372 Comments
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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

Ms Spouse says Hannity looks like someone put a canned ham atop a pair of shoulders

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

She's not wrong

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Carl Selfe's avatar

EMERGENCY, not satire!. There is no emergency. Never has been. BLUE state governors hold the key to stop the assault of constituents. Too much is at risk to wait! Mobilize Blue state National Guards when threatened. Wait until then. The invasion of one state by another is a call to state Governors to mobilize their National Guards to resist an UNLAWFUL assault. The U.S. military should not accept UNLAWFUL orders, and should not be present no matter how good they are at spreading mulch and collecting trash. The sooner we get this over with, the better. This confrontation is coming. It is coming! REMEMBER JANARY 6th! They started this civil war right then. We are stronger now than we will be tomorrow. The confrontation is not a battle or a war. It is a standoff at State borders. One state would be trying to invade another. One is the offender. The other, the defender. Spare me the “you are inciting violence”. We all know TACO. Blocking a road at the border is not advocating violence, it is moving the conflict from the cities to the border, a much safer place for the state’s citizens.

Also, the gerrymander fight is on. There is a new playbook. The old rules have been struck down by the Supreme Court. We need to change the gears here as fast as possible for deadly PREEMPTIVE strikes. Newsom has moved out on this already. Who is next? Hochul. Where are you? NO EXCUSE! Change your state Constitution. Pritzker. What are you doing?

https://hotbuttons.substack.com/p/gerrymander-fight?r=3m1bs

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Linda Weide's avatar

Carl, in the Blue State Soft Secession I believe the governors involved are looking at creating state militias that can be called on to police, so that there is no need for national guard to be sent to them as a legal move. From my understanding the governors involved and their AGs are meeting each morning to discuss what they can do to financially disentangle themselves from the Federal government.

I am all for taxing by states and not federal government because I would like to defund the 3 things Trump cares about besides destroying the US as fast as he can to get in with his fascist buddies like Putin, Xi, and Jung Un. They are:

1) billionaires, with himself first

2) the military, so he can use it against us

3) ICE, which is already his brown shirt brigade, only they wear masks.

I am in Chicago, which is Pritzker's state. We are packing up this month to sell our house and ship some of our things abroad, the rest will stay here or be gotten rid of.

I have read an assessment of the gerrymander battle, and it does not look like it is one the Blue States can win. As it pointed out, Illinois is already gerrymandered up the wazoo in favor of the Democrats. Our state could have a dividing line. The northern part that has Chicago and Lake Michigan, one of the Great Lakes making up the largest fresh water source in the world, are largely Democratic. They also have the most of the state's GDP, which was 1.137 Tril last year. The southern part of the states is the breadbasket. They also are trying to secede from Illinois and join Red Indiana. Indiana is also on Lake Michigan, so they would not lose that. Indiana had a GDP of 527.4 bil, and has a population of a little more than half of Illinois.

So, Illinois does not really need to Gerrymander. It has a blue trifecta right now.

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James Stoner's avatar

There IS an emergency, and its name is Donald Trump, and it's going to continue for three more years unless something good happens.

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Lynn Van Haren's avatar

IL is already pretty gerrymandered for Dems

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247kath's avatar

Ms Spouse for the win😂Laughed so loud I scared the cats

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Paula Dean's avatar

My cat ran from the room and hid so well I can't find him.

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Lois Henry's avatar

She’s right. So was Colbert when he put a pair of glasses on a canned ham and talked to ‘Karl Rove’ during Junior’s administration.

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Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

Oh no I just posted that but it was hilarious.

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Paula Dean's avatar

"Great minds...."

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Wendy The Druid 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈's avatar

Sean Hannity looks like a wasted mouthless cockcunt Jeff. But then this isnt all that different from when I used to work for Cox Communications back in the day. He looked like then, when we had to show up for Quaterly meetings for the whole company. I doubt Anne or Barbara Cox liked him either....they always showed disdain the way I remember it.

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DrBDH's avatar

Sean Hannity is a brick of Limburger cheese topped with strands of tree moss.

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DR Darke's avatar

"Sean Hannity is a brick of Limburger cheese topped with strands of tree moss."

That actually sounds appetizing next to the horrid reality that is Sean Hannity.

I could see Ruth Reichl (https://substack.com/@ruthreichl ) writing a thousand words in praise of limburger topped with tree moss....

