this week in stupid: March 9 edition

Donny Demento acts the fool, RFK Jr. isn’t cool, and so much more ...

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.

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monday: definitely did Nazi this coming

hey bro, what’cha doing?
nothing.
wait, you’re Mark Nakagawa, aren’t you?
maybe.
weren’t you the head of the United Methodist Church in Los Angeles for like 16 years?
who’s asking?
what the fuck, dude? you’re drawing a swastika on your neighbor’s stuff.
no, I’m not.
yes you are. look at it.
no one can prove it was me.
Mark, you dumb-ass. you know that everyone has doorbell-cams now, right?
wha—?
you’re being recorded right now, you idiot.
oh shit. I’m fucked, aren’t I?
pretty much.

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tuesday: dance like nobody’s voting

let’s check in on Lara Trump’s puppy auction event at Donald Trump’s vermin-infested Florida golf motel.

oh how cuuuuute, look at that little girl and her puppy doll. isn’t that adorable? can’t wait to see who’s next to come from behind that curtai—

holy shit, what the fuck is that? someone call security, a confused old man has wandered onto the stage — what the hell is he doing now? is he having a seizure? oh, that’s dancing?

seriously, is there any person on the planet more needy and attention-hungry than Sundowning Grandpa Rottybrain? put up a camera and this broken-inside fuck will find a way to get himself in front of it.

but we’re loving the pants-hiked-up-under-the-armpits look, sir. very dignified.

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wednesday: Jeffrey Dahmer was an excellent chef, let me tell you

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., winner of the Most Disappointing Kennedy Award for 70 consecutive years, was in the middle of an interview for the Flagrant podcast when he was asked to explain why his name showed up on the flight logs of Jeffrey Epstein’s Lolita Express.

no fucking biggie, explained Junior Bobby,

“I run into everybody in New York. I mean, I knew Harvey Weinstein. I knew Roger Ailes. I knew … OJ Simpson came to my house. Bill Cosby came to my house.”

let us all now pause to pick our jaws up off the floor.

homeslice, bragging that you hung out with the world’s biggest piece-of-shit sex offenders is not the flex you imagine it is.

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thursday: might as well throw away the key, you’re not going to need it

you gotta love the self-styled “alpha male” bros of social media, because the unforced self-owns from these trying-too-hard fucknuggets never stop coming.

check out Tyler here. Alpha Ty’s gonna lock up his junk until “women stop voting democrat.”

yeah, that’ll work.

in the replies, over a thousand people — most of them women — mocked the shit out of Tyler’s stupid tweet.

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friday: kitchens are for cooking, not speechifying

Alabama Senator Katie Britt has taken a lot of well-earned shit for her disastrous reply to Biden’s State of the Union. she was wooden, unlikable, inauthentic — and it turns out the story of Mexican sex trafficking that she blamed on Biden actually happened during the George W. Bush presidency.

but it turns out ultra-conservtive men hated her speech, too — for the dumbest of reasons.

let’s let christofascist goon Andrew Torba, founder of the Nazi hate-app Gab, explain:

Katie Britt should have been tucking her kids into bed not giving a melodramatic political speech. The GOP is desperately trying to pander to women voters with other women. Anyone who understands women knows this will never work. Women hate other women. What women want and are attracted to is a strong, masculine, authoritative man. Is there a single one of these men in the GOP?

for fuck’s sake, Andrew — stop it. stop making me feel bad for Katie Britt.

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saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.