561 Comments
User's avatar
Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

friends, I just spent four hours distracting myself from reality. it's a good thing, I promise

HI2thDoc's avatar

It is good for us and we're glad it's good for you.

Elaine the Mean Old Feminist's avatar

You've been in my heart this week, jeff.

Tonya Browning's avatar

Me too along with Nancy Guthrie. 😢

Joanne Filipo's avatar

Yes, it’s been a really rough week for people with a heart.

Linda A's avatar

It's been a rough month, six months, years ... for people with a heart.

Bonnie Council's avatar

Mine too. You can write, we can hope you're doing OK. And we will.

SethTriggs's avatar

You did a great article today. Always enjoy your writing and glad it gives you comfort!

Jennifer Willis's avatar

Sending you so much support. I'm glad this helps you, as you help me and so many others every day.

Kay-El's avatar

Welcome back my friend to the show that never ends. ✌🏼

Joanne Rossmassler Fritz's avatar

Excellent, Kay-El! That's ELP! 1973!

Steve in SoCal's avatar

Karn Evil 9! 😝🤘

I saw that live in 1974 (along with 299,999 other ppl that day)

Punkette's avatar

Me too! Feb 1974, tenth grade, the Brain Salad Surgery Tour in Dallas TX! Was epic. Keith had a rotating piano! I couldn’t hear for a week.

Kay-El's avatar

Yes he did! I saw them the first time at the first California Jam.

Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

Yep, I saw them in L.A. in ‘73 or ‘74 for that tour. Remember Carl Palmer’s gong? Fucking epic. My long suffering mother let us play that damn album over and over 😂 I still like it. RIP Greg Lake.

Punkette's avatar

Haha Lisa, yes! I do remember Carl’s gong! Such a fantastic band. And Greg’s voice! Swoon. I was 15 and in love with all three of them. At the time, I was a student of piano and utterly blown away by Keith’s keyboard wizardry. Golly - 52 years later and I adore ELP still! Especially my teenage crush songs: “Lucky Man” and “Still, You Turn Me On” (they do! Hehe) 😍

Easterncedar's avatar

Carl Palmer's tour last year was a blast and a half. The guy's still a genius.

Kay-El's avatar

California Jam? I was there too

Steve in SoCal's avatar

Yep

Pro: ELP, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, Eagles, etc

Con: Dehydration, heat stroke, almost no water/bathrooms, where the F did we park

Kay-El's avatar

Rare Earth, Earth Wind and Fire, Seals and Crofts, Jackson Browne sat in with The Eagles. Def on “where is the van?”

Sue Munda's avatar

The laser light show!

DR Darke's avatar

That's one of my favorite albums, BRAIN SALAD SURGERY. When I was in college, my best friend at the time and I tried to make a movie (well, we'd call it a "long-form music video" now) out of all three parts of "Karn Evil 9", and end it with their rendition of "Jerusalem"...all in glorious Super-8!

We only got the "Jerusalem" scene (where the hero and heroine emerge back into the light) and one scene of the hero confronting the Demon who's the main character of "Karn Evil 9" (it made sense at the time, okay?) shot before we ran out of time, money, access to pyro (there was a LOT of pyro!), and my ability to come up with in-camera effects to express the grandeur of what we were going...in my Mom's garage.

Also weed—as Mr. Spock says? "WEED—IT MAKES EVERYTHING LOGICAL"!

Kay-El's avatar

One of my favorites too. I saw them live twice and a show that Greg Lake put on many years later where he sang songs from ELP and King Crimson and took questions from the audience.

Richard's avatar

I agree with you 100%!

patti sepich's avatar

🤘🏻🤘🏻🎶🎶♥️♥️

Susan K.'s avatar

Thanks Jeff, you’ve still got it! When you get to it, I’d love if you’d share the obituary you write for dear Claudia

Deb Pierce's avatar

We all love you and respect you for knowing what's best for you. And you are in our hearts and in our thoughts.

Michael J McGee's avatar

Good to see the post this morning. Take care. We will always be here for you.

Suze's avatar

I went back to work the day after my son was killed in a car accident. I totally understand the need for distraction from reality. Do what helps you; ignore advice that doesn’t work for you.

arne link's avatar

When my beloved husband passed suddenly, I cleaned frantically for a year or more. We do what we can to distract ourselves. God Bless, Jeff.

