this week in stupid: March 1 edition
Don Jr. chews it, Bee Face spews it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: definitely did Nazi this coming
how many right-wing shitbags are going to lose their jobs because they can’t stop compulsively sieg-heiling every time they see an image of Dear Leader? first we had the priest who got defrocked after launching his right arm skyward. next came the woman who got booted right the fuck out of her job as town supervisor in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania after she tweeted a video of herself Nazi-ing it up.
now we have Tom Hill, shown here having the time of his life at a company conference.
Tom is the CEO of Engineered Structures, Inc. in Boise, Idaho, and he— [taps earpiece] hold on, I’m being told that Tom Hill is the former CEO of ESI, because the second the board of his company saw that clip, they forced his hateful ass to resign.
did Tom own up to his actions? of course he fucking didn’t. he took the well-worn why can’t you lib’ruls take a joke route.
In his initial statement, Hill called the action his “attempt at humor and parody” and claimed he was mimicking President Donald Trump and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk’s “signature dancing.”
also, apparently, people hate Tom for his freedoms.
Hill, who is a co-owner of ESI, further told BoiseDev that people “will hate me” for being a “Christian, Republican (and) a patriot,” but said he “wish they would be honest about why they choose to hate me.”
Tom, you want honesty? here: you fucking did a Nazi salute, and then you to tried weasel out of taking responsibility for your actions. but guess what, Tom: I don’t hate you. I just think you’re a asshole who got what was coming to him.
tuesday: salvation, for fun and profit
in Donny Convict’s America, everything is for sale — even faith.
meet Paula White, Senior Advisor to Donny’s White House Faith Office. Paula’s another one these holy rollers who has the Big Guy Upstairs on speed dial — but Paula’s actually doing good work here. she’s not phoning up her Etherial Homeboy just to shoot the shit. no, what she’s up to is sweet-talking God into doling out blessings. if you need God to smile down on you, just let Paula know and she’ll put you on the list. pretty cool, isn’t it?
oh, did I mention there’s a catch? it’s going to cost you.
Pastor Paula White, director of the White House Faith Office, is “challenging you” to give her money so that God can bless you. You can give her “a sacrificial offering” of $133, $52, or $414.
mind you, Paula didn’t invent pay for pray. for as long there have been organized religions, there have been hucksters ready to separate the faithful from their money. back in the 1970s, some faster-talker who called himself Reverend Ike sold prayer cloths. drop enough moolah and he’d hook you up with God, pronto. another fun thing about Rev. Ike is that he sat on a fucking throne.
Ike’s dead now, which is a shame — because a goniff like him would have fit right in with Paula’s White House Office of Faith.
wednesday: it’s a fucking cult
hey, let’s check in on those Humble Servants of the People in our nation’s capital and see what they’ve been up to.
“Grateful to announce that I am drafting legislation to direct the Bureau of Engraving and Printing to design a $250 bill featuring Donald J. Trump. Bidenflation has destroyed the economy forcing American families to carry more cash. Most valuable bill for most valuable President!”
what in the sacred name of Performative Nonsense Jesus is this tomfuckery? it’s a complete waste of time. Rep Wilson can draft all the clownshoes legislation he wants, but Dear Leader’s unpleasant visage can’t be on currency until after he’s pushing up daisies.
“Only the portrait of a deceased individual may appear on United States currency and securities,” reads U.S. Code Title 31 — “Money and Finance” — section 5114.
but why bother getting the government printing office involved? privatize that shit, bro. isn’t that what Republicans are all about? in fact, there’s already phony money with Donny’s stupid face on it — and the cultists already think it’s real.
To prove to her mother-in-law that she had been swindled, a Florida woman said she drove her to a nearby bank and urged her to try to redeem the Trump Bucks in her possession.
“We thought she got it, she even admitted she got scammed,” the woman said. “But then giant boxes arrived at the house full of Trump checks and other stuff that she bought for $500 and that would supposedly be worth $6 million one day. We tell her she’s getting scammed and she says, ‘Just wait, Trump will make all the patriots rich.’”
“It’s like she’s in a cult,” the Florida woman said.
no, it’s not like she’s in a cult. she is in a cult.
thursday: nice try
Alexa, can grinding your jaw be a sign that you’ve hoovered way too much coke?
Cocaine jaw, also known as “coke jaw,” is a common side effect of cocaine use. It refers to the uncontrollable grinding of teeth and repetitive clenching of the jaw often observed in individuals who misuse cocaine.
oh gee.
Alexa, can putting your hand not quite to your mouth and then pretending you’re chewing on something be an effective way of masking that you’re coked to the fucking gills?
I’m going to go with no.
friday: fuck all these fucking fucks
on Friday, Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky visited the White House, ostensibly to sign the rare minerals extortion scheme he’d been bullied into accepting.
what happened instead was that two Russian assets accosted him and shouted Putin’s talking points right into his face.
but Zelensky’s dressing down by two traitorous fuckheads wasn’t the stupid part — that was the evil part.
here’s the stupid part:
reporter: “do you ever— why don’t you wear a suit? you’re the highest level in this country’s office and you refuse to wear a suit. do you own a suit? a lot of Americans have problems with you not respecting the office.”
can you fucking believe this asshole, wasting everyone’s time by pestering Zelensky about his how he’s dressed?
know who that “reporter” is? that’s Newsmax’s Brian Glenn — better known as Marjorie Sporkfoot Greene’s boyfriend, Bee Face.
Brian’s called Bee Face because he looks he’s been stung by all the bees.
so, Bee Face is in the White House press corps now, while the venerable old AP gets told to go fuck itself, because they refuse to play along with Dear Leader’s Gulf of America bullshit.
but why the hell is someone who pairs that tie with those pants lecturing anyone on how to dress?
Bee Face, can we talk about decorum? get ready to fall all the fuck over your fainting couch, because I know of guy who loves to wear a t-shirt and baseball cap in the White House.
and do you really want to shit a brick? this dude has a kid who smears his fresh nose goblins all over everything — even Donny’s desk.
now let’s talk about the way your own girlfriend likes to play Big Girl Dress-Up when she attends a State of the Union speech.
is Marge listening to a speech, or is she trying to get the hotdog vendor’s attention at a baseball game?
and what the fuck is this?
Bee Face, can you get this woman some dalmatians already so she can go Full Cruella DeVille like she wants to?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
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do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
everyone is entitled to my own opinion is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
in case you didn't see my follow-up comment under yesterday's post: the reason for my absence was that I had to be in traffic court at 9am, where I unsuccessfully tried to talk my way out of a moving violation. so now you know.
My disgust and anger over yesterday’s events are matched only by my gripping fear of what’s next.