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this week in stupid: June 16 edition
Three Toes gets snubbed, Fox News gets drubbed, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
saturday: Donny Two Indictments snubs Margie Three Toes
Saturday, Donald Trump arrived at who the fuck cares which airport, to speak at who the fuck cares which event.
none of that matters. what matters is that This Week In Stupid Hall Of Famer Marjorie Three Toes Greene was there to meet the plane. there she was, out on the tarmac, dressed in her finest Republican red dress. consider it: a blonde in a red dress. just the thing to catch the eye of a former president. and not just any blonde in a red dress, but one of Trump’s most fervent worshippers. so how did it go? did Her Sporkness get to hang out with the man of her dreams?
let’s go to the video:
sunday: guy who will never be president promises to do a thing he will never have the power to do
the thing about being a minor Republican presidential candidate is that it’s a cushy grift. you know that you haven’t a snowball’s chance in hell of winning, but you have an excellent chance of getting your face on teevee and selling shitloads of copies of your book, or whatever you happen to be hawking.
enter Vivek Ramaswamy, biopharmaceutical entrepeneur and future tavern trivia night question that one will remember the answer to.
CNN, continuing its slide into irrelevance, wasted valuable air time on Ramaswamy, and asked him the question that every Republican candidated is now obliged to answer: will you pardon Donald Trump?
answer: no one cares. you’re never going to be president.
monday: another dipshit Republican blurts the quiet part out loud
meet Oklahoma Republican Senator Markwayne Mullin. he’s another one of these tiresome assholes who can’t stop trying to ban everything that terrifies him.
here he is, rascistsplaining to a panel of children’s education experts. frustrated that he can’t get through to these pernicious communists, he starts talking over them and finally shouts “I don’t want want reality!”
at last — the Republican agenda, explained.
by the way, the book this shithead is trying to ban is Our Skin: A First Conversation About Race. buy a copy for every schoolchild you know.
tuesday: meet the discount q-anon shaman
Tuesday was arraignment day, and the massive protests that Trump hoped for never materialized. but the whole day wasn’t a total loss, because we got to meet this fine fellow:
what in the actual fuck?
all the clever protesters, the ones who would have taken the time to create a fur cape and a horned helmet and paint their face — those guys are making license plates in prison right now.
all we have left is this bargain basement bozo.
wednesday: Fox News finds a new low, then goes lower
once you’ve called the President of the United States a “wannabe dictator,” what do you do for an encore?
apparently, you do this:
fuck you, Fox News.
hey Fox News, is this you?
how about this, is this you, too?
thursday: are your condiments communist?
when you’re a conservative, you must be ready to stand guard against woke. you never know where you’ll find it. woke is lurking around every corner. woke is even in your refrigerator. that’s right, ladies and gentlemen, right now there’s a ketchup bottle in the middle shelf that’s concerned about systemic racism. right next to it is a jar of mustard that’s working towards equality for everyone. the horror!
listen to your Uncle Charlie, he’ll make sure your pantry remains racist as fuck.
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
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