389 Comments
User's avatar
Susan Niemann's avatar

TITKOK. I'm choking on my coffee cake, dude. 😂😂😂

Is that the best Tennessee can send...Tim is certifiable. 🤦‍♀️

Capitol Hill Crotchsniffers for the WIN!!!!

This summary made me feel better. Have a great weekend, everybody!

Expand full comment
Geoff Anderson's avatar

Tennessee also keeps electing Marsha Blackburn to the senate too

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

It’s like a tie for the worst people…she’s alllll about her lobby money. 🤮

Expand full comment
Lisa59's avatar

Then there's dandy Andy Ogles. This guy is documented grifter, liar, and #1 ass kisser. It took him 20 years to finish his degree. A Tennessee news channel, News5, did a story about how fucking dumb this guy is.

Pete, the sexual predator (Andrew Tate's brother from another mother), was sworn in this morning. Republicans shaking the death rattle of democracy.

Expand full comment
Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

Andy Ogles on Fox News saying that we should invade Greenland because we're a "dominant predator" nation was the runner up for this week's Tuesday stupid

Expand full comment
KP Johnson Austin, TX's avatar

Trump'll use his newly-released "hostages" to do the job. Is there a Go Fund Me for Greenland's purchase of weapons to stop them in their tracks?

Expand full comment
D Kitterman's avatar

Mel Gibson, Bobert, Mace, Ogles, and a lot more bigots who just don't have anything beneficial to offer the world.

Expand full comment
Bonnie Council's avatar

Don't forget Burchett. It used to be that this many crazies in a room together would be fiction, like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Now it's status quo. What the hell happened to us??

Expand full comment
Ellis Weiner's avatar

Okay, but isn't "Ogles" a little on-the-nose?

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

It applies to Zuckums & his chest inspection of Lauren Sanchez.

Expand full comment
Lisa59's avatar

🫣

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

Jesus Christ. Tennessee should just be its own little country...where the average IQ is 6. 🤦‍♀️

Expand full comment
Mwfeiger's avatar

The 'WALL' I've maintained should be erected around Alabama. However, I could be persuaded that a portion of TN should have a WALL too.

Expand full comment
MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

Go ahead, but we’re keeping Dolly Parton.

Expand full comment
MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

That would be … to protect the rest of the country from us?

Expand full comment
MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

Please don’t demonize Tennessee, or any other state. We’ve got enough problems as it is.

Expand full comment
Susan Keefer's avatar

Nicky, come on now you know that TN sucks.

I’ve been stuck there for almost 20 years now, (my husband moved us down there for his job).

It sucks and I can’t get out! 😫

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

Tennessee sucked , for this California gal.

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

I was waiting for this comment...so noted. Apologies.

Expand full comment
D Kitterman's avatar

I was just kidding with the like about Alabama and TN. Had to chuckle. Apologies. But ....Texas?

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

I spent a year one weekend in Tennessee, otherwise known as

The Devils Anus.

Expand full comment
Mary Hall's avatar

I was about to say that I spent a week in Alabama one day. Couldn't wait to GTFO and I am never going back.

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

It's okay, Kristy, you're welcome to visit the fourth largest nation in the world, known as California.

Expand full comment
MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

Well then, I guess you won’t be coming back. You won’t be missed.

Expand full comment
Steve Kelly's avatar

I would suggest that be moved down to a 5, or maybe less.

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

BUH BYE.

Expand full comment
Linda Fulcher's avatar

Puppy killer Kristi Noem was confirmed as Homeland Security secretary, with Dem votes. The Democratic Party's groveling is beyond disgusting. Sell outs.

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

They must be made to pay,unbelievable.

Expand full comment
Lisa59's avatar

Here's the list: Fetterman

Tim Kaine

Andy Kim

Gary Peter

Jeanne Shaheen

Elissa Slotkin

In addition, Sheldon Whitehouse will be voting yes for RFK,Jr. His best friend. As he states. Now, let's all hold hands. 🖕🖕🖕

Expand full comment
PTW's avatar

All I can say is....WTF! What is wrong with these people, seriously.

ActBlue can go fuck themselves, the next time they come begging.

Expand full comment
Doc Blase''s avatar

Thank you Lisa, for the List of Disgrace; those who find 'common ground' with fascists are themselves fascists.

WTF happened to Jeanne Shaheen? Senior member of Armed Services committee?

Incredible.

New Hampshire's new state motto: "Live Free or... Get A Big Suitcase Full Of Cash"

Expand full comment
Linda Fulcher's avatar

Also Maggie Hassan.

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

WTF? Has Whitehouse gone mad?

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

FUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK

Expand full comment
Stephen Brady's avatar

They grow ‘em strange in Tennessee…

Expand full comment
arne link's avatar

Lots of stupid in Tennessee. My sister has lived there for most of her life. It changed her. She and her (now dead) husband used to lay in bed and watch Faux news for hours. Last time we talked she told me that "they" can control the weather. It snowed in Nashville last week. Who ordered that?

