this week in stupid: June 13 edition

Jesus saves it, Donny waves it, and so much more...

Jun 13, 2026

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: verily, I doth type into an AI prompt unto you

let’s all gaze in awe as the Department of Homeland Security teaches a master class in why you never let the janky six-fingered plagiarism robot produce your unconstitutional Christofascist propaganda.

no, I don’t know what the fuck ‘the consecration of the United States to the sacred heart of Jesus’ means, either. but because I’m a Responsible Journalist and Everything™ — and you’re not — I googled it, and this is what I learned:

To consecrate the United States to the Sacred Heart of Jesus is a solemn religious act where Catholic leaders and faithful entrust the nation’s present and future to the unconditional love, protection, and guidance of Jesus Christ.

now, I know what you’re going to say: ‘but Uncle Jeff, doesn’t having the federal government promote this twaddle fly in the face of that whole ‘shall establish no religion’ thing in the First Amendment?’

to which I say, ‘shut the fuck up, infidel.’

you’re just showing your ignorance. the First Amendment is only in the Old Testament Bill of Rights, and we don’t use that any more. the New Testament Bill of Rights tightens that shit up, and starts with the Second Amendment.

anyway, I just got off the phone with Jesus — and let me tell you, he is pissed. do you know what he doth verily said unto me? he said ‘I dig the ripped torso of the angel, but what the fuck is going on with her Popeye forearms and farkakta blocky hands?’

I tried to explain about plagiarism robots, but the Lamb of God cut me off.

as you know, the J-Man speaks every language on Earth — but even he couldn’t make sense of the wording on the banner, and he wanted to know if I could figure it out.

I started to say something about how my plagiarism-robot-to-english dictionary was on the fritz, but he suddenly blurted ‘oh shit, I’m late for my second coming’ and hung up the phone.

oh, you don’t like that punchline? I don’t like it either, because it’s hacky as fuck — and that’s why you never let Google’s janky six-fingered plagiarism robot write your jokes for you, either.

tuesday: wait, what if we put the laser beams on the dog’s head

here’s another thing you never want to do with the janky six-fingered plagiarism robot: put it in the hands of drooling morons.

Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins on solving the screwworm problem: “you put AI on the drones.”

oh, goody — what could possibly go wrong?

Donny’s sewer clowns created the screwworm problem when they let the Space Nazi’s merry band of pimply DOGE incels cut funding to the programs that prevented infestations in the first place — and now they’re attempting to solve the problem they created by [checks notes] shoving random buzzwords together and hoping for the best.

this is such a waste of taxpayer money — because, quite frankly, we already have the technology in place to fuck every screwworm’s shit. I’m talking, of course, about the sharks with the frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.

and if that doesn’t work, we have an excellent Plan B: the dogs with the bees in their mouths.

and if that doesn’t work, there are still plenty of outside-the-box solutions. how about putting the bees in the sharks’ mouths?

now, of course, there’s an obvious, inside-the-box solution to the screwworm problem that was staring Donny in the face the whole time: how about not appointing incompetent shit-goblins to vital government posts in the first place?

oh, silly me for even suggesting it. competence is a bridge too far for the fuckwit who put a whale-head-chainsawing maniac in charge of healthcare, and named a piss-drunk weekend chat show host to be his Secretary of Gleefully Dropping Bombs On Iranian Schoolgirls.

wednesday: one of these things is not like the other

speaking of competence being a bridge too far, is anyone in the Donnyverse more neutered than Liddle Marco Big-Shoes? at this point, I’m pretty sure that America’s Psycho-Bully-in-Chief forces Marco stand in front of the cameras and fart out stupid shit because he knows that Florsheim Boy is too chickenshit to say no.

“President Kennedy announced that we were going to put a man on the moon. we did it. we are a nation founded on doing what no one else dared to do. and at some level, that’s what this whole company, what UFC has been.”

hang on, did Liddle Marco just compare America’s space program to the Ultimate Fighting Championship, the fucksticks responsible for that low-rent cage match that’s being held on the lawn of the White House? what in the actual fuck?

does Marco have some kind of a humiliation kink?

okay, look — before you scoff, please bear in mind what President Kennedy said at his historic inauguration in 1961.

‘ask not what your country can do for you — ask what grown men in tights, pretending to slap the shit out of each other, can do for Dear Leader.’

for that matter, who can forget Neil Armstrong, standing at the base of his Lunar Module, intoning those famous words, ‘that’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for roided-up goons in fluorescent thongs prancing about in order to stroke the bottomless ego of some fucked-up rat-brained pedo dictator wanna-be.’

thursday: it hurts so good

hang on, Fox News found object Jesse Watters wants to weigh in on the matter of Preznit Fuckwit’s fiftieth declaration that a peace deal with Iran is imminent.

“Trump is such a tease, and I fall for it every time.”

can Dear Leader please just take his belt off already and give Jesse the vigorous spanking he’s been fantasizing about for years?

friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™

on Friday, for the third day in a row, some fucking idiot’s handlers kept him hidden away — presumably so he wouldn’t shit himself silly in front of the press. but once again, his minders forgot to hide his phone.

well, that was fast. the fucking idiot went from ‘a peace deal is IMMINENT’ to ‘I’ll obliterate your dishonorable face off’ in less than twenty-four hours.

the fucking idiot then posted photos of some horsies he was having painted gold.

that’s right — while you and I struggle to pay for basic goods and services, and to keep our gas tanks full, the gold-obsessed fucking idiot is wasting FIVE MILLION DOLLARS on yet another gaudy vanity project.

speaking of gaudy vanity projects, the freshly-painted Epstein Reflecting Pool already has an algae problem — the very thing that the fucking idiot claimed his shitty paint job was going to fix.

but the real story of the day was the Kennedy Center, because Friday was the court-ordered deadline for the fucking idiot’s name pried off the building.

a shitload of media, along with a crowd that numbered in the thousands, gathered to watch the fucking idiot’s name come down.

they ended up waiting for hours, because the fucking idiot’s ace team of parking garage lawyers went crying to the judge for one last time, to be allowed to pretty please let us keep the fucking idiot’s name up there for one more day, and then we’ll take it down, we pinky-swear promise.

the judge told the fucking idiot’s lawyers to go fuck themselves blue in the face.

the delay, however, gave the fucking idiot time to have a tarp put up that completely hid the name-removal process from public view.

but despite the fucking idiot’s treachery, Bluesky user Musicology Duck managed to get some footage of what looks like the D being pried off — and I’m going to gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

but because the fucking idiot had spent the entire day in his hidey-hole, and never showed his stroked-out face in public, not one reporter had any opportunity to stand up and ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

how fucking idiotic is that?

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

it’s time for some Daily Claudia, isn’t it?

here’s Ms Spouse, searching for the perfect subject on September 19, 2019.

and here’s an old-school selfie, taken on November 2, 2016. it’s out of focus, but I don’t care. I just fucking love it.

have a non-stupid Saturday, everyone.

do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.