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Irascible Ink's avatar

How does anyone get near Sean Hannity McLimburger? 😲 https://youtu.be/I6I7T2rywa8?feature=shared

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂🤣

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Steve Weiner's avatar

I must say, as a resident of Florida, that Mr. Hannity is not loved here in Florida. I do however invite him to take a flying fuck at the moon.

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Marian Goldsmith's avatar

With or without a broomstick.

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Linda Fulcher's avatar

So does that piece of shit Tom Homan.

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Hammity.

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂

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Susan Niemann's avatar

She's not wrong! 😂😂

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DJ Headthrob's avatar

No, he looks like that doorman at the Emerald City. Now, THAT'S a horse's ass of a different color!

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CL Tee's avatar

Mrs. Spouse is a keeper!

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Scott Gilbert's avatar

Don't forget the green olive & pimento eyes...

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Grody...

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HI2thDoc's avatar

A past sell-by ham that’s spoiled

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Steve Kelly's avatar

Might it have something to do with mitochondria-ray vision?

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Dr J's Sanity Space's avatar

🎯🎯🎯🎯

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Teri Gelini's avatar

lol

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

Don't forget the furry part on top.

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

oh, and sorry to disappoint the hopeful, but Donny's been photographed on the golf course this morning

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SethTriggs's avatar

How is that possible? I thought the pricktator wouldn't "have time to golf!"

I bet he's cheating there too.

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

Read "Commander in Cheat." Trust me, it's amusing and insightful.

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michellefromchicago's avatar

👍🏻

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Nancy Lent Lanoue's avatar

Blue ribbon to Seth for the best new reader nickname for😡so far today! 😂

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P123Sunny's avatar

🏴‍☠️😝

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Grace Kennedy's avatar

Matamucilini. From Borowitz.

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Paula Dean's avatar

Another word for my Substack Dictionary!

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SethTriggs's avatar

I admit I got it from Stephen Colbert.

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Mwfeiger's avatar

There are no odds on such a bet, because the outcome is 100% predictable and reliable.

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T L Mills's avatar

I wouldn't take that bet! Donny ALWAYS cheats (or has his caddie do it for him).

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

They won't blast classical music over the airwaves for him, like dead Soviet leaders or British monarchs. Nope. We'll get YMCA on a loop.

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Ann Anderson's avatar

Well, poop. Hope springs eternal. He can always collapse on the green. Right next to Ivana. It'll save time.

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Jane's avatar

😂😂😂

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Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

I knew the rumor was way too good to be true.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

If he showed up on the tennis court, I'd be more impressed or depressed. But golf for Trump is as rigorous as tapping a ball his caddy dropped two feet away from the hole. This is performative, showing up for the photos, before he gets his IV and catheter inserted.

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Mingo's avatar

I was going to say the same thing. I think there is a dialysis machine in the White House to take off the excess fluid. Then they fluff him up with vitamins and electrolytes, prop him upright with an industrial strength girdle. I haven't noticed any compression stockings for the cankles, but he seems to stay behind the Resolute desk when issuing his decrees more often.

I'd like to know how Bobby Brainworm can see cells at the microscopic level when going through an airport staring at children. That's what happens to your brain while on drugs.

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Jane's avatar

mitochondria-ray vision 🤣🤣🤣

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Lisa's avatar

When he putts from his seat in the golf cart I’ll start with the thoughts and prayers. “May lightening strike down from the heavens. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

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Mary Greenwald's avatar

He "putts" from his golf cart and everywhere else! Check out Rubio who has to sit next to him. Trump's "putts" smell so awful he needs Vick's under his nose to not gag.

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

For real? The putz putts from the cart?

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Emma Ray's avatar

Brilliant!

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Colette Hayden Haas's avatar

Shittttttttttttttttt! 😩😢😠

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DR Darke's avatar

"sorry to disappoint the hopeful, but Donny's been photographed on the golf course this morning"

Yeah, and everybody on Instagram says he's deteriorating in plain sight while there, too!

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Donna Marie's avatar

Maybe a body double golfing. Can he walk far?

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Linda Fulcher's avatar

Sigh. Knew it was too good to be true.

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Wendy The Druid 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈's avatar

Yeah yeah. Firebrand Action wont let it be known that Trump is in anything but full health and admiration. or some shit. I dunno.

https://thistleandmoss.com/p/the-meat-puppet-fisting-masters-how

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Highly recommend your article, Wendy. Great research. It lays out the biggest reason Vance is another oligarchy-enriched piece of white trash who is unfit for public office, much less the role of president-successor.

