this week in stupid: February 3 edition
Sporky “indickts” it, Don Jr. inflicts it, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
sunday: new Biden scandal drops
I can’t even.
monday: maybe you should have worn a helmet
before Tommy “Fuck the Military” Tuberville was a failed senator, he was a failed football coach — and before he was a failed football coach, he was a failed football player. now, they don’t keep statistics for things like “number of times tackled in the head” but I’m guessing it was a lot.
here’s T-Tubes on Newsmax, making the case for … uh … Joe Biden bad man, maybe? your guess is as good as mine.
“here in our country, the border … uh, Joe Biden … uh … criminally … uh … uh … possibly could be … uh, looking at a court case in the very near future, all that has taken the light off what’s going on here.”
wut?
Tommy, stay in your lane — you just keep fucking with our nation’s military readiness, that’s what you’re good at.
tuesday: a septum is a terrible thing to waste
nope, we couldn’t get through the week without an appearance by Cokey McSnortnostrils.
here he is on Newsmax, higher than a fucking kite, apparently cranked up on what must be half the gross national product of Bolivia.
“well you know uh uh uh it was interesting I saw it sort of starting like nine months ago he was appearing in my social feeds from people I don’t even follow but they were force feeding it down there because I think they were trying to create you know a cudgel to Trump.”
holy shit, and that’s just the first ten seconds of a minute and a half clip.
Junior, your dealer just called. he said to slow the fuck down, Bolivia’s running out of product.
wednesday: hello ladies
every dipshit thinks that they’re the good guy with the gun — even when they’re the incredibly fucking creepy guy with the gun.
Indiana State Rep. Jim Lucas thought it would be a super-cool and not-at-all-terrifying thing to flash his gun in front of a group of teenage girls who were visiting Indiana’s Statehouse.
Speaking to TheStatehouseFile.com after the incident, the students said Lucas’ action made them feel unsafe and unprotected.
“My heart sank to my stomach,” Fivecoats said. “I genuinely felt very unsafe in that moment. And I really just wanted the conversation to kind of end after that.”
guys, can we talk? I cannot stress this enough: don’t show your gun to teenage girls. don’t show anything to teenage girls. don’t even talk to them. leave them alone. walk away.
but it seems that Rep. Lucas here is definitely not all about making wise life choices.
This latest controversy comes less than a year after Lucas pleaded guilty to drunk driving. According to news reports, Lucas ran his pickup truck into guardrails and briefly drove the wrong way on an Interstate 65 entrance ramp. Lucas attempted to drive home but, down to just one working tire, the truck was not driveable. He was detained by police after he was found walking along the road.
Police camera video from his arrest shows Lucas telling officers he has a gun in his waistband and that a round was in the chamber.
drunk and armed. perfect. hey Donny Fuckface, we found just the guy to head the ATF in your next administration.
thursday: so predictable, so indictable
Congress’s own spork-footed wonder, Marjorie Taylor Greene, somehow manages to have fewer IQ points than she has toes.
watch her struggle mightily to read aloud from text that was undoubtably prepared by her hapless staff.
“this historical evidence is overwhelming that the founding fathers intended impeachment to be used to deal with the commission of in-dickt-a-ble crimes.”
ohmyfuckingod.
I mean, she does well enough at first, pointing at each word as she sounds them out, but when she gets to ‘indictable,’ her overtaxed synapses just give up.
“in-dickt-a-ble”
people of Georgia’s 14th district, why? is this really the best you can do, someone whose brain was grown from slime-mold cells in a peach tree dish?
friday: bordering on insanity
so there’s this thing called the Trucker’s Convoy. inspired by the bullshit that went on at our border with Canada a couple of years ago, the bright idea here is to gather 700,000 trucks along the southern border and create a kind of fucked-up gas-guzzling barrier to keep them South American commies out of the good old US of A.
how’s it going? well, they’ve got fifty trucks so far — that’s fifty as in five-zero — so things are going just swimmingly.
they’ve also got this woman.
“I was a part of the convoy, from my house, for as long as I could, until I can get my truck fixed.”
oops, make that 49 trucks.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
“Police camera video from his arrest shows (Indiana State Rep.) Lucas telling officers he has a gun in his waistband and that a round was in the chamber.” Hey, Kids! February is Black History Month! Write a synopsis of how it would have gone down if Rep. Lucas had been a young black man. In a hoodie.
Yes, when I see that woman on that ridealong thing, the first thing I think is, "Warrior."