor, the *DOCTOR* was a woman! Mace needs to get on that problem right now.

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Stephen Schiff's avatar

I'm wondering about the signage in her residence. Looking for guidance here as we are deadlocked on how to do it in ours.

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

One sign for everyone.

"SIT!"

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Stephen Schiff's avatar

Agree absolutely. Here in the US it is somehow deemed manly to stand while peeing, thereby often leaving one's, shall we say mark, on the floor and/ or toilet seat. I was uneasy about always sitting down until I read in the Süddeutsche Zeitung that the overwhelming majority of German men do likewise. Hat mir sehr gut gefallen! Not sure of how it is elsewhere aside from Nikita Khruhschev's little memoir about Soviet soldiers, which I prefer not to repeat to a Lady.

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

What lady?

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Excuse ME! You have obviously never sampled the delights of P.G.Wodehouse!

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Hannah Olufs's avatar

Long ago and far away.

I couldn't resist. Every time I see Lady, I react. I failed Lady, Ladylike, all the ladies.

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Linda A's avatar

And put the seat cover down when you're done!

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Sharon Senkiew's avatar

This little thread is giving me life🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Yes. How nice to talk nonsense with friends for a while, before the battle begins again. I'm sure the men in the trenches in WWI and the foxholes of WWII did the same when the nights were long. In fact there was a magazine produced BY the soldiers of the British Army in WWI called "The Wipers Times" ( "Wipers" was how the "tommies" pronounced the name of the French town of Ypres) It was funny and satirical and the "upper ranks " tried to get it closed down - but didn't succeed.

https://www.nam.ac.uk/explore/wipers-times

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Geoff Anderson's avatar

I will personally send a copy of "Everyone Poops" to her...

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Just like the idea of the sun expanding to incinerate the Earth, it may come as news to her.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

That would give her a new hobby, anyway, getting that book banned.

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Kay-El's avatar

Lol, I had that book for my kids. Kids just love potty humor.

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EFS's avatar

Perhaps Jeff Bezos will gift Nancy a Sunny Smile portable travel potty. She'll never have to use a public restroom again.

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

She has a fear of bathrooms. One of her staffs primary jobs is to tote a modified 1 gallon milk jug around so she can pee in an undisclosed room either that or she has a bladder the size of Manhattan.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Her bladder dwarfs her brain size

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Randy Woodall's avatar

Yet, it's not particularly large.

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Janis Mooradian's avatar

Republicans truly are stupid.

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skangirl's avatar

Most babies obsess over discovering their own toes, but Mace didn't get further south than her little pee-pee before she stopped "doing her research."

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Love ‘em both Kay-EI!!

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DR Darke's avatar

🎼 "Every Time S/He loses/Is Ap-pealing! 🎶

🎼"Every Loss/Lost Traffic Will Allow!" 🎶

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Kay-El's avatar

Lol, I had two bathrooms at my old house. The kids had one and I had the other. It was lovely :D

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Tess's avatar

Great stupid wrap-up Jeff…from Elon to Couchboy to No-Clue Mace to the maggots who still support shit they don’t know the meaning, background or history of……Happy Saturday to the rest of us!

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Bob Bowden's avatar

Elon’s notion than mankind needs to prepare for the Sun going red-giant 30 Million human generations from now, and that we need to start preparing immediately and spend a trillion taxpayer dollars now, placing those dollars directly into his SpaceX coffers, makes as much sense as first time parents swaddling their newborn one day old child and placing him in a gray TSA tray at the airport in preparation for the wonderful European retirement vacation he’ll likely be taking in 65 years

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Also I’m pretty sure Mars will be fried too. Geez it’s just one planet over.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

It’s a billion years away from now. Unless Elmo has a plan to be cryogenically preserved the entire discussion is moot. Just like the Republicon Party.

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

Meanwhile, Pluto is sitting all the way back and laughing because it's got more time, and we (well, Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Friends) demoted it from planet status.

And I think he still gets hate mail from 8 year old with crayon drawings of 9 planets.

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Bob Bowden's avatar

It will likely be hotter than 330-degree Mercury is now, with the red giant Sun spanning more than half the daytime sky. And don’t forget to catch the great sunsets and the great sunrises, that will go on for about five hours each

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HI2thDoc's avatar

In your asbestos suit

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arne link's avatar

Yeah, even I know that. Just more scary shit for the rubes.

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Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

Bob, have you seen that? I never thought of it but everything is out f whack now so I won’t travel at all until tramp is a distant memory.