Expand full comment
Lisa59's avatar

Tell them I ordered that. 😅 They would believe shit is butter.

Expand full comment
MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

Lots of smart, decent people here too. Who ordered the broad brush?

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

When a broad brush is accurate .

Expand full comment
MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

A broad brush is never ‘accurate.’ That’s why it’s called a broad brush.

Expand full comment
HI2thDoc's avatar

Jewish Space Lasers can also order snow

Expand full comment
MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

Not just in Tennessee.

Expand full comment
HI2thDoc's avatar

Yep. We have MAGAs in Hawaii, for cripes sake. I wish they would go swimming in the rip currents

Expand full comment
Stephen Brady's avatar

I know. We are having a national mental health crisis.

Expand full comment
Susan Travis's avatar

Geoff, we tried our best to elect Gloria Johnson! She is sooo much better than Blackburn! Gloria would represent her constituents; Marsha represents her donors🤬🥺

Expand full comment
Marla's avatar

Blackburn is a beauty school dropout (TM Grease) who really should stay in her lane, oops, station at the salon.

And while excoriating legislators from TN, let's not forget Andy Ogles, who wants to undo the 22nd Amendment and give the Orange Shitstain a 3rd term. But by using very special words, only the Orange Shitstain. Me, I'd love to see President Obama again.

What is in the water in Tennessee, anyway?

The stupid, it burns.

Expand full comment
David A Pitock's avatar

Gotta be the PFAS

Expand full comment
Rick Calegari's avatar

No baloney pony's to see here folks. That hit the much needed laugh button. And what's up with these dipshit lapdogs like Mel Gibson wanting "daddy" to give them a spanking? Hell, for the right price, that orange grifting whore would probably do it. Can see it now, besides spending a shit ton of money to pray with a perverted atheist, our so-called president will gladly spank your sorry ass. Maybe even with a magazine with his picture on it.

Expand full comment
Marie Martin's avatar

I was raised by one of those belt-wielding, spittle-spraying, good old boys who beat the crap out of us regularly. Those who think that kind of thing is any answer to anything are fucking crazy. I’m 76. A huge number of those years have been dedicated to rewiring the hardwiring of such a punishing and bleak existence. Here’s the thing: you have to WANT to rewire. You have to take steps to wash that shit off of you. I’m constantly seeing people who like how “the bad” feels. Maybe I should be compassionate and wonder how bad their damage was that they can’t even see their pain.

Expand full comment
Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

My older sister has such PTSD from our father’s beatings that she has a panic attack when she hears a man removing his belt. How anybody can think (much less vocalize) that daddy coming home angry and taking off his belt is a positive thing - well, I guess only sick fucks think that way.

Expand full comment
Marie Martin's avatar

I’m so sorry. How many walking wounded are there as a result of parents who were crippled as a result of some dark hole within themselves? How dies that shape the world? Frump? Pretty sure he has nothing but ashes and a smear of black goo in the space where a heart should reside.

Expand full comment
Hannah Olufs's avatar

Definitely feel compassion. Those people are the ones who really need it.

Expand full comment
Rick Calegari's avatar

That's horrible for your poor sister. Too much abuse in this country and most of it is not reported. Sad that this awful issue coincides with some within our sick leadership.

Expand full comment
Susan Bauer's avatar

Some circuses just have kissing booths—but yes he could start a spanking booth.

Expand full comment
Mike Hammer's avatar

Apologies to all crotchsniffers! 🐕🐕🐕

Expand full comment
Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Ditto Susan and everyone here!!

Before I go please read the latest Palast investigation report

https://www.gregpalast.com/trump-lost-vote-suppression-won/

Expand full comment
Lisa59's avatar

Thanks, Patrick. Where's the fucking media and democrats? This makes perfect sense. Jim Crow voter suppression. Amerikkka.

Expand full comment
Rick Calegari's avatar

Great read Patrick and this info should be in every major newspaper across the country. Unfortunately, we know how those shitweasels operate. Thanks for sharing.

Expand full comment
Anne Whitney's avatar

Thank you for posting this. It's helpful to see someone writing about the numbers. So why weren't there fistfights in the aisles this time or government officials complaining about actual voter suppression that changed the outcome? Dems are trying to play it cool? They were outplayed so they gave up? The post-election silence is both deafening and heartbreaking.

Expand full comment
Dani's avatar

The Capitol Hill Crotchsniffers made me laugh out loud!

Expand full comment
Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

As a former wrestler I recoil from “crotchsniffers” I was a wrestler 55 years ago and the wrestling room door opened at the end of practice (about 2 hours of sweating profusely) the basketballers entered the area. That’s when they thought they could be clever with us. One day we grabbed two of them and hung them by their jockstraps by the girls locker room door! That quieted them down, cut to John Lennon and karma remark.

