this week in stupid: January 31 edition
Rudy wears it, Donny tears it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: crimes of fashion
excuse me, but what. the fuck. is Rudy Giuliani. wearing?
who even knew that Rudy Giuliani was still a thing? I’d pretty much forgotten that he existed — but now I’ll never get this shittastic image out of my mind.
I need to know, where is Rudy getting his clothes? from Four Seasons Total Menswear?
tell me — who wore it better Rudy Colludy, or Jim Carrey in The Mask?
how about the crying emoji?
any random kid in a rain slicker?
folks, we have a winner. I’m going with the biohazard trash bag.
tuesday: maybe the kompromat is up there
look, I don’t want to be making wild accusations against one of our nation’s most-esteemed senators — but watch this clip and tell me, does Lindsey Graham sound like he’s on Day Four of a three-day-bender?
“but they gotta seeasfoddy, we gotta give them a chance to see the difference buhhhh— between us and liberal Democratsh and two weesh we’re gonna have that chance.”
what in the hallowed name of Three Sheets To The Wind Jesus is Old Lindz looking up at?
what the fuck is up there on the ceiling? pink elephants?
oh wait, we now have footage of Lindsey in the Green Room before his appearance on Hannity.
well, that explains a lot.
wednesday: just don’t call them snowflakes
let’s check in with that cautionary tale for why you should never play football without a helmet, Terminally-Concussed Tommy Tuberville.
“unfortunately we’ve got the Woke Bowl, because we’re getting more and more woke. we got Bad Bunny or Bad Rabbit at halftime. I’ll be watching the TPUSA halftime show. It’s just unfortunate we’ve gotten to this point.”
everyone laugh! Terminally-Concussed Tommy made a funny! he called Bad Bunny ‘Bad Rabbit.’
welcome to MAGA’s latest collective tantrum. the cultists are throwing a massive shit-fit right now, because the NFL has booked Bad Bunny to be their half-time act at the Super Bowl. what the fuck, NFL? Bad Bunny isn’t white, and he doesn’t even do country music. how unpatriotic is that? so unfair! so unfair!
so now the Super Bowl is woke, because everything MAGA hates automatically becomes woke.
but don’t despair, MAGA! into the breach has stepped Turning Point USA — the organization founded by misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk. TPUSA is going hold their own halftime show — because nothing says ‘I’m not a triggered snowflake’ more than holding an alternate event so your ears don’t have to be sullied by radical leftist lunatic music.
spoiler alert: the TPUSA show is shaping up to be a twenty-megaton disaster. if you’d like to know who’s going to perform, Turning Point is cordially inviting you to go fuck yourself. they’re keeping lineup a secret until the day of the event — which is exactly the kind of thing you do when you have a clusterfuck of nightmarish proportions on your hands.
Turning Point should be talking to me, because I have can’t-miss idea. if they really want a rating success, they should do a half an hour of Pete Kegstand flipping a skateboard into his own nuts. I’d watch the shit out of that. so would you.
thursday: fok u if u no like my moofie
the Melania movie might be the dumbest fucking thing ever, but the reviews are in, and they’re anything but stupid. in fact, they’re brilliant.
feast your eyes on this bit from Xan Brooks’ review in the Guardian.
“No doubt there is a great documentary to be made about Melania Knauss, the ambitious model from out of Slovenia who married a New York real-estate mogul and then found herself cast in the role of a latter-day Eva Braun, but the horrific Melania emphatically isn’t it. It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch and proffered like a medieval tribute to placate the greedy king on his throne.”
that’s glorious. chef’s kiss. ten out of ten. no notes.
here’s Sophie Gilbert in The Atlantic.
“Melania shows off her custom-made inauguration gown, stark white with black ribbons overlaying it, a dress that now looks unavoidably like the redacted Epstein files.”
fact check:
here’s Nick Hilton in the UK Independent.
First Lady is a preening, scowling void of pure nothingness in this ghastly bit of propaganda.
and now, let’s go live to Melania reading her reviews.
I really don’t care, do u?
friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot
on Friday, before absconding to his vermin-infest Florida golf motel for the weekend, some fucking idiot held a press conference in the Oval Bordello.
the fucking idiot offered up his proof that the protesters in Minneapolis are being paid: they all have ‘beautiful’ signs with brand-new ‘leather panels.’
leather panels? what the hell is the fucking idiot gibbering about? has anyone ever seen a protest sign with a leather panel?
the fucking idiot then announced he was building a stadium for a hundred thousand people, right in front of the White House.
I shit you not, he actually said that — because the fucking idiot talks first and thinks never. he just craps out whatever ludicrously large number sounds impressive. never mind that a stadium accommodating hundred thousand people would be the size of the Rose Bowl.
is that what the fucking idiot imagines he’s building across the street from the White House? in the fucking idiot’s dreams.
the fucking idiot then made sure to be rude to a woman reporter, because of course he did. it’s the fucking idiot’s signature move.
the presser came to an abrupt end when the fucking idiot’s handlers suddenly got up and rushed the press out of the room.
what happened? did the fucking idiot, as is rumored, actually shit his pants?
seriously, what in God’s green fuck just happened?
should we be asking this woman?
and, despite everything they had just witnessed taking place, not one reporter stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
978 / 1067
Melania's dress looks like a zebra that just fucking gave up.
Designer taxidermy is how I will forever refer to Melania from now on. lol
Also I’d rather squirt lemon juice into my eyes for 90 mins straight vs watching her propaganda fluff piece.