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shee-rah's avatar

More airplanes crashing.!!

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

Placing those dollars into his SpaceX coffers makes perfect sense, Bob. See: "Elmo the Endless Grifter."

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Janis Mooradian's avatar

The maggots will be defending him as they lose heir homes & are harvesting our food for $5.00 a day. Because then they'll own the libs.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Coming at you with a big warm ditto Tess!!

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Krista Allen's avatar

Sure, Musk, let’s ignore the reality of climate change and focus on the sun expanding in a billion years. 🤦🏼‍♀️

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Norma's avatar

Exactly 👍

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Carol C's avatar

We can fry our own planet for the benefit of fossil fuel oligarchs. And people who don’t see a problem unless it is a problem for themselves. No worries with Mars as our back up!

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Dana Jae Labrecque's avatar

Lunatics.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

This is the idiocy we have to contend with, Carol.

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Nancy Beck's avatar

I don't see how he keeps a straight face while he lies about Mars and interplanetary blah, blah, blah. Now Space Boy has permission to create Stargate City in Boca Chica, TX thereby closing off the public highway and public beach whenever he wants. What a salesman!

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

While the people supporting him accept his lies with no question’s asked, there will be no end to his prevarication. That’s what got us into this mess. We can’t rely on the MAGATS to come to their senses, for they have none. It’s up to us.

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Fastball Fredo's avatar

Jeff, great stupid wrap up today. “Golf with MAGAS” was fine until we had lunch. I was amazed at all the hero worshiping of FAUX hosts, how knowledgeable and funny they all are🤮I was asked about the firing of 4 generals to which I replied that if your going to invade Greenland you first ramp up intelligence, fire generals who could voice opposition to your plans. That did not go over very well. I suggested that, in the same context, if you wish to suspend portions of our Constitution for any number of reasons, well… that could include suspension of the 2nd Amendment… no more guns and perhaps confiscation of all your guns… cause really, using the doll analogy… all you need are 2… needless to say it became very quiet at our table of 8. Best to All

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Burke's avatar

There's a big mental disconnect between honorable humans who practice respect and courtesy in their daily lives, as I'm sure your 7 friends do, and their approval of dishonorable humans who practice deceit, disrespect, theft, extortion, bribes and corruption.

Next week tell them you have paid the Trump Family $1 million to attend a $Trump coin franchise convention. You are buying into the Trump World "scam the fools" business. You're going to open a $Trump Coin Store in your town. Gonna make millions!

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Fastball Fredo's avatar

Great response and thanks for the idea.

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Burke's avatar

Invite them to join the $Trump multi level marketing plan under your distribution level. If they do you will get a bonus of 10,000 Trump coins! Tell them you’re going to invest your grandma’s retirement savings into Trump coins because there’s no risk! President Trump is looking out for us. He won’t let us lose any money by buying something with his name on it!

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Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

Burke, magnificent. Yes you get it and the coins all of them will drop like rocks Trump finally found a way not to lose money, he does understand the con but transitioning to a legal-ish business model will rock with his system, it’s just not something of value so the market will kill it before the law does.

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Deborah Hunter's avatar

Thanks for the update. We are counting on you to continue the covert resistance operations.

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Lynn Van Haren's avatar

How do you stand it?

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Dave Drell's avatar

That’s my question too. Hell, that’s no fun doing 18 holes with a bunch of

Magats

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Fastball Fredo's avatar

Well, when I slice the ball they tell me I’m on the Trump side…. When a hook it they say I’m too far left.. u can never win with these guys, except of course, winning on the par 3’s where I just collect their money and tell them that it’s only an example of socialism, you know… Somehow they are offended⚠️

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Tess's avatar

Well done!!!

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Janan Broadbent's avatar

Fredo: I LOVE the 2nd v dolls issue! Well done!

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Linda McCaughey's avatar

Just for a little perspective: Homo sapiens have existed on the planet for around 300,000 years. No way such a self destructive species will ever have to be concerned about what the sun does a billion years from now. Sheesh.

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DJ Headthrob's avatar

Hell, I's be amazed if we made it to 2050.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Yet, it took less than 100 years for humans to destroy our magnificent biosphere. Less time than the blink of an eye in our planet’s life.

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Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

I agree and living on Mars will never ever happen.

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Chris Rey's avatar

Re Mush vs Watters:

“it’s hard to tell which of these two is the bigger fucking imbecile.” Truer words have never been spoken. It was a dumbfest.

