this week in stupid: June 10 edition
Mike's on a bike, One Eye is very shy, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
saturday: but I wanted the gay-hating chicken
don’t you hate when this happens? you get a hankering for an undercooked chicken sandwich, but then you find out that your favorite undercooked chicken chain is showing insufficient levels of hatred towards the gays.
what else is left to do but record some dipshit video about tHe HoRoRs Of TeH wOkE.
“Chick-fil-A, you are no longer the Lord’s chicken. You’re actually the woke chicken and I’m really upset about it as a Christian woman. All we wanted was some good fried chicken so now we’re gonna go to Cane’s, we’re going to try it out.”
sunday: the mild one
“hey Mike, whatcha doing?”
“running for president”
“on a motorcycle?”
“the next time they come to hang me, I’ll just zoom away”
“makes sense”
monday: brainless congressman speaks out against mindless dancing
untreated neurological disaster Paul Gosar appeared at a gathering of far-right conspiracy doofuses and accused China of using TikTok to promote — I shit you not — “hedonism and mindless dancing.”
worst gritty reboot of Footloose, ever.
tuesday: vindictive fucking idiots take revenge on hapless fucking idiot
I fucking love that the Freedom Caucus has declared war on Spineless Kevin for messing up their debt ceiling hostage crisis.
on Tuesday, they used procedural fuckery to sabotage a bill that would have addressed one of the gravest issues facing Americans today — the preservation of gas stoves.
and then what did they do for an encore? they shut down the whole fucking House of Representatives. seriously. the Freedom Maniacs vowed to derail every piece of pending legislation and Kev ended up sending the entire House home for the rest of the week.
pass the popcorn.
wednesday: the curious case of One Eye, the leaky FBI agent
meet Anna Paulina Lunatic, Republican representative from Florida.
Anna has an imaginary playmate. his name is One Eye, and he’s an FBI agent who has been leaking information to Hunter Biden. no, really.
Anna, can we meet One Eye? we can’t? why not? oh, he’s in hiding? because he’s afraid that if he’s unmasked, we’ll find out that he doesn’t exist?
ok, that checks out.
thursday: this is fine
are you sitting down right now? Fox News is actually telling its geriatric viewers to shut the fuck up and stop worrying about breathing that fine, healthy orange air.
“there's just no health risk...we have this kind of air in India and China all the time, no public health emergency... this doesn't kill anybody, this doesn't make anybody cough, this is not a health event... particulate matter is just very fine soot, they're innocuous.”
so c’mon, Grandma and Grandpa Fox News Viewer, go for a nice stroll out in the thick smokey haze of ten thousand burning trees. and when you get home, why not treat yourself to a nice hot mug of nuclear waste.
friday: confessed nuclear spy just can’t stop confessing to being a nuclear spy
Jesus H. Christ, Donald. just shut the fuck up already.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
I don’t see a problem with Fox Noise telling their viewers to inhale smoke. 🤷♀️
Although you'd think I'd be used to it by now, the complete lack of basic reasoning skills, paranoia, baseless fear, and idiocy continues to astound me.