Expand full comment
Susan Travis's avatar

Susan, Tim Barnjacket Burchett is my "representative"! No matter what phrasing or the subject matter of my postcard or email to him, I will receive the same form letter back, from staff??

Expand full comment
Mwfeiger's avatar

We share the same funny bone.

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

The HUMURUS 💙

Expand full comment
Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

You’re on your game Kristy!!

Expand full comment
Steve Kelly's avatar

The amount of comedy material coming at us now is overwhelming. But pretty funny.

Expand full comment
Major Kong's avatar

It's like a Gilda Radner routine. "What’s all this talk about banning Tit Cock? This is outrageous! How will babies be fed? How will men go the bathroom without tit and cock?"

No, Miss Latella, the proposal is about banning TikTok.

Oh, that's different then. Never mind."

Expand full comment
un poco loco's avatar

Sometimes I think Fox must encourage the occasional naughty misspelling in the chyrons just to keep people reading them... or Idk, maybe whoever types it in has a low boredom threshold, although if that's the case, they're on the wrong fucking network.

Expand full comment
Susan P Thatcher's avatar

Lord God Almighty.

BTW, Watters, MY DAD, an actual alpha, went grocery shopping with his wife. And kids. Kids would be sent to acquire various items, he'd wander off and come back with ten cans of smoked fish. Or weird crackers. My mom: "Jesus Christ, Skip, you're worse than the kids." Anyone else have a dad like that?

Expand full comment
Michelle Vancura's avatar

My husband loved to go grocery shopping. I’d just hand the man a list and off he’d go with an enthusiastic grin on his face. Of course he’d always come back with a bunch of crap we didn’t need, but at least the list was completed and we were both happy. Real men aren’t afraid to go to the grocery store!

Expand full comment
Stephen Brady's avatar

I don’t think anyone would ever confuse Jesse Watters with a real man.

Expand full comment
Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Truer words Stephan!!

Expand full comment
antlisa1201's avatar

Well, I think Nick Fuentes would. Does. Or maybe it's the other way around. Jesse thinks Nicky is a real man. Whichever, I think they're a good match for each other.

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

Kind of a watttered down , " man ".

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

Probably both into homoerotic spanking.

Expand full comment
Hannah Olufs's avatar

Clearly.

Expand full comment
SPW's avatar

That sounds so familiar. The grocery store had my list but the dollar store was his hangout. Bless him. I miss him but am so glad he’s. Not still on this earth to see what 47 is doing to the country.

Expand full comment
Michelle Vancura's avatar

My husband passed away two years ago. He would be appalled by what’s happening in this country now. I miss him so much and mourn the future retirement life we planned together. But now I’m not so sure those plans would have ever come to fruition.

Expand full comment
PTW's avatar

❤️‍🩹,Michelle.

Expand full comment
shee-rah's avatar

My husband does all the grocery shopping and loves to go to the local farmers market. He also cooks and bakes. I’m a lucky woman!

Expand full comment
Dave Drell's avatar

I do the shopping in my house- period!

Hey Watters- you such a mommas boy- do you even know where the grocery store is? You’re such a weak pussy, any of the fine ladies on this substack could kick your ass. Please shove a Depends in your mouth and STFU

Expand full comment
HI2thDoc's avatar

Even his own mother thinks he's a misogynist.

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Yes, on any given day, I can spend less on the same shopping list than my husband. I've tried to train him, but he still doesn't have the basics down.

Expand full comment
Marla's avatar

The DH does the marketing every week (or whenever there's the need). He enjoys doing it. The main supermarket we use offers a military discount and he loves telling them at checkout (former National Guardsman). I set the menus and draw up the lists and off he goes. Sometimes he improvises and brings back the wrong thing and back it goes.

It's a thing that works for us.

Is Jesse Watters even in a relationship with a real, live woman? Or just his left hand?

Expand full comment
HI2thDoc's avatar

Watters is such an overcompensating douche. I can't believe he can get women to bang him, or even worse, marry him. Fuuuuuck

Expand full comment
Stephen Brady's avatar

My dad liked the canned Armor Corned Beef Hash. Horrible stuff. I shared a can of Kennel Ration with my puppy when I was 4 - and it was indistinguishable from the Hash.

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

Canned Corned Beef Hash with an egg was hangover food in college. 🤣🤣

Expand full comment
Irascible Ink's avatar

I love me some corned or roast beef hash with ketchup, and a bagel. I'm such a mishmosh of 'Murican-Quebecer. 😂

Expand full comment
Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

Did it help or did it make you puke and get rid of the hangover, legitimate medical question. How old am I? Once I was dizzy in the spring so bad my Doctor actually came to my house for a visit, I told him I had just puked and felt a bit better, he replied that’s not the way to feel better. It lasted a couple of months I guess allergy, never came back.