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Claudia Classon's avatar

Everything Trump does in public seems to be to support the fantasy that he is the world’s most powerful (virile, intelligent, talented, sportsmanlike, truthful…pick your lie) man. Playing golf in front of an audience of Instagram-snappers is probably just that: another diversion, this time from his failing health. I’m still gonna hope.

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MountainBoyMike's avatar

well that's sad news

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Cyndi's avatar

That was so certain it doesn't qualify as a bet. Kind like the law of gravity.

Same goes for what hole he first cheated on. All in for the first hole for the First Asshole.

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Hollie Rood's avatar

Phew! Don’t know where I’ve been, but thank God I missed the tRUMP death rumors. I’d be passed out right now , and probably be until next week sometime from celebrating. The truth would have been too much to bear once I came around . Still …🤷‍♀️🤞🙏

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Jessica Sitton's avatar

Yeah, I knew the Internet rumors were too good to be true. The news, when it does eventually happen, will break like a tsunami. 🌊

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Susan Niemann's avatar

"dead-bear-cub-kidnapping goonatic currently Making Polio Great Again,"

"Cloud Cuckoo Land"

"Jesse Watters — the Clown Prince of Moron"

You have started my weekend off right! 😂😂😂 I'm rolling!

Bigfoot? Dear god!

And where is Hannity living right now? He should move to Missouri...they will love him there in Redneckville, not far from where I live.

Have a calm weekend...and, "many people are saying", the felon wont be around much longer? 🤞🤞🤞

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

Actually, Cloud Cuckoo Land goes back to the 19th century, translating a play by Aristophanes.

https://wordhistories.net/2017/12/01/origin-of-cloudcuckooland/

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Linda Fulcher's avatar

The play is The Birds and is 2,400 years old and still on the money.

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Not as funny as you think in Greek.

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P123Sunny's avatar

🚨they said the same abt MITCH… we pay top dollar for their healthcare don’t forget🚨

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Charles Austin's avatar

Hannity moved in with Bigfoot.😂😂

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Right! I hope Bigfoot doesnt live in Missouri, tho! 😂😂

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

BTW, "manufactoversey" is brilliant.

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

I can't claim credit. not sure who. Atrios, maybe

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Susan P Thatcher's avatar

But you could have

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Dana Jae Labrecque's avatar

Yes!

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Fastball Fredo's avatar

Kennedy Jr. walking through an airport, being able to tell which child is ill simply by looking at them… Miller says Kennedy is one of the foremost experts in the health field.. Just one question Jeff.. How do we know Kennedy is not mainlining heroin again… In his own words he said that made him a better student and better socially.. 🤮 Happy Holiday Folks.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Like ketamine made Musk a better entrepreneur, CEO, and original spokesperson for the elusive, interdimensional Nephilim. These rich geniuses and their street drugs.

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T L Mills's avatar

Miller is one of those interdimensional beings, worse than Bigfoot ever thought of being.

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P123Sunny's avatar

Because he comes from a big family (10) and ‘knows what kids should look like’

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shee-rah's avatar

Kids in airports are “antisocial” because they were taught “Never talk to strangers.” And Kennedy is the strangest of the strangers.

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rlritt's avatar
1dEdited

Do we know if anyone cares if he's doing heroin?

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T L Mills's avatar

I don't give even the tiniest of shtz. In fact I rather hope he is doing heroin again-- there'd be a chance he'd overdose.

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Tom Woods's avatar

I’m going to ask my Nephilim buddy to slip Brainworms some Fentanyl in his heroin .

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Douglas Paul Truhlar's avatar

Rlr, maybe the goon squads, the laws but nobody to regulate his foul ass.

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Kay-El's avatar
1dEdited

1. We should always be giving the stink eye and the middle finger to these wastes of oxygen. They have no business being in public with the rest of us.

2. The nerve of the crazies talking about aliens like they actually know anything. Real aliens avoid us like the plague. How do I know? I’ve never seen one. That makes me just as much an expert.

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rlritt's avatar

That's the beauty and curse of a free country. Anyone can say any damn stupid thing they want. The problem is the US media is owned operated by fascist oligarchs and some are foreign, so most media is just brainwashing. We have no laws anymore that require them to air opposing opinions or even facts.

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P123Sunny's avatar

And the ‘loophole’ of Democracy is that you can VOTE for Authoritarianism…- Marc Maron

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shee-rah's avatar

Kennedy could be an alien, he’s that weird.

