this week in stupid: July 26 edition
Mike Lee blithers it, QAnon withers it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: stop the presses! no wait, start them back up
here’s Utah Senator Mike Lee with some stunning news — the kind of five-alarm shit you can only announce with flashing siren emojis.
holy shit. Fed Chair Jerome Powell has resigned! fuck yeah! BUH-BYE, Jerome, you obstructionist cum-sock! rack up another win for Dear Leader!
I mean, it’s totally weird how no actual news source is reporting this, but look: Mike’s posted the resignation letter — and Mike’s an actual US Senator, so it’s got to be legit, right?
hang on — wait just one goddamned minute, what’s going on with that seal down at the bottom? let’s take a closer look.
Mike Lee, you fucking imbecile. you got taken in by some shoddy AI-generated slop.
look at the lettering, you dunce. “Odeo of Govery8s8 of the Eirebal Reserve SielVa” — which just happens to be my favorite branch of government, because they’re the ones who sAe our en5rre coun!ey’s in#riiet r4t88.
the Senator Dipshit deleted his tweet, but — look, Mike, I hate to be the one to break this to you: you do know what the internet never does, don’t you?
that’s right, it never forgets.
tuesday: cloudy with a chance of dumbfuck
what happened to Naomi Wolf? she used be a garden-variety ‘wellness’ crank who dabbled in vaccine denial, but evidently the covid pandemic completely clownfucked her brain, because now she’s a full-bore conspiracy loon.
not only does Naomi find the evil machinations of the Deep State lurking around every corner — she seems completely befuddled by the sky.
“I don’t even know what this is, Salem MA”
ooh! ooh! ooh! pick me! pick me! I know the answer!
oh wait, the entire internet got there before me.
now comes the part where we throw our heads back in laughter —
— because the entire internet also showed up to mock the shit out of Naomi’s dumb-as-fuck tweet.
undaunted, Naomi’s back for more.
ok, I confess, Naomi. this is what clouds look like when the Jewish Space Lasers are scanning the Earth in search of fuckwit conspiracy loons to torment.
don’t mess with us.
wednesday: the more you know
hey, remember Glenn Beck? me neither. as one of Fox News’ original found objects, he was fucking huge back in the day, with a highly-rated daily show. but that was then, and this is now. Glenn still does a show. you can see it on the who even cares, nobody watches it network.
what happens when a parody becomes a parody of itself? get ready to find out, because here’s Glenn to explain exactly how Barack HUSSEIN Obama treasoned with Russia.
oh my god, Obama’s evil conspiracy has so many tentacles that TWO chalkboards can barely contain the ginormity of it.
good lord, Glenn Beck has meme-ified himself.
but of all the questions raised by Glenn’s two chalkboards, there’s only one that I need answered: has Glenn Beck been filching his wardrobe out of the dumpster behind Steve Bannon’s house?
thursday: you know a lot of what now?
listen up, all you commie rat bastards trying to take down our Great Dear Leader. Tennessee Rep Tim Burchett has a question for you: what’s the big deal about Donny having a dead pedo bestie? don’t we all?
“they knew each other. they ran in the same circles. it’s just like me. I know a lot of dirtbags myself.”
excuse me, you what?
that’s a stunning confession, Tim — and we’re going to need to know a lot more about these ‘dirbags’ you’re hanging out with.
does your name show up over and over on their flight logs?
do your dirtbag friends have 14 different phone numbers for you in their little black books?
do you encourage your children to hang out with your dirtbag friends?
most importantly, do you and your dirtbag friends get up into the kind of madcap hijinks where you invite a bunch of young “calendar girls” to a “party” at your tacky Florida golf motel, and when they get there, they find out that the only two dudes in attendance are you and your fuckface pedo pal?
just asking questions, Tim. we’re still allowed to ask questions in the Mad King’s hellish dystopia, aren’t we?
friday: you see what kind of people?
you may have asked yourself, how did Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden and Barack HUSSEIN Obama find the time to gin up all that fake Epstein File flim-flammery, just to make Dear Leader look bad?
I mean, they produced hundreds of thousands of pages of documents. that’s a lot of work for just three people, isn’t it? even with the help of James Comey and John Brennan, come on, that’s still a fuckload of effort.
QAnon conspiracy crank Scott McKay has the answer: ginning up all that bogus data is a piece of cake when everyone involved is dead.
“my contact called me afterwards and gave me an amazing drop of information, or confirmation, of what exactly has been going on in this battle. number one is that Hillary Clinton has been removed from the playing field. she was removed December 31st, 2018, I believe it was, at Gitmo. Trump witnessed it. horrible thing he saw, he said. apparently she wouldn’t die. so, he said he never wanted to see it again. also there were six, five different Bidens that have been playing out that role. I just got off the phone with the same person, who is now overseas. I sent him a text earlier about something, and he said, by the way, and I won’t mention the woman’s name, who this came from, this is a high-level official. but he said, the text that I just got from her, said, ‘fake Obama — arrest coming soon.’ so, once again, these players have already been removed from the playing field.”
um, Scott? Nurse Ratched is here to remind you that it’s medication time.
now here’s the nice attendant to help you back to your bed, bro.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
789 / 878
Mitt Romney voted to impeach Trump twice. And then Utah elected Mike Lee.
A little more of my brain just dribbled out of my ears.
I think we might need to find a stronger word than “stupid ” for Saturday’s posts. The MAGA cult could elevate themselves 100 levels and still not reach “stupid”.