Mary Hall's avatar

Arne, I didn't know you were widowed. My condolences. I lost my husband when I was 32. It's a club no one wants to join.

arne link's avatar

My husband was ninety and had a long and happy life. He was fit and healthy, but I guess the grim reaper comes for all of us. His loss was a huge shock. I'm sorry you lost your husband so young.

Dr J's Sanity Space's avatar

Suze: When I lost my son (age 42) what saved me, like you, was work. I could compartmentalize the pain and provide therapy to people with their issues.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

Oh my goodness - my heart aches for both of you. I cannot imagine. I've been through some tough stuff in my own life, but nothing of that magnitude. :'(

Mingo's avatar

Thank you for practicing your brand of self care. You're helping us cope with all this fuckery as well we're helping you cope with your grief from sudden loss. Many of us here have been through it also. In my college days I snorted miles of cocaine but never off a toilet or a steering wheel. You and Bobby Brainworm have me beat.

Robert Eckert's avatar

I tried cocaine once at a New Year's Eve party. I didn't like the buzz. I'm so glad I didn't like it, since I got addictive about so many things in my misspent youth.

Dr J's Sanity Space's avatar

I did same once- worse night in my life!!Anxious to the max… thought I should stay with addiction to chocolate:-)

Robert Eckert's avatar

Unfortunately I got addicted to alcohol (and other things, but drink did me the most damage)

Ruth Ann Orlansky's avatar

Thanks, Jeff. Your writing makes my day.

I'm sure you heard about the dumbest piece of shit all over the internet yesterday in the form of a "Wall Street Journal" exposé about DHS. A Coast Guard pilot was fired and told to take a commercial flight by Kristie Noem's boyfriend when her favorite blanket was left on a plane 1 when they had to switch to plane 2. He had to be re-hired because there was no one to fly them back to wherever. (I think everyone in the place they were refused.) If you are able to, try to read the article. Lots of good stuff in it.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

THAT's one of the bits about her I was talking about. TOO dumb to imagine. Her fucking blankie? Ugh, ugh, ugh. I truly couldn't believe what I was hearing. These are fucking TODDLERS, not even grups and they've made US the laughing-stock of the entire Planet. 'We're gonna need a bigger PIT'.

patti sepich's avatar

Karma was on board. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

arne link's avatar

I hope the pilot charged extra. Oh, wait! That's MY money. Forget it.

Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

Active duty military cannot be ‘fired’. That stupid and reckless term is being abused. For one thing, in most cases, they get DUE PROCESS unlike working for a private company - with zero accountability.

john augustine's avatar

she is a child like her dear leader

Wendymae's avatar

It's been said by many others here, but I also have been holding you in my heart all week, and will continue to do so. You really have become a great friend to so many of us, even if we never meet you in person.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

This! And we're unlikely ever to - at some point I imagine I'll just quietly disappear from posting and perhaps a person or two might wonder but never really know. These are the kinds of things which occupy my admittedly weird mind. Just know there are so many terrific folks here I too love and respect because Jeff brought us together in admiration of his wonderful writing.

Kelley Rozo's avatar

Thank you, Jeff ❤️

Mike Basile's avatar

Welcome back, Jeff! My day ain’t the same without your post.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

My LIFE ain't the same without seeing his name on an email. To be honest, I stop checking my emails after I see Jeff's name. Could that be why I now have over 400,000 unread emails? Actually, I gave up a long time ago when my computer kept freezing and the 'new one' hasn't yet materialized, but I worry that in there are a few from personal or old friends, otherwise I could just delete everything. Hey, Hillary has nothing on me. I'd give frump's thugs a real run for their money, :)

Leesa J Chenoweth's avatar

I understand. Reality is lonely place when you've just lost the person that you love the most.

Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

oh and folks: don't do cocaine. it makes you do stupid shit

Michael Johnson's avatar

"Who needs drugs when you have children; you're already awake & paranoid." - Robin Williams

Jeff's substack is absolutely the best for processing the madness, the massive insanity. We are all the beneficiaries of Jeff's process.

Beth Bohon's avatar

We absolutely are!!!!

HI2thDoc's avatar

Or if you're Jr it makes you stupider than before

Martha's avatar

If you are Jr. Is that really possible?

Mike Hammer's avatar

Didn’t Hegseth also say he never washes his hands? WTF

HI2thDoc's avatar

Another of his attractive attributes for the ladies

Susan Niemann's avatar

EW. He's just all kinds of gross. 🙄

Bob Bowden's avatar

He did invent a hands-free way to bang the dirt off his balls

arne link's avatar

Ok, that was a good one. It was worthy of Jeff. I laughed and laughed.