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Kay-El's avatar

His skin suit does look pretty reptilian

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Charles Austin's avatar

True that!😂

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Scott Gilbert's avatar

No, Jeff, Hannity didn't book out of NYC because people were mean to him, he booked out of NYC because people gave him mean looks. What a pussy, just like his spray tanned daddy.

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rlritt's avatar

I worked for a company based in New York and everyone in NY thinks he's a dumb ass and reprobate. But he got a TV show where he played a smart businessman. His words were all scripted. So Republicans, who should be a warning to parents about what happens if your kids watch too much TV, believe he was a smart businessman. Nothing could be further from the truth.

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P123Sunny's avatar

Thanks for nothing Mark Burnett

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P123Sunny's avatar

Welp I guess you’d have to throw Tony (‘Art of the Deal’) Schwartz in there too - but Tony has done an apology tour if I’m not mistaken :/

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Cyndi's avatar

Yup. And Burnett actually says he is not sorry...

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P123Sunny's avatar

another player that doesn’t get mentioned / credit as often as he should…😒

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Dave Drell's avatar

Gee… sounds like another New Yorker who was despised and had severe ego problems.

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Kristy Kanen's avatar

The 1800's called Insannity, it wants its hair do back.

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Scott Gilbert's avatar

You mean the 1500s and they want ALL of Hannity back.

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mermcoelho's avatar

Can we retire “pussy” as an insult? My lady parts are far braver than Hannity.

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Scott Gilbert's avatar

Well, if it's any consolation, it seems like the biggest brassest balls of all belong to women.

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🌷IntheHalloftheMtnKing's avatar

He's from New York too. So sad.

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Lisa's avatar

Hope he took his babbie fiance Ainsley with him.

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Scott Gilbert's avatar

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't know.

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Rbr's avatar

Hannity moved down here to Florida, albeit the Palm Beach part of it.

https://www.treasurecoastmlssearch.com/blog/sean-hannity-florida-home/

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Scott Gilbert's avatar

EW

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Despite all the superlatively evil and stupid shit that Preznit Pedophile had done, appointing that unhinged nutcase as Sec of HHS will stand out. He is that bad. Holy shit

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Dave Drell's avatar

He is that bad AND IS A FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT - can you imagine him going to world medical conferences and spewing that bullshit? Jesus, they would toss him out on his ass!

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HI2thDoc's avatar

I wish they would

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T L Mills's avatar

My thought too, Doc!

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shee-rah's avatar

Better yet if they all started laughing hysterically.

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Joyce's avatar

Bobby Heroin is one of the most dangerous people in the country. Give a special shout-out to that jackass Cassidy, who actually KNOWS how dangerous Bobby Heroin is and went ahead and voted him in. Revealing to us just how......good.....and.....dedicated......and.....caring....a doctor Cassidy is.

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🌷IntheHalloftheMtnKing's avatar

I think about this a lot regarding Cassidy.

Didn't he take the Hippocratic Oath to "first, do no harm."

Does anything have meaning anymore? 🙁

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J.R.'s avatar

Right up there with the DNI

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HI2thDoc's avatar

She’s not quite as batshit but does have the rare distinction of being a Russian asset in charge of our intelligence

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Mary Hall's avatar

Regarding Cracker Barrel’s logo, since its inception in 1969 their logo has changed FIVE times. Rethuglicans just aren’t happy unless they are pissed off about something.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Fake outrage is what they do. Triggers the bigots in the base like nuthin’ else

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P123Sunny's avatar

Angertainmemt= Dopamine?

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Kristy Kanen's avatar

Violence porn.

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P123Sunny's avatar

😣

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David M Marko's avatar

Whoa! They've gone too far this time. Took out the barrel and the cracker. How dare they!

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Gina's avatar

Josh Johnson has a cute bit in which he mentions the barrel a number of times and the audience laughs at the absence of mentioning the cracker as such.

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MargaretT's avatar

Josh Johnson is brilliant!

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Joyce's avatar

Their ability to live at such a high level of outrage over minutiae needs to be studied by scientists (in some country that still has scientists): how do Rethuglicans not all spontaneously explode in apoplectic frenzies? Is there a tipping point?

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Debra Slater's avatar

It accomplished the real goal of getting CB to cancel its DEI initiatives and remove all mentions from its website.

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Lucy Conner's avatar

Whoa, so they've been "woke" before we even knew about it?!! Lol

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Tess's avatar

Hilarious description of RFK JR….”goonatic” “mitochondria-ray vision-flight to Cuckoo Land!” EEK-and he is in charge of our health….

