this week in stupid: June 22 edition
whiny baby files a suit, Kyle's mommy gets the boot, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
monday: the Republican war on reality, continued
last week, Lindsey Graham called D-Day a “failure.” this week, Candace Owens picks up this ball of historical revisionism and runs with it.
interviewer: “America shouldn’t have gone into our Second World War?”
Owens: “it’s a radical statement and people don’t know how to deal with that because they’ve been so brainwashed by the school system to believe that ‘look how great things are.’ let me ask you about your country, do you think that your country has become greater? has our country become greater? absolutely not.”
where the fuck do you even start with this nonsense? is this woman seriously suggesting that we should have sat out World War Two, and that the world would now be a better place if we’d just let Hitler have his way with Europe?
I wish that these ignorant fuckwads could spend two days living in Nazi Germany and then come back and tell us how wonderful it was.
yo Candace — Nazis were obsessed with how awesome it was to be white. has no one ever explained this to you? black people in Nazi-occupied countries were considered inferior and sent to concentration camps — and also subjected to forced sterilization.
open a fucking history book.
tuesday: great moments in parenting, part one
in August 2020, teenager Kyle Rittenhouse asked his mommy to drive him across state lines (note: evidently this part of the story never happened. I’ll stop saying it did. — Jeff T.) so he could fire his assault weapon into a crowd of protesters.
any normal parent would have smacked Kyle upside the head and asked what the fuck is wrong with you — but Mother of Year Mrs. Rittenhouse thought this was the most awesome idea she’d ever heard, and granted her darling boy this favor.
fast forward to 2024. Kyle, acquitted of murder, is now a hero of the gun fetishists. he’s got a book deal and he gets lucrative speaking gigs.
as for Kyle’s mom, well, things haven’t gone so well.
raise a psychopath son, reap psychopath rewards.
wednesday: great moments in parenting, part two
“a five-hundred-thousand dollar Bentley with his face on it — and look at this. this is custom one of one, so frickin nice, we’ve got his face right there. and then Trump right there, make America great again, and look in here. LET’S GO! DOUBLE-YOU DONALD TRUMP! OH MY GOD! THIS IS SO SICK!”
look how excited this kid is that his dad took half a million dollars and flushed it straight down the toilet — because you know what the resale value of a MAGAfied Bentley is? pretty damned near close to zero dollars.
there are cheaper ways of announcing to all your neighbors that you’re a fucking idiot. a huge-ass Trump flag and a MAGA hat would do the trick, and numbnuts here could have done that all for under a hundred bucks.
way to teach your kid the value of a dollar, dad.
it’s a cult. it’s a fucking cult.
thursday: a law degree is a terrible thing to waste
Republicans don’t bother to govern any more. fuck that shit — governing is hard. but you know what’s easy — and a hell of a lot more fun? being an ass, and wasting everyone’s time on performative bullshit.
“BREAKING: I will be filing suit against the State of New York for their direct attack on our democratic process through unconstitutional lawfare against President Trump.
It’s time to restore the rule of law.”
Missouri AG Bailey is just flapping his gums for attention. he knows there’s no grounds for a suit — but he also knows that the law-wattage stumblefucks who worship Dear Leader don’t have the collective brain power to attempt anything that approaches critical thinking, and are all high-fiving right now. yeah, sue the fuck out of New York!
oh look, Bailey’s stunt got him on Fox News — mission accomplished!
Fox: “on what ground are you suing them?”
Bailey: “well, the state of Missouri and the voters of Missouri have a sovereign interest in having access to — that mean physical access and hearing from a presidential candidate for the top office in the United States government. you’ve got leftists in blue states committing lawfare — unfounded lawfare — against president Trump, denying Missourians access to their chosen presidential candidate. millions and millions of Missourians have voted for president Trump and deserve the ability to be able to hear from him. we can’t let states like New York deny Missourians of access to candidate.”
words, what do they even mean? what is Bailey on about? nobody is denying Missouri access to Dear Leader. hey dummies — there’s going to be a televised debate this week. is the the state of New York somehow preventing you from watching it?
is Bailey worried that Dear Leader is going to be sentenced to prison? is that what he’s bellyaching about with this denying access gibberish? tough shit. maybe Donny should have thought about consequences before criming his way into the wrong end of a guilty verdict. there’s not a goddamned thing Andrew Bailey can do about that, and he knows it. it’s all just performative dipshittery to rile up the cultists.
friday: funny like a toothache
Doug Burgum has his vice-presidency-seeking nose jammed so far up Dear Leader’s ass it’s a wonder that he ever sees daylight.
“I wish every American could see president Trump the way we’ve seen him in the last six months. he’s genuinely, exceedingly funny. but as you know, the best comics are are really smart people.”
huh? Donald Trump is funny? is promising to round up millions of migrants and put them in concentration camps funny? is threatening to jail his political opponents funny? is vowing to allow Putin run roughshod over Ukraine funny?
someone please explain this to me. I’d love to be in on the joke.
here’s what’s funny about Donny Convict:
— he wears a piss-stained badger pelt stapled to his forehead.
— he slathers a gallon of fluorescent clown makeup all over his face and somehow always manages to miss covering his ears.
— he stands like his shoes are nailed to the ground and the rest of his body is trying to escape.
but the idea that Donald Trump is some kind of comedian? that the vile, evil shit that comes out of his mouth is funny?
people, you’re in a fucking cult. get help.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
1. I cannot fucking wait to hear about that Bentley getting keyed.
2. Burghum is auditioning to be the Orange Clown’s straight man sidekick who constantly gets a pie in the face.
I can’t figure Candace Owen’s out. She’s such an attention whore and I have never heard one sensible thing come out of her mouth. So… Kyle turned his back on mommy? 🤣🤣. Thanks for sharing the Bentley story-it IS A CULT. These people are not in their right mind. 🤦♀️. And Missouri? It figures. Numb nuts-all of ‘em.