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

So racist jerkass Andrew Jackson caused a panic in 1837 AND 1937. Clearly the man found a way to serve more than two terms.

I know people hate it when I proofread, but I thought this was funny. Unfortunately, proofreading just happens whether I try to or not. 🥺🥺🥺🥺

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. you know why I hate typos? because over the next three or four days, hundreds of people will email me to point it out. that's powerful incentive to never err. goddammit. but you were the first

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skangirl's avatar

You should be flattered. It proves that your readers are actually paying attention to what you are writing--and are smart enough to notice even the smallest of mistakes.

(Prompted by mention of it being Nurse Appreciation Day at trivia, I suggested that editors need a designated day, too. But we hit a roadblock when we had to decide if it should be Editor's Day, Editors Day or Editors' Day. Regardless, editors gonna edit.)

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Robert Eckert's avatar

Editters Day

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Jeff, I love you. My surprisingly effective strategy for finding typos is to listen to the computer read the text to me. I hear them much faster than I see them.

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Dave Drell's avatar

Btw we were already knee deep in a recession in 1937-

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Kaye Stone's avatar

Right!? Now, thanks to Jeff, we know that it was Andrew Jackson's fucking fault!

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Yes, we were in a recession in 1937, but when you add a panic on top of that, you're talking real financial agita.

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Jan Moon's avatar

I just tried editing a comment and it won't. So I said to hell with it. I'm better at spotting other people's typos. They don't bother me because we're all human. Well, nearly all.

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Kay-El's avatar

I saw it. I said fuck it. I knew what you meant.

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Norma's avatar

No biggy Jeff. It’s a rare occurrence ✌️

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J.R.'s avatar

🤭

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William Burke's avatar

Relax, Dr. T. You are among the most literate of men. HCR, JV, Robert Reich….I could go on. They’re all making bank on their books. Why not you? I might someday spring for a book from one of those authors, but I KNOW I will not only BUY, but I will PRE-BUY when you publish your memoir while serving as the Director of the Congressional Research Service (I don’t know about now, but the CRS had a fine reputation for truth telling back in the day).

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Brenda McDonald's avatar

I saw it but decided not to comment. 😄. Can you not edit on Substack?

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Jeff can edit online, but he can't edit the hundreds of thousands of emails and I've already been sent out.

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Brenda McDonald's avatar

Ah, I understand. Thanks for clarifying.

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Steve in SoCal's avatar

I saw that too, but I most often find grammar errors such as unneeded apostrophe's

🤭

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Sooz Hall's avatar

(moans in anguish/ecstasy)

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Sharon C Storm's avatar

🤣😂

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Randy Woodall's avatar

I saw' what you did.

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Steve in SoCal's avatar

I'll be here all week 😎

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arne link's avatar

Apostrophes are def. tricky things.

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Janan Broadbent's avatar

😆😆😆😆

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Janis Mooradian's avatar

Jackson was a true believer in genocide. He paid people to kill buffalo and was responsible for the Trail of Tears.

It's no surprise the Traitor admires him so.

BTW, when can we get rid of him? How many crimes does he have to commit? How demented does he have to become?

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arne link's avatar

His people will prop him up for as long as it takes to drain the treasury and the rubes.

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Jan Moon's avatar

Kind of like in El Cid when they tied the dead Rodrigo to his horse and sent him off to battle. Or something like that.

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Lois Henry's avatar

It’s a curse, but ya gotta live with it. Pointing out typos on t-shirts can get you persona non grata status in your own club. <sigh>

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

I'm very good at keeping my opinions to myself in person, but the Internet gives me a false sense of security.

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Robert Eckert's avatar

Pointing out typos in tattoos is even more dangerous

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Steve in SoCal's avatar

Typos on tattoos are pretty bad. The worst was "unable to connect to translation server" tattooed in Chinese 😬

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Dave Devine (Cologne, Germany)'s avatar

Proofreading whether you want to or not is a known occupational illness for us translators.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Yeah Kathleen!!

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Alison Parker's avatar

A+++ on the Monty Python reference, Jeff.

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

thanks but you know that there's going to be ONE PERSON out there who will take me to task for likening the pontiff to a parrot being whacked against a table

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Alison Parker's avatar

Probably JD Vance using a pseudonym.

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Karen Livolsi's avatar

I liked it😊

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Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

I saw it and always love me some Monty Python.

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Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Love Python gifs Jeff tosses in for us Alison!!