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

I found that a cheeseburger is an excellent hangover cure 😋

Expand full comment
Irascible Ink's avatar

Cold leftover pizza made a good hangover breakfast back in the day.

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

I think that would make me puke.

Expand full comment
un poco loco's avatar

Mexican food is also a perfect hangover cure... don't know why; maybe it's just with enough super-hot-sauce, you can't distinguish the pain of your burned digestive tract from the hangover... the Negra Modelo that usually arrived with the enchiladas probably helped a little, too...

Expand full comment
Cathy Wray's avatar

😆

Expand full comment
Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

That’s just plain funny! When I was 18 a guy I worked with, for lunch opened a can of Vets dog food and ate it from the can… one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen Stephan!!

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

OMG!! 😂

Expand full comment
Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Right!! I found the video of the Guardian article, discussed on Thom Hartman’s YT channel, it’s incredibly informative:

https://youtu.be/0LN65qFUDDo

Expand full comment
Stephen Brady's avatar

Well I was 4. We sat in the sandbox with this treat.

Expand full comment
Hannah Olufs's avatar

Haven't we all.

Expand full comment
Cathy Carrozza's avatar

My Dad always went grocery shopping with my Mom. I grew up in the city and the store was just two blocks away . They had a foldable shopping cart to bring the groceries home. Watters is a douche!! Thank you for the laughs Jeff but I am feeling anxious. They voted the incompetent predator in as Secretary of Defense! That is frightening!!

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Well, he'll wreck the military, staff and budget. Maybe we should all get guns, to fight off Putin. Allowing Putin's military access to our country, that's obviously T's goal here. T is for Traitor.

Expand full comment
T L Mills's avatar

I'm more inclined to think that when Hegseth starts to tangle with the embedded bureaucracy in the Pentagon, they are going to make the job harder than he imagines and they will eventually chew him up and spit him out. He's an incredibly ignorant, arrogant asshole. There will be feet out all over for him to trip over. I wouldn't be surprised if they keep an eye out for him sneaking some booze--and they'll catch him, no question. Dedicated alcoholics don't "just stop", and he does seem to be quite dedicated.

Expand full comment
HI2thDoc's avatar

Yeah, I'm kinda envisioning a perforated ulcer

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

I so hope your vision comes true sooner than later, surely by Christmas.

Expand full comment
Dave Drell's avatar

Hoping they push him out the 5th floor window at Pentagon Place.

Expand full comment
T L Mills's avatar

Yeah, I like that idea, too.

Expand full comment
Mary Hall's avatar

And giving all of our and our allies' (if we have any left) secrets to Putin via Traitor Tulsi Gabbard.

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Or if we have any secrets left too, after T has given everything he could to P.

Expand full comment
T L Mills's avatar

Given? Nah, Trump will never "give" anything away. He's looking to make some serious cash out of this gig. Look for large transactions on his grifty memecoin account.

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Let me be clear. Whatever Putin has on T, I think T is trying to give him anything he wants--national security secrets, our soldiers, etc.

Expand full comment
PTW's avatar

That is the problem (well, one of many) with crypto. You don't get to "see" the transactions at all. Perfect for money laundering and bribes. No wonder President Felon loves it.

Expand full comment
Sharon Senkiew's avatar

Yup! He’d come back with pickled herring and limberger cheese.🤮

Expand full comment
Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

That's exactly what my dad would have bought! LOL!

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

ARRRRGGGHHHH. Limberger cheese. WHY do people eat that!

Expand full comment
Susan Kemp's avatar

I like Gorgonzola 🤷🏻‍♀️

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

Oh, yes...sharp blue Gorgonzola...yum!

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Liverwurst. My parents gave it up, along with pickled beets and limburger, when my brother and I complained too much. You can't see our Pennsylvanian German roots too much, can you? Some of the very few arguments we won, since children are to be seen, not heard.

Expand full comment
Charles Austin's avatar

My Dad also liked liverwurst.

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

Pickled beets. Takes me right back to farm dinners. I roast them now and like them!

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

My mom used to like hard boiled eggs in beet pickle juice.

Expand full comment
Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

My mom used to make pickled eggs in a beet juice/vinegar mixture, which she always told us was Penn. Dutch. I loved them as a kid and still make them a couple of times a year when I get a craving. We also (well, me and my dad) loved liverwurst. Now I can't stand the thought of it, but I might change my mind if I could find some good stuff somewhere.

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

That's interesting!! I might need to try that!

Expand full comment
Sharon Senkiew's avatar

I love them!

