this week in stupid: March 24 edition
pudding-gate comes for Ron DeSantis, Jesus hands out free toes, and so much more
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America. let’s look back at some of the highlights.
saturday: drag performers beat the shit out of proud boys
oh, this is going to be a fucking piece of cake, thought the proud boys. let’s go to one of these Drag Queen Story Hours and fuck their girlyman shit right up.
the proud boys made one tactical mistake. they chose a Drag Queen Story Hour in New York City.
spoiler alert: things did not go well for the proud boys.
in their own words: “I came here to help, not get the shit beat out of me.”
but, the shit beat out of them is what they got, by men wearing dresses. and the icing on the cake? the proud boys got fucking arrested, too.
welcome to New York, jackasses. not so proud now, are you.
sunday: Jesus is handing out free toes
here’s a thing that’s certain to revolutionize the medical industry. if your estranged husband ever breaks into your house and shoots off three of your toes, just pray real hard and Jesus’s Free Toe Hotline will answer the call. it’s that simple, and we’re pretty sure there’s no co-pay.
Marjorie Three Toes Greene was unavailable for comment.
monday: Donald Trump calls for massive protests. six people show up
Donald Trump so badly wanted to turn his arrest (that didn’t happen) into a second January 6th. he spent the entire weekend calling for all of his worshipers to run amok in New York and prevent his arrest (that didn’t happen). each one of his Truth Social blurts was more panicked than the previous.
then came Monday and the six loneliest protesters in the world showed up in front of Trump’s gold-plated tower.
tuesday: Tucker Carlson backpedals at the speed of light
when news came out that soft, pampered heir to the Swanson frozen fishstick fortune Tucker Carlson texted that he hated Donald Trump’s guts, you knew it was only a matter of time before he had to publicly state that Tucker Carlson did not mean what Tucker Carlson said.
and so Tucker went on Bo Snerdley’s (we are not making this up) podcast and did exacly that.
because come on, who are you going to believe, Tucker Carlson, or Tucker Carlson?
wednesday: what. the fuck. is this
I can’t even.
thursday: pudding-gate comes for Ron DeSantis
very cool, very normal, very relatable and definitely-not-a-lizard-creature-from-outer-space-wearing-an-ill-fitting-human-skin-suit Ron DeSantis would very much like you to know the he absolutely does not and would never ever ever ever ever use his weird how-do-these-work human digits to dig delicious snack food out of a cup and use those same fingers to guide this yummy nutrition into the noise-hole on his what was that called again? oh yeah — face.
hey, it’s only ten o’clock in the morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dispshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a great weekend, everyone.
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so much stupid shit happened this week that it was hard to narrow it down to just one item per day
Just a reminder that stupid gets stupider in FL every single day. If I may add to your already succinctly titled This Week in Stupid, the parents of students attending the Tallahassee School of Classical Art are shocked! Shocked I say! Parents had no idea Michelangelo’s David statue is considered “Classical Art”! With his junk hanging out all over the place!! It’s pornography they claimed! Evidently, they have no idea what classical art or pornography is.