this week in stupid: March 28 edition
Melania walks it, Donny talks it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: why we can’t have nice things, part one
hey, check out this technological wonder.
look how almost-lifelike it seems, as it stiffly walks on its own two feet. what a marvel of engineering. you could be forgiven for imagining that it has feelings, and thoughts of its own.
oh, and the robot walking next to Melania looks pretty good, too.
that’s right, someone had the bright idea of sending the president’s Slovenian green-card rent-a-wife out to stump for the fuckbrained notion of putting robots in schools.
Arguing that AI will be “formed in the shape of humans,” she said the robotic Plato would “provide a personalized experience adoptive to the needs of each student.”
She insisted, “Plato is always patient and always available. Predictably, our children will develop deep, critical thinking and independent reasoning abilities.”
for fuck’s sake, we already have those things. they’re called teachers — and they already do a pretty good job of educating our kids.
could our high-on-their-own-supply tech bro overlords stop trying to convince us how amazing the world would be if we fired every human being and replaced them with janky plagiarism factories that are super-good at convincing people to kill themselves? yeah, because that truly sounds fucking awesome.
robots are only good for one thing right now: laughing at when they fuck up. which they do — all the time.
tuesday: why we can’t have nice things, part two
Jesus fucking wept.
Minnesota Republican Rep. Mary Franson: “that’s why, when we talk about climate change, I don’t get upset about it, I don’t get worked up about it — it is because my faith is not in climate change, is not in scientists dictating what we should and should not do to save the environment, ’cause my faith is in Jesus Christ. right? he’s the same today, tomorrow, and forever, um, yesterday, and so on. you know, if you’ve read the Good Book, you know how it ends. it’s not with climate change.”
sigh. ignorant shit like this is exactly why our founders wrote ‘Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion’ right into the very first amendment of the Constitution — so that anti-science fucknuts like Rep. Franson wouldn’t be able to inflict their superstitious shitwittery on the rest of us.
yet, somehow, here we are.
now, I’m not a religious scholar or anything, but I am a Responsible Journalist™, and I know how to use google — and look what I found: St. Peter says the world will end in fire.
now, I don’t know about you, but that sounds climate-changey as fuck to me.
wednesday: why we can’t have nice things, part three
let’s let this rando attendee at CPAC teach a master class in how to tell if you’re in a cult.
“he is the president of peace. so this is to bring peace in the area. when this— when this gets taken care of, it’s gonna be peace. what I believe — I’m on Truth Social, it’s the only social media I do. and I believe that he’s going to have, um, y’know, bring peace and it’s gonna be very short, and he’s got a plan. he’s a genius. and we trust President Trump. all of us trust President Trump.”
Preznit Fuckwit loves to brag about how his cultists give him a 100% approval rating. hey, you know who else had a 100% approval rating among his cultists?
the Rev. Jim Jones, right up to the moment that everyone drank the Kool-Aid.
thursday: why we can’t have nice things, part four
oh dear, the Christofascists are up to their evil fuckwaddery again.
white nationalist pastor Joel Webborn: “the endgame in pushing egalitarianism pertaining to the sexes is almost exclusively in the West, and nowhere else. it’s because they want Western people, particularly those of European descent, a.k.a. white people, to stop procreating. this is the destruction of the world. egalitarianism is not baked into the scripture. it is baked into the fabric of communism, it’s baked into the fabric of Marxism, and it is baked in the fabric of Judaism … it is the root of all bitter baseless envy that just seeks to destroy the west.”
there we go. have you ever noticed that whenever Nazi incels start Naziing it up at the speed of light, it’s only a matter of time before they come around to blaming all their own failures on the Jews?
is it any wonder they’re all so easy to hate?
here’s a free clue for all you Nazi shitbags: look, we Jews aren’t trying to stop anyone from procreating. fuck all you want, we don’t care.
we’re too busy controlling the weather. that shit’s a full-time job.
friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
on Friday, some fucking idiot’s day started with some more needless desecration of the White House.
the fucking idiot then spoke to farmers who were gathered in the in the Epstein Parking Lot™ where the Rose Garden used to be.
the fucking idiot did his patented jerking-off-two-invisible-giraffes dance, because of course he did.
the fucking idiot also bragged about his vulgar Epstein Dance Hall™, because of course he did.
the fucking idiot also told a bunch of lies, because — say it with me now — of course he did.
then it was on to the next event: the fucking idiot yammered in the general direction of plutocrats at an economic forum in Miami — and apparently he didn’t want to be there, because he would rather hang out with losers.
fact check: true. the fucking idiot does, in fact, hang out with a lot of losers.
but I digress. let’s get back to the economic forum, where the fucking idiot was still pissing and moaning about the Nobel Peace Prize.
oh look, the fucking idiot’s renamed the Strait of Hormuz after himself. in your dreams, fucking idiot.
I have a better idea. let’s call it the Strait of Epstein™.
excuse me, but what the fuck is the fucking idiot even gibbering about here? his brain has left the station.
finally, the fucking idiot then announced he was going to answer any question, on any subject at all — including (get your barf bag ready) sex.
trust me, you predatory pig, no one wants to discuss pussy-grabbing with you.
and despite the open invitation to ask the fucking idiot any question at all, not one reporter stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
remember everyone, you can't leave for the No Kings rally until you first read my post. look, I don't make the rules, that's just the way it is
I love how all these pious propagandist cranks luuuuurve them some Bible when they use it to reinforce their Dunning-Kruger-steeped epistemic closure. All the verses about stewardship? Forget about it. Just need the ones justifying their selfishness and bigotry. So tired of them.
Look forward to Racist Birther Trophy Wife being out of the news too. She, like her excreable husband(?) are the world's biggest forced memes.