Chicky Mama's avatar

Now there’s an image that’ll be stuck in my head 😂

Julia Fogg's avatar

Priceless! 🤣🤣🤣

Wendymae's avatar

Now hand washing is just for lib'rul pussies?

Margaret MacKenzie's avatar

But would he snort cocaine from them. Not to self: ask Bworms.

Victoria Wilson's avatar

I think that was Bobby Brainworms.He or whoever it was hadn’t washed their hands in 10 years.Ewwwww

Julie's avatar

Yes. He said he hasn’t washed his hands in ten years. 🤢

J Hardy Carroll's avatar

Creepy Cousin Measles likes the natural highs of roadkill and ferments, but he does eat them off the toilet seat for old times' sake.

Cheri Collins's avatar

He has soup out of the bowl, too. 🤣

Sharon Hudnall's avatar

And loves swimming in sewage contaminated creeks. Along with Nasty Hands Hegseth and floater Nick Fuentes, these are real men.

Babe Paley's avatar

Okay, but for a little while YOU'RE REALLY SMART AND CONFIDENT AND HOT! OH MY GOD! WHY DIDN'T I EVER REALIZE HOW SMART I AM I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY!!!

Robert Eckert's avatar

Richard Pryor: "Cocaine made a new man out of me. And he wanted some, too."

HI2thDoc's avatar

Euphoria is addictive

Babe Paley's avatar

No wonder I had so many friends!

HI2thDoc's avatar

Especially if you shared your supply

Paula Dean's avatar

You remind me of the Billy Joel song "Big Shot". "We were all impressed with your Halston dress and the people you know at Elaine's, and the story of your latest success kept us so entertained." I always wondered if it was about his short marriage to Christy Brinkley...pretty embarrassing for her.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

I thought that was written about his first marriage - when his then wife (who functioned as his manager) 'put on airs' after he began to make 'real money'? Unsure, but worth checking the dates of when the song was written? I got the distinct impression that he was the one still slogging away at piano bars and in the studio while she was living it up wearing designer outfits (like Halston). Christie Brinkley had already made her own success which had nothing to do with his. I doubt she'd need to 'boast'? It'd be interesting to see to whom he was referring?

Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

For a little while is right…then you feel like shit for hours. I used it infrequently for a couple of years - if it was around. I sure as hell wasn’t going to pay for it. I always thought it was the most stupid drug out there, next to PCP. I worked as a cocktail waitress in an upscale dinner house in Orange County (CA) in 1980. Cocaine was so rampant in those days that some assholes left lines on their tables for tips. LEAVE ME MONEY, dummy!

arne link's avatar

Wine will do the job, too.

Lauralite's avatar

I beg to differ, Jeff. Cocaine got me through college, lol. Stay up all night and study with that shit!

Steve in SoCal's avatar

"Black Beauties" (Biphetamine 20) and black coffee for me, it was all I could afford

Lauralite's avatar

Life is very unfair. Having large breasts and a classic Scandinavian face, well, let's just say that the stuff magically appeared in front of me, lol. This was 1980, it was everywhere anyway.

Paula Dean's avatar

Indeed it was. I hung out with Wall Street people who swore that Dewars and cocaine were what fueled their success. I went to weddings where the wedding photographer had to be banned from following the wedding party and guests to side rooms with mirrors on the tables. I literally don't remember a social occasion without coke for most of the decade. I was saved from ruin by having my babies and being unable to sleep in and recover...the crashes were too horrifying! After my last one, I was so sick that I never wanted to see it again. True story.

arne link's avatar

Wow. Thanks for sharing.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

Where was I during all of this? I went to Weddings. I lived in NY - worked in THE top Law Firm there, hanging out with so many of them - especially when going out after work. I'm tall, blonde and yes, with the same 'accoutrements' - was hit on ALL the time. I truly must be an innocent. Drugs never occurred to me.

Nora's avatar

White Crosses back in the 70's, $10 for a baggie full. First things first: take white cross around 10PM, do laundry for an hour, clean your dorm room for an hour or two, study/write paper for the next hour which is due before noon, find something else to occupy your time, go to class, return to dorm room and shut curtains then sleep for three hours and get up in time for dinner. Black Beauties were hard to come by ;-)

Steve in SoCal's avatar

I had no prob getting those, and desoxyn, benzedrine, and dexadrine as well, tho I don't remember how. It was a long time ago. These days, good luck even getting codeine cough syrup

arne link's avatar

Oh, boy. I have always tended to be zaftig and have been a perpetual dieter. Doctors would give you Dexedrine to help you lose weight. I miss those days. You could get a lot done in a day.

