this week in stupid: June 28 edition
Three-Toes bangs it, Junior harangues it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: useless tool discovers useful tool
let’s all gaze in awe as a prehistoric hominid learns to use a simple tool.
whoops! sorry, wrong footage! here we go:
tell me, who had the bright idea to make Marjorie Three Toes Greene chairperson of anything, and put a gavel in her hand? because nobody could have predicted that this ninny would immediately become intoxicated with power and make a noisy fucking fool of herself.
can someone get this spork-footed freak of nature a bag of walnuts, so she can at least do something useful while she bangs away like a two-year-old?
tuesday: the douche doesn’t fall far from the bag
oh how predictable, Cokey McSniffles is doing a racism.
“Affirmative action is when Barack Obama gets the Nobel Peace Prize instead of Donald Trump.”
fuck off, Junior. just fuck all the way off. you’re not even worth wasting words on.
wednesday: rapture on, crazy lady
there are a lot of dumbfuck reasons for going to war, but one of the dumbfuckiest reasons has to be “because Sky-Guy says so.” nonetheless, America’s unhinged god-botherers are openly rooting for Iran and Israel to blow each other to bits, and usher in the End Times.
now that Michele Bachmann’s career as an annoying politician has mercifully come to an end, she’s returned to her previous gig as an annoying zealot, beating the drums for the Rapture.
“we are living in the times the Bible said that the prophets longed to see. the prophets of the Bible wanted to be alive now, when you and I are alive, they wanted to be alive ’cause of what would happen — what was going to happen. because it was very clear from the beginning of the Bible, God gave a special purpose to the Jewish people.”
let’s see if I have this straight. Jesus — the guy who preached for everyone to love each other, and house the homeless, and feed the hungry — he’s horny to return to Earth, but he can’t do so until millions of people slaughter the fuck out of each other in a horrible war?
oh yeah, that makes perfect sense to me.
look, you fuckfaces can believe whatever twaddle you want, but please, don’t give me a job. don’t tell me my ‘special purpose’ is to facilitate this shit.
my special purpose is to point out when you people are acting like ghouls, and guess what: you’re all acting like fucking ghouls.
thursday: I meant to do that
this was the week that Dear Leader — frustrated over being ignored by Iran and Israel as they end-times’d themselves closer to oblivion — barked “they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing,” causing the worst fucking people in the world to orgasm on the spot.
‘daddy’s home! and he’s swearing like a sailor!’
naturally, because everything that happens in the MAGAsphere becomes an opportunity to grift, there’s merch — and oh look, MAGA just every bit as illiterate at the jackass they worship.
yeah, right. Israel and Iran may not know what the fuck they’re doing, but I’ll bet they know how to spell.
when the obvious error was pointed out, the MAGAverse responded with I’m not the idiot, you’re the idiot.
“I posted all morning intentionally misspelling it, and my followers had a blast calling me out for it…. I can’t imagine being unable to understand satire, and taking something like this at face value in this day and age.”
MAGA meant to do that — and you played right into their trap! HA HA, WHO’S THE MORON NOW?
let’s review, everyone. what does the stupid do?
friday: human misery, coming to a fragile ecosystem near you
the question must be asked: is Ron DeSantis an actual human being?
it’s a legit q, because he carries himself like a lizard-creature from outer space wearing an ill-fitting skin suit, and he laughs like a braying hyena.
there’s one thing that’s for certain about Ron: he is guaranteed to not have a proper human response to anything. I mean, what the fuck is this?
anyway, Florida has enthusiastically jumped feet-first into this whole ‘let’s be as shitty as possible to immigrants’ thing. they’re constructing a ginormous human rights violation out in the middle of the Everglades. that’s right: they’re destroying south Florida’s fragile ecosystem, so they can have some shithole camp in which to warehouse all the unfortunates that ICE is disappearing off the streets.
naturally, Ron DeSantis — the guy who used to sit in on Gitmo torture sessions and have a laugh — is super fucking excited about the whole thing. let’s listen in as he touts the magnificent accommodations that awaits any lucky immigrant sent to rot in “Alligator Alcatraz.” (yeah, that’s what they’re calling it.)
“we’ve got showers.”
oh. you’ve got showers.
your concentration camp has showers. that’s awesome, Ron.
hey, you know who else had showers in their concentration camps? of course you do.
Ron, I just got off the phone with your home planet. you’re embarrassing them. hang up your skin suit and pack your bags, you’re being recalled.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
761 / 850
huh. people on social media are correcting 'my' spelling mistake, as if *I* were one who made it. is it not obvious that the spelling mistake is what's being made fun of?
I’m still in awe of the breathtaking stupidity of MAGA world. Exhibit: Margie Three Toes, as dumb as the hammer she’s using. Don’t even get me started with Grandpa Poopy Pantz.