this week in stupid: July 5 edition

Tapper whiffs it, Nancy sniffs it, and so much more...

Jul 05, 2025

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: harmed by wut?

folks, ICE has taken a few minutes off from their busy schedule of kidnapping innocents off the streets and disappearing them into slave-labor torture-gulags to let you know that they really care.

look how much they care.

“Contact us if you were harmed by an alien.”

oh look, ICE has a phone number and everything.

[ring-ring-ring]

‘hello, yes? is this the hotline? bro, I wasn’t harmed by an alien. I was harmed by the alien.

I was just sitting there, having a meal with my crewmates, and this fucking thing bursts out of my chest. what the hell? yeah, can you send someone over? thanks.’

[ring-ring-ring]

‘hello, ICE? um, this is going to sound really weird, but all my friends have been replaced by pod people from outer space. what do you mean, do I have proof? I don’t need proof. I just know. look, you people better get over here fast. you’re in danger. can’t you see? YOU’RE NEXT!’

[ring-ring-ring]

‘hi, yeah, I don’t really have a complaint. I’m just calling to let you know that I’ve been assimilated by the Borg and RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.’

tuesday: spiritual whatfare?

oh noes, President Head Trauma is having some technical difficulties.

“I’m doing a major Conference Call with Faith Leaders from all over the Country, and AT&T is totally unable to make their equipment work properly. This is the second time it’s happened. If the Boss of AT&T, whoever that may be, could get involved — It would be good. There are tens of thousands of people on the line!”

hey, what do you suppose the chances are that ‘the Boss of AT&T’ follows Dear Leader on Truth Social, and saw this plea for aid? doesn’t Donny have like a whole White House staff to deal with this stuff, or did the Space Nazi fire them all?

while the Mad King was freaking out on his crappy app, cooler heads were prevailing. White House PressSec Karoline Lie-vitt has seen this shit before. when you’re locked in a holy battle for dominance over Satan’s hordes, you have to be prepared at all times for spiritual warfare.

“there is spiritual warfare as we all know. it tried to break up our call as the president even alluded to.”

Karoline knew that there was some supernatural shit going down, because of course there was. everyone knows that the forces of evil hate Dear Leader, and will go to any length to thwart his holy agenda.

you know what? it was probably Tim the Enchanter.

I mean, look at what this fucker is capable of.

if Karoline Leavitt really wants to win this big spiritual battle, my advice to her is this: bigger cross.

the Big Guy in the Sky is really impressed by that shit.

wednesday: Nancy’s big pajama drama

America’s self-appointed Bathroom Panty Inspector was in a tizzy. she was on her way back to DC to vote for Donny’s Big Ugly Fuckpile of Misery, when her flights were canceled.

Nancy being Nancy, she solved that shit in the most performative-nonsense look-at-me way possible.

at great expense, she rented a luxury van, tarted herself up in pajamas, and hired a crew to film and edit a video that she then posted to social media — because what’s the point of even being alive if you can’t get up in everyone’s faces, twenty-four seven?

all this, so Nancy could get back to DC in time to destroy your social safety net, broadly expand ICE’s ability to perpetrate evil, and give every oligarch a tax cut they absolutely do not need.

your taxpayer dollars at work.

I hope the next stop for Nancy’s pajamamobile is Fuckoffistan, because that’s where she belongs.

thursday: numbers, how do they work

oh look, Lord-Emperor Dimmus Bulbus is having reading comprehension issues again.

“WOW! 218-2. Has a number like that ever happened before???”

a number like what? the Mad King’s Big Ugly Fuckpile of Misery passed by a vote of 218-214. so what happened here? Donny got to the 2 in the second set of numbers and then what? did he stroke out, and his brain went fuckity-bye?

or, wait — is Donny only counting Republican votes, and bragging that only two R’s voted against the Fuckpile of Misery? is that what’s going on here? does Donny actually imagine that this kind of Republican solidarity has never happened before?

in that case, the answer is yes it has happened before, lots of times — when Joe Biden was president.

chew on that, bro. let’s play Donny out with Hail to the Dipshit, on the world’s tiniest violin.

friday: read the room, asshole

what. the. fuck. is. this.

is there a gas leak in the Tapper household? there’s really no other rational explanation for this Hall-of-Fame-level tone-deaffery.

I’m going to let Threads user Toby Morton do my work for me here, because I could not have said it any better than this.

Reason #47 why jaketapper is a piece of shit: He looked at a collapsing democracy, women losing rights, climate hell, people being kidnapped off the streets, and thought: “You know what this moment needs? A cartoon Uncle Sam on a surfboard, high-fiving an eagle with a burger and Jack Daniels.”
Jake Tapper: The human equivalent of a sparkler. Briefly impressive to toddlers, completely useless in a crisis.

by the way, the comments under Tapper’s post are priceless.

where is the lie?

and because a meme is worth a thousand words, let me leave you with this.

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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