Expand full comment
Irascible Ink's avatar

I'm known in the family as the one who wouldn't eat vegies to one with a dead tongue and iron stomach. Overripe blue/green cheese with anchovies and Tam Tam crackers is a snack from heaven. Oh, and I eat all manner of vegies now, including ones my family won't touch with a 10 ft pole.😂

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

I love Bleu Cheese

Expand full comment
Susan Kemp's avatar

Me too. When my daughter was 4 I used to get her a salad with blue cheese when we went out for lunch. Many people gave us confused glances. It was funny.

Expand full comment
Charles Austin's avatar

Me too.

Expand full comment
Charles Austin's avatar

Limberger is good if you can get past the smell.

Expand full comment
Irascible Ink's avatar

I'm game to try surströmming, but would opt to open the can underwater, as is properly done when not YouTubing for clicks of people barfing.

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

If...

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

😳😳😳😳

Expand full comment
Charles Austin's avatar

My Dad loved it. (On Ritz)

Expand full comment
Kristy Kanen's avatar

Hold your nose !

Expand full comment
Susan P Thatcher's avatar

That was my Gramp. His dad.

Expand full comment
Mary Hall's avatar

And pickled pigs' feet. Oy!

Expand full comment
Cheryl ODonnell's avatar

My dad brought home that stuff! And also sardines; he ate those mashed, on saltine crackers. He would goad us into trying his treasures (there were more, can’t remember right now).

My father in law did the grocery shopping, and always remembered his wife’s favorite cookies. She tended to murder meals by overcooking. She would start cooking the turkey the night before, so imagine what it was like Thanksgiving afternoon. She was so happy when I took over the cooking. She was a wonderful baker, though, and I use her recipes for Irish bread and Christmas cookies. On a side note, I was severely muzzled on those family occasions not to provoke my brother in law. It was really hard. I was a little more agreeable to the muzzling after he punched my sister in law. But it would’ve been nice to see what my husband would’ve done.

Expand full comment
Cheryl ODonnell's avatar

I order groceries once a month online. My husband started doing the cooking 34 years ago when all my time was consumed by an either breastfeeding or colicky infant. Seemed a fair trade.

Expand full comment
Andrea's avatar

My dad (a veteran) would usually grab a dozen cans of Manwich and some clearance meat.

Expand full comment
Irascible Ink's avatar

Hell, my mom did that.

Expand full comment
slavicdiva's avatar

My dad was a coal miner, as blue-collar as they come. After he retired, he did the grocery shopping.

Dad would peruse the weekly ads, make his list, then drive from store to store in search of the best bargains. It was both a game and a mental exercise for him, and my mom loved that he did it.

My dad also made the best meatballs and spaghetti sauce from scratch.

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Hmm, I used the same sort of method. Make the list based on the menus, peruse the ads available, then walk from store to store (five in a two block area (one was a produce store)) writing down the prices, shop the closest store for its bargains, go home, unload, walk back and go store to store to buy everything else still on the list. It took me all morning, but my husband was touring with a band and not often home, and I was working temp jobs while he was away, and at home when he was.

Expand full comment
Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Yup, he tore the shopping list into a few pieces and assigned me my share of things to gather Susan!!

Expand full comment
Maureen Okonski's avatar

My dad still thought bread was 19 cents a loaf when he ventured into a grocery store in the 90s.

Expand full comment
Mary Hall's avatar

Remember when George HW Bush was fascinated with grocery scanners? The rest of us were like, "You have never been in a fking grocery store, have you?"

Expand full comment
Dave Drell's avatar

That’s Drumpf !

Expand full comment
Robert Eckert's avatar

Recently he expressed his delight at learning the word "grocery"

Expand full comment
Karla's avatar

I did. Mine was also WWIi antifa so that was cool too.

Expand full comment
Ronald P YYZ's avatar

I used to joke that my dad, the few times he was sent grocery shopping, would go straight to the Reduced To Clear dented cans cart, and buy everything in it.

Expand full comment
PTW's avatar

You are describing Mr. PTW. Only he comes back with Street Rodder magazines and ice cream.

Expand full comment
Keith Frohreich's avatar

This husband does not go grocery shopping with his wife. This husband does the grocery shopping. This husband is the cook. What does that make me? An emasculated male? A wuss? No, it makes me a damn good cook, and a good grocery shopper. Want a list of shopping tips?

Expand full comment
Susan Jane's avatar

It makes you a prince among men!!!

Expand full comment
Keith Frohreich's avatar

It is also called dividing up the household responsibilities based on who is better at what. My wife handles the laundry domain. I am so-so. She handles two-thirds of the dish duty and spruces up the cooking and prep areas. We both suck at deep cleaning, so we bring in people twice a month. I was the better cook from the get-go. I also really enjoy it.

Expand full comment
Susan Jane's avatar

My husband makes terrific salads and he bakes bread weekly. We sometimes grocery shop together. He is in charge of all things tech and I think he's worth his weight in gold for that alone!

