this week in stupid: July 18 edition
MAGA wears it, Donny repairs it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: you wanna talk about ‘deformed’?
Nosferatu McGoebbels is what would happen if an irrational hatred of all that is decent and good in this world became a real boy.
just take a listen to what this undead shit-goblin has on his mind.
"it’s not a coincidence that when you look at these violent Antifa demonstrations, not one of the people that is demonstrating looks like a normal person. not one looks normal. they’re all deformed in some way in their appearance, in their dress, in their mannerism.”
‘deformed’?
bro, have you looked in a mirror lately?
wait, what am I saying here? vampires can’t see their reflection in a mirror.
okay, that certainly explains a lot.
let’s just give the final word on the subject of Stephen Miller to the folks at The Onion, because they’re so fucking good at this.
tuesday: smell that? that’s the sweet smell of liberty
now let’s all watch as MAGA screech monkey Eric Metaxas teaches a master class in the difference between freedom and free dumb.
“‘air quality alert.’ so you’re like, okay, whatever that means. it’s going to be hot and humid, okay, air quality alert. then it says, it tells you, limit outdoor activity. and I thought, who’s telling me how to live my life? I’m an adult man, in a free country. you’re telling me, ‘limit outdoor activity’? so this is Big Brother with your tax dollars, telling you how to live? how dare they? how dare they say that? who are they? who has the right to tell me or you or anyone anything? it’s a free country, I can do whatever I want. but somebody in the government has the temerity to say ‘limit outdoor activity.’”
okay, I had to watch that clip two or three times, just to make sure that Eric Metaxas wasn’t mocking people who think like this. oh no, he’s serious. he’s super fucking outraged to be asked to follow voluntary health guidelines.
dude, Canada is burning to the ground right now, and all that smokey shit is floating right right down into our country. yeah, for your own good, you might want to avoid filling your lungs with that.
oh, you think so? well you can get the fuck out of here with your useful advice, because nobody tells Eric Metaxas what to do.
and this, my friends, is the difference between freedom and free dumb.
freedom is the ability to live your life as you see fit. free dumb is doing stupid shit specifically because someone asks you not to.
this is why so many of these dumbfucks died during covid — because nobody tells MAGA what to do.
so go for it, Eric. step outside and breathe deeply. fill your chest with all that smokey goodness. mmm, feel that tightness? that overwhelming urge to cough up a lung? that’s free dumb!
and while you’re at it, go play in traffic. that’ll really stick it to The Man.
wednesday: attention, citizens! new patriot guidelines have dropped
yes, this is an actual post that the White House put up on Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium.
okay, the top row is pretty easy to figure out. don’t tread on the flag, yadda yadda. whatever. the bottom row is a complete mystery. what’s the unpatriotic part, being a sore loser? being a sore winner? not showing up at all for the bronze medal? oh wait — it’s being a guy and playing women’s sports. way to be incoherent AND completely fucking transphobic at the same time, White House.
but it’s the middle row that really has me perplexed. wearing a sombrero is unpatriotic? really?
now, I wanted to know if everyone’s gotten the memo on this. so, in the name of Responsible Journalism and Everything™, I asked Google’s janky six-fingered plagiarism robot to show me ‘pictures of Republicans wearing sombreros’ — and this is what it served up: six-time international lap hockey champion Handy Oakley, tarted up for Halloween in Mexican cosplay, along with her boyfriend, dressed as in ICE thug.
they’re such charming people. so classy. I hope the vigorous beetlejuicings this guy is getting is worth the embarrassment of being seen in public with a complete ninny
but the plagiarism robot also showed me this.
and this.
so now I’m really confused.
hey guys — don’t nobody tell Eric Metaxas that he’s not allowed to wear a sombrero, because you know what he’ll do next.
thursday: just fuck off
now, why am I unsurprised to learn that Fox News found object Jesse Watters is a brainless giggling shitstack who thinks rape is super fucking hilarious?
“women on base, you better be careful, HEH HEH. port calls, women, HEH, Asia, you better be careful. because these guys are going to be wild animals and you better watch out. [bursts out laughing]”
shut the fuck up, piggy. what the fuck is wrong with you?
friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
on Friday, some fucking idiot threw one of his most childish tantrums ever — and that’s saying a lot.
the fucking idiot got Big Mad at Canada for allowing themselves to burn to the ground.
how dare Canada inconvenience us with their stupid smoke? why aren’t they raking their forests? well, the fucking idiot’s gonna settle Canada’s hash, but good. he’s going to make them pay a smoke tariff! boo-yah, Canada!
what a fucking idiot.
the fucking idiot also got Big Mad at that imaginary inflatable Antifa frog who put that skillionty-mile-long slash into his beloved Epstein Reflecting Pool.
look at what Antifa is making the fucking idiot do. now he has to go out and find a vandal-proof liner.
gee, if only there were some way of putting a fucking-idiot-proof liner around the entire country.
then it was time for the fucking idiot to attend his one scheduled public event for the day: a reception for FIFA at his fugly golden tower in New York City.
the fucking idiot used this festive occasion to whine once again about the 2020 election, and also to ramble incoherently about [checks notes] not getting credit for [checks notes again] 250 years? what the fuck?
fact check: the fucking idiot’s father was born in The Bronx.
here, the fucking idiot asks if anyone knows what he’s talking about. the answer is no.
apparently, the fucking idiot’s freakishly tall son is freakishly awesome at handling balls. who knew?
finally, when the reception was over, the fucking idiot, looking extremely svelte, was forklifted into his big boy booster seat on Marine One and flown to his New Jersey ex-wife cemetery, where he’ll be spending the weekend.
and because the press wasn’t allowed at any point to get near the fucking idiot, not one reporter had the opportunity to stand up and, at long last, ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
now let’s put a close to This Week in Stupid and have us some Daily Claudia.
here’s a triptych of birthday dinner photos from February 12, 2023.
have a non-stupid Saturday, everyone.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
how your air, everyone? here in the Hudson Valley, the sky actually cleared up for a while and the sun was shining. today it's getting foul and murky again. ugh
No sombreros? But what if yo quiero Taco Bell? And speaking of, the gubmint has successfully scapegoated Taco Bell for the lettuce/uncontrollable pooping connection. Taco Bell's lettuce is from Taylor Foods, a major supplier of lettuce all around the country and the owner is a Trump donor. As we day nowadays, do the math.