Steve in SoCal's avatar

True, you could get a lot done. But Zepbound is much better for weight loss. Progress!

US Blues's avatar

I’ve certainly done my share of stupid shit in the past, but how does one do cocaine on a steering wheel?! 😂

Lise Buranen's avatar

Very carefully.

Linda Fairchild's avatar

Robin Williams nailed it. It's like scraping out the back of your throat with an emery board, drinking 25 cups of coffee, and tearing up hundred dollar bills.

Mps's avatar

Steering wheel!! I was stupid and irresponsible as well.

TCinDC's avatar

Especially on steering wheels while driving, because most the coke will end up on your lap and the floor mats.

Lise Buranen's avatar

Perhaps he did it while driving through North Dakota.

Susan Marleau Whelan's avatar

Bobby, with no brains, is lucky he still has his original nose. I could never do cocaine, or it's country cousin, crank. I couldn't stand snorting anything up my nose. I still have a problem with nasal sprays.

Steve in SoCal's avatar

There was another way, and you got twice as high with half as much. But coming down was 5x as bad. I cringe just thinking about it today 😬

Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

Yeah, never went down that road for any drug. Gotta draw the line somewhere, man.

Steve in SoCal's avatar

You were smart. I hung out with the wrong crowd. Then one day I went, "OK, this is ridiculous", did a total 180, and never looked back.

arne link's avatar

Ok, I'm curious...

Steve in SoCal's avatar

Think weathervane, only in a different vein

arne link's avatar

Ooooh, bad shit.

Nancy Potter's avatar

Did Brainworms have his cocaine period during or after his heroin addiction? And how addicted to you have to be to consider a toilet seat to do your lines and can't wait until you get to a more civilized location?

Paula Dean's avatar

It's like snorting battery acid.

MARK Emmanual GOLDSTEIN's avatar

Yeah we saw that when Madam Bondi, the official White House whore, testified before Congress and amazingly didn’t get arrested for contempt of Congress. Talk about luck.

Lise Buranen's avatar

I'm allergic to it, for which I've always been very grateful.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

Fwiw - I've never done illegal drugs of any kind. Somehow that all passed me by. I DID drink (Scotch. Of course it was) for a couple of years until I decided being hungover wasn't fun. I take Codeine for pain - we grew up on it in Britain (where it was handed out like aspirin) but also manage that - never escalating my dosage, enough so my family doctor is still surprised by my control (quite unlike hubby who could addict to aspirin, lol). Some people are addictive personalities, some aren't. For me, I want meds to take away my pain, not my brain. That simple. IF they came up with one which truly did, I'd be a happy camper. A more recent doctor talked me into trying gummies for my level of pain. I was a bit concerned, never having tried pot - ever. She finally convinced me so we went through the entire signing-up process. First the 'drops' which did nothing. Then the gummies. I took one when I really needed to sleep. They did help - a wee bit. I'd make 10 last at least a month. But that's as much as I could tolerate whereas I was 'allowed' 4 a day. What? Frankly, I forgot I still had some - they're right here and probably expired. MY huge frustration is that those pain patients like me being blamed for the 'opiod crisis' when I'm so careful with my meds and have never allowed anyone else access. There're more drugs flowing through the current WH than Venezuela! Now, bobby brainworms so casually admitting to snorting cocaine off what were probably FILTHY toilet seats made my stomach turn completely over. NOT about the cocaine so much (except what an example for KIDS), but the fucking filthy toilet seats...yet this disgustingly stupid critter is somehow in charge of OUR Health Care? I could do a far better job! In fact, Sir Percival (my orange cat) could probably do a helluva better job than that coked out squirrel.

Evelyn Freitas's avatar

Dammit, Jeff! Thank you for finding the one place I never snorted cocaine off of, my steering wheel. It’s kind of surprising that I never thought of that!

Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

I think the moral of Bobby Brainworm’s story is that it’s safe to snort coke off of a toilet seat, only if you’ve got the ferments to protect you. Also Jeff, I have been thinking about you so much this week. I’m glad to hear you’re doing this out of self care and not obligation. I think I speak for everyone in this community when I say that we want you to do whatever helps you stay sane right now—whether that’s writing or taking a break. Sending you love.

rlritt's avatar

The moral is that no matter how stupid, idiotic and untalented you are if you have a famous name and inherit lots of money, you can get the media to spread all kinds of stupid bullshit that you come up with.

Brainworm Kennedy should be the poster child for a 90% inheritance tax.

Angie Longenecker's avatar

I never liked the moniker “brain worms”. It implies there was grey matter there to begin with. I prefer “shit for brains” and he literally ADMITS it.

Pamela Van Sickle's avatar

What she said, Jeff. I am glad writing helps you because your writing sure helps me. Keeping you close to my heart, Jeff.❤️

Vivian Fletcher's avatar

I totally agree. Take care, Jeff.❤️

Julie's avatar

What she said 💙

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

Love ya, Jeff. And you gotta admit, that big fat fucking face on the front of the battleship is gloriously rendered. Just the vessel to sail over the edge of the flat Earth.

Mingo's avatar

That battleship will sink as surely as his casinos.

Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Powered by all the coal he's mandating the Pentagon purchase. Steampunk technology.

arne link's avatar

In general, I love the whole steampunk esthetic. Very cool. Not his stupid boat though.

patti sepich's avatar

It’s funny because it’s true he’d do it that way.

Angie Longenecker's avatar

Does the other end of the ship depict his diapered ass?

CJ Bair's avatar

Hahaha!!… Good one!!

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

Outstanding observation. Kudos!

patti sepich's avatar

lol Angie 👍🏻

Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

This makes me wish I were a flat-earther.

Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

I think it was too late, once I passed the second grade. 😞

Harry Borgerhoff's avatar

I’ll believe a flat-earther over anything that comes out of the Trump administration.

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

Kinda sorta same.

Merrill's avatar

The GOOD news is that Trump/MAGA is down 14% in its average approval ratings since Trump's innaguration. That equals 12,000,000 votes out of the 77,000,000 who mistakenly voted for the lying fascist rich boy and are now expressing remorse.

And in case you haven't heard, Trump's deck me in popularity is of course Biden's fault..Why? Biden let 11 million illegal, criminals into the US which has forced Trump to use harsh methods to get them deported.

I would just point out that the $110 Billion Trump/GOP has devoted to his ICE Gestapo secret police and prison camps is the amount of $s Americans need to refund our ACA healthcare subsidies. The people will choose in Nov.

shee-rah's avatar

Or into an iceberg.

Theresa Breach's avatar

Special request , can us LADIES on here have 5 minutes in a room with Nick Fuentes ?

HI2thDoc's avatar

Gag him with those pink pussy hats and hit him with heavy purses

Jan Moon's avatar

Or . . . stick his balls in the heavy purses and snap them shut. One heavy purse at a time. Just a thought.

Martha Howell's avatar

Ooh, those handbags from the 1950s! Super hard corners, and a clasp like a bear trap.

patti sepich's avatar

I don’t think his balls are big enough. We may need coin purses

Lise Buranen's avatar

Mine has a zipper, but that could still work. Course, then I'd have to get a new purse.

Steve in SoCal's avatar

It's for a worthy cause

Chicky Mama's avatar

Hopefully it’s rusty

Yarnartist's avatar

I think Nick Fuentes makes a lot of stupid noises to get attention. He may even believe the BS he spouts, but I think there’s also a very strong element of “Look at me, everyone!! I can get away with saying anything!” A lot of repressed stuff there. Poor little feller.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

He looks like a gremlin for my money. VERY odd weird face. DESPERATE for attention, so attacking women is his go-to now? Yeah, that'll work.

Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

Yes. Bless his heart.

Ann M Palmer's avatar

Not worth paying attention to.

NOYB's avatar

Don't forget to leave room in his esophagus for a few red Nordic MELT ICE hats. ❤️❤️LOVE YOU JEFF💕💕

Paula Dean's avatar

I'd prefer to use a baseball bat. I spent way too much money on my Coach bags to wreck them with his slime.

Jane's avatar

😂😂😂👏👏👏

Kathy's avatar

Just finished knitting my pink pussy hat, so I’ll help! 🩷

Maria Devereux's avatar

I didn't bother knitting - just went straight for the garrotte.

Steve in SoCal's avatar

You shouldn't need more than about 5 seconds 🟤🟤🦶

HI2thDoc's avatar

No hype, I'll bet he's terrified of any interaction with women.

shee-rah's avatar

No woman will accept a date with him.

Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

AMEN SISTA! That little schmuck has no idea how zygotes, sperm, and ovaries work and how his ass materialized! Actually, where are his parents? Are they miserable humans also?

Lady Emsworth's avatar

"Are they miserable humans also?"

Wouldn't you be with Fuentes for a son?

Lady Emsworth's avatar

Actually, I'm not sure why people get so cross with fuentes. He's like the kid in school who draws a cock and balls on the toilet wall, then gets all his mates to come and snigger at it. And if the teacher gets MAD about it - that's a bonus. I think the appropriate response is "OK, Fuentes - get a rag and wipe it off. We all know what a cock is - you have one yourself. Only difference is, you use yours as a head. . ."

Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Fuentes: "They called me a dumbass. I'm draining them."

Sue Martin's avatar

So we women are constraining? Huh. And here I thought the bone crushing exhaustion I've been feeling was just my fibromyalgia flaring up again. Glad to hear it's only my body constraining...

Heather Patrick's avatar

Count me in…I’ll fuck him up…he’s a pussy ass that thinks he’s strong behind his keyboard.

Mirla G. Raz's avatar

He'd run away so fast and then blame women for making him get off his fat ass.

Permian Extinction's avatar

I only need five seconds...

Sharon Senkiew's avatar

He needs a good spanking!😆

arne link's avatar

Oh, Lord. I'll buy a share. What do the tickets cost?

Joe Witkowski's avatar

God bless you Jeff. For us you truly do the Lord’s work, keeping us from losing our minds. 🙏

Jan Moon's avatar

I had no idea how much I missed spewing coffee out my nose first thing in the morning. Thank you, Jeff, for being there and practicing self-care. Keep doing what you need to do. You've got us and we love you!

Mary Fedoroff's avatar

I saw the notification of your post pop up and smiled for the first time all week. Thanks for being you.

HI2thDoc's avatar

Thank goodness Secretary of Skateboard Nutwhacking is making America safe from party balloons! I wonder if Ronnie Raygun ever thought that's what our lasers would be shooting at.

Reva's avatar

Secretary of Skateboard Nutwhacking 10/10 no notes

bruce somers's avatar

I thought the Jewish Space Lasers were tasked with dealing with the Cartel party balloons.

shee-rah's avatar

Where’s MTG when we really need her?

HI2thDoc's avatar

That’s the thing. We have never, and will never ever need her

Tom Halstead's avatar

Jeff, your self care is our ambrosia.

Susie's avatar

Niiiiiiiice!

Kay-El's avatar
7hEdited

1. Fascist object Jesse Watters deserves all the fuck you’s the world has to offer

2. Cokehead Jr rubbing his gums for all the world to see, thinking he’s being sly. Someone hand him a toilet seat.

3. I’ll never have a party balloon outside my house again.

Steve in SoCal's avatar

1. I want to buy Jessica Tarlov a beer, or Valentine's Day candy, or something

2. Can't add to that

3. You shouldn't anyway, as our supply of helium is finite (we can't make more) and should be used for things like MRI machines

PlasticFish's avatar

When I saw her comeback, I came *this* close to writing her a marriage proposal. Fortunately, the quick realisation that my Better ½ might not be amused kept me from making a fool of myself.

Lisa Bieber's avatar

The idea of random people approaching treason weasel lite with toilet seats will keep me smiling all day. Maybe folks should offer toilet seats to brainworms too. Great idea!

Chris Morey's avatar

“Nobel What In The Actual Fuck Prize” hahaha. Thanks Jeff; needed the laugh today. Continue to take care.

Fastball Fredo's avatar

Jeff, I want to first offer my deepest condolences… I admire your fortitude to carry on with the important work u perform, entertaining all of us in this upside down world of today, providing a respite with knowledge and humor. For the past few weeks I have not written “Golf with MAGAS” as I am getting used to a large new group of MAGAS. Last week after a round of golf all of us… 24…. sat for food, at least I did, and beers which I do not consume. The topic of businesses moving out of Portland Oregon due to the tax situation, then finding out these companies moved to Seattle. A fellow golfer wearing a cap with 3 crosses and some biblical quote said that folks in both cities were “heathen”…as a former Seattle resident I had to object as I and many of my family and friends attended religious services on a regular basis. That did not go over very well, so I then asked why in my faith community here in AZ, must hire security, have the Sheriff drive through our parking lot, and a civilian patrols drive through to protect us, whereas in mega churches that’s not the case.. I was told that if I was so upset about these events that I should begin going to a Christian church where real people are at… Well, I picked up my equipment and took off.. Best to you and all fellow travelers.