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Merrill's avatar

Soon we'll find out if the American people think a miserable Christmas for their kids is a good sacrifice for getting high tech assembly plants in the US in 10 years or if even..loony toons

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skangirl's avatar

Who is going to staff those high-tech jobs? Biden wanted to provide training for those jobs to replace the black lung jobs that coal miners are convinced are for their own good. (Those jobs *do* have a benefit: They kill people before they are old enough to collect Social Security.)

I once worked on an editing project that dealt with the brain drain on NYS. States like North Carolina and California had compiled the statistics to show how long it took for a transplanted NYS worker to turn into someone who calls in sick because the surfing is awesome or, for NC, opening day of shooting shit. Those states figured in those stats when paying to lure NYS workers to relocate.

Central NY is building a shit-ton of Micron-related infrastructure, including miles of new housing and a dedicated Thruway exit for Micron. We're praying that ill douché doesn't cancel the Build Back Better initiatives.

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Aleksander Constantinoropolous's avatar

Elon’s planning a billion-year exit strategy while forgetting Mars also roasts in a solar barbecue. Jesse just learned the sun is hot—next week, he’ll discover gravity. JD Vance drops popes and footballs with equal grace, while Nancy Mace continues her holy war against bathroom signage. And then there’s Austin, who voted to “own the libs” but got body-slammed by his own tariffs. At this point, Mary Magdalene could walk into Congress with a jar of oil and still get dismissed as “just emotional.” Blessed are the foolish, for they shall inherit the consequences.

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FTrump And FPutin Too's avatar

Great summary! I assume with no assist by Ai which could not be so concise with levity. Well done!

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Joe Witkowski's avatar

Cardinal Dolan played ‘kingmaker’ in Pope Leo XIV’s shock election: reports https://l.smartnews.com/p-kVBZiJ2/AO4XHR

But of course the blowhard would take credit.

Word now has it that the MAGA bloviating windbag from the Archdiocese of New York now can't retire rent-free at Mar-a-Lago like Joseph Strickland and the fetus-fetished Frank Pavone until he arranges a "sit" (mafia reference intended) between Orange Hitler and Leo XIV.

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FTrump And FPutin Too's avatar

Blowhard is right. He’ll say anything to get attention. Such hubris.

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Joe Witkowski's avatar

I can’t wait for my retired Bishop friends’ response to this sublime Fox News whopper… 🙄 🙄

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Stephen Schiff's avatar

Further evidence of the genius of the Space Nazi: NASA funding to bring Martian samples to earth zeroed. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/trump-budget-calls-for-stranding-nasas-mars-samples-on-the-red-planet/

You might think that after spending $billions to build a rover, send it to Mars then spend time and money collecting samples, you might want to finish the job and bring them back, especially since the SN is so obsessed about going there.

But your problem is just that: Thinking.

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Tess's avatar

Let’s just let Leon go with some of the cabinet members to bring the samples back 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Rick Calegari's avatar

Great idea Tess. There will be first class seats available for Hogsbreath, Kennedy, Bondi and Stoogio. Throw Patel in there along with Homan for shits and giggles and we'd be off to a good start for really making America great again.

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MountainBoyMike's avatar

"Forkship One"!!! AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......

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JerryBier's avatar

Nancy Mace: the queen of performance complaining. JD Vance/Bowman would be better off if he resigned and disappeared completely-- before he ruins another family's election.

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Gerard's avatar
2dEdited

And today we have a fucking headline from CNN noting that "Trump announces" a ceasefire between India and Pakistan (they've since removed the very large reference to Trump), and of course Trump and these idiots in his regime suggested they "mediated," even though India and Pakistan say "nope," that didn't happen.

I was going to say that Trump would take credit for curing a horrible disease if scientists made a breakthrough during his time as president, but he's more likely to take credit for all of the supposed cost cutting of firing the scientists who might've had a chance to cure the horrible disease.

(NOTE: I know, a little off-topic, but sometimes I think the media spin to normalize this guy fits into the "this week in stupid" category).

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Monique's avatar

I just heard the news on NPR, and they also made it sound like hewhoshallnotbenamed mediated the ceasefire. Considering that they are about to lose their funding, one would think that they would grow some balls and report the truth.

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Greg Conners's avatar

Austin and his family just got burned by Trump's lies. I am sorry, but hopefully it will be a lesson learned.

Your writing makes me feel like raising my hand and shouting "me! me!".

"... how the fuck does the Space Nazi not grasp that when the expanding sun destroys all life on Earth, it’s going to take Mars along with it?"

I hadn't thought of that either. But of course.

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