this week in stupid: June 6 edition
Mike pumps it, Donny dumps it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: dumbfuck, with a side of beef
here’s a sure sign you’re trapped in the shittiest timeline ever: every single thing has to be dumbed down and cartoonized.
that’s Mike Rogers. he’s some low-wattage Republican yutz running for Senate in Michigan.
Mike’s a big ball of who fucking cares, am I right?
he can’t run in his record as a member of the House, because — like all MAGAfied Republicans — his record sucks. so Mike’s handlers had to figure out some way to make their underwhelming nobody stand out. look at what they did: they used AI to beef him up, and turn him into some garish cartoon version of himself.
how annoying is it that we live in the dumbfuckiest nation on the planet, where Republican shitwits see something like this, and go ‘yeah, absolutely. let’s vote for Mister Beef.’
now, as Jesus H. Christ himself so wisely counseled us in his Sermon on the Mount, ‘blessed are the meme creators, for they shall win the internet’ — so without further ado, I give you today’s winners.
meme creators, a grateful nation thanks you for service.
tuesday: AI yi yi
here are a couple more reasons why you should never let the six-fingered plagiarism robot crank out your bigoted propaganda.
when using the Holy Umbrella of Righteous Hatred to keep your family from being soaked by all the gayness pouring down from the sky, it always helps to have three hands.
that way, you can hold your umbrella, your obedient blonde tradwife, and your obedient little blonde tradwife-in-training, all at the same time.
and yes, I absolutely do believe that if Preznit Fuckwit ever made it to the moon, the very first thing he’d do is take off his helmet.
wednesday: trans-wut-ic?
ugh, this stupidity again.
welcome to another one of those MAGA lies that won’t die: the accusation that Democrats are using your tax dollars to make mice transgender.
no, no, no, and fuck no. no one is doing this. Democrats aren’t paying the farmer’s wife to cut off little mouse dicks with her carving knife. have you ever seen such a sight in your life?
no, you haven’t — because these mice are trangenic, not transgender. these little fucking rodents are having human genetic material spliced into them, so they can be used in medical research on things like cancer, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, and neurological disorders.
now you, dear reader, are smart enough to grasp the difference between transgenic and transgender. that you’re reading this post right now proves it.
but cynical Republicans keep repeating the lie that mice are being transgendered with your tax dollars, because they know that their voting base is too dumb as fuck to understand how words work — and that they’ll fall for this bullshit just as quickly as they’ll fall for some cheesy photoshoppery of a big, beefy Mike Rogers, or Donny breathing the refreshing atmosphere of the moon.
the stupid, it never, ever stops burning.
thursday: inflating her tires, and her shitty record
oh look, America’s Self-Appointed Bathroom Panty Inspector™ has found a brand-new way to call attention to herself.
oh, I see. Nancy Mace is blaming her own personal woes on South Carolina’s shitty roads and highways.
well, here’s a very fun and very cool fact about Nance: when Joe Biden’s infrastructure bill was up for a vote in the House, she denounced it as ‘partisan’ and voted against it.
but wait, the adorable hijinks continue. now that Mace is running to be South Carolina’s Governor, she’s doing that time-honored Republican thing where she takes total credit for the benefits reaped from the bill she voted against.
Nancy Mace is losing in every poll right now. she totally fucking sucks as a candidate, and she should stick to what she’s good at: inspecting genitals.
friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
on Friday, some fucking idiot had only one item on his official schedule: an alleged ‘Roundtable on American Agriculture’ in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin.
except it wasn’t really any kind of roundtable at all.
it was a rally disguised as a roundtable, because the decrepit fucking idiot no longer has the stamina to stand up for more than ninety seconds in a row. calling it a ‘roundtable’ allowed the fucking idiot to remain seated the whole time, taking the weight off his hideously bloated cankles.
of course, being seated didn’t stop the fucking idiot from whining about every petty grudge and grievance.
“Trump: I don’t need this. I got elected. What the hell do I have to be here for?”
oh sure, what better message to give to America’s farmers than ‘fuck you, I’d rather be anywhere else right now.’
the fucking idiot then celebrated Pride Month by drooling over the physical attributes of the guy seated next to him.
next, the fucking idiot bragged about stealing another gold medal that he didn’t win, and also, for some reason, salivated over the prospect of groping some dude’s leg.
then it was time for the fucking idiot to once again boast about how his Epstein Reflecting Poll was taller than every building in the universe.
except this time, he had his graphic printed on a tiny piece of paper that couldn’t be seen by anyone in the audience. ace job, fucking idiot.
oh look, the fucking idiot is too demented to remember what the Washington Monument is called. he fumfers around, and then refers to it as ‘that beautiful spire.’
someone should ask the fucking idiot, ‘who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb?’ I’d pay good money to watch the fucking idiot try to reason it out.
oh my god, the fucking idiot really is a fucking idiot.
how does the fucking idiot get the fork to his mouth without stabbing himself in the eye?
but the most fucked up thing the fucking idiot said came earlier in the day, aboard Fuckface Force One.
Q: The NBA Finals game you’re going to, the cheapest ticket price is $8,000. Everyday Americans can’t afford these sporting events.
TRUMP: You can watch it on TV. It’s sort of semi-free to watch it on TV. That’s the way life goes.
that’s right, peasant. live sporting events are for the fucking idiot and his oligarch snugglebunnies. you want to watch? turn on your TV, peon. that’s what it’s there for.
‘that’s just the way life goes’? fuck you, you pampered fucking prick.
and, despite all the fucking idiotry going on right in front of their faces, not one reporter stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
it’s time for some Daily Claudia, isn’t it?
here’s Ms. Spouse and Tenchi, in our back yard on June 3, 2020. it must be noted that Tenchi, who lived to the age of 18, was the correct answer to the eternal question, ‘who’s a good boy?’
and two years ago today, on June 6, 2024, we were vacationing Bodega Bay, California. here’s Katie and her mom, enjoying a wine tasting at the nearby Sonoma-Cutrer Vineyards.
have a non-stupid Saturday, everyone.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
pro tip: I wholeheartedly endorse Sonoma-Cutrer Russian River Estates Chardonnay. it's one of my favorite wines
The little boy under the don't rain gay on me cartoon is the gayest kid I've ever seen, and Trump does an awful lot of commenting on other dudes' anatomies. Just sayin.
To call Nancy Mace is crazy is to do her an injustice. She's a whole other original order of crazy so let's pay some respect. I'm astounded at how many voters don't see the cray.
This had better be the stupidest timeline because if it gets any dumber than this...