this week in stupid: January 13 edition
Don Jr. deals it, Liberty Mom steals it, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
sunday: your father and your sister built what now?
perfect. no notes. please don’t anybody correct him. just let this patriot strut his stuff.
monday: probably just slipped his mind
powdered substance aficionado Individual-1 Junior is very upset about this whole Jeffrey Epstein thing, and he took to not-twitter to demand that SoMeThInG bE DoNe!!!
sharp-eyed readers noticed that Cokey McSniffles had left a very prominent name off his tweet, and they let him know it.
maybe Squirrely McNosemuffin is just jealous that Eric and Ivanka got to hang out with Epstein, and he didn’t.
by the way, this photo was taken at the opening of a bar in Manhattan, which is a great place to take two small children to meet a pedophile.
tuesday: feel the DEANPHILLIPSMENTUM
remember Dean Phillips? he’s the dipshit plutocrat primarying Joe Biden, and for about ten seconds we were all pretty worried up about him seriously fucking the Democrats’ shit.
turns out that all our hand-wringing might have been premature.
on Tuesday, Dean drove a van full of donuts and coffee to a DoubleTree hotel in Manchester NH and settled down for what he called a “Government Repair Truck Coffee Conversation” with prospective voters.
“Sometimes if you build it, they don’t come,” Dean Phillips told reporters outside of the Manchester DoubleTree hotel this morning, after no voters showed up to his event in 22 degree weather.
oh Dean, there have to be much cheaper ways of humiliating yourself.
wednesday: introducing the shoplifters for liberty
wingnuts have a constant complaint about those of us on the left: all we want is free stuff. healthcare, a secure retirement, roads — just hand us that shit, bro.
well, guess who else wants free stuff: one of those Hitler-quoting transphobe busybodies, the Mothers for Liberty. except in this instance, it’s more like the Mothers for Liberating Things They Didn’t Pay For.
Collierville School Board Member Keri Blair resigned Tuesday, citing “personal, family reasons,” according to the school board.
This comes after she was arrested and charged on seven counts of property theft from the Collierville Target, according to the Collierville Police Department.
look at it this way, though: this Liberty Mom doesn’t want free shit handed to her — no, she’s showing good old American spirit and initiative by going out and taking what she wants.
it’s called manifest destiny, my dudes. we built a whole nation that way.
thursday: the space lasers are at it again
professional lunatic Laura Loomer is very upset about how Nikki Haley is controlling the weather.
you see, the Iowa Caucus is on Monday, and Nikki is totally fucking it up for Trump voters by having the deep state create a massive blizzard on the same day.
think about it: snow in the dead of winter in Iowa — there can really be only one logical explanation for it: Nikki Haley and her fucking space lasers.
now, because I live in the real world and worms are not eating my brain, I had to google HAARP to learn what it is. basically, it’s a bunch of scientists shooting radio waves into the ionosphere to see what happens — in other words, it’s the kind of shit that the tin foil hat crowd gobbles up with a spoon.
at this point, you may be asking yourself — because worms are not eating away at your brain, either — how does a freak blizzard benefit Nikki Haley?
because of course bad weather only affects Trump voters, duh.
friday: Bill O’Reilly never thought the leopards would eat his book about book-eating leopards
Republicans sure do love to ban them some books.
in fact, Florida schools just banned the fucking dictionary. after all, we can’t have darling little Buckley Jr. looking up the word “breast,” can we?
hey, Florida, if you think Blowhard Bill’s craptastic books are unmitigated filth, wait until you see the transcripts of the phone calls he had with his harassment victims.
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
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