Expand full comment
Hannah Olufs's avatar

It makes him normal.

Expand full comment
Susan Travis's avatar

My husband does the grocery shopping. He knows the stores and where items we buy are located. I take way too long.

Expand full comment
Maureen Okonski's avatar

2 of my 3 sisters married a damned good cook who also does the grocery shopping. I'm jealous.

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Absolutely do I want a list of shopping tips... We're in the Bay Area, so we shop Berkeley Bowl West and Andronicos for most stuff.

Expand full comment
Keith Frohreich's avatar

Do you have a Trader Joes nearby? I am not familiar with the stores you mention. I split up my shopping between Vons, Sprouts and Trader Joes. Vons is owned by Albertsons. Trader Joes is limited in items but usually beats Vons on most things they carry, especially eggs and chicken. Unless you are devoted to a brand name, always buy the store brand. I am devoted to Best Foods Mayo and Laura Schudders creamy peanut butter, for instance. You do not need high-end olive oil, or balsamic for example. Von's Signature store brand is always much cheaper. I shop most canned, jarred or packaged items by price per ounce, especially dry seasoning and spices. I look for nonfat a lot. Also low sodium or no salt. You can add salt when cooking if the dish needs it. I buy most of my meats at Costco. Of course, shop dates if they are somewhere on the package. Organic is usually more expensive, but if that is important to you, go for it. I do not usually wash packaged veggies (but I do use salad spinners a lot, like for romaine), but I do all else. I do not buy ground hamburger (don't trust it). I buy sirloin and grind it myself. I stopped buying any bone-in steak years ago when steak prices took off, knowing that the bone imparts more flavor. I do buy bone-in chicken thighs, my favorite cut of chicken. I trim the fat off all steaks, like New Yorks, Unless I am roasting a whole chicken, I remove all of the skin from breasts, thighs and drumsticks. I make my own chicken stock, and use the chicken for pulled chicken. I take a large pork shoulder and cook in a crockpot for pulled pork. I make fresh pesto weekly. I hate jarred pesto. TMI, but you asked.

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Thank you so much!!! We do have a Trader Joes, but they use so much packaging! I've never seen a Von's. We're in the Bay Area. I agree, store brand is preferable, but as someone who likes to make potato salad, Best Foods is the only mayonnaise ever to darken my door. What do you use to grind your meat? You are quite the cook, I can see, because I can't match you. It's been years since I've made my own chicken and turkey stock.

Expand full comment
Fastball Fredo's avatar

Out to dinner with friends last night. We were seated next to couple of men one as Korean wearing a MAGA hat and a red MAGA shirt. Since we were seated next to them I was compelled to listen to their conversation and it was all about Cali. how MAGA needs to take on all Cali officials because they must bend to MAGA… the chilling part? They spoke of eliminating liberals, leftists and progressive voices for the good of the country, make Cali pay for their political decisions… I felt like I was sitting next to SS officers plotting their next assault. YIKES..

Expand full comment
Mingo's avatar

For all you know the wait or kitchen staff saw the MAGA get-up and spit in that guys food. Many of the staff in the back of a restaurant are immigrants. Pretty rich coming from an Asian.

Expand full comment
arne link's avatar

I honestly believe that some of the mysterious fires in California were started by Magats or other deranged people as punishment, to bring California to it's knees.

Expand full comment
Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Possibly, Arnie, some “news”reports have suggested that, but it would be an incredibly evil form of fuckery!!

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Anything could have started those fires. A truck pulling off a road, etc. The problem was that the wind was blowing about 60-80 mph. You can't stop a fire when the embers are blowing a mile ahead of the actual fire and constantly setting new fires. People who complain about those fires know nothing about California fire weather and are displaying their ignorance to every Californian who has lived through one. The one we had in Oakland in 1991 blew north into Berkeley, then the wind shifted south and jumped eight lanes of freeway. That was at noon. At about seven pm the wind died down, the firefighters came in, and the fire was out by 10pm. 2700 houses burned.

Expand full comment
Susan P Thatcher's avatar

Not impossible

Expand full comment
Patrick Daniels aka Cromulent1's avatar

Anything’s possible Susan, people who are buried in debt, might view the destruction of their debt as opportunity, but that’s seriously bad karma and risking chances of criminal prosecution!

Expand full comment
Mary Hall's avatar

Over 100 people have been arrested for setting fires in LA.

Expand full comment
Stephen Brady's avatar

Those camps they want to build in Texas are going to be multi use and quite busy…

Expand full comment
Outdoorluvr's avatar

And very profitable for state and local jurisdictions. Your federal tax dollars will be paying for that grift, too.

Expand full comment
T L Mills's avatar

🤬🤬🤬

Expand full comment
Cheryl ODonnell's avatar

Will they have ovens, nooses or firing squads? In other words will they go full Nazi?

