this week in stupid: December 2 edition
Space Nazi fucks it up, Jesse Watters sucks it up, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
sunday: whatever it is, I’m against it
hey Siri, show me a perfect encapsulation of conservative ignorance and intolerance wrapped up in a tidy 28-second video.
“and what is critical race theory?”
“well, I’m not going to get into the specifics of it because I don’t understand it that much, but it’s something that I don’t … what little bit that I know, I don’t care for.”
“and what have you heard that you don’t like?”
“well, I’m not gonna … I … I … you know … I don’t, uh … I don’t have that much knowledge on it, but it’s something I’m not … that I don’t care for.”
stand up and take a bow, Fox News, ace job turning an entire generation of impressionable doofuses into angry jackasses who hate what they’re told to hate and never ask why.
monday: probably get a lot of flak for this
on Monday, the Space Nazi rocketed to Israel to do some damage control, because there’s no better way to prove you’re not an antisemitic shithead than to travel seven thousand miles for a photo op with right-wing shithead Bibi Netanyahu.
the less said about it, the better. instead, let’s mock the Space Nazi for putzing around like a complete dipshit.
not-twitter user Liam Nissan™ said it best:
“Elon obviously stole this flak jacket from a baby.”
tuesday: they go to a different miltary, in Canada
the entire country remains pissed off at failed football coach and all-around pus-bucket Tommy Tuberville for continuing to block all military promotions.
wait, did we say the entire country? that’s not fair, insists T-Tubes.
“I’ve talked to admirals and generals … saying ‘keep doing what you’re doing’.”
“who are these people?”
“well, they’re people in the military.”
“you can’t name names?”
“no.”
these admirals and generals, Senator, are they in the room with us right now?
wednesday: it’s a Space Nazi twofer
has any one person in the history of the universe done more to trash their own reputation than the Space Nazi? in just one year he’s gone from “the tech visionary and genius who is taking us to Mars” to “white supremacist dumpster fire idiot.”
anyway, as advertisers continue to flee the antisemitic hellscape that not-twitter has become, Space Nazi has a brilliant new strategy to woo them back: they can go fuck themselves.
no, really.
“don’t advertise.”
“you don’t want them to advertise?”
“no.”
“what do you mean?”
“If somebody’s gonna try to blackmail me with avertising, blackmail me with money? go fuck yourself. go. fuck. yourself. is that clear? I hope it is. hey, Bob.”
“Bob,” by the way, refers to Bob Iger, the CEO of Disney.
and then on Friday, the bewildered dumbfuck actually wondered out loud why Disney was continuing to not advertise.
it’s stunning how little the Space Nazi understands about how the world works.
thursday: new Biden scandal drops
oh my god, this is the worst thing to happen to America since Obama wore a tan suit.
Fox News has the goods on the latest foul deed to come out of the Biden Crime Family.
are you ready for it? here it is:
Sleepy Joe drank a milkshake with a straw.
what a nancy-boy. what a goddamned wimp.
everyone knows that real men consume liquids with gusto. toss your head back and fucking guzzle that shit, honcho.
just ask that apex exemplar of masculinity, Donald Trump.
oops.
friday: hello, fellow humans
can Ron DeSantis not do one thing like a normal human being?
here, he’s tasked with one simple job. the Colorado GOP asked Ron to not-tweet some excitement for next year’s primary — and he responded like some fucked-up robot from some cheap 1950s b-movie: “people … of … Earth … I … have … been … required … to … express … excitement … so … I … say … to … you … hello … I … am … excited.”
we live in a shitty world — but no matter how awful things get, we will always be able to laugh at how clownshoes-bad Ron DeSantis is at everything.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
I actually googled "distance between San Francisco and Tel Aviv," because, y'know, journalistic integrity
Everytime I see Muck with some military vest , a goofy cowboy hat, or bomber jacket on it reminds me how similar he is to Trump with their insecurities and how much they need to prove they are big boys.