this week in stupid: February 21 edition
Brainworms works it out, Donny jerks it out, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: make America cringe again
if I walked up to you on the street and asked, ‘which two shitwits would you be least likely to take work-out advice from,’ you would no doubt answer ‘the whale-head-chainsawing maniac who hoovers cocaine straight off of toilet seats, and the washed-up never-was who caterwauls music-adjacent noises into random microphones.’
well, that’s too fucking bad for you, pal — because you’re welcome, America!
what the fuck did we all just watch?
nobody asked for this — yet the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services wasted countless taxpayer dollars on a shittastic workout video starring Bobby Brainworms Jr and Not Even Close To Being A Kid Rock.
would you have even known that was No Longer A Kid And Doesn’t Rock in that workout video? he’s pretty much unrecognizable when he’s not tarted up in his usual Liberace-fucked-a-hillbilly aesthetic.
tell me, why the finger? is that supposed to be edgy?
who on earth hot-tubs while wearing jeans? what is the fucking point? why does Brainworms look like he just crapped himself?
as Jesus sagely counseled us in his Sermon on the Mount, ‘blessed are the meme creators, for they shall win the internet’ — so, enjoy.
look, let’s get real. if I’m going to watch a government-sponsored exercise video, it’s going to be Piss-Drunk Pete’s Kick A Skateboard Up Into Your Own Nuts Celebrity Workout™.
tuesday: just a couple of dumbfucks, sitting around and dumbfucking at the speed of light
now that he’s no longer second-in-command at the FBI, Dan Bingobongobangalangadingo has returned to his old podcasting gig. get ready to have your mind blown to smithereens, as Dan’s former boss Krazee-Eyes Ka$h Patel demonstrates why he’s the most galaxy-brained law-enforcement hombré ever.
“hey Dan — do you know why it’s called ‘the president’s daily briefing’? because the president decides what are the intel priorities in that briefing.”
wait a minute, what? holy shit, I had no idea. did you?
my question is, did Krazee-Eyes work that out on his own, or did Pamnesia Bondi have to throw him a lifeline? how do you think that conversation went?
‘hey Pam, why is it called the president’s daily briefing?’
‘shut the fuck up, Kash, the Dow is at fifty thousand dollars.’
you know, I’m going to have to become a devoted listener to Bingo-Bingo’s podcast, in the hope that some guest finally explains why we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway.
wednesday: an idea so crazy, it just might— nah
unfuckable groyper patriots, please stand by for an important announcement from über-unfuckable Nazi incel Nick Fuentes.
“don’t vote. do not vote in the mid-terms. the Republicans have to lose. they have to lose, they have to crash and burn. a cleansing fire is the only thing that will save us. they cannot be fixed. fuck them. fuck Trump, fuck MAGA, fuck all this stuff, it can’t be fixed. we tried it your way, it didn’t work. fuck you. now we don’t vote. that’s the message… and then I hope we get a fucking Nazi to run in 2028… I hope we get a fucking fascist to run in ’28 to burn the GOP down as a dark horse, and win the presidency as a right-wing radical.”
jeez, imagine Donny Convict not being fascist enough for you.
but i have to say: I am fucking loving this idea. please do this.
groypers, please stay home in 2026. after all, not voting as a protest is a time-tested strategy that absolutely works, every single time. just ask all the loony far-leftists who refused to vote for Kamala in 2024 how that worked out for them.
thursday: what if we made Fox News hosts fight each other
Fox News found object Jesse Watters has a can’t-miss idea for keeping America’s rabble from rising up against the ruling class.
“so you gotta get out ahead of this. and you gotta employ the ‘bread and circuses’ strategy that they used to do in the ancient Roman times, when wealthy emperors used to just throw lavish banquets and festivals and make the gladiators fight. so you feed and entertain the public in order to show how generous you are and maintain the social order. so if you’re a billionaire in California, before the peasants storming the castle, how about this? how about you buy everybody there a $1 value meal at McDonalds? or make the homeless people in Skid Row fight like gladiators?”
hey MAGA, Jesse Watters thinks you’re a peasant — so you got that going for you. which is nice.
pro tip: we don’t want any fucking distractions. fuck your homeless gladiators. we don’t want any of that shit.
we want the elite to get what’s coming to them. we want more like this, except with America’s royalty.
capiche?
friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot
some fucking idiot’s Friday got off to a disastrous start when the Supreme Court ruled that his arbitrary and incoherent tariffs were unconstitutional, and that he had to undo all that shit, pronto.
a nervous aide rushed to inform the fucking idiot, who had been reading My Pet Goat to schoolchildren.
[taps earpiece] sorry, I’m being told that the fucking idiot had actually been meeting with Senators in the Oval Bordello — and when the fucking idiot heard the news, he completely lost his shit. it was fucking glorious.
the fucking idiot then hastily called a press conference, where he proceeded to throw a childish tantrum on live television.
how super fucking hilarious is it that the fucking idiot is now going to persecute his own hand-picked Supreme Court justices?
Asha Rangappa knows what I’m talking about.
did you know that the fucking idiot has a right to destroy the country? it’s true!
did you know that the fucking idiot can read? not just words — entire paragraphs. he can read like no one thought possible. he’s maybe the greatest reader of all time.
the fucking idiot bragged about all the shit that Never Happened The Most™.
apparently the fucking idiot doesn’t just want to be A Very Special Boy, he wants to be a good boy, too — whatever the fuck that means.
who’s a good boy? who’s a good boy?
and, for some reason, the fucking idiot felt it necessary to cap it all off with a ‘sir story’ about some very powerful, strong, teary-eyed dude who tried to kiss the shit out of the fucking idiot.
finally, despite having being told in no uncertain terms that he absolutely, positively did not have the authority to impose tariffs, the fucking idiot did exactly that, announcing that he was adding another 10% global tariff on top of all existing tariffs.
because nobody tells the fucking idiot what to do.
and despite all that dumbfuckery going on right in front of their noses, not one reporter stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
"Liberace-fucked-a-hillbilly aesthetic" ... pure gold
The steroid and the hemorrhoid!