HI2thDoc's avatar

Oh, Fredo, dear Fredo

Don't let those nuts into your head-o,

Avoid pointless quarrels

With those delusional immorals

Until their damned idol is dead-o

Fastball Fredo's avatar

I gotta tell ya Doc… maybe I should take RFKJr. advice and just hit that toilet seat with some Bolivian substance.🤣🤣🤣🤣

HI2thDoc's avatar

Sure, and don't forget the heroin. Of course, that's only if you wanna do all the outlandishly strange and reprehensible shit he's done. Whale head, bear cub roadkill, sexual misconduct with kids' nanny, adultery, caused ex-wife's suicide, conspiracy theorist, anti-vaxxer, anti-fluoride kook, etc., etc.

HI2thDoc's avatar

Forgot swimming with grandkids in polluted water.

Lise Buranen's avatar

Yeah, but I wouldn't blame the drugs. I've known a lot of junkies who would never do that crazy shit.

Fastball Fredo's avatar

Doc.. thanks for the advice of the White Dragon.. I guess my grades in law school would have been a lot better, if I like Jr., began to chase Puff the Magic Dragon… 🤮⚠️⚠️🤪

HI2thDoc's avatar

No. It may amplify personality traits that are already there, but drugs will not make us what we are not. In Jr’s case, he was already a greedy, dishonest asshole. The coke just makes him a bigger greedy, dishonest asshole.

Dave Drell's avatar

You’re trying to make sense with MAGA retards who hide behind “The Church”…. best you should just find another diversion… these putzes don’t deserve your intellectual observations.

Fastball Fredo's avatar

Appreciate your advice. Thank You.

Gayna's avatar

I think you should stop player mg golf with fascist idiots

Susan Niemann's avatar

OMG. Those people are not your people. That angers me all the way over here in Philly.

247kath's avatar

They really are horrible people. Cruelty is the point with them. So sorry for this happening to you Fredo❤️‍🩹

CA Productions/Carol Ann's avatar

Real Christians as opposed to all the fake ones.

Charles Austin's avatar

Fredo, always throw an old wedge in your bag to deal with those kind of assholes. (The flange makes large cranial dents.😂)

Mingo's avatar

I guess your God is not their God and therefore not real. Sad. If these are your new group of golfers you might have more fun going to a driving range hitting the balls on your own. At least you won't sit in judgement.

Sandra Greer's avatar

".. a Christian church where real people are at..." OMG the Church of Satan and MAGA ignorance -- the real Heathens. Time to tax these morons!

Mps's avatar

I don’t know how you do it. Golf must be one hell of a drug

DrBDH's avatar

Not that long ago, MAGAs were ragging on the Biden administration for watching a Chinese weather/spy balloon cross the country. Now that we have Real Force all balloons are on notice!

Anne's avatar

"According to footage shared online, Fuentes purportedly said: "Women get sent to the gulags first, obviously. Which women? All women. Every woman. Every woman and girl is sent to the gulags. We will determine who the good ones are after the fact.""

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/nick-fuentes-women-gulag/

HI2thDoc's avatar

No wonder Fuentes is a virgin

Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

thank god he won't be reproducing

Kay-El's avatar

Not a chance with that screed.

counterlife's avatar

Or with that face.

Dave Drell's avatar

That’s great, but in the mean time we have to deal with his raw stupidity & racism & hatred.

SPW's avatar

Im beginning to wonder if he’s even a guy. He sounds like some of the MAGA women we’ve been exposed to all these years.

Steve in SoCal's avatar

Maybe Nancy Mace can do a genital inspection

HI2thDoc's avatar

A hard pass even for her, the genitalia-obsessed kook

counterlife's avatar

He does seem to experience some gender wobbles.

Susan Niemann's avatar

That boy aint right. 🤦‍♀️

HI2thDoc's avatar

In many, many ways

PrincessKrapotkin's avatar

I thought he preferred boys, so no worries. But how does locking up all women help in reproduction?

Anne's avatar

easier to "r*p*" them?