Jesse Watters and Hannity can go live in la la land somewhere. Great post Jeff! Hokey Pokey…🤣

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Hey Tess...I'm old enough to remember those fitness videos. LOL

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michellefromchicago's avatar

Have you seen the Key & Peele sketch based on those ‘80s aerobics competitions? Spot on and wonderful

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Oh, no! But I’ll be looking that up! Its gotta be hilarious!!

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Kristy Kanen's avatar

I love them. Miss their show.

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Tess's avatar

Yes! Hilarious!

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michellefromchicago's avatar

So great. And when you watch the original Crystal Light aerobics championship, you find that they even use the same music

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Kristy Kanen's avatar

Rance Howard as the cue card guy ( Ron's brother )

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Susie's avatar

No, but now I will! Thanks!

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Tess's avatar

Me too!! lol

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J.R.'s avatar

Me too

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Kristy Kanen's avatar

Soft porn for the desperate.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

HA! I bet the guys in that video have grandchildren by now. Or are dead from too much exercise. 🙄

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J.R.'s avatar

They might be but we aren’t

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J.R.'s avatar

Dead

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Mingo's avatar

I though maybe those were old scenes from the show Solid Gold back in the late 70's. Those tight spandex bodysuits with the rolled down leg warmers looked so butch while the boys were twirling around.

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P123Sunny's avatar

“you could livestream Bobby Brainworms’ entire life and call it Every Fucking Second In Stupid, because when it comes to the dead-bear-cub-kidnapping goonatic currently Making Polio Great Again, the batshittery never, ever ends.”

(OR: can you believe it’s still -possible-to-cash-in-on-the- good- ol’-Kennedy-name-recognition-gravy-train NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO bc… ‘camelot’…!? 🤢‼️)

WTAF

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HI2thDoc's avatar

His most notable “accomplishment” is completely embarrassing his family while sullying its name

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rlritt's avatar

But he's dragged it thru the mud and it will now stand for a stupid nepo baby with brain worms who gets cushy government job because of his name.

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P123Sunny's avatar

🇺🇸 time to get over them & move on… they had their moment(s)

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DJ Headthrob's avatar

Damn, I was all set to pop a cork when they posted photos of him cheating at golf with his grandkids. Nothing worse than a mortality-tease. When he DOES finally shuffle-off this mortal coil they'll do everything in their collective power to hide it. It's like that Star Trek episode where the head of that Nazi state was, essentially, a propped-up dummy for the camera. And when he DOES, god willing, join the Choir Everlasting (assuming he's not on the express elevator to the Sixth or Seventh Circle) it will be hysterical watching BOTH parties try to death-wash his less-than-admirable resume. Yeah, he was a "transformative" president. He transformed us to an amoral hellscape. And helped kill millions across the globe in the process.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Well, it’s quite a legacy. A shitty one

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Ann Anderson's avatar

Shout-out to a commenter who called RFKjr's face a ball sack with eyes.

After being MIA for a few days, Donald has been seen on the golf course. They rolled Bernie's corpse into the sunshine, too. Meanwhile, his aides are trying wigs and makeup on Vance.

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rlritt's avatar

Yeah. It could be a body double. Watch if he plays well and doesnt cheat, that will be proof its not him.

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P123Sunny's avatar

Touché 😝🤣

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Charles Austin's avatar

Or he actually makes a decent golf swing.😂😂

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Susie's avatar

Ball. Sack. With. EYES!!!! That wins the Internet for me today! 🤣🤣🤣

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J.R.'s avatar

🥳

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shee-rah's avatar

I’ve heard of “a putz with ears,” but I like “ball sack with eyes” even more.

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Kristy Kanen's avatar

Rat Fink looks like if beef jerky had a face.

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Permian Extinction's avatar

Dear Interdimensional Beings: Please hit the fast-forward button to January 20, 2029. Thank you.

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Debra Slater's avatar

(2029)

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Permian Extinction's avatar

Yes, 2029 in this dimension.

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Angie Longenecker's avatar

I worked for many years at a Mitochondrial and Metabolic Disorder Center. Funny that NONE (not one) of these world renown doctors and scientists ever stated or thought they could diagnose someone by walking through airports, malls, etc.

So amazing that Bobby Brainworms has this ability.

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shee-rah's avatar

And with no medical or scientific education or experience! What a genius! 😆😆😆

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Crystal Hartley's avatar

Donald Trump is living proof that "thoughts and prayers" don't work.

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Susie's avatar

Oh. Well. Very well said!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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