Expand full comment
247kath's avatar

Horrifying😱🤬

Expand full comment
Fastball Fredo's avatar

Very astute Mingo. We were dining at Abuelos a tex-mex restaurant in the Phoenix area, just about all the workers were Hispanic which I love.

Expand full comment
Marla's avatar

Nobody, but nobody who lives in California refers to it as 'Cali'. Cali is a city in Colombia.

Act accordingly.

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Thanks, Marla.

Expand full comment
Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

Yeah, sure. Bring it, assholes. What a bunch of low brow bullies.

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

It's true, it's the easiest way to tell someone who doesn't live in California. It's like calling San Francisco "Frisco". People freeze when you say it, unless you follow it with "Texas" as in "Frisco, Texas".

Expand full comment
Jon Notabot's avatar

The "Sonar People". We never studied this particular culture in anthro. Maybe it was offered as a course at Trump University. I'm intrigued..

Expand full comment
KP Johnson Austin, TX's avatar

"I haven't been briefed..." Say what?!?!?!

Expand full comment
Stephen Schiff's avatar

I worked in underwater acoustics for a while. Moved on after noticing that I was morphing into something looking like the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Expand full comment
Stephen Schiff's avatar

To borrow a line from John Cleese, I got better.

Expand full comment
Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂

Expand full comment
Rhesus's avatar

So now we have a SecDef who drinks, assaults women, sports Nazi tattoos, and gets his hair done at Jiffy Lube. I feel safer already.

Expand full comment
Susan Niemann's avatar

Jiffy Lube. 😂😂😂

Expand full comment
Mary Hall's avatar

Butt, butt Rapey McPukeshoes said he was gonna quit drinkin' if he got the jerb.

Expand full comment
T L Mills's avatar

Sounds exactly like what an alcoholic would say. In my experience, alcoholics don't "just quit". He's gonna be drinking--probably not on the job; not at first...but yes, he's gonna get shitcanned for drinking within a year, I'll bet.

Expand full comment
Cheryl ODonnell's avatar

Nah. He’s probably already sneak swilling.

Expand full comment
Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂😂

Expand full comment
Susan P Thatcher's avatar

He abused the finances of 2 charities. I shudder to think what he's going to do with access to nearly $1ctrillion

Expand full comment
Pat Georgeson's avatar

I feel sorry for Jesse Watters. He has obviously never experienced the joyful bonding experience of picking out the next week's meal ingredients together, holding hands in a grocery store, sneaking a quick kiss in the dairy or cookie aisle when no one else is around, looking at new foods together, while listening & sometime dancing to the music playing in the background. (followed by great love'n either before or after putting the groceries away. So sad.

Expand full comment
celeste k.'s avatar

Such a sweet scenario! But I'll never feel sorry for that creep.

Expand full comment
Dave Drell's avatar

He’s just a hollowed out life form- like all the MAGAts - nothing under the skin worth a damn.

Expand full comment
Carl Babcock's avatar

There was sp much fucking stupid happening this week that I actually missed all of these stories. Thanks, Jeff, for filling in the blanks for me. Jesus, never thought that I would personally see the actual fall of American society

Expand full comment
J.R.'s avatar

I really needed a laugh this morning. And you gave me more than one. 😂🤣😂🤣

My self care includes laughing at these boobs.

Expand full comment
Kay-El's avatar

I predict that most of those J6 assholes will end up back in prison. Ball is just leading the parade.

Expand full comment
SPW's avatar

Good morning Kay. Where’s your latest picture?

Expand full comment
Kay-El's avatar

Hi SPW! Is been posted

Expand full comment
Carl Selfe's avatar

I watch the unfolding of the assault on our Federal system. While most look at the carnage, I see the impact on the Treasury. The Executive is making way for a tax cut for the wealthy and corporations. That is what I see. Money being laid up to be stolen.

The confirmation of Hegseth indicates the gamesmanship in the Senate is at a high level. The max number of no votes was 3 to get Hegseth confirmed. It is magic. Drama. Clearly there is a lack of empathy and caring that is so prevalent with Republican Senators. Focused on our service members, their lack of empathy and caring shows they suffer psychopathy. Their support of their neo-fascist leader makes them all neo-fascists.