Steve in SoCal's avatar

No, they're terrified of the vag

Paula Dean's avatar

He thinks they have teeth.

bruce somers's avatar

Makes a good B-movie.

rlritt's avatar

He is probably Gay, which is fine, but sad if he refuses to acknowledge it.

HI2thDoc's avatar

He's like these other badly misguided right wingnuts. They are aligned with people who despise what they are or may be. If he is gay, he should be on the left with us because he would be welcomed just as a human being. Sad. Get therapy, Fuentes.

Deborah Arapa's avatar

To quote: pickled in self-loathing.

rlritt's avatar

That may very well be true. He wouldn't be the first sad soul to hate what is.

Bob's avatar

He’s married to Rosie.

MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

I don’t understand why stunted, annoying individuals like this Fuentes douchebag get paid any mind at all. It’s painfully obvious he’s desperate for attention, by any means possible, so he ratchets up his screamy stupid bullshit until someone says oh look, this tiny-dicked exhibitionist is saying outrageous shit, let’s pay him some attention I guess. Why? What’s the point? Fuck him except no one ever has and no one ever will, everything is just so fucking stupid. Thank you for your attention etc.

Lise Buranen's avatar

Him and many others. Stop giving them oxygen! No, really.

Susan Niemann's avatar

👏👏👏👏👏👏

Anne's avatar

I was wondering that myself... why does anyone report what he says?

MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

I mean, who even IS this guy? Why should anyone care what he thinks?

Just another asshole creating his own 15 minutes of fame. Fuck these jagoffs for sucking up oxygen that could be better used on anything else.

Declan's avatar

Is that why there are 50 concentration camps being created...women, Democrats and all sorts of disfavored groups...ya know just like the Nazis did??. The camps built in 1938 were originally just for 'criminals', guys, et al. The camps morphed into what we know them as extermination camps.

Steve in SoCal's avatar

If we're fortunate, maybe the Germans will come and liberate us. How's that for irony?

Robert Eckert's avatar

On T-Tag, they will land on the beaches of Mierda-Loco.

Declan's avatar

I put out AN SOS to Europe a few years ago 😂

Maggie&Lefty's avatar

At breakfast today the table next to us were folks from Germany. I began to feel a bit self conscious wearing my WWII tribute cap, especially when the idiots running this current regime are looking like the ones we crushed way back when. Such a strange reversal of circumstances ! 🤔🤨😳

rlritt's avatar

Yes, we need to laugh at them, but take what they do very seriously.

Anne Murray's avatar

Kkkkaroline, Bondi, Ice Barbi first...and last!

Daniel M Kimmel's avatar

Make room for Linda McMahon.

Stephen Brady's avatar

He is another pocket Nazi who thinks he can pass, but with that name, he has to be a brown person…

Lisa Dekker's avatar

Well, it’s ok for this woman to single out Pam Bondage as a candidate for a gulag in frozen Siberia. She can rant and lie to the four walls in her cell and break rocks outside for recreation.

rlritt's avatar

But she is one of the Project 2025 proponents and she be taken seriously, as well. Laugh at her, but watch what she is doing and take it seriously.

Remember the NAZIs and Hitler were laughed at first. Until they were no longer funny.

Declan's avatar

Absolutely, Hitler was mocked for being weak with poor table manners. Himmler was a weak chinned chicken farmer & Goebbels had a clubbed foot & walked funny. 70 MILLION souls died because of them

Lisa Dekker's avatar

I don’t disagree. The whole bunch are seriously dedicated to their horrid vision. But she has shown the world by her contemptuous and off-the- rails demeanor that they are indeed dangerous.

Susie's avatar

Just JFC. 🤬😡💔🇺🇸

bruce somers's avatar

Nick,come out already.

Jane's avatar

So where does Fuentes think he was born from, an egg? What a fascist ass!

Anne's avatar

maybe he sprang from Zeus' forehead.

Robert Eckert's avatar

or some other bodypart

s.Michael Morgan's avatar

I played the entire Nick Fuentes clip. If that had been a skit on SNL, I would have laughed. But it wasn’t. It was from a real Nazi.

Mps's avatar

Breeding gulags

Of course women are the threat

Wendymae's avatar

Rape camps. They'll probably call them Atwood camps.

Marlys Williams's avatar

Thanks for writing today, Jeff. I am sixteen months into the journey you have begun. I have no unique words of wisdom as to surviving the inevitably miserable parts of your days right now. What I will repeat here is what a widowed acquaintance said to me - “I know, it’s rough, but it gets better”.