this week in stupid: December 28 edition
the Space Nazi composes it, Jesse Watters brown-noses it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
monday: it’s a bird! it’s a plane! it’s a white male archetype!
how fucking delusional is this?
“Superman is an inherently right-wing concept. He is super as a man -- fit, strong, white male archetype. Loyal to one woman in marriage. Early issues, he fights government corruption and is anti-war. Not to mention a Christ figure. Do you agree?”
fragile conservative males can’t be happy unless they can first convince themselves that whatever entertainment they’re consuming feeds into their twisted worldview. it’s a fucking movie, pal. just gobble your popcorn and enjoy watching a fictional strongman punch the shit of out bad guys. not everything is about you.
fact check: Superman was invented in the 1930s by two commie Jew bastards named Siegel and Shuster. here’s how they drew Supe.
I fucking wish that being a “champion of the oppressed” and “helping those in need” were conservative ideals.
as for “fights government corruption and is anti-war” being right-wing values — bro, have you been paying any attention at all to what Dear Leader has been up to? first, he’s shaking down CEOs for million-dollar contributions to an “inauguration fund” that goes straight into his pocket — watch these CEOs’ companies get exemptions from tariffs, mark my words — and second, he’s threatening to go to war with Panama and Greenland. any real-life Superman would fuck Donny’s shit in a heartbeat.
oh, and the NRA would hate Superman.
tuesday: make America piss itself laughing again
okay, let’s not judge. we don’t know how this last-minute Christmas shopper got into this predicament. maybe there’s a reasonable explanation. it’s none of our business.
but let’s all savor the moment that the air bag deploys and the MAGA hat goes sailing to the ground.
[chef’s kiss] perfection.
wednesday: make America cringe again
wow, color me both surprised and impressed. Christmas Day at Motel-a-Lago would have been the last place I would have expected to find a Drag Queen Story Hour. maybe we’ve been wrong to assume Dear Leader’s golf hovel would be hotbed of bigotry and intolerance and—
[taps earpiece] wait a minute, I’m being told that this is not a Story Hour. what is it, then? is it a Kimberly Gargoyle Drag Queen Impersonators Contest?
[taps earpiece again] hold on, I’m now being informed that these aren’t drag performers at all. apparently they are actual woman, and members of the club.
holy shit. there’s more plastic here than in an entire Lego factory.
thursday: make America retch again
Fox News found object Jesse Watters sure does love him some Dear Leader.
“Trump is so unique, here’s why. he’s wealthy, so you can’t bribe him. he’s handsome, and so you can’t honeytrap him.”
wait a minute, you can’t bribe Donny? Jesse, go back and read the Monday entry in this post. not only can you bribe Donny — you have to bribe Donny. you want favors from Donny’s administration? open up that wallet, Mister CEO, and drop a cool million into Donny’s inauguration fund, and watch doors open up for you. what do you need, bro? an exemption from tariffs, maybe? hmm, better pony up another million, just to be sure.
as for Donny being so handsome you can’t honeytrap him — Jesse, are we on the same page here? this guy is so handsome —
— that he can’t be honeytrapped by these women?
tell me it’s not a cult.
friday: make America fuck itself in the face again
it’s Friday night, and the wealthiest person in the universe is having a perfectly normal one.
“The reason I’m in America along with so many critical people who built SpaceX, Tesla and hundreds of other companies that made America strong is because of H1B.
Take a big step back and FUCK YOURSELF in the face. I will go to war on this issue the likes of which you cannot possibly comprehend.”
imagine being so obscenely rich that your world is one of limitless opportunities. the Space Nazi could be doing anything on the planet right now. he could be experiencing delights far beyond the reach of we mortal peons. but instead, he’s hunched over his phone, arguing with literal dipshits, telling them to “FUCK YOURSELF in the face.”
imagine being that broken inside.
when I was a kid, way back in the 1960s, we had one billionaire: J. Paul Getty. and you almost never heard about J. Paul Getty — he was rarely in the news — because he was content to fuck off and do whatever you do when you’re the world’s only billionaire. J. Paul Getty didn’t need your approval, and he most certainly didn’t give a shit what you thought.
well, we don’t have J. Paul Getty any more. instead, we have E. Musk Petty — and E. Musk Petty is unceasingly in our faces, seeking constant affirmation that he’s the beloved center of attention, and caterwauling like newborn with a fresh load in its drawers when he doesn’t get it.
how about doing something useful and funding a museum, for a change? you know, like J. Paul did.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
That MAL photo… washing my eyes now. That such a world exists, baffling. National Geographic level baffling.
Jeff, I start smiling the moment I see your email in my inbox. Thank you.