this week in stupid: January 4 edition
the Space Nazi blithers, Don Jr. dithers, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
monday: step right up, rubes
it’s a wise old saying: a trump supporter and their money are soon parted.
need proof? here’s an ad that’s been running on the Fox Business channel. for only $19.95, you can get a rectangle of paper with a value of zero. look — it’s got Dear Leader’s vacuous smirking face and chickenscratch signature on it! shut up and take my money!
sometimes I wish I had no morals or ethics, because I would be so good at grifting these dumb-asses. just slap Donny’s big dumb pumpkin face onto any cheap-ass Chinese-made trinket and back up the Brinks truck, boy-o.
you know what’s going to happen, don’t you? some dimwitted cultist is going to walk into their local 7-11 and try to use this funny money to pay for his slurpee.
it’s not like it hasn’t happened before.
Turns out, Trump Bucks aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on. Just ask John Amann of Houston who said he bought $2,200 worth of the phony currency and other Trump monetary items over the past year only to discover they were worthless when he tried to cash them in at his local bank.
MAGA, can we chat? listen up, stupids. if you’re shelling out $19.95 for a phony two-dollar bill, or $499.95 for Dear Leader’s spray-painted sneakers — or if you spent god-knows-how-much on stickers, and this is what your car looks like …
I don’t want to hear one fucking word out of you about the price of eggs.
tuesday: a chip off the old blockhead
Donny Convict’s worthless failson put down the coke spoon long enough to make the following confession on his podcast.
Donald Trump Jr. revealed that he dreaded attending the annual New Year’s Eve party at Mar-a-Lago because his father’s drunk friends treat him like a “freaking imbecile.”
news flash for Cokey McSniffles: it’s not just your dad’s friends who think this. bro, everyone thinks you’re a fucking imbecile — even your father.
“He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer,” the president reportedly said in 2017, after the full extent of Don Jr.'s haphazardly arranged Trump Tower Moscow meeting came to light.
folks, make sure your children understand that you love them, so they don’t grow up to be Donald Trump Junior.
wednesday: please stop talking
the Space Nazi is good at exactly two things: being born into obscene wealth — and buying existing companies, forcing out the founders, and pretending he invented their product.
excelling at these two endeavors has convinced that Space Nazi that he’s super fucking awesome at everything, and that he has Big Thoughts Worth Sharing about every subject.
all of which leads him to spew some of the stupidest shit ever.
“There are certainly other factors at play, but heavy use of c-sections allows for a larger brain, as brain size has historically been limited by birth canal diameter.”
yeah, no.
here’s a scientific discussion of why the Space Nazi’s c-section thesis is wrong, for anyone who cares to do the reading. I’ll just skip ahead to the good part, because you know who else was obssessed with the non-existent correlation between head size and intelligence? of course you do.
The entire school of thought on the matter of skull shape determining inferior/superior genetic traits is VERY DATED and takes us back to the days of the Third Reich, eugenics, and slave trading.
oh wait, there’s a third thing the Space Nazi is good at: attracting a cult following of the dumbest fucking imbeciles alive, all of whom are only too eager to affirm whatever idiocy Elmo excretes.
“During birth, my head had to be pulled out with a pair of forceps.”
too much information, Ian.
thursday: smooth operator
oh wow, it’s Wayne Newton!
I’m not Wayne Newton.
Wayne, I love the way you sing.
I’m not Wayne Newton.
yes, you are. here’s a photograph of you, can I have your autograph?
I’m not Wayne Newton.
when did you get your own TV show, Wayne?
goddammit, for the last time: I’m not Wayne Newton.
well if you’re not Wayne Newton, who are you?
I’m former Congressman Matt Gaetz, now hosting my own show on One America News.
eww, get the fuck away from me, you sex-trafficking deviant. what did you do to your face?
coda: Matty Plankhead was so stung by criticism of his makeup/botox/whatever, that the very next night, he invited noted drag performer Kitara Ravache onto his show to give Matt some much-needed makeup advice.
the name Kitara Ravache might not ring any bells for you, so let’s use one of his better-known aliases: George Santos.
friday: that’s a lot of racism
in today’s episode of A Cristofascist Explains It, god-bothering evangelical Douglas Wilson launches into a surprisingly accurate explanation of the H-1B visa program — and then quickly takes a very dark turn.
“H-1B visas are for highly-skilled workers who come to the US legally. the number set by Congress for such visas annually is sixty-five thousand, with room for twenty thousand more if they have graduate degrees from US colleges. but, nevertheless, that’s a lot of Hindus. remember that these are skilled and ambitious people, likely to rise to positions of influence and control. that means that when it comes to America retaining its distinct identity as a nation, they clearly represent a diluting agent.”
“that’s a lot of Hindus.” don’t you love it when racists say the quite part out loud?
hey, you know who else was really worried about their national identity being diluted?
of course you do.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
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do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
I love it when Jeff goes after Commander Crazy Pants. There's so much material for noting his absolute ineptitude.
I'm not the only one who prays every night that Heir Crazy Pants passes in his sleep, it's comforting to know I'm not alone. 💙
Wayne Newton! BWAHAHAHA😂😂😂