this week in stupid: February 7 edition

Donny posts it, MAGA toasts it, and so much more...

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

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monday: MAGA can’t imagine

racist piss-babies are filling all the diapers this week — and look who’s leading the charge: the Space Nazi.

“Chris Nolan has lost his integrity.”

welcome to this week’s shit-for-brains manufactroversy: Christopher Nolan has cast a black woman — Lupita Nyong’o — to be Helen of Troy in his upcoming adaptation of The Odyssey. for fuck’s sake, Nyong’o is an Oscar winner.

I’m pretty sure she’s up to the task of standing in front of a camera and pretending to be a princess.

but just like that, according to the worst people in the world, the Odyssey is ruined forever.

“Christopher Nolan already ruined The Odyssey… Casting Lupita Nyong’o as Helen of Troy is absolutely disgusting and goes directly against what was written thousands of years ago.”

oh, he’s fucking ruined it, has he? that’s what spoils your day, eh? a casting decision in a movie? talk about First World Problems.

pro tip for MAGA: no one is forcing you to see this. go watch one of the other eighteen thousand Odyssey movies. they all have Greek princesses who are white and somehow speak in perfect, British-accented English. whatever floats your boat.

have any of these shitwits actually read the Odyssey? can we talk just for a second about Helen of Troy’s origin story? first of all, her pops was Zeus, the god of thunder, and he was super horny for Leda, the Queen of Sparta. so Zeus snaps his fingers and transforms himself into a swan, so he can fuck Leda — as one apparently does, when one is a god. how does that even work? lo and behold, nine months later, here comes Helen, hatched from an egg, of all things. where the fuck did the egg come from?

and after all that, we’re going to quibble about Helen’s skin color?

get a life, you losers.

oh wait. racist streamer Lilly Gaddis has something she simply must add to the discourse.

“the reason why I’m talking about this is because it was announced that this one Lupita Nyong’o — first of all, if I can’t pronounce your name, like, what are you even doing here?

first of all, you just did pronounce her name, so what the fuck are you doing here?

the stupid, it just sits there and burns.

if only MAGA could read a book, they might learn something.

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tuesday: MAGA can’t read

oh wait, MAGA can’t deal with books. they don’t have the attention span for it. here’s human punching bag and ahem alleged sex trafficker Andrew Tate to explain that it’s just insane to be expected to stare at boring old words on a page.

“reading books is a very cheap way to, I guess, entertain. I wouldn’t call it entertainment, because my brain is far too advanced. I’m too smart to read. I know you’re sitting there going ‘smart people read.’ no. I need action. I need constant chaos in my life, to feel content. I need to be driving in a supercar, and fucking fighting and fucking a bunch of ho’s and champagne going crazy. I can’t just sit there ‘oh, and the pirate on the boat.’ it’s for people with slow brains.”

wrap your mind around the fact that an alleged living and breathing entity actually said ‘I’m too smart to read.’

I swear, it’s like Dunning and Kruger had a baby — and then dropped it in a lobster pot.

methinks Andrew Tate’s been upsided in the noggin four hundred too many times.

Tyler Durden, can we borrow you again for a second?

thanks.

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wednesday: MAGA can’t see

who even knew that Michele Bachmann was still a thing? after she left Congress a decade ago, I blissfully forgot she existed. I just tossed her onto the shitpile of People I Will Never Have To Think About Again.

but nope, I was wrong about that. apparently she’s still stupiding up America’s airwaves.

“they see Gavin Newsom as this big beefy beauty, but I would say, put up Donald Trump against him any day. and here you have Donald Trump, who’s in his very late seventies, the guy is absolutely handsome, incredible shape, he’s married to the most beautiful woman in the world, and I’d put Donald Trump up against Gavin Newsom and day of the weeks, and Gavin wouldn’t even be in the same league as Donald Trump.”

fact check: here you go.

can we start a go-fund-me to get Michele some properly-fitted eyeglasses?

but wait, what’s it say along the bottom of that video clip? Michele Bachmann is the what-now of where?

wait, the Robertson School of Government? as in Pat Robertson, the disgraced god-botherer who said 9/11 happened because feminists, and that hurricanes happen because God is mad at gays? are you telling me that he started a school, named it after himself, and now Crazypants Michele is the fucking dean? talk about failing up. or maybe sideways.

Tyler Durden, we need you in here one more time.

thanks again, man. you’re really doing us a solid.

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thursday: MAGA can’t— wait, wut?

well, it finally happened. I am speechless. I am without speech.

Candace Owens: “Charlie [Kirk] and I spoke a lot about his third eye. that’s why that sentence caught my attention in the article. we spoke about the streetlamps that would go off when he would run. about the special school that he had to go to. we spoke about a lot of the things that were strange in our childhood. the testing that both of us had to endure. we spoke about the fact that we could both astral project. you know all of this, of course. you have his phone. and how surprised we were when we learned that not everybody does that naturally.”

I would love to talk about this more with Candace right now — but unfortunately, I’m due back on planet Earth right about now.

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friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot

late Thursday night, some fucking idiot posted a video depicting Michelle and Barack Obama as apes. to call it deeply racist would be an understatement.

Friday morning, the feces hit the fan. even elected Republicans were all ‘this time, the fucking idiot has gone too far.’

the howls of outrage got so loud that the fucking idiot’s Personal Human Lie Factory™ was dispatched to helpfully explain that we’re the fucking idiots, for not recognizing the clear homage to The Lion King.

fun fact: there are no apes in The Lion King — but there are plenty of racists in The Lyin’ King.

that patently stupid explanation didn’t mollify anybody.

and so the White House did a remarkable thing, for them — they deleted the video, and then changed their story. it wasn’t the fucking idiot who posted the video, it was some unnamed ‘staffer’ who posted it ‘in error.’

raise your hand if you believe this version of the story. yeah, me neither.

if true, however , this bullshit ‘explanation’ raises more questions than it answers. why do anonymous randos have access to the fucking idiot’s social media — and why on earth did this particular rando think it was totes awesome to be posting racist videos in the middle of the night?

later Friday evening, flying down to Motel-a-Lago on Fuckface Force One, the press asked the fucking idiot these very questions — and that’s when we got a third version of the story. it was the fucking idiot himself who found the video, and gave it to the rando to post. but it’s okay, because the fucking idiot didn’t look at the video before having it posted.

does the fucking idiot not realize that giving the video to someone to post for him is the same as if he had posted it himself?

no, he doesn’t realize it, because he’s a fucking idiot.

now, it was nice to see the media pushing back against the fucking idiot for once — but it would have been nicer if even just one reporter had stoop up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

how fucking idiotic is that that no one did?

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saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

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do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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