Do you need any other proof that we face an army of psychopathic neo-fascists (PNFs)? I appreciate those that do not like the name and will not support it; however, the name is deadly accurate. Odd words like misogyny and xenophobia are fine, but psychopathic neo-fascist is not fine? Fine! But I beg to differ. Psychopathic neo-fascist is their specific medical malady and political ideology! So give me a break. Enough with inaccurate labels. Knowing exactly who and what they are is critical to knowing their tactics and how to fight them. “Know thy enemy” is a phrase that comes from the ancient Chinese general Sun Tzu's The Art of War. The full quote is, “Know thy enemy and know thyself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated.” I suggest we learn the term, psychopathic neo-fascist, because that is exactly who we fight. We must raise, rouse, and rile our army to fight ONE demon, not ONE HUNDRED.

https://hotbuttons.substack.com/p/fight-psychopathic-neo-fascists?r=3m1bs

Expand full comment
Sharon C Storm's avatar

I don’t understand why they don’t get the fact that even their own families are at greater risk with a drunken sexual abuser as SecDef. If a foreign country decided to invade the United States, this would be the perfect time to do it. Hegseth has no clue about how to run the military and all that entails. If something happens while he is in a drunken stupor, we are up the creek without a paddle.

Expand full comment
CAM from 🇨🇦's avatar

I give him 1 month until Hegs becomes so overpowered by the demands of the job that the only thing that will assuage the angst of being incompetent is to drink himself into a delusory state of how great he’s handling the job.

Expand full comment
Gina's avatar

I can't understand why he'd accept the nomination - he must know he's headed for humiliation

Expand full comment
Dave Drell's avatar

He’s a fat headed ego maniac - like a lot of these repulsive fuckers! He has no qualifications for the job so it will overwhelm him - classic PeterPrinciple

Expand full comment
Teri's avatar

So hogsbreath will be sworn in as a serious alcoholic and quit cold turkey? Might he

need to do that under a Dr's supervision? Is there time before swearing in to go to rehab? AA? Counseling?

Expand full comment
Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Someone who has literally been falling-down, blackout drunk for so many years will also have brain damage. Maybe they'll restrict him to ordering military parades for Trump's public appearances.

Expand full comment
Janan Broadbent's avatar

🎯🎯🎯

Expand full comment
Outdoorluvr's avatar

Why bother with a complicated label, when "evil assholes" sums it up just fine?

Expand full comment
Carl Selfe's avatar

Number 17,047.

Expand full comment
shee-rah's avatar

I don’t think all the Senate Repugnants are neo-fascists. They are ‘going along to get along.’ They don’t want to be the target of Dumbass’ threats to primary them.

Expand full comment
Carl Selfe's avatar

If they follow a neo-fascist they are by definition a neo-fascist. Making contrived excuses for them? You know what they are thinking? I measure them by what they do, only.

Expand full comment
Susan P Thatcher's avatar

Let us not forget the Space Nazi (Sissy SpaceX). He was threatening to primary reps and senators over a bill.

Expand full comment
Susan B's avatar

Thanks Jeff as always but there's not enough self care in the universe to help me through this

Expand full comment
Tess's avatar

Hang in there-you are not alone! We will get through this with Jeff’s daily jabs…all we can do is laugh (while of course being sickened by the idiots).

Expand full comment
Tess's avatar

Well done, as usual…stupid is as stupid does…and these idiots are STUPID!

Expand full comment
Susan P Thatcher's avatar

Including performative stupid (Kennedy).

Expand full comment
Judy Luchsinger's avatar

I actually read an article that the counselor of the military academy where Trump went, has passed away. His son, going through his papers, found Trump's IQ test. You won't be surprised to learn that the orange flunky's IQ is 73. Yes, indeed, our PINO (president in name only) is an actual moron. Them's the facts, ma'am.

Expand full comment
Juli's avatar

He needs to publish that test.

Expand full comment
Dave Drell's avatar

If it was 73 back THEN… what could it possibly be now????

Expand full comment
shee-rah's avatar

Minus 73

Expand full comment
Michelle Vancura's avatar

The best line of the entire post - “…I’m glad that Handy Oakley’s on the job - because she’s so good at, y’know, getting to the root of things.”

I needed that great laugh this morning!! Thanks again, Jeff!

Expand full comment
Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Jeff had me at "Fuck Snoots."

Expand full comment
shee-rah's avatar

“Lap hockey” 😝😝😝

Expand full comment
Susan Kemp's avatar

I have a rewording of Waters’ comment on grocery shopping husbands:

What kind of husband sabotages the car of a not-his-wife woman so she’ll have to get in a car with him?

Expand full comment
Kay-El's avatar

I’d have walked home through a creepy forest because Watters is even creepier.

Expand full comment
Carol JLH's avatar

So the new iteration of the question bear or man, is would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or Watters?

Expand full comment
Cheri Collins's avatar

Neither. Give me bears every time!

Expand full comment
Kay-El's avatar

The bear 😉

Expand full comment
longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

I think it's our state animal.

Expand full comment
Abbi's avatar

In this week of horrors, I’m amazed & impressed & all the positive adjectives (or whatever they are — it’s been awhile since I was in grammar class!) that you could find the daily laughable lunacy. As someone pointed out on BlueSky, if we can’t laugh we’re not going to survive. Thank you for starting our days off with exactly what we need.

Expand full comment