as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: ring-a-ding-ding
this week, stupid got off to the best possible start, with everyone’s favorite sewage-swimming, whale-head-chainsawing crackpot, blithering on about his cherished autism conspiracy theories, when all of a sudden, out of the clear blue, his cell phone went off.
that’s right, Bobby Brainworms’ ring tone is a fucking duck quacking.
folks, you couldn’t make this shit up.
tuesday: conservative-based wut
now let’s check in with Preznit Fuckwit’s choice to head the FDA, because I’m sure she has a lot of interesting things to say about science, and— oh my dear sweet lord.
Trump’s pick to lead the FDA, Heidi Overton, says the FDA, CDC, and NIH need to be “reformed” to fund more “conservative-based” research instead of peer-reviewed and evidence-backed medical science.
right now, you’re probably asking yourself, ‘what the fuck is conservative-based research?’
well, I’m pretty sure we just got a taste of it. it’s Bobby Brainworms clownfucking his way through some fever-swamp hallucination about how autistic children drown at a higher rate, while his way-too-on-the-nose phone starts quacking at him from his pocket.
that’s your ‘conservative-based research.’
it’s some dead-bear-cub-kidnapping dumbfuck snorting coke off of a toilet seat, and then shitting out counterfactual mumbo-jumbo based on what he wants to be true, not what actual reality tells him.
it’s coming up with a conclusion first, and then bending facts to support it.
you know what? fuck science. let’s all just do our own research, am I right?
what could possibly go wrong?
wednesday: only losers get sick
and if you do happen to do your own research, you’re going to earn the eternal admiration of Fox News found object Jesse Watters.
“I have my own plan for healthcare… how about get a job? also, MAHA, ever heard of it? it’s called eat, right and exercise. maybe try that. I do it. and I don’t whine and go to the doctor for every ache and pain. I don’t run to the doctor and, like, jack up everybody’s healthcare bills. I did my own research on the internet.”
look, I get it. Jesse Watters is the court jester. he puts on his cap with the bells, and prances around, while all the lords and ladies laugh at his antics.
that’s all fine and dandy, but here’s the problem: the Fox News audience doesn’t know Watters’ making ha ha funny. they take all the stupid shit that comes out of his mouth at face value.
oh, and ‘if you get sick it’s your own fault’ isn’t just the opinion of some dumbfuck on TV — it’s official Donnyverse doctrine.
oh look, the guy whose own phone literally never stops reminding him that he’s a quack, has been doing his own research again.
what could possibly go wrong?
thursday: where the elite meet to get sweet
oh, lucky us — it’s a found object two-fer.
“deep down, in their loins, they, they want a husband. my advice for them, get off dating apps. work is a great place to find a spouse.”
I know, I know: tee hee hee hee hee, let’s all laugh at the giggling clown.
when Jesse Watters says that work is a great place to meet a spouse, he speaks from personal experience. no, really — here’s a fun fact about Mr. Found Object: he met his second wife — and started carrying on with her — while he was still married to his first.
and how did Jesse contrive to meet the second Mrs. Watters?
well, it’s a rather heartwarming tale.
the fucking psychopath let the air out of her tires, and then offered her a ride home.
now that’s doing your own research.
friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
on Friday, some fucking idiot’s day began at 6:45 in the morning, when he announced that he had ‘solved’ the problem of high beef prices by allowing the import of ground beef from … where?
‘where?’ is exactly what reporters wanted to know, when they caught up with the fucking idiot later that day — and the fucking idiot was all ‘that’s for me to know and for you to find out.’
oh, goody. enjoy your un-inspected ground-up mystery meat from god knows where, folks. what could possibly go wrong?
the fucking idiot was on that tarmac because he was on his way to his one public event of the day: a campaign rally in South Carolina for Lindsey Graham’s woefully-unqualified sister Darline.
now, I know what you’re going to ask: ‘did the fucking idiot’s diaper nurse come along, in case he made an unscheduled boom-boom?’ yes, she did.
oh look — the fucking idiot managed to be on the wrong side of an issue that literally everybody hates: data centers.
enjoy your noisy, polluting eyesore in the middle of what used to be your quiet community, peons. the fucking idiot doesn’t care. he’s a gazillionaire. he can afford to live far away from it.
the fucking idiot was ostensibly campaigning for Darline Graham, but he barely mentioned her. instead, he rambled incoherently about— what in the actual fuck?
the fucking idiot was inventing his own words again. he’s like a modern-say Shakespeare!
now, of all the things in this world that have never happened, here’s the one thing that’s never happened the most.
“in fact, hospitals now are doing reverse surgery at my order. they’re doing reverse surgery. nobody ever heard about it.”
what on earth? nobody ever heard of it, because the fucking idiot just made it up, on the spot. nobody is doing this. no hospital is doing ‘reverse transgender surgery,’ because the fucking idiot ordered it.
the fucking idiot is fucking insane. he’s completely broken with reality. he’s cuckoo for you know what.
the fucking idiot’s day ended the same way it started, with him typing like a maniac onto his crappy app.
while normal people were winding down their day, the fucking idiot was working himself into a Ginormous Mad, all because tanned-ball-sack aficionado Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson, Thomas Massie and Lady Space Laser were being insufficiently loyal to him.
and, because the fucking idiot was holed up in the privacy of the White House residence, not one reporter was around to stand up and ask, ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
and now, let’s put a close to This Week in Stupid and have us some Daily Claudia.
here’s a triptych from the patio of the Dobbs Ferry restaurant Half Moon, on August 25, 2025.
have a non-stupid Saturday, everyone.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
today in Shit That Happened While I Was Busy Writing This Shit—
I don't have one, but I do have Rita Moreno singing 'Fever' on the Muppet Show in 1976. it's a must-watch, seriously.
https://bsky.app/profile/blabalino.com/post/3mtnhwasptc2i
you know it's a slow news week when I'm forced